


We'll Meet Again (Don't Know When)

by BringBackSomePie



Series: Love in A Hopeless Place [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Doctor Strange (Comics), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Artist Steve Rogers, Attempt at Humor, BAMF Tony Stark, Because Bucky Likes It, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes has a filthy mouth, Bucky Wants to Be Taken Care Of, Bucky and Steve Have to Act Straight-It's the 1940s, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Canon-Typical Violence, Christmas Fluff, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Fluff, Double Penetration, Everyone Hates a Bully, F/M, Genius Tony Stark, Homophobic Language, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's coming promise, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), My First Fanfic, OMG Look at that Plot, Oral Sex, Pansexual Tony Stark, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Please Tell Bucky He's a Good Boy, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Protective Tony Stark, Rimming, Slow Burn, Steve Gets Off on Getting Other People Off, Steve and Bucky are Sweet Boys, Suicidal Thoughts, Switching, Team becoming family, The F/M is Minor to the Plot, There is No Order to These Tags, This Took on a Life of its Own, This is My Laws of Magical Time Travel, Time Travel, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Hates Magic, Tony Takes Care of Them Both, Tony and Steve like It, What I Say Goes, What Was I Thinking?, Work In Progress, be nice, did I mention smut?, no grammar Nazis, so much dirty talking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-02-28 06:38:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 153,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18751039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BringBackSomePie/pseuds/BringBackSomePie
Summary: It's just a normal day for billionaire, genius, superhero Tony Stark. A morning of coffee, distracting Super-Soldiers and an argument over novelty mugs before he heads to Greenwich Village to chat with a certain sorcerer. Of course, it all goes to shit when stumbles across the wrong higher dimensional being, and he somehow finds himself seventy-five years in the past. With no armored suit, money or place to go, Tony isn't sure what to do. Until he stumbles across a group of men in an alley who are standing around a small figure with blonde hair and familiar blue eyes.Seriously, what had been in that coffee?A chance for different first impressions allows him a new look at his future teammates and gives Tony the chance to realize some things about himself along the way.Still, screw magic.





	1. Zeppelin, Potter and (Possibly) Drugged Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic. While I welcome constructive criticism, I will block any toxic comments because I don't need that in my life. Please note that I have been working on this concept and story for a year, and this time travel does not follow the rules of *cough* other time travel plots in certain movies or books. I tried to provide a reasonable explanation as to why certain events can't be undone, and please take my science with a grain of salt. I'm a cake artist and didn't study quantum physics or engineering.
> 
> I chose to do my own Civil War fix-it because that movie still hurts my heart. Can't those gorgeous idiots get along? Right now Tony doesn't know Bucky killed his parents. I'm not even sure if that will work into this story. I may explore it if I do a sequel. Trust me, there will be enough angst without it. 
> 
> Major changes from the MCU are:  
> **Doctor Strange is the version from the comics (for plot purposes)  
> **Not Married Gay Clint Barton (because I like Clint as a childish idiot) and a family is too much side plot  
> **Tony is more scarred from his injuries and reactor (because I'm sick and like a good dose of hurt Tony)

Tony Stark needed coffee. Very badly. Which is why he’s now standing in the communal kitchen in front of the state of the art coffee brewer.

Looking handsome (at least, he thought so) in his favorite 3-piece suit, he impatiently drummed his fingers on the marble counter as he thumbed through his Starkpad. His eyes flickering to the agonizingly slow trickle of coffee every few seconds.

He’d been up all night working on a new feature for the armor when Jarvis reminded him of his meeting with Strange.

Sorcerer Supreme, Master _Doctor_ Stephen Strange. That was a mouthful, so Tony just called him Strange, which was perfect because that man was odd. And kind of a dick which was ironic coming from Tony.

So Tony had put down his soldering iron, went up to his penthouse, showered and dressed to impress. Though his clothes may not be magical like what Strange wore (stupid magic cloak, it’s really not _that_ impressive), a custom made fine Italian suit that not only accentuated his shoulder-waist ratio but also greatly flattered his ass, was well worth several thousand dollars. Tony was self-aware enough to admit he was a little vain.

Also see narcissistic, self-destructive and hedonistic. He’s working on that though.

Pepper had once told him that he also craved approval or whatever, but he tried not to look at that too closely. It wasn’t healthy for someone like him to want that from others.

He’d learned long ago that people always inevitably find him wanting.

Never quite good enough as a son, then once he’d grown, as a person.

As an inventor? Sure.

As an investor? Yes, please!

As a philanthropist, stock holder, futurist and superhero, Tony was very well received.

But Tony Stark as a human being was deeply flawed and emotionally stunted. Tony Stark shouldn’t even be an Avenger, they just needed Iron Man.

Tony had learned as a child that his best was never good enough. His own parents had never wanted him around so what could he hope to give someone else? He had learned what was expected of him, and what would be accepted from him. People wanted money, fame by association, expensive gifts, orgasms…but they never wanted Tony. So he’d learned to act like he gave no fucks.

The coffee machine beeped, and Tony blinked out of his internal musings. Mentally cursing that he allowed himself to angst all over the kitchen counter, he poured the rich, black liquid into his Power Puff Girls coffee mug (Thor’s a huge fan). He hums with the first sip. Delicious. Like an addict getting his fix, he relaxes. A small smile quirks on his lips.

“Morning, Tony!” a deep voice rings out, breaking the quiet of the kitchen.

Tony slowly opens his eyes, coming down from his coffee high and sets his sights on the source of the interruption. Captain Steven Grant Rogers. National Icon. The First Superhero and Tony’s childhood hero, Captain Fucking America was entering the kitchen. He wasn’t alone. Behind him stood their other resident super-soldier, former POW and brainwashed assassin, Steve’s oldest and bestest buddy, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.

Steve calls him Bucky. It’s ridiculous. He’s a grown man, an ex-Hydra asset with an adamantium arm and the deadliest assassin in the world. With those credentials they should be calling him Vader. Or Khan. Maybe Darkseid. Not Bucky.

They were both dressed in running shorts. Steve’s were navy blue with a _tiny_ white shirt while James (not Bucky) continued his tradition of a black on black wardrobe which, admittedly, he was pulling off effortlessly. James didn’t say anything in greeting. He rarely said anything at all so this wasn’t surprising, it just made Tony uneasy. In a very manly way, of course.

Tony didn’t blame James for his actions as the Winter Soldier, many of which were gruesome and cold blooded, because it truly wasn’t his fault. Tony had found enough of the leaked information to know what the guy had been through. Subsequently, Tony hadn't eaten for three days after seeing those files.

After Steve had taken down Hydra (again), razed SHEILD to the ground, nearly died (again) then caused a media shitstorm, he’d gone out searching for his former best friend and had actually found him. Dirty, half-starved, paranoid and deeply remorseful James Barnes had needed a lot of time and support to even make it this far.

Rogers had shown up at the tower not long after with Romanoff, Barnes and a handsome man with a charming gap-toothed smile in tow. Tony had _tried_ to graciously offer them a place to stay and provide help for James. He really had tried.

But he’d said something more along the lines of, “About time, Spangles, your floors have been empty for over a year, that’s multi-million dollar wasted space. Bring the terminator to my lab once he’s house broken. Brucie and I will take a look under the hood.” He had been already moving toward the elevator, Jarvis automatically opening the doors for him. “Workshop. Jarvis, show them to their floors.”

To be fair Tony had been up for 53 hours at this point.

When Rogers had finally made his way down to Tony’s workshop with the former assassin on his heels, Tony had been slouched over a workbench, drooling. Rogers’s claim that Tony yelps like a five year old girl upon waking is something Tony will deny until his dying day.

It was a manly groan. Period.

Tony and Bruce had started work not long after, calling in favors from specialists and colleagues around the world while keeping Barnes’s name out of it. It wouldn’t do for the world to learn about him before he was ready to take that on and consciously defend himself. Tony could help there too.

Barnes was damn near untouchable in Tony’s tower. It was a fortress, and Tony was wealthy enough and connected enough to go toe-to-toe with the justice system, pentagon, Department of Defense or any other institution that would inevitably call for Barnes’s head. Tony’s lawyers were always on retainer and earned every cent Tony paid them.

Rogers had known that too when he’d shown up with his scary sidekicks. Romanoff was still the subject of debate in some parts of D.C and Capitol Hill. But Tony had that covered.

As Bruce began a series of potential solutions to Barnes’s neurochemical imbalance, the damage between his synapses, the trigger words he still had and the possible assistance in recalling lost memories, Tony had begun a careful examination and repair of that beautiful metal arm. He had explained how he was working to get the Avengers established as a private group who could be called upon to help save the day, but wasn’t directly under the thumb of an official organization. They would be self-funded and maintained.

Steve was touched and awkwardly humble when Tony admitted he should be their official leader. It made the most sense, Steve’s name would go further than any of theirs in terms of public opinion, but it wasn’t the only reason. Although he was technically the youngest Avenger, Steve had proven time and again that he was a master strategist and could lead the fight in any battle, no matter how hopeless or desperate. Tony was Iron Man, but Steve Rogers had an inner core of steel.

Steel that had blushed at the faith shown in him by Tony, and that was…Well, Tony didn’t know what that was. It certainly wasn’t adorable, and if his stomach fluttered before he looked back down to the gears he was checking below Barnes’s elbow, it was surely because he was hungry. Right?

That had been six months ago. Barton had shown up not long after. Tony suspected Romanoff had something to do with it.

Thor had come soon after that, telling of his adventure in London fighting elves with his girlfriend or something. Asking about Steve’s heroic battle against the Hydra, not fully understanding that it wasn’t an actual multi-headed Greek monster Steve had fought. Then asking about Tony’s brave crusade against the Mandarin.

Which, no, don’t even get Tony started on that one.

Thor had lamented upon hearing that the “Fair Lady Pepper” no longer was “Tony’s to cherish”.

Which, no, don’t get him started with that either.

The breakup was like a wound that refused to fully heal, despite it having been (mostly) mutual. Tony was not an ideal person to share your life with. He _knew_ that.

Thus, the team was assembled. It had been a rocky start. All of them had issues. Some more than others, but they dealt with it. Things were going much better than when they’d first worked together and had been about two minutes away from spilling blood. They worked well together, but everyday interaction was a toss-up sometimes. So many variables.

“Hello, Earth to Tony, anyone there?” Tony flinched when the hand waved in front of his face.

“Jeez, Rogers, personal space!” Tony balked.

Steve, that bastard, just rolled his eyes and smirked, “Trust me. When I get in your space, you’ll know.”

That had been a surprise early on when Tony realized what a sassy shit Steve Rogers really is. It wasn’t endearing, really it wasn’t. Nope.

He watched as Steve moved to the refrigerator and pulled out the carton of orange juice. He set it on the counter before grabbing two glasses from a cabinet. Tony sipped his coffee and did _not_ watch the way Steve’s running shorts hung low on his hips. The material clinging to that sculpted ass, the fabric a deep contrast to the brilliant white of that tiny fucking shirt…

Did they even explain clothing sizes to Steve when he came out of the ice? And it looks like he went and taught Barnes all of his bad habits. Tiny T-shirts everywhere, every day. It was distracting is what it was.

“You’re pretty cocky for a guy who thought Led Zeppelin was a failed military experiment,” Tony sassed back. He had really enjoyed being the one to introduce Steve to the awesomeness that is classic Led Zeppelin. It doesn’t mean he still won’t tease the super-soldier about it.

“Fair enough, but you have to admit that it sounds like something Justin Hammer would build. I mean, after Rhodes and that whole “ex-wife” missile. It definitely sounded like HammerTech to me.”

See? Steve was smart enough to recognize what an idiot Justin Hammer is! Tony chuckled. Stupid Justin Hammer. The “ex-wife” story was always brought up within the team for a good laugh when Rhodey came to visit. The first time he heard it, Steve had laughed until he had tears in his eyes. He had a nice laugh.

Steve continued as he poured the juice between the glasses. “Thanks for telling me about them. I liked that heaven song.”

“ _Stairway to Heaven_? Yeah, it’s like one of THE Zeppelin songs.” Tony was surprised. He hadn’t pegged Steve for a classic rock fan. Curious, he continued, “Did you look into any other songs of theirs?”

Steve nodded as he handed Barnes the second glass of juice. Both silently emptied their glasses before he continued. “I really liked _Ramble On_ and _When the Levee Breaks_. _Immigrant Song_ makes me think of Thor for some reason, but I liked it.”

“Good choices, all. And I totally get that now that I know Thor. It could be his theme song. I should play it while he fights. It would go well with the lightening.” Tony mused. He turned to their silent companion and asked, “What about you, Robocop?”

Barnes stared at him. For like, a little too long. Tony was beginning to regret involving him in the conversation when he finally answered, “I like Steve’s choices, but I also liked _Kashmir_ , _Black Dog_ and _Dazed and Confused_.”

Silent again as he set the now empty glass into the sink knowing Steve would wash it for him. Six months and Tony had never seen the man clean one dish. Not even a fork.

“Equally good choices. Remind me to introduce you both to AC/DC and Black Sabbath. There’s a chance you might not be hopeless after all.” Tony said taking another large gulp of coffee. He needed to fully wake up. Besides having to deal with Strange soon, he needed his wits about him to deal with the two 95 year-olds who put underwear models to shame. Not that he was looking.

It was just so damn distracting. Tony had always appreciated beauty in all forms, and these two certainly fit that bill. Standing in this kitchen, flushed and still a little sweaty from their run, the image these two presented in Tony’s mind made him realize that it had been way too long since he’d had sex. Like, waaaayyy too long.

That’s what this was. He was just horny, so any good looking person would do. Tony was shallow. It’s not like Tony was _actually attracted_ to either of them. That would be bad.

First, and most important, Tony is a man. There is no way Captain America was anything but straight. And everyone had heard the stories about what a ladies man Barnes had been. Howard had always gone on about the Captain, but he’d sometimes reminisce with a few lewd stories about Barnes and his prowess with the ladies while on leave from the front.

In a way he’d also been a hero to Tony. The things that guy could talk a woman into doing.

Second, if either or both of them weren’t certified hetero, Tony would bet the farm that they’d be sex-ing each other up. He actually did sometimes wonder about those two. Just how deep was their bond? (and who tops? Oh, mental picture) But Tony never noticed any evidence of a romantic or physical relationship. He usually tried his best not to picture it because that’s ~~sexy~~ disrespectful and insensitive, and Tony ~~hadn’t gotten laid in forever~~ was their teammate.

Third, even if they were gayer than a glitter covered dance team at a pride parade, neither would ever be interested in Tony. The two soldiers were heroes, even off the battlefield. They had old fashioned moral compasses and possessed the courage of their convictions. They were loyal and honest and spent time volunteering at shelters, assisted living facilities and the local VA.

Tony was a thirty-nine year old borderline alcoholic with PTSD, health issues, and an endless list of character defects. Not to mention the scars that ran across his body thanks to being Iron Man. He supposed that most of them weren’t too bad. Some people thought battle scars could be sexy, right?

But his chest, that was a horror show. That shrapnel had made the first marks across his ribs and upper torso. Then, the makeshift magnet Yinsen had implanted to save him. Yeah, having your ribs and sternum cut away without anesthetic sucked. It also left a roadmap across his pecs. After the fiasco with the fake Mandarin and Killian, Tony had had the reactor removed, and though he didn’t regret it, he sometimes missed the soothing glow that had been a part of him. Unfortunately, the surgery had been extensive, leaving Tony’s chest…ugly. Like an autopsy of someone that was hit by a car, incision marks and webbed scarring started from just below his collarbone to a few inches above his naval.

Even with his resources, they couldn’t do better at the moment. The surgery had been dangerous enough, and the area where they implanted the prosthetic to fill the void where the reactor had been needed to fully heal before the plastic surgeons would touch him. Still, he had heard some promising things about a brilliant scientist named Helen Cho who was building a machine that could regrow skin and damaged tissue. Tony was currently looking into funding her work.

So, yeah, not a catch. Hell, he wasn’t even a _consolation prize_. The two soldiers would probably laugh at the idea, and they would be right to.

“Tony!” He jumped. Had Steve been talking to him?

Steve was looking at him, his eyebrows pinched in concern. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I think you need more coffee. You’re really out of it this morning.”

Tony shook himself and agreed with the Cap so he refilled his lurid ‘Buttercup with bedhead’ coffee mug (Seriously Thor?) and took a long drink.

“Sorry. Pulled a marathon in the lab. Almost forgot I had an appointment with Strange this morning.”

“Strange?” This time it was James that spoke. Twice in one morning. He was quite the chatty Cathy today.

“Sorcerer Supreme Mugwump of the Wizengamot for assholes. He was a doctor, but he had to quit when his head got too big to fit in the operating room.” Tony explained.

James frowned. “Wizengamot, like in Harry Potter?”

Tony looked at him, stunned. “You read Harry Potter?” What the hell was in this coffee?

James just shrugged. “It was on Steve’s list. I liked Dobby and Luna. Umbridge was hard to read through, that bitch deserved to die. The movies were pretty good, but I don’t like how they changed the final battle between Harry and Voldemort, that they were alone. I liked Harry’s monologue in the great hall being heard by everyone who had fought…”

“Oh, God, Buck!” Steve groaned, “Don’t start that again. The ending was fine!”

“Yeah, it was fine,” James conceded. Tony actually thought he sounded bratty. “But Rowling’s ending was perfect! Why mess with it? Did the script writers just need something to do?”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am not having this conversation again. I’m ninety-six years old. I will not argue Harry Potter with you.”

James just rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded like, “You should have been placed in Slytherin. I can’t believe the computer said you were something cool like Gryffindor.”

Seriously!! What was in this damn coffee?

Was Tony hallucinating? Had Jarvis ordered coffee beans laced with drugs?

He’d never heard James talk so much, which he now thought was a shame because the guy was kinda funny, and that voice...

Steve ignored James’s comment. “What does Strange want?”

Tony shrugged. “He didn’t say much at all, really. You know him. It was mostly ‘Blah, blah, powerful threat, blah, blah, may concern you, I’m too busy to stop so you need to come to me, blah.’ As if I’m not busy?” He asked, affronted.

“Do you trust this guy?” James asked.

That made Tony pause for a second. James was asking _Tony_ if he trusted Strange, not Steve. Which meant that James trusted Tony’s judgement. Well, how about that?

“Like him? Ehh…” Tony wobbled his hand back and forth, “But yeah, I trust him. He’s saved the world a couple times. He’s earned it.”

James nodded, though he was still wearing that signature scowl. Tony had seen pictures from the war. He knew the man before him used to smile so easy. He’d been dashing, and it had shone through grainy black and white photos and newsreels. Tony wondered if he ever smiled anymore. Tony hoped he could see that one day.

“Sir,” Jarvis interrupted, “if you wish to make your appointment, I suggest you leave within the next five minutes. Traffic reports show congestion on your travel route.”

Tony sighed, “Thanks, J.” He looked at Steve and James. “Well, I’m off. No rest for the wicked.”

At that moment Clint walked into the kitchen looking like he had spent all night in the ventilation system, which he probably had, and headed for the coffee pot when he stopped. “Dammit, Stark! ‘Bedhead Buttercup’ is my mug! Where’s your ‘Professor Utonium’s Blend’ mug?”

“Dum-E broke it, and chill the fuck out Barton, it’s just a coffee mug! Here, use the ‘Mojo Jojo Java’ mug.” Tony said, squinting at the coffee mug tree on the counter that was filled with novelty mugs.

“I can’t.” He pouted, “Thor said he’d electrocute anyone who touched his ‘mischievous monkey’ mug. Nat said only a badass redhead could use the ‘Breakfast with Blossom’ mug. Bruce claimed the ‘Gang Green Gang Good Morning’ mug, and I’m not about to make him angry.

“Steve’s called the ‘Rowdy Rough Morning Boys’ mug, and I’m pretty sure if I steal from Captain America it makes me a communist. Barnes uses the ‘HIM so Sleepy’ mug, which works because that character is creepy as hell. No offense, Barnes”

James shrugs.

“I’m leaving anyway,” Tony said, trying to stop Clint’s rambling and handed him his precious coffee mug. “Here's your precious mug, just clean it.”

Clint whined. “I can’t drink outta this, your cooties are too fresh!” Seriously, sometimes the archer acted like he was ten.

“Fuck you, Barton, I don’t have cooties, and if you can stick your tongue in Wilson’s ass, you can drink out of a recently used novelty mug.”

Clint squawked, and Tony saw Steve and Bucky go wide eyed with shock. He was going to give Captain America an aneurism. They’d probably kick him out of the country for that.

“I…how…” Clint stuttered.

“Next time you two birdbrains go for some afternoon delight, don’t do it in a supply closet I happen to be walking past. Though with the sounds Sam was making, I gotta admit I’m impressed. At least your mouth is good for something other than being annoying.”

Tony gave the three a smirk with a lazy salute, turned and sauntered out of the kitchen. Yes, Tony was an asshole, but he was in good company.

*****

Traffic was, as Jarvis had said, pretty damn slow. Tony checked his watch as he sat behind the wheel of his newly acquired 1964 Pontiac GTO. He’d restored it himself and added a few upgrades under the hood. It was a beast. Though not Tony’s usual style, the black and chrome muscle car was something he’d always toyed with the idea of having.

Most of his vehicles were sleek and new. This thing roared with power, not inherently flashy but still demanding attention. Well, if he had to sit in traffic, he may as well look cool doing it. Pepper said he was having a midlife crisis. Tony hoped that wasn’t true because that would be his fourth one according to her.

As Tony inched his way toward Greenwich Village to visit Strange, the sudden blasting of Crazy Train from Tony’s phone let him know Pepper was calling. She had not been amused by her personalized ringtone, but he refused to change it.

“Pepper, my darling, my jewel, my…”

“Don’t darling jewel me, Tony!” Pepper sounded like she was ready to reach through the phone and kill him.

“You sound angry, my Queen.”

“That’s because I am, Tony! You don’t have to be a genius to figure that out. Just like you don’t have to be a genius to sign those patent applications I gave you. You promised to have them to me by this morning.”

Crap. Tony hated paperwork. “In all fairness I did sign them. I just got a little distracted and forgot to send them over to you.”

“Of course you got distracted, Tony, it’s what you do.” She sighed, “I’m killing myself trying to run your company. I don’t think having to sign a few papers every week or so is too much to ask of you.”

“You’re absolutely right, Pep. Of course you are, but my lab is on lockdown at the moment. As soon as I get back to the tower, I’ll grab those applications and bring them right over.” Tony said, hoping to appease his angry CEO and praying that there wasn’t coffee or motor oil stains on them.

“Get back? Where are you?”

“On my way to Bleeker Street in the Village. Want me to pick you up some those chocolate cranberry muffins you like?”

“I don’t need muffins Tony. Just get me those applications by three o’clock.”

“Of course.” But she had already hung up. Tony sighed.

How Pepper had stuck with him throughout these years was a mystery. Tony was certain she must dye her hair that lovely shade of red because he knew he’d probably turned it gray with stress years ago. He was lucky she’d given him a chance at love, the first real taste of love he’d ever known. Even though he’d ruined things between them pretty spectacularly, he’d still always be grateful for their time together.

When Tony finally pulled up to the infamous Sanctum Sanctorum, he repressed a shiver. Tony hated magic. A lot. And this was a place of nothing but magic. He could actually smell it in the air and feel it on his skin. Eww.

Gathering himself, Tony put on his business face. Cool and confident he walked to the arch of the front doors, lifted his hand and knocked. The sound was heavy and seemed to echo through his bones. Nothing happened. Tony knocked again and waited…and waited. Tony grabbed the knob and turned it over. The door swung open silently.

Tony wanted to believe that Strange was just rude enough to ignore a knock on the door when he was expecting company, but he knew that probably wasn’t true.

“Hello?” Tony called as he stepped into the foyer.

A great staircase stood before him leading up to the next floor where he knew Strange’s private library was located. Tony began to walk towards it, but every step he took set his instincts to screaming. Wrong, wrong, wrong…Get out now!

Tony activated the gauntlet in his watch while feeling like he should summon the whole suit. Before he could do that, however, a voice broke the silence. A woman’s voice. “Anthony Stark.”

Tony turned to see a figure emerge to his left. A figure he soon recognized. “Umar, you are looking lovely as ever.”

Shit! The sorceress and wannabe ruler of the Dark Dimension was slowly walking towards him, her hips swaying seductively in that BDSM dress she always wore. An amused smirk on her full lips spelled out trouble. So much trouble.

She was scary powerful, and Tony would readily admit he was outmatched with only his gauntlet against her. He wasn’t stupid enough to think he could best a higher-dimensional being who had once literally fucked the Hulk into submission. Bruce still had issues over it.

“You’re always such a charmer, Anthony,” she murmured dangerously. “I’ve heard of your silver tongue. If you wish to keep it, tell me where my daughter and her fool husband are.”

Strange’s wife was Umar’s daughter?! Was he still high from the coffee? Should he already know this or was it a secret?

“Well, now I know where Clea gets her looks from, but I honestly don’t know where she and the fool are at the moment. Ironically, I was supposed to have a meeting with him this morning, but I guess he must have left his day-planner in that mirror dimension he loves so much.”

Talking was something Tony was good at. He could usually talk circles around anyone, but as he stood in front of her, Tony measured every word spoken.

“That was not wise of him to involve you, mortal.” Her eyes narrowed as she sneered, “If Clea’s husband believed you could aid him, he is a bigger fool than I imagined.”

“I believe he was going to offer me aid, or information or whatever. He mentioned something about a threat.” Tony tried to pacify her through his indignation of being thought of as useless.

“There will be no threat when I have accomplished my goal.” Pride, thy name is Umar. “Your presence is not required, Anthony Stark. Return to your drabble of heroes. Surely, they are _lost_ without their precious Iron Man.”

At her words Tony’s mind flashed to the other Avengers. All of them so much more than he would ever be. Amazing heroes, even Clint. The cut of her words brought the pain she’d intended. Because he knew they would be fine without him, would probably be better without him. He wasn’t that close to any of them and had never tried to be. Even though he’d wanted to.

There were two in particular he would have loved being closer to, but, seriously, how would that have gone? If Steve and Bucky knew the real him…No. They tolerated him now. Maybe even had come to respect him a little. Tony wouldn’t jeopardize that. He was better off being the team’s bankroll and technician. It made him useful.

Umar chuckled. “I didn’t realize that heroes had heroes. So much doubt and longing inside your mind.”

Damn telepathy.

“It’s quite amusing,” she continued. “What you wish is easily achieved, Anthony. Do you truly long to know your Captain and his Sergeant?”

An alarm in Tony’s brain began to wail out a warning. The sweetness in her voice made his balls tighten like they were trying to climb up into him and hide. Tony tried at charming nonchalance.

“Oh, I wouldn’t presume to trouble you. We all have little ‘what if’ scenarios we play in our minds, right? Besides, we had a good dose of bonding this morning over Led Zeppelin and Harry Potter. I’m sure we’ll be best bros soon enough.”

Her smile only widened. She could see through his bullshit. It helped when you could read minds.

“It’s no trouble at all, Anthony,” she crooned. God, he hated when people used his full name, which was probably why she did it. “In fact, I believe it would be very entertaining while I wait for my wayward daughter and the arrogant oaf.”

She took a step closer, and Tony reflexively raised the gauntlet higher.

“Besides, I hate to think that you came all this way for nothing,” she continued, seeming to pause for effect. “Think of this as your _consolation prize_.”

Several things happened at once.

Tony’s phone rang. Ozzy Osbourne’s voice filled the space.

A flash of light pulsed from Umar.

Tony felt it hit his body as his arm swung up and sent a repulsor blast through the ceiling.

Flying backwards Tony felt like his body was being covered by a warm, wet blanket.

_…I’m goin’ off the rails on a crazy train!..._

Tony’s last thought was how much he hated magic, before he blacked out.

_He fucking hated magic._


	2. All Dressed Up and No Place To Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Tony wakes up, he's not in Kansas anymore. Alone in a strange place, he struggles to remain calm until he runs into a somewhat familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to pre-war Brooklyn! I got to indulge my love of history with this fic. Please note that some words and phrases are going to sound odd. I did this whole thing where I researched the slang from the period I'm writing about. People spoke differently then. I did this to emphasize the culture shock that Tony would undoubtedly have to deal with. It's the same thing poor Steve would have experienced upon waking up to this century. You have to admit that some of the slang we use today is odd, but we don't think twice about it. 
> 
> Also, my grammar is not usually this poor, but you try writing a Brooklyn accent without cutting off a letter at the end of a word every now and then.

The first thing Tony noticed besides the darkness was that he was lying on the ground. The second thing he noticed was that it was dark because his eyes were closed. The third thing he noticed was that he wanted to vomit.

Tony tried to steady his breathing through his nose, the rhythm of his lungs was too fast and too shallow. He’d hyperventilate if he didn’t get control of this soon. The moments passed as he continued to drag the air in and out, each breath a little slower than the last. He could hear the sounds of the city around him. He was outside, no longer in the sanctum, but the sounds that met his ears registered as wrong.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. He was in an alley. A very dirty, dingy alley that was probably ruining his favorite suit. He noticed clothes hanging from lines strung across the gap between the buildings. He could hear kids yelling at each other playfully, the passing traffic blowing the occasional horn that didn’t sound quite right.

Trying to ignore the spinning in his head, Tony pulled himself up to sit and look out onto the street beyond the alley’s entrance. What the fuck?

 _Everything_ was wrong. People walked by in clothes that he’d only seen in old movies and pictures. The cars and trucks on the street were some of the earliest models of the last century. The buildings across the way were dated, but they didn’t look all that old. Brushing off the dust and dirt as he stood to his feet, Tony slowly stepped out onto the sidewalk and sincerely hoped he was having a delayed acid trip from his coffee that morning.

This was…Tony couldn’t even acknowledge the thought in his mind. It was ridiculous.

A young boy about twenty feet away was yelling. “Papers! Get your news here folks. Don’t wait to hear about it, read it for ya’self. A penny a paper!”

Tony swallowed his ever growing panic and walked over to the boy. He looked at the stack of papers waiting to be sold.

**President Roosevelt Weighs in About War in Europe**

Shaking his thoughts away, Tony’s eyes searched for the date. The month was right. The day was right. But the year was WRONG! **Tuesday October 3, 1939**

“Buy a paper, Mister?” The young boy asked him as Tony tried not to have a panic attack out here on the street.

“I, uh…No, thank you.” Tony inhaled deeply. “Could you tell me where I am, exactly? What city?”

The boys eyes widened a bit then slowly looked Tony up and down. “Someone slip ya a micky at the gin mill, Mister? Ya in Brooklyn.” As if it was obvious. “Corner of Hicks and Clark.”

“Right,” Tony’s mind was spiraling, “of course, thank you.”

“You alright, Mister?” But Tony was already walking away, walking fast as if he could outrun his thoughts because this couldn’t be happening. How? How…

Umar.

What had that crazy bitch done to him?

Tony needed to think. To find a solution. Because this was bad. He was apparently stranded in the past with no idea how to get home, no teammates to help, nowhere to go and no money. His eyes widened.

_Tony had no money._

You couldn’t do anything without money, no matter what time you were in. Tony had never been in this situation. In his time even on the rare occasions he didn’t have his wallet on hand, his name was basically a credit card. This was bad. So, so bad.

What was he going to do?

“Excuse me,” Tony stopped a man walking past him, “Could you tell me the time? My watch seems to have stopped.” His watch hadn’t stopped. Tony had made it himself so he would have a portable gauntlet, and Tony’s tech didn’t breakdown. It still didn’t mean the watch was showing the accurate time. He’d arrived at the sanctum at nine o’clock, but the sun in the sky suggested it was much later.

The man was well dressed. At least, his clothes looked nicer than most of the pedestrians around them, some of which looked very worn, he should have a watch.

“Sure pal.” The guy took out a _pocket watch_. “It’s ten past five.”

“Thank you,” Tony managed to reply as the man nodded and continued on his way.

Shit! It would be dark soon, and he had nowhere to go. There wasn’t even a cigar store Indian around so he could steel its poncho. Tony tried to focus. It was 1939, the tail end of the Great Depression. There had to be some kind of kitchen or shelter he could go to. Then, he realized even if there was he didn’t know where it would be. He could ask someone, but the stupid prideful part of him balked at how humiliating that would be.

It would still be better than being cold and hungry, the rational part of his mind supplied. Tony looked down and realized how incongruous it would appear that someone dressed like he was would even be in this situation. Yes, the style of his suit was wrong for the time period, but it was obvious that it was made of a very expensive material and had been tailored to his body.

No one would believe he’d need a shelter or a soup kitchen.

Tony continued to walk, but as he passed another alleyway, he heard a crash and rough voices. He stopped, wondering at the commotion. It had sounded like something crashing into metal. Curiosity being one of his predominant traits, Tony’s auto-drive kicked in. He went into the alley to investigate.

There was a group of young men with their backs to him, and they all appeared to be watching something on the ground a few feet in front of them.

“Look how far the little fairy flew, Joe!” One of them guffawed.

Joe, presumably, answered. “It’s cuz he’s a crumb, Paul. Mouthy little greaseball.”

“Yeah,” another one said, “He looks like a fruit. Like all them queers on Henry Street.”

And, yeah, Tony had heard enough. He was just about to say that much when one of the men moved a step to the side. Down on his hands and knees wheezing out a breath, was a boy with blonde hair. Tony couldn’t see his face, but he looked fragile. His clothes were at least a size too large, making him appear even smaller, almost delicate.

Then the boy lifted his head, a look of stubborn opposition firmly set to his mouth, and Tony was met with a very familiar, very furious blue stare.

Tony’s brain shorted out because now it was just too much.

The blonde huffed out a breath as he slowly rose from the ground. His small fists were clenched in front of him even as he swayed a little. He spit some of the blood from his lip.

Before Tony could find his voice, Joe spoke. “Ready for another beatin’, shrimp?”

With another huff of breath, the blonde countered, “I could do this all day.”

That voice. It was his Captain America voice, but Tony was having trouble thinking _Steve’s voice_ because he’d seen Steve this morning, over a hundred pounds heavier and a foot taller. But it was Steve, his face was almost exactly the same if only less full.

“You gotta be dumber than you look, chump.” Joe answered as he took a step toward Steve.

“Is there a problem here, gentlemen?” Tony’s mouth finally having decided to start operating again.

All four of the goons spun around at the sound of his voice. Behind them Steve looked past his attackers and met Tony’s eyes. Confusion and defiance flitted across his face.

“This ain’t none o’ your business, Mister. Why don’t you get the fuck outta here?” Joe the Cro-Magnon sneered.

“I would, really, but I’m new to this neighborhood and seem to have gotten lost. I don’t think I should just keep wandering around blindly. You never know what kind of people are waiting to take advantage of the vulnerable.” Tony rambled as he slowly drew closer to the group of assholes. “I mean, this is the first alley I turn into, and I stumble across a herd of troglodytes beating on a man half their size. I really don’t want to go find worse because, honestly? This little scene has made me sick to my stomach.”

 “A herd of…? What did you just call me?” Joe asked hotly. “Troc…Trocodyte?” His big meaty fists clenched at his sides.

“Troglodyte,” Tony corrected with satisfaction, apparently having used one too many syllables for this troll and his friends to follow. “You know, a cave dweller; someone intentionally ignorant.” Tony knew his smug smile would only piss them off further.

“You some Abercrombie?” Joe spat the last word. “Some sissy swell who puts his nose where it don’t belong? I might end up breakin' it for ya.”

“You’re welcome to try.” Tony knew he was outnumbered, but it shouldn’t matter too much. This guy was probably just a goon throwing his weight around while Tony had been sparring for the past few months with his Avenger teammates. Hell, before that he was training with Happy, and contrary to popular belief, Happy really could fight well for a non-powered human.

Apparently, that was all Joe needed. He lunged forward swinging a mean right cross at Tony’s face. Tony had seen it coming and stepped to the left. His own right hand, kept down low, flew out and connected with his attacker’s stomach in a low hook. Air left Joe’s lungs in a rush, and he stumbled a step. Shaking it off with a huff, Joe attacked again.

This time Tony caught the arm just at the wrist and twisted while kicking the back of Joe’s calf, making him fall hard on his knees. Tony kept his right hand tightly locked around the wrist while his left hand grabbed the shoulder in a vice grip.

“Before any of you try it,” Tony growled at the remaining three, “take one step towards me or the kid, and I’ll break this piece of shit’s arm.” To get his point across, Tony twisted and pushed the wrist out while pressing down the shoulder joint firmly. Joe starting hissing in pain. “I know,” Tony almost chuckled, “it’s pretty damn effective, isn’t it?” Natasha would be so proud of him right now.

The others were looking down to their friend, then up to Tony’s face that was projecting his signature look of cool confidence. Tony had had that look mastered by the age of seven. It was his first mask, long before the armor it had protected Tony. Despite his still whirling emotions and racing mind, Tony knew they only saw calm purpose.

Like a pack of wolves, all three simultaneously relaxed their bodies in defeat and slowly began to walk towards the street behind Tony, giving him a wide berth. They stood at the entryway and waited for their leader. At least they were loyal.

Tony tightened his grip on the wrist once more, ignoring the hiss of pain it caused, and leaned down so he could speak at Joe’s ear. “If I ever have the misfortune of seeing you again or hear you’ve come back to finish your beatdown on the kid,” Tony’s eyes found and locked onto astonished blue eyes across the way, “I will break a lot more than your arm.”

Tony released him taking two steps back, putting himself between the guy and little Steve, just in case Joe’s wounded pride made him attack again. But all he did was turn to glare as he backed out of the alley, taking to the street when he reached his friends.

Tony let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding as the tension began to leave him. A movement to his left made him turn his head.

It was Steve. God, he was small. Tony had seen pictures. They all had. They’d even been to that exhibit at the Smithsonian, but it was just too surreal seeing it with his own eyes. He felt like he towered over the smaller man. Steve’s shoulders were hunched in, not like the broad confident soldier he lived and fought with, and his breath was coming out with a little wheezing noise.

He had a split lip. His nose had a trickle of blood coming out, and the skin around his right eye was already swelling and darkening. He was going to have one hell of a shiner. His knuckles were busted up too. So he’d landed a few punches, at least. Good for him.

“You alright, kid?” Tony had to remember not to use his name. They were supposed to be strangers, after all.

“Yeah,” Steve muttered, a little dejectedly, “thanks, Mister.” Then Steve met his eyes and something in them hardened. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate your help, but I could have handled it. I can take care of myself, and I ain’t no kid.” Apparently, Steve’s pride and determination were healthier than his body.

“I don’t doubt you could take care of yourself.” Steve looked a little surprised at that. Tony doubted many people had ever said that to him. “And I only called you kid because you look like you’re half my age.”

Steve smiled a little. “Should I call you old man, then?”

There’s the sassy little shit Tony knows.

Tony chuckled, “I’d rather you didn’t. I don’t think my ego could handle that, and it’s been quite a long day.” Curious, he asked, “How old are you, anyway?”

“I just made twenty in July.” Now Tony really felt old.

Steve went to do his signature ‘rub the back of his neck because he’s uncomfortable’ move and winced.

“What’s wrong there?” Tony motioned with his chin.

“Nothing,” Steve shrugged it off, “I caught the edge of a trash can with the back of my head after that last punch.”

“That’s not nothing.” And before he thought about it, Tony was next to him with his hand at the back of his head. His fingers gently pressing over the hairline to find a large bump. “You could be concussed.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’m not concussed. Believe me, I’ve had worse.

“That’s not reassuring,” Tony murmured. “You need to go rest, take it easy, at least until tomorrow. Drink some water and have something for the pain.”

Steve sighed, “You sound worse than Bucky.”

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Tony asked, playing the part. 

“He’s my best friend and roommate. He’s always putting me back together.”

“Do you get hurt a lot?” Tony knew Steve had been bullied and had gotten in a few scrapes, but the way Steve had said it just now made it sound like a regular part of his life.

Steve shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Bucky says my mouth is too big for my body. It gets me into trouble. I get sick a lot too,” Steve added, bitterly.

“Well, I’ve been told I’ve got quite the mouth myself. In any case you really should go home and rest. Which way is it?” Tony motioned for them to start walking. Steve went along with him towards the street.

“What d’you mean, which way?” Steve asked, confused.

“Where do you live? I’m walking you there in case the goon squad tries to follow and finish what they started.” He wasn’t going to leave Steve to those gorillas, and if Tony was being honest with himself, he was latching onto Steve as the only familiar face he had right now.

At that thought Tony remembered how alone and truly fucked he was.

 Steve just shook his head. “You really don’t have to…”

“But I am going to, nonetheless. I’m sensing you’re a stubborn individual, but I promise you, I’m at least, if not more, stubborn than you. So, what do you say we save ourselves some time and start walking?”

Steve sighed but nodded his head conceding. “It’s not far, just a few blocks up on Middaugh.”

“I’m Tony, by the way.” Feeling slightly silly he held his hand out.

“I’m Steve, Steve Rogers.” He extended his own, and they shook. He could feel all the bones in the smaller man’s slender hand.

Tony walked along with Steve, taking in the sights and voices around him. It was surreal. So different from his time and his life that he had to wonder if this was how Steve had felt after the ice. An interloper. A stranger not fitting in and barely understanding his surroundings. Some of the words and phrases he heard were odd, and he didn’t quite know the meanings even if he understood the words.

Steve seemed to be well known by the older people they passed, mostly, by what Tony gathered, to be women from church. He spoke to them respectfully, as they _tsked_ at his bruises and split lip, telling him he was too nice a boy to go fighting those hooligans. They gave him advice to keep the swelling down.

One asked when he would find a nice girl. He just replied with a rueful, “I’ve been looking. They just don’t look back.”

Another had given Steve a loaf of what appeared to be freshly baked bread, saying that Steve was looking too thin. Tony had to agree. Steve just thanked her with an awkward smile and asked about her son and his new wife in Philadelphia.

All of them had asked about Tony. Who was this man with him? Steve had merely stated that Tony was a friend. That he was new to the neighborhood. They had all promptly introduced themselves and welcomed him. And that was nice, Tony thought.

They came upon an older looking apartment building. Tony was not feeling the love as they walked up flights of poorly lit stairs. The wooden floors were scuffed and the paint was slightly peeling on the walls. When they finally reached Steve’s floor, they turned down the corridor. They stopped at the second door.

Steve reached in his pocket, searching for a key, and Tony began to panic. This was it. Steve would expect him to leave now that he was home, but Tony didn’t want to go. He was terrified. He was homeless, and broke, and the only person he knew was about to walk away from him, and Tony couldn’t…

“Would you like some water, or something?” Steve asked as he fought with the lock that appeared to be sticking. Finally, the key twisted fully, and Steve turned the knob.

Tony jumped at the chance to stay a few more minutes around a friendly face. “If it’s no trouble, I actually am kind of thirsty.” It wasn’t lie. He was thirsty. He probably should drink something since he would most likely go into shock later when all this finally came crashing down and really hit him.

Steve just motioned inside. “It’s the least I could do.”

The apartment was small. And shabby. The furniture looked like it used to be someone else’s second hand stuff. Maybe older than that.  Could something be third hand? Tony looked at the sofa and mismatched armchair next to it. Maybe fourth hand?

It was clean, though. The floor looked to have been swept recently, and the sink was empty of dishes.  Steve was crossing to the tiny kitchen. He grabbed two glasses that had been drying on a towel and filled them with water from the tap. Tony mentally cringed, but kept his face polite and reserved.  

He handed one to Tony, who murmured his thanks, before he went to a cabinet a got out a bottle of pills. The label said Anacin. Tony watched Steve pop two of the pills in his mouth and chased them down with his water before returning the bottle to its cupboard.

“How’s the head? Are you feeling dizzy? Nauseous?” Tony asked, partly out of concern for Steve and partly to prolong his stay.

“No more than usual.” Tony wondered if Steve could hear the sullen tone in his voice. “Like I said, I get sick a lot.”

Tony was trying to think of something to say to that when the door opened, and he did a double take at the person who entered. Across the way he watched James Buchanan Barnes walk through the door.

“Steve?” He called out as he started shucking off his work boots. “Please tell me you started cooking. I’m starvin’.”

“In here Buck, and sorry, not yet.” Steve called out as he turned and grabbed a pot from a lower cabinet.

“Unh,” James answered as he started unbuttoning his dirty, sweat-soaked work shirt. He slipped off his suspenders from his shoulders. They fell, hanging from his waist and brushing past his knees. Peeling the shirt off, he continued, “You won’t believe the day I had, Stevie.  Almost got crushed when a crate bigger than our couch popped it’s chain. Then, I had to pick up the wreckage. Thought Old Man Talbot was gonna use it as an excuse to fire me.”

James was down to a thin, white sleeveless undershirt. Lean muscles from hard work corded his arms. He stopped when he noticed that he and Steve weren’t alone. His eyes met Tony’s, and his mind reeled. They were the same shape, the same color, but they were so different from the eyes Tony had been looking into for the past six months. The shadows were gone, along with the haunted look that had so plainly spoken of pain and loss and guilt.

Tony kinda wanted to cry. The difference was heartbreaking. This must be how Steve felt every day. For Tony to see the sparkle that played in those eyes, even as they slightly narrowed in suspicion, and know what they would one day become, was like a knife. Fucking Hydra.

Then, James’s eyes looked toward Steve. “Fucking hell, Steve! What happened?”

 _Language!_ Tony thought.

But James was crossing over to his best friend, Tony all but forgotten, he grabbed at Steve’s jaw. “Dammit! Can’t you walk out the house without gettin’ a beating?”

“It wasn’t my fault,” Steve huffed, pulling his face from James’s grip. “Joe Collins was running his mouth about Margaret Murphy. You _know_ Maggie, Buck. You shoulda heard the disgusting things he was saying. It’s not right to let him spread that shit around about her. She’s too nice a gal for that.”

“That doesn’t mean you gotta run your fool mouth to Joe fucking Collins! He’s a creep, Stevie. He coulda killed you!” James all but yelled. “And you know those assholes that follow him woulda helped, especially Paul, he…”

“Yeah, he woulda. Seemed pretty jazzed at the thought of beating on _a little fairy_ ,” Steve spat the last word, “but he didn’t get the chance, and I’m fine.”

“He called you that?” James’s eyes narrowed, furious.

“Doesn’t he always?” Steve countered. “I’ve been dealing with their shit for years, Buck. You know how they are. They’re just bullies, and they look at me and see an easy target.”

“Well, they need to have their eyes checked,” Tony chuckled, slightly giddy from hearing Steve curse so casually. Steve looked him, seeming grateful at the compliment, the confidence that he could take care of himself.

James turned as if just remembering Tony’s presence. “And you are?”

“His name’s Tony, Buck,” Steve answered for him and grudgingly added. “and he probably stopped them from putting me in the hospital.”

Hearing this James’s eyes lost most of their suspicion as he stretched out a hand to Tony. “Well then, I guess I owe you one. James Barnes,” he said as Tony clasped the offered hand for a firm but friendly shake.

“Tony Stark,” Tony mentally winced. Maybe he shouldn’t have given his real last name, but Tony was exhausted and this was all too much. “I thought he called you Buck?”

“My middle name’s Buchanan.” He smirked ruefully. “There’s a lot of guys named James around here, so I’ve been called Bucky since grade school.” He looked Tony up and down, probably taking in the suit. “Appreciate your help, Mr. Stark.”

“Tony, please. Never really liked the Stark.” It reminded him of Howard who, he was just realizing, was alive and younger than him right now. Weird. “And really it’s no big deal.”

Steve snorted. “Are you kidding? It was great, Buck!” Then Steve went on to recount the story of Tony’s awesomeness, from his witty insults to his effortless defense against Joe’s attack. Tony had to admit that hearing Steve Rogers describe him in an almost awestruck voice was making his inner ten-year old squeal with delight.

“Wow,” James said, impressed. “Wouldn’t have pegged you as a fighter.” His eyes raked over Tony’s suit again.

Tony shrugged. “Clothes don’t make the man, and I’ve been through enough to know how to defend myself.”

James nodded, “Still, we owe you one. Where you staying? Steve said you’re new to the neighborhood. We could take you out for drinks this weekend and show you the local spots.”

“Er,” this was awkward, Tony thought. “I don’t really have a place yet,” Tony hedged. “I was looking into it when I heard the fight in the alley. Then I walked Steve home in case those assholes were still around. I guess I should really go before it gets too late to find something.”

Tony thought about the shelters. If they existed, he still didn’t know where they were, and it had to be well after six o’clock by now. Even if he had to sleep on the street, it would be fine. He was Tony Stark and had survived much worse.

Steve and James shared a look.

“You don’t have a place, yet?” Steve asked. “Didn’t you get a room when you got to the city?”

“I didn’t exactly plan on being here.” Tony muttered, but he knew they heard him. “I was supposed to have a meeting with an associate,” he continued, thinking on his feet while trying to be truthful, “but apparently, they’d already been working with someone else and hadn’t told me. It was something of a hostile takeover and I was given the boot. I, uh, kind of lost everything.”

There, that was close enough to the truth. Yay honesty!

“What about your stuff?” James asked. “You were gonna move here, right?”

Now Tony had to lie a little. “Yep, from California. My luggage was stolen right after I got off the train here. I was going to stay with my associate until I found a place, but you know, it didn’t happen that way. I put everything into the project, and now I can’t afford to bring my stuff that’s in storage cross-country. Not that I’d have a place to put it.”

Steve looked shocked. “I can’t believe someone would screw you over like that!”

“It’s fine,” Tony waved it off. “Trust me, I’ve actually been screwed over worse than that by a business partner.” Obie’s face swam through his mind at the thought. “But, um, do you know of a shelter or anything I could stay at? At least until I sort through this mess?”

There, that wasn’t too bad. It just sounded like a temporary setback. Tony would bounce back from this. But reality started pushing down when Tony remembered that his sob story wasn’t true, and he was in way worse trouble than what he’d said. Technically, he was a nonperson. He had no valid I.D., no social security, no birth certificate. What was he going to do?

“Are you serious?” Steve seemed upset. “We’re not gonna let you go to one of those places!” He looked at James who nodded once. “You’re welcome to stay with us. If you don’t mind the couch, that is.”

Tony probably shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was. He was a stranger, and they were just inviting him into their home? But this was Steve Rogers and James Barnes, they wouldn’t turn their backs on someone who needed help. Especially someone who they felt they owed something to.

“That’s…you don’t have to do that.” Tony stammered

Steve just smirked and repeated Tony’s own words from earlier. “But we’re going to nonetheless.” He turned back to the pot he’d taken out. “I hope you like potato soup.”

Tony couldn’t keep up with his emotions. Relief, gratitude, exhaustion, awe. He finally settled on hungry. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you.”

_Steve Rogers, you’re my hero._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did this feel rushed? If it did, my apologies. I just couldn't think of a more natural way of getting Tony to stay with the boys, short of having him live on the street or at a shelter while he slowly befriended them. I wanted to keep the plot moving because I already miss sarcastic, witty Tony. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this! I'm trying to write at least a little every day, so expect one or two updates a week.


	3. Gifted With a Curse and Two Sources of Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tries to find a way home, learns the value of a dollar in 1939 and figures out how to pull his weight. Things are far from perfect, but he acknowledges they could be worse. He also finds out what Steve does for a living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got to do more research for this chapter about life in the late 1930s. Did you know that coffee was one of the more expensive items in a grocery store at $0.25 a pound? Butter and oranges were about the same. The average income was around $1,300. Pilots had one of the largest salaries at $8,000 annually, while doctors ($3,300) and lawyers ($4,200) pulled in a very comfortable income. Bucky unfortunately would be at the low end of the income list. I found that steel workers made $420 annually, so as a dock worker, I'd place him at around that income.
> 
> And yes, I do have a point. Money is necessary for things like food, clothes, water and electricity. Tony has now added another person to the boys already fixed income. We're about to see how Tony handles being broke and at the mercy of someone else's generosity, and because he doesn't have a penny to his name, how in the ever loving hell is he going to be able to afford coffee at $0.25 a pound?!

 

 Tony had woken the next morning before the sun had risen. He was still tired, but he knew there was no way he’d be able to go back to sleep. It hadn’t been a dream. He was still here on Steve and James’s old, worn sofa. Apparently, this wasn’t a spell that broke at midnight, and he doubted that Glenda the good witch was gonna show up anytime soon with a pair of sparkly red heels for him to use to get home. And that was a shame, he looked good in red.

Tony thought about what he was going to do now. He didn’t know what Umar’s reasons were for sending him here. She’d just said it would be easy to get to know Steve and James better, and now through a series of events he was living on their couch. Was it coincidence? Fate? Was this a pocket realm she created, and all of this was fake? Tony didn’t think even she had that kind of mojo, but he could be wrong.

Maybe this was all in his head, and his body was lying on the Sanctum’s floor at this very moment. Strange would return and put this right.

The Sanctum…

It had to be there, even in this time. If he could get there, he could find some magic type-person to get him back to where he belonged. Yes, that would work. It would be fine. Tony had a plan.

At that last thought, the door to Steve and James’s shared room opened. They didn’t share a bed, just the room. Each had a little twin mattress shoved in there with a (second hand) dresser, and they shared a closet. Tony had seen for himself when Steve had gone to get him a blanket out of the top of said closet. James walked out wearing boxers and one of those white sleeveless undershirts, a bundle of clothes in his hands.

Tony watched him go to the tiny bathroom in the corner of the apartment next to the kitchen. The sound of a faucet running could be heard through the door as James got ready for his day. Tony supposed it was time to get up.

He made sure to fold the blanket and stack it on the far arm rest out of the way. Not really knowing what to do with himself after that, he decided to get dressed in the only clothes he had. Thankfully the suit wasn’t that rumpled. James walked out of the bathroom then, dressed in a similar set of work clothes as yesterday.

“Good morning, Tony.” He greeted him quietly. Tony guessed Steve wasn’t awake yet. It was still an adjustment getting used to talking to this James, casual and friendly. It was even more strange when he considered that Steve Rogers was sleeping in while they were awake. That early riser thing must have been the serum.

“Morning, James, headed for work?” Tony asked as he shook out his white button up.

“Yup, ya want something?” He walked into the kitchen that shared a wall with the bathroom. “We got eggs and bread, for toast.”

“That sounds great, thank you,” he answered as he slid his arms into the slightly less wrinkled  dress shirt to cover the undershirt he’d slept in.

James chuckled. “That’s some fancy drawers ya got Tony. Don’t think I’ve seen that style before.”

Tony looked down to his black Armani boxer briefs. Yeah, he hadn’t thought about that. “Fashion’s a little different on the west coast,” he answered ambivalently.

“I’ll say. They look kinda snug, but I guess that’s how they’re supposed to be.” James shrugged while shaking his head. “Why is there someone else’s name on them?”

“It’s the designer.” Was Tony really having this conversation? “He’s not well known right now,” because he’s about five years old, Tony thought, “but I’m sure in a few (thirty-five) years, he’ll be in high demand.”

“Well, I wish him the best.” James smiled then turned to start breakfast as Tony finished dressing. The smell of eggs and toast was very welcome to Tony’s stomach. The potato soup Steve made last night, while very tasty, seemed long gone. He normally didn’t each much, or regularly, but Tony figured the stress was giving him an appetite. That, and the knowledge that this could be his last meal here.

He hadn’t had to worry so much about food since Afghanistan. Or the Mandarin incident, but that was just because that kid Harley was too lazy to make a sandwich.

They had just sat down when Steve exited the bedroom. A mess of blonde hair atop his head, puffy sleep-reddened eyes and a too big white shirt and boxers hung from him. He looked adorable, even with the split lip and black eye.

“Morning, Buck,” he said through a yawn. “Morning, Tony. Ya sleep alright?” He moved to the stove to get the egg James had left for him and snatch a piece of toast.

“I slept very well, thank you.” He answered as Steve all but fell into his chair with a groggy little noise. Adorable. “Longest I’ve slept in a while, actually.”

James snorted in disbelief. “On that thing? You don’t have to be gracious, it’s like sleeping on rocks.” Next to him Steve nodded tiredly in agreement.

Tony chuckled, shaking his head. “Hardly, I’ve slept on rocks, while freezing my ass off by the way, last night was heaven compared to that.” He took another bite of toast, lamenting the lack of coffee, but he wasn’t about to bring it up. He didn’t _need_ coffee; he just would have killed for some. He realized the other two had stopped eating. “What?”

“You’ve slept on rocks?” Steve asked, fully awake and sounding concerned. “Was it before you found me? Were you sleeping in alleys?” James looked equally troubled.

“No, no,” Tony quickly tried to explain. “I really had just had the rug pulled from under my feet. Besides, wearing this suit to sleep on the ground? No. It would have been wrinkled beyond repair. Don’t you remember how dashing I looked yesterday?” He tried to joke, but they still looked worried.

“Then how…when?” James tried to ask, and oh, what a story that was.

“It was a long while ago. In a cave.” Tony was uncomfortable. He didn’t talk about this, but Steve and James had done him a kindness and were trusting him by allowing him to be in their home. He owed them as much honesty as he could give. Maybe he’d been spending too much time around Captain America.

“A _cave_?” Steve asked as though he’d never heard of one before. “Like while camping?”

Tony sighed. “No, not camping exactly, it was more an…imprisonment by enemies kinda thing.” Both their jaws dropped. “But it was years ago, I’m fine now. Well, except for being completely screwed over and stranded here with no way to get home.” Tony cleared his throat. “I’m gonna fix that though. It’s what I do. Trust me, I’ve been up against worse odds and come out of it much better off than I was going in.”

They were still looking at him like he’d grown a second head. It was James that spoke first.

“You were captured by enemies? Were you a soldier?”

Steve’s eyes widened a bit more, and Tony knew why. Steve’s father had fought in WW1. Tony knew his son had grown up believing in the honor and responsibility of serving one’s country. Tony didn’t want to lie and take credit for something as serious as pretending to be a soldier when so many people have lost their lives bravely serving, but it would explain away so much.

If, god forbid, his plan failed and he couldn’t get back, he might be with them for a while until he could find work or somewhere to go. If they let him stay, that is. He didn’t want to think about not getting back to his time, but Tony was a realist, and he always had backup plans. If he had to stay…It would explain away his nightmares and his scars and the fact that he could confidently go up against four street thugs and subdue their leader without breaking a sweat.

He decided that he’d dance around the truth and nodded. “I spent some time overseas. I was captured by the enemy and held for three months.” They both winced at that. “I don’t usually talk about it, both because I don’t like to, and I’m not supposed to.”

There. That should cover it.

“Damn, Tony,” James exhaled, “you’ve led one hell of a life, huh? And you just keep swinging.”

Tony was not lost to the irony that this was James Barnes saying this to him. Because in seventy years, Tony would very well be able to say those same words to him with a much more profound meaning. Life was going to be very cruel to this young man all too soon. And he _was_ young, so young and full of life and fire that evil men would try to extinguish in the most brutal ways imaginable.

But they’d failed. James had been recovering these last few months. They hadn’t broken him, and he’d pulled himself back from near oblivion.

Tony looked at the younger man. “I gotta keep swinging. I’m too stubborn to quit.”

James smiled at his answer and looked at Steve. “Sounds like someone else I know.”

Steve rolled his eyes but didn’t comment further. They accepted he didn’t want to talk anymore on the subject, and they all finished their breakfast in companionable silence.

Afterwards, James was lacing his boots as Steve did the dishes. Tony had actually offered to do them, but Steve had flat out refused, so Tony was working his tie into a classic Windsor knot.

“Where you off to today, Tony?” James asked as he stood and grabbed his lunch from the table (Two boiled eggs, slice of bread and an apple). “You said earlier you had a plan.”

Tony nodded. “I do. I’m going to the Village. There might be some people that can help send me home, so hopefully I won’t be in your way much longer.” God, what would he do if those sorcerers couldn’t, or wouldn’t, help him?  

 “You’re not in the way.” Steve said at the sink, “You’re a friend.”

And wasn’t that just Steve Rogers in a nut shell? He’d known Tony less than twenty-four hours and was willing to house and feed him even though he and James had precious little to spare. He called him his friend. Not teammate, friend. Tony’s chest warmed someplace where his heart should be.

Tony was shaking his head, about to interject, but James beat him to it. “Stevie’s right. Look, I hope you can get this sorted out and these people can help, but if they can’t, don’t worry about not havin’ a place to go. You’re welcome to stay. We’ll figure it out one day atta time, right?”

There was that chest warmth again. If Tony was in his time, he’d see a doctor about that. Maybe it was some kind of delayed infection from the surgery. It couldn’t be feelings. Tony didn’t get those anymore, not since Pepper left.

“Thanks, guys,” he softly answered. “We’ll know soon enough, I guess.”

*****

Hours later Tony was walking back to Brooklyn Heights, wondering at how his life had brought him here and thinking about how screwed he was.

The sorcerers had been at a loss when he’d shown up at the Sanctum. After hearing his admittedly crazy story, they grudgingly agreed to test its authenticity. And yes, Tony had been telling the truth. And no, they could not help him.

Fucking Umar. She’d apparently thought of everything. She’d called it a consolation prize, like a gift, when really it was a curse. Literally, a fucking curse. It had its own mark and everything.

As soon as they’d tried to do some magic to test the theory, a glowing rune had appeared on the back of Tony’s right hand. That bitch had branded him! Like an animal! Yucky magic tattooed on his skin.

The head wizard honcho or whatever had asked him if he’d felt anything in particular during the attack when Umar had cast the spell. Tony described the feeling of being wrapped in a warm, wet blanket as he’d fallen into blackness.

The sorcerers had just exchanged knowing looks and nodded.

They had then explained that the feeling wasn’t from falling through time. It was the curse enveloping his body. Tony had gotten his wish. He was now immune to magic. _Oh, the irony._

He guessed they felt pretty bad for not being able to help because they scrounged up a little money for him. They even offered to let him stay for a while, but Tony shut that down with a terse ‘no, thank you’. Steve and James had told him he was welcome to stay for a while, and he would gladly take them up on that if it meant he didn’t have to stay in magic central. It didn’t matter what time period he was in; that place made his skin crawl.

Tony had walked out. And kept walking. He used the time to come to terms with his new reality. He was stuck here. Magic couldn’t get him back, and unless he could figure out how to build a time machine, he was shit out of options. Maybe now that he was properly motivated he’d be able to figure out the temporal and quantum mechanics of building a vessel that could travel at the speed of light. Then he could prove Einstein’s theory of special relativity.  

He only had to exist without mass to do it. That got his mind going through quantum physics equations as he walked through the boroughs of New York.

He was still walking, calculations flying through his mind, as he tried to change the laws of physics, and he thought of Steve and James. He was nearing their neighborhood. He’d have to tell them that he’d failed. He was stuck here, and he’d have to hope they were serious in their offer to let him stay with them for a while.

That made Tony feel guilty. Steve had always talked about growing up poor and struggling. He had not been exaggerating. Their belongings were sparse and worn with age. The little food that they had was very basic, cheap and filling. And there was nothing wrong with that, they just deserved better, especially after having taken Tony in.

The sorcerers had managed to scrounge up about twenty-five bucks for him, a decent sum for the time period. They must have really pitied him. Tony wondered how he could get more and looked down at his suit.

A short while later, he was leaving a second hand store. He’d sold his six and a half thousand dollar suit for ten bucks, and he’d only gotten that because the guy in the store knew the material was top quality. He’d sold his Italian leather shoes for another three. His ring (pure gold) had gotten him five more. His belt and wallet (emptied of its contents) together added two more.

He’d then spent seven of those dollars on some second hand period appropriate clothes in the store, but he was still going back to the apartment with a respectable thirty-eight dollars. Not too shabby considering he didn’t have a penny to his name when he’d woken up that morning.

The only things he still had besides his underwear, undershirt and socks were his sunglasses and watch. The technology inside them had to be kept hidden. Tony had watched enough Star Trek to know that you didn’t screw around with time and change history. Yeah, Tony was stuck in the past, but he didn’t have to be a dick and ruin the future.

Although maybe he’d take a page from _Back to the Future_ and write a note for his future self to not go to the Sanctum that morning. He could at least do that, right?

He huffed to himself. That bullshit wouldn't work.

Tony then went to the corner grocery he’d seen near the apartment knowing he’d have to carry everything he bought. He saw one of the older church ladies Steve had introduced him to yesterday. She’d greeted him happily as he looked around the tiny market and got some staples he thought would be good to have in the kitchen.

He spent about four bucks at the market. He was given a large box to carry his purchases. Tony couldn’t believe how low the prices were and how much food he’d gotten for _four dollars._ Yeah, he may have spent fifty cents on two pounds of coffee, but he didn’t really give a shit. He had money. He was getting coffee, even if it had been one of the most expensive things in the store.

Next, he went to the butcher and spent another two dollars. The butcher shop also delivered ice, so Tony paid for them to deliver the meat he’d purchased along with the ice block to the apartment. He couldn’t let the meat spoil due to poor refrigeration.

So with about thirty-two dollars in his pocket and groceries in his arms, Tony was knocking on the door to the too small apartment, hoping Steve was there to let him in.

James was the one who answered the door looking freshly showered and wearing his signature white tank and a pair of clean, but worn, trousers. “Tony! Thank God, we were worried as hell.” He moved aside to let Tony pass into the apartment.

“James, what are you doing home so early?” He asked as he carried his grocery box to the kitchen. Steve was in there already, probably looking through the shelves for ingredients to throw together. An empty pot sat on the stove.

“Early?” Steve answered for James. “Tony its after six. You’ve been gone all day. We didn’t know if you were coming back.”

“Six? Huh, sorry.” He said as he set the box on the table. “Things didn’t go so well this morning. Turns out there wasn’t much that could be done to help me get back home. Tough times and all that. I spent a lot of the day walking around and getting lost in my head.”

James entered the kitchen still looking worried. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Tony. I know you gotta wanna go home. I wish we could help, but…Where’s your suit?” He asked, just noticing Tony’s new wardrobe. “And what is all that?” He pointed to the box.

“I sold my suit.” He raised the bag dangling from his arm that held his new, used clothing. “Sold my shoes, my ring, my belt and wallet too. Got something more practical.” He waved a hand to motion to his time-period appropriate outfit before he pointed to the box. “Then I got some groceries.”

He looked up beaming to see their stunned expressions.

“You sold your things and got groceries?” Steve asked in disbelief.

“Of course,” he replied easily, “you can’t eat a suit. Well, maybe you could, but that can’t be good for you.”

There was a knock at the door. Steve and James were still looking too stunned for words so Tony went and answered. It was the delivery boy from the butcher shop. “Excellent! Bring it through here.” As he led the boy to the kitchen, Steve and James hadn’t moved. “Just set it down there.” He pointed to the nearly overloaded little table.

Tony fished out a dime and gave it to the young man, who tipped his hat in thanks and left.

Stunned silence rang in the apartment.

“Guys?” He asked, worry starting to seep in. “Are you alright?”

“Tony,” Steve coughed, looking confused. “What is all this?”

“It’s meat from the butcher and ice for the icebox. I figured you could have some bacon with your eggs and beef with your potatoes.”

James spoke slowly. “Tony, you didn’t have to sell your things to buy food for us. We…”

Tony broke in, “I’m gonna stop you right there, James, because yes, I did. You took me into your home when you had no reason to. You fed me and made me feel welcome. I don’t need that suit. I don’t have a job anymore, and who knows how long it will take to find one. I’m a grown man and am not going to bum on your couch and eat your food, especially when Steve wouldn’t even let me do the dishes.”

Steve looked to argue that, but Tony cut him off. “Nope. It’s done. If you’re nice enough to let me stay, then let me be nice enough to earn my keep.”

James and Steve exchanged a look then nodded.

“Alright Tony,” Steve conceded, “that’s fair.” James nodded at Steve’s words.

“Great!” Tony clapped his palms together. “So let’s see what we got for Steve to cook. I can buy food all the live long day, but trust me, you do not want me in front of a stove.”

The two boys chuckled and went to start putting the much appreciated groceries away. Steve ended up cooking a beef and potato stew with carrots. It was the best Tony had ever had.

“I’m still sorry you weren’t able to find a way back to California.” Steve had said towards the end of their meal. “Your family back home can’t help?”

“I don’t have any family.” Tony answered truthfully. No matter the century, he was on his own.

Steve winced. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“It’s alright.” Tony shrugged. “My parents died in an accident when I was younger. I don’t have siblings and never met my grandparents.”

Steve nodded. Yeah, he got how that was. “I’m still sorry.”

“Don’t be. I got over it a long time ago. I actually learned to live without them long before they died.” He sighed, “It’s not like anything special is waiting in California. I just don’t really _belong_ here.”

“You could.” James said, soft and sincere. “You seem like the kind of guy who takes life and makes it the way he wants it. I know we haven’t known you long, Tony, but it’s plain to see that you don’t let difficulties hold you back. You said you fix things, yeah?”

Tony met his eyes. James really had nice eyes, like the sea before a storm. Eyes that were serious and full of faith. “Thank you. Your right. This was a setback, but it could be worse. I’m sure I’ll figure this out in no time.”

“And you’re not alone,” Steve added. “We’ll help. We’ll do this together.”

Tony smiled but had to be stubborn and ask, “What if we fail?”

Steve smirked. “Then we’ll do that together, too.”

*****

Later, after a quick lukewarm shower, they all were sitting in the living area. James was in the armchair listening to the radio and darning a few pairs of socks. Tony was on the couch reading a paper he’d bought, trying to catch up on what was happening in this time.  

Steve sat on the floor near Tony’s feet drawing on a sketchpad. Tony had protested the seating arrangement, but apparently the young man wasn’t being polite. That was Steve’s “spot”. He usually worked from right there.

When Tony was finished with the paper, he folded and laid it to the side on a small table where the lamp sat. He sat up to stretch, earning himself a loud pop from one of the middle vertebrae. He looked over to James who appeared to be on his last sock, then down to Steve.

“Whatcha working on, Steve?” Tony was curious. He’d seen a few of Steve’s sketches at the tower. They were usually the city skyline, people at the park or different team members captured in a real life moment. They were always realistic, captivating. Steve had a lot of talent.

He also had a healthy blush spreading across his face. “Just some sketches I sell sometimes to help out.”

That was vague.

“Can I see?” Tony moved to catch a glimpse over the younger man’s shoulder, but Steve deftly tilted the sketchpad away from view.

“They’re really not that good, Tony.” His ears were now pink; the blush had crept so high. “These probably won’t be worth trying to sell.”

“Then what’s with the blush?” Tony teased. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t resist. This blushing pre-serum Steve was just about the cutest thing he’d ever seen. Even cuter than sleepy, bedhead Steve.  

James chuckled, not looking up from his sock. “Just show him Stevie. You ain’t got nothin’ to be ashamed of.”

Steve sighed. “You’re such a jerk, Buck.”

“Shut up, punk, and show him the goods.” James hadn’t taken his eyes off his needlework, but his smirk was positively indecent.

Steve, resigned that this was unavoidable, handed Tony the sketches.

Like a greedy child, he snatched them up quickly, eyes jumping to the picture. Tony’s jaw dropped.

It was a woman, a beautiful woman. She was bending forward towards the viewer. Her dress was half unbuttoned, and her large chest was all but falling out the top. Her hands were cupping each side of her breasts and pushing them together, nice and tight. On the edge of the picture was very clearly a man from the waist down. His pants were open. A long, hard cock held tightly in his fist.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what would happen next in the scene.

“Oh my God, Steve,” Tony breathed out, “this is porn!” His eyes darted from the sketch to Steve’s deep pink face and back several times, trying to reconcile the picture with the artist.

“You sell these?!” Tony had the urge to look out the window, half expecting to see winged pigs filling the sky. Steve Rogers, pornographer.

That’s like Tony Stark, celibate. Maybe the laws of physics could be changed more easily than he’d thought, because the natural order of Tony’s universe was breaking down as he stared at the risqué photo.

“There’s a guy who sometimes buys them.” Steve answered sheepishly. “He knows the guy who prints them.”

“Eight pagers.” James added, helpfully. “He makes decent money when they sell.”

Steve shrugged. “It’s about all I can do to help besides the cooking and laundry. I’m too sick to work at the docks like Bucky, and when I do find a job, I usually get fired for missing work to fight a fever or something.”

Tony could see how it ate at Steve’s pride to admit this. That his physical limitations somehow made him less of a man, which was bullshit.

“You do plenty, Stevie.” James said seriously. “You’re good at art, and you like it. At least you can make some cash doing what you enjoy.”

Steve opened his mouth, but James cut him off. “I know it’s not the art you want to be doin’, but this is the market they have right now. You know I’ve never minded comin’ up with the rest for rent.”

“He’s right,” Tony added. “You are really good, and you’re lucky to do something you love. It may not be convenient right now, but it seems to work. And don’t sweat it, I’m gonna pitch in and help out while I’m here.”

Steve rolled eyes. “You were great today with the groceries, Tony, but you don’t have a job either.”

“Yet.” Tony corrected. “I don’t have a job _yet_. Hell, this morning I didn’t have two coins to rub together, and I still brought home the bacon. Literally. Like James reminded me, I fix things. It’s what I do. I’m Tony fucking Stark.”

Both James and Steve laughed at this. Tony really liked the sound.

“So how much is taboo art selling for these days?” Tony asked, looking through the sketches. They were pretty racy, but Steve’s talent was undeniable, the perfect balance of sensual and sexual.

“A checker a picture. Two if he really likes it.” Steve answered, blushing again.

 _Checker?_ God, he missed Google.

“He usually gets two. “James said proudly. “Quite the imagination this one’s got.”

Steve, still blushing, was shaking his head. “I only draw what you tell me about, Buck.”

Tony looked up from a picture of a woman on her knees, mouth open in invitation and looking up through long half-lowered eyelashes. “What he tells you?”

Steve actually smirked. “I’ve had to listen to stories about him and the dames he dates since I was thirteen. They have only gotten dirtier as we’ve grown older.”

Tony handed the sketches back to Steve. “What about your dates?”

Steve’s face closed up. “I don’t really have many, and the one’s I get are friends of the gals Bucky’s going with. They usually don’t end the evening with me.”

Tony had forgotten that. He really had. And it pissed him off. “That’s bullshit! Are they fucking stupid?” He vented on Steve’s behalf. “You’re a great guy. What kind of moron would ditch you? Vapid little gold diggers looking for flash instead of class, that’s who. Serves them right that they’ll probably end up with an asshole who won’t keep it in his pants while she’s home with the kids.”

Steve was looking at him, stunned by the outburst. James was just smiling like Christmas came early, clearly enjoying someone sticking up for Steve.  

“You should listen to him, Stevie. I get the sense that Tony’s a pretty smart guy.”

“Are you kidding me?” Tony scoffed. “I’m a genius.”

They devolved into quips about each other’s intelligence and character soon after. Eventually, they started telling Tony more about themselves. Their lives and childhoods. It was nice.

They’d all readied themselves for bed after listening the evening news on the radio. Tony had said goodnight as the two had gone to their shared room.

As he lay on the couch waiting for sleep, Tony looked out the small window across the living space to the fuzzy lights of the city. The past two days played through his mind. He was trapped in 1939. He had, as of right now, no way to get home. He had no valid I.D. or personal records of any kind. He couldn’t prove that he’d gone to school or was even supposed to be in this country.

Things were looking pretty dark for Tony, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to give in to panic. Because in the darkness of his life right now, there were two sources of light, and they were sleeping in the next room on matching twin beds.

He could fix this, make the best of this situation and not crumble under the panic that still whirled in the back of his mind. He was Tony Stark, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a hopeful ending! Poor Tony had to sell his favorite suit, but I think he found it was worth it to buy coffee. It's a temporary fix until he finds a job, but it's a start. Again the clothing prices were what I found while researching. Note that the amount of money he got for selling his things would normally be what he'd have to pay to buy them. But because all of Tony's things were high quality, he got more than someone else would have in his place. Eight pagers were totally a thing, and I love the thought of Steve making money by basically drawing porn.
> 
> Comments and kudos give me life!


	4. June Cleaver Becomes Mr. Fix-It, Priceless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds his calling. It wasn't that long of search. Time is passing, and Tony is slowly adapting to this new life. Of course, things can't stay too easy for long. Real life comes rolling through, and Tony just has to weather the storm. He's ready for any challenge, but facing his demons? Well, at least he's not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This going up sooner than I planned because I'm going to be hella busy the next couple days and didn't know if I'd have time to proof read and post. So, here it is! At least one day early.  
> For me, this is where Tony really begins his journey. The caterpillar is in his cocoon! Without his celebrity, money and stigma that still comes with his name, what kind of person would Tony be? If he's not surrounded by people who constantly try to use him, how would he now treat people? Sometimes a Great Man should be brought low, so that he can become (to quote Dr, Erskine) "A Good Man".
> 
> Thank you all for the amazing support! I can't believe it. And I ask for your future patience. I've worked ahead on this piece, but Chapter 9 is kicking my ass and has delayed me. I've never spent so long on a chapter. UUhhnn, frustrating.

 

The next morning was much the same as the first but with little differences. Bucky cooked eggs and toast, but today also had bacon. And coffee. Tony had ground and pressed the beans himself with the ancient little device he’d found in a cupboard. It was pretty good.

James and he casually spoke back and forth as the food was prepared, James thanking him as he was handed a cup of coffee. That trademark smile creating a dimple as his fingers brushed Tony’s on the mug.

They had just sat down when Steve appeared from the bedroom, looking rumpled in his too big shirt and boxers, just in time for food. Just like yesterday. Tony was sensing a pattern. Steve yawned around his toast but declined any coffee, much to Tony’s internal outrage. Who said no to coffee in the morning?

“I have a heart condition,” Steve explained. Ok, perhaps the outrage hadn’t been as internal as Tony had hoped. “I really shouldn’t have that much caffeine.”

Tony hadn’t really thought of that. Yes, Steve was smaller in this time, but Tony didn’t think of him as frail or sickly. The kid was a pistol, all sass and determination and attitude. Tony wondered if anyone besides James had seen it too, before the serum that is.

A lot of people had speculated on their friendship over the decades. Friends since childhood, from the playground to the battlefield and all that, but Tony was getting the inside look. And it was more than friendship; it was closer to family. James and Steve had only each other. Tony had learned more about them last night after the whole porn incident.

Steve had helped James through school, from classwork to outright lying for him to keep him out of trouble, because who could ever believe that Steve Rogers would lie? James kept Steve from being beaten to death on a regular basis when the guys mouth just wouldn’t stop running at schoolyard bullies. Steve never did like bullies.

Steve’s mom had died when he was sixteen leaving him orphaned. James had moved out of his parents’ house the day after the funeral. Tony had gotten the impression that there was no love lost between him and his father. James’s family had moved to Buffalo not long after, though he still writes to his mom and sister.

James, seventeen at the time, had quit in his last year of school to get a job to pay the rent, but had insisted Steve finish his education, having said that Steve had always been the brains anyway. Steve had found odd jobs on weekends and holidays to help, eventually learning that he could sell his art to a very specific clientele. It had especially helped in paying for Steve’s medicine and doctor’s bills.

Somehow they always managed to get by. Through cut work hours and bouts of pneumonia that James had sworn he’d thought would finally be the end of Steve, they’d survived. Together.

Tony watched the other two as they ate their morning meal, reflecting on the stories they’d shared before bed. Their misadventures had had him laughing with disbelief, and their struggles had broken his heart. In his mind he called them boys, but they’d already had a hard life and were men in their own right.  

Tony and Steve were cleaning the mess from breakfast as James was readying himself to leave. Steve was washing the plates and frying pan while Tony dried. It was nice, simple in an almost soothing way, but Tony still kind of wanted to blast some AC/DC just out of habit. Even if he could, the music would probably give the boys a stroke.

“Well, I’m off.” James sighed as he rose to his feet. “I hope Old Man Talbot’s in a better mood today. I think his wife must be makin’ him sleep on the couch. He was always a prick, but these past few days…” He ran a hand back through his hair. “…it’s just a whole new level.”

“Well, I hope he gives you a wide berth,” said Steve. “If he doesn’t just don’t bring up the wife thing.”

“ _You’re_ tellin’ _me_ to watch my mouth? Pot and kettle, Stevie.”

Steve answered by flicking dishwater at him. James, not ducking in time to avoid getting wet, responded by throwing a rag from the table at his face.

Tony chuckled at the two’s antics. “Have a good day, James.”

He gave Tony a half smile. “You know, you can call me Bucky.”

Tony was going to say that no, he couldn’t, but stopped short. This wasn’t the James from his time. The years of being in the army and as the Winter Soldier didn’t haunt the grey-blue eyes of the young man in front of him. The smile was friendly, not bitter and world weary. Calling him Bucky didn’t seem as ridiculous as it once had.

“Alright,” Tony said returning the smile, “Bucky.”

With Bucky gone and the kitchen clean, Tony helped Steve with the usual chores, and he learned a few things.

1.)Doing laundry by hand sucked. A lot. He didn’t think his fingers would ever de-prune.

2.)Using a straw broom to sweep the floor sucked too. The dirt and dust just slipped through the bristles. How was this even a thing?

3.)Baking bread was messy and time consuming, and the dough got wedged under his fingernails. It smelled good, though.

4.) Tony needed a job! He was not cut out to be June fucking Cleaver. A few more days of this, and he’d pull his hair out just for something to do. God, he missed his workshop.

They listened to the radio while they worked. Tony vaguely recognizing a few of the songs, but as the morning passed he found himself liking the soft tenor of the old tunes. Who would have thought?

Steve left around midday to meet the guy who bought his sketches. Tony had wished him luck then was left in the empty apartment. After staring at the quiet space for a few minutes, he decided to wash up. Looking in the mirror, he studied the stubble along his jaw. His trademark Van Dyke was losing ground against the new growth. He took stock of the personal hygiene items in the small cabinet behind the mirror and collected what he’d need.

He began to work a lather across his cheeks then grabbed the straight razor (yikes) by the sink. He took a deep breath. While he’d had a shave by a straight razor before, he’d never actually used one himself. He was a little wary of the lethal looking blade. An image of Scarface flashed through his mind, and he winced. Tony didn’t want to have pull off that look.

“OK, beard,” he said in his best Al Pacino voice, “say hello to my little friend.” Badass Tony Montana Stark is about to give himself a shave.

In the end it wasn’t so bad. He’d nicked himself a couple times but not too bad. He’d gone slowly and the result was more than satisfactory. Pretty good for a first attempt. He used the small scissors to trim his moustache and tip if his chin. He didn’t want to look like Don Quixote, after all.

Tony went to the kitchen and got himself a glass of tap water. He was already getting used to the taste, though it had turned his stomach a little when he heard Bucky call  it “dog soup”. Really some of the phrases they used this day in age were weird. He was rinsing his glass when the radio was once again filled with static. It had been doing that all morning.

Tony knew the thing was probably old, not that he could really judge because everything around him looked old. He decided he was just going to turn it off when he had an idea. Looking through the drawers in the kitchen, he found a basic tool kit. Tony smiled as he held the screwdriver in his hand. Finally, something that felt familiar.

He went over to the antique radio. Using the screwdriver he opened the back panel. The layout was simple, and it was easy to see the problem. A couple of the wires looked like they had overheated at some point and the electron tube was loose. That was easy enough to fix. Tony stood and looked around the apartment.

The kitchen light had been flickering when they’d eaten their dinner. Bucky said it had always done that. Sometimes it’d be fine, and other times it would flicker all evening. Then Tony thought about the two showers he’d taken since arriving, lukewarm at best. The water heater was obviously on its last legs. With a sense of purpose, he checked the lighting fixture and the closet that held the water heater. He made a list of materials he’d need to fix them and the radio before going out to find a hardware store.

He was just putting the water heater back together when he heard Steve call for him.

“In here!” He called back through the screwdriver in his teeth. He saw Steve out the corner of his eye and looked up to see a surprised face staring down. Removing the tool from his mouth, he asked, “How’d it go?”

“Um,” Steve looked at him nonplussed, “real good, actually. He bought all eight of them. Three for a check each and five for two each. Tony,” he continued uncertainly, “what are ya doin’?”

“Keeping busy.” He shrugged. It really wasn’t much. He hadn’t done anything today he couldn’t have done by the age of four. “The water heater’s fixed,” he added as he stood up and brushed the dust from his pants. “The radio and the kitchen light, too.”

Steve gaped. “You fixed the water heater? And the radio and kitchen light?”

“Well, yeah,” he answered as he picked up the tools he’d used. “It wasn’t much. Just needed to replace a few wires, tighten a couple of tubes, install a new coil. Those kinds of things.”

“I thought you were a businessman?” Confusion evident in his voice.

“I am, or I was. But I’ve been doing this kind of thing since I was a kid. My father kind of insisted on it.” At Steve’s puzzled face, he explained, “He was an inventor.”

“Really?” asked Steve, impressed.

“Yeah, he was an asshole too.”

“Oh.” Steve, now uncomfortable, looked past him to the repaired water heater. “I can’t believe you did all that in a couple hours. It’s just,” he shook his head, “you’ve fought in battles, and clearly you were an important guy. That suit you were wearing had to be expensive, like something a swell wears. You know how to repair appliances and lighting. You use a lot of big words when you talk so you must have had a good education. Is there anything you can’t do?”

Tony laughed, not knowing how to handle the slight awe in Steve’s voice. “Oh, there’s plenty I can’t do. Like stay quiet for any period of time or find healthy coping mechanisms or remember birthdays. I can’t cook worth a damn. Seriously, it once took me two hours to make an omelet. And what you do? The sketching and art stuff? I’d never be half that good even after years of study.”

“I just scratch pictures on paper, Tony.” Steve said in a self-depreciating way.

“No, Steve,” he said seriously, “you create. You turn a blank piece of nothing into art. Sexy art , but it’s no less beautiful. It may not seem like much to you, but it makes people happy. Fuck the stigma that comes with it. This world is filled with a whole lot of awful, cruel things. I think bringing happiness to people, however they choose to find it, is nothing scoff at.”

Steve blushed at the words. Tony didn’t know if it was because of the compliment or the word sexy. Either way, the effect was flattering. His high cheekbones tinted pink under those big blue eyes surrounded by thick lashes, and Tony stopped the thought right there. That was not appropriate. Bad Tony.

Pulling himself out of the thought and trying to put Steve at ease, he changed the subject. “Should we go prep for dinner?”

Steve nodded, looking faintly relieved but still a little awestruck at Tony.

“I was thinking spaghetti.” He said as they walked to the kitchen. “If that’s alright with you? Really I’m good with anything.”

Steve smiled. “Spaghetti’s fine, Tony. I’ll even teach you as we cook so you’ll be able to do it yourself without it taking two hours.”

 He shook his head ruefully. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you that.”

James, no _Bucky_ , had come home around six looking dead tired. He perked up as he breathed deeply. The smell of the spaghetti filled the apartment. Steve had also taken the bread they’d baked earlier and slathered it with butter and minced garlic before toasting it.

“God, that smells good, Stevie.” He inhaled again before taking off his boots by the door. “Spaghetti’s my favorite.” Coming into the kitchen he looked at the set table, garlic bread stacked on a plate in the middle. “Oooh, garlic toast, too!”

Steve smiled. “Thank Tony, it was his idea.”

“I just suggested it and stirred the pot. Steve is the man behind the curtain.”

“I love that movie,” Steve chirped. “We saw it last month.”

Bucky huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, twice this punk dragged me out to see it. At least there was popcorn.”

“It’s not that bad,” Tony defended, having recently developed a sympathy for Dorothy. He wasn’t in Kansas anymore, either. “And Judy Garland is lovely.”

To this Bucky nodded in agreement, his mouth too stuffed with garlic toast for him to speak.

“Geez, Buck, ya can’t wait five minutes?” Steve said in obvious mock disapproval.

“I cnt hlp ‘t.” Bucky said through a mouthful before swallowing. “It’s just so good, Stevie.”

Steve rolled his eyes but smiled.

They all sat down to eat. At first, Bucky was too busy inhaling the food like a starving man to make much conversation, spaghetti must indeed be his favorite, but when two-thirds of his plate had been cleared (along with three more slices of toast), he finally spoke.

“So, Stevie, did your guy buy any of your sketches today?”

“All eight of ‘em.” Steve nodded. “He paid me thirteen for the lot. I can pay off Dr. Fields now. At least until I get sick again.”

“If that happens,” Bucky said steadily, “we’ll deal with it when it comes.”

Steve just nodded, knowing full well there was no ‘if’ he would be sick again.

“So what did you do today, Tony?”

Tony swallowed his mouthful of pasta. “Not much. Helped Steve around the house. Didn’t disfigure my face with a straight razor. Learned how to not burn spaghetti sauce.”

Steve’s head whipped around to him. “You did a hell of a lot more than that!”

“Steve it’s really not that big…”

But Steve spoke over him. “I was gone for two hours, Buck. When I came back, he’d just finished fixing the water heater.”

“You fixed the water heater?” Bucky asked, stunned.

“After he fixed the radio and the kitchen light.”

Bucky looked at the ceiling, probably noticing the distinct lack of flickering, then back at Tony. “You did all that in two hours?”

Tony shrugged, “After a trip to the hardware store it was easy.”

Bucky stared at him. Just like Steve had.

“It’s really not that big a deal.” He said as he pushed the pasta around on his plate. “I was bored and wanted to do something nice for you.”

Bucky shook his head. “How…Where’d you learn to fix things like that?”

Steve jumped in. Repeating how Tony’s father was an inventor, (“And an asshole,” Tony interjected to Bucky’s amusement.) and that he’d learned as a child.

Bucky had then said something very similar to what Steve had. Making Tony sound like some amazing renaissance man, like he was larger than life, and maybe he was. Back in his time. Now, in 1939 he was next to nothing.

Tony had been known for his narcissism, his ego. It was a product of his brilliance and success, and though he was still brilliant, he was hardly a success. Almost broke and sleeping on the couch of two people kind enough to take pity on him, Tony was a far cry from the Genius. Billionaire. Futurist. Philanthropist. he used to be. (He hadn’t really considered himself a playboy in a while) And here were these two amazing young men acting like he was something special when he hadn’t done much more than change a light bulb.

“It’s really not that big a deal,” Tony repeated. “I wasn’t doing anything else. I just wanted to keep busy.”

 “Tony,” Bucky said softly as he waited for him to meet his eyes, “that still doesn’t make it any less impressive, or appreciated.” He looked thoughtfully at him across the table. “What else do you know how to fix?”

“Anything.” He said instantly. “Anything with parts. Cars, watches, cameras…If it has wires or gears, I can build or fix it.”

Bucky smiled, creating dimples on his cheeks. “I think you’ve found yourself a job, Tony.”

Tony opened his mouth, then closed it. Huh. “That could…that could work.” He turned to look at Steve who was wearing an identical smile to Bucky.

“Of course it’ll work,” the sassy little shit smirked, “you’re Tony fucking Stark.”

*****

The days passed. One week, then two. Bucky and Steve still sang his praises every time they finished a hot shower or had a meal that wasn’t accompanied by flickering overhead lighting or listened to the radio without it cutting to static. He’d also built a vacuum cleaner from parts he’d collected. Bye-bye shitty straw broom, hello quick and easy cleaning. It was better for Steve's asthma, too.

Tony also now had a routine, and his work was steadily increasing. It turns out that there were a lot of people around the neighborhood that had broken or faulty appliances, even a few cars, but couldn’t really afford the repair costs of a professional handyman or mechanic. Tony offered a discounted rate but quickly made up the difference with the numbers of jobs he got. And word was spreading.

Tony was affordable, fast and _very_ good at what he did. He didn’t know it, but a lot of people also called him kind. If a widow with kids or elderly couple didn’t really have the money to spare, he’d take something in trade. A cake or pie or crocheted blanket, anything they would offer for his time. He’d fixed an old woman’s furnace so she wouldn’t go without heat, and all he’d accepted from her was a lovely blue scarf she’d made him.

He’d given it to Steve. It matched his eyes, alright?

So things were better. Tony had a purpose. Tony had a job, something worth getting up for in the morning and would take his mind off how much he was beginning to miss his old life. Pepper, Rhodey, JARVIS, his bots, his teammates. It was almost a constant pang in his heart. Steve and Bucky were great. Really. But Tony still felt guilty at the half-truths he told, the omissions he had to make. He was constantly walking a fine line, and it was wearing him down.

The last week of October brought with it a deep chill from the north. People on the streets breathed out little puffs of clouds, and Tony was repairing a lot of radiators and furnaces.

It was a Sunday. Tony and Bucky were sitting in the living area listening to the radio and playing pinochle. Steve and Bucky had had to teach him the game, both in disbelief that he didn’t already know how to play. Steve was at church, or mass since he was Catholic, and Bucky had been kicking Tony’s ass all morning when Steve came in.

Tony could tell right away that something was wrong.

“Shit, Stevie!” Bucky was up and across the room, grabbing the smaller man and almost carrying him to the couch that Tony had just jumped up from. Steve was gasping with choked off wheezes and holding his chest. Bucky pulled Steve down to sit between his legs, his back resting against Bucky’s chest. “Come on, breathe. You gotta calm down, buddy, and breathe with me.”

Bucky looked over Steve’s shoulder to Tony. “Asthma,” was all that he said. Steve was pale, and his breathing wasn’t getting any better as Bucky tried to soothe him, rubbing gentle strokes along his arms as Steve still clutched his small chest.

Tony’s brain kickstarted. “Right.” He all but ran to the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee from the pot he’d been nursing all morning. He quickly returned with it. “Steve, I need you to try and drink this. I know you don’t normally, but the caffeine will help with the attack, trust me.”

Steve looked at him but didn’t hesitate. He reached a shaky hand over to grab the mug. Tony kept hold of it and just helped him guide it to his lips. He managed to gulp down most of it without spilling too much. Tony put the mug to the side. “Keep trying to breathe. Slow and deep breaths.”

He then rushed to the medicine cupboard. He’d stocked up on some things when he realized just how sick Steve was prone to get sometimes. He found the bottle of eucalyptus oil he’d bought for possible respiratory infections, but it would do for this too. He ran back to the sofa as he opened the bottle to pour a few drops on the handkerchief from his pocket. He put the piece of fabric under his nose without blocking his mouth.

“Breathe deep, Ok?" he watched as Steve tried to obey. "I’m going to sing a song, Steve, and you’re going to try to sing with me.” He spoke with forced calm, noticing how Bucky was watching him from behind Steve, still rubbing his arms and chest. “Alright, Steve?” Steve, gasping, just nodded.

Tony started singing. It was a song he’d heard a lot on the radio these past few weeks. It had stuck in his mind to the point where he was often humming it or singing it to himself.

_We’ll meet again. Don’t know where. Don’t know when._

_But I know we’ll meet again some sunny day._

_Keep smiling through. Just like you always do._

_‘Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away._

Steve was trying. The words chopped short through his gasps, but he was getting it. Bucky, encouraged, joined in as he continued rubbing soothing circles.

_So will you please say hello, To the folks that I know_

_Tell them I won’t be long_

_They’ll be happy to know, That as you saw me go_

_I was singing this song_

It was getting better. Steve’s voice was breathy but wasn’t pulling in the painful gulps of air like before. Tony just nodded in approval as they went on.

_We’ll meet again. Don’t know where. Don’t know when._

_But I know we’ll meet again some sunny day._

The lyrics repeated themselves, and by the time they’d finished the full song, Steve’s breathing was nearly back to normal.

“Thank fuck,” Tony sighed as he ran a trembling hand through his hair. His nerves were shot. He’d heard the poor health stories, but this was different. This was real. Terrifying. He didn’t know how Steve lived like this, under constant threat that any minute his body would betray him, and he might die from it.

Steve, eyes closed, managed a deeper breath and held it before slowly letting it out. He opened his eyes and looked straight into Tony’s. They were unsettled but clear, and he was still pale but not like he’d been when he’d stumbled into the apartment. “Thank you. Both of you.”

“Thank you, Tony.” Bucky’s voice shook a little, “How…how did you know how to do that?”

“I, uh,” How could he explain without saying that he was from the future where they’ve got a better understanding on asthma and emergency treatments without an inhaler. Modern inhalers didn’t exist yet. “I used to read a lot. Anything I came across. Medical journals were among them.”

Even to him that sounded kind of far-fetched. Medical science wouldn’t recognize asthma as a physical ailment for at least another twenty years.

Steve gave him a shaky smile. “I guess I’m not surprised. You know how to fix everything else, why not my breathing?”

Bucky’s breathy laugh was half nerves, half relief. “God, Tony, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him calm down that quickly.” Rubbing his face he continued, “I never knew to do any of those things.” He pulled back a little from Steve. “You alright, punk? You scared the shit outta me.”

Steve nodded. “I’m good now. I shoulda known better.” Shaking his head, “The cold air wasn’t doing me any favors, and then I let myself get worked up on my way home.”

“What happened?” Tony and Bucky asked at the same time.

Steve shook his head again as if to clear his thoughts away. “I ran into Joe Collins on the corner.” Tony and Bucky stiffened. “He said he couldn’t believe they’d let a fucking queer into a church, and that if I wasn’t already going to hell for being a pansy, I’d go for stepping foot in God’s house.”

“That son of a bitch,” Bucky snarled. “He only does this when you’re alone. I’m so tired of this shit.”

Tony heartily agreed, visions of him teaching that asshole a very violent lesson danced through his mind.

“I know, me too, believe me. I really was about to walk away and ignore it, but then…”

“Then what?” Tony wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.

“He said something like my ma probably died of shame ‘cause her son was diseased.” Bucky hissed at this. “He could see how angry I was getting. He told me to try something. He’d love to finish the beating he still owes me, and that there wasn’t some creepy drifter to save me this time.” Steve wouldn’t meet Tony’s eyes. “He said it was messed up that Tony was staying with us, and how I probably…”

Shame and humiliation filled his voice. “I probably was on my knees for the guy day and night because he’d saved me. He said he couldn’t understand how you could put up being around it if you weren’t at least a bit of a fag too, Buck. I snapped and took a swing. It didn’t really do much but piss him off, and he punched me in the chest. Knocked the air right outta me, and I couldn’t get it back. I barely made it to the apartment.”

“That motherfucker,” Tony spat. “I should have broken half the bones in his body and left him in the gutter. I swear to God I’m going to kick that jerkoff’s ass next time I see him.”

Bucky was nodding in agreement, anger pouring off him in waves, as Tony continued. “How can he say that shit? And why is it always queer this and queer that?”

“Look at me, Tony.” Steve said dejectedly, still drained from the asthma attack. “I know what I look like. I’ve always been small. Most dames are bigger than me, and I’m half the size of most guys. The fact that I went to art school doesn’t help. Or the fact that I’ve never had a steady gal. The neighborhood doesn’t help, either. There’s a lot of stuff like that around here, an open secret.”

Bucky looked like he wanted to scream, but Steve continued. “I understand if you don’t wanna stay here anymore. You’re doin’ pretty well for yourself. You don’t need this kind of attention. If Joe’s spouting that off to me, he’s probably saying similar stuff around the neighborhood.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he began before pausing. Uncertainty crept into his voice. “Unless you want me to? I mean, I don’t want to cause either of you trouble, and if you think it’s not a good idea…that it’s causing rumors.”

“No!” Both men said together. Steve’s words rushed out, “I didn’t mean it like that! Of course you’re welcome here, I just didn’t think you’d want to stay because of what he said. You heard them the day we met. And the same thing today, most people wouldn’t… I mean I’m _not,_ but most fellas wouldn’t want to…”

“Steve, calm down.” Tony firmly cut him off. “You don’t need to upset yourself again. I have no plans to leave because of what some jerkoff said. I don’t care what other people think of me, Steve. I never have. People are usually stupid, assholes or both, and I don’t have the time or inclination to try to please them. I know the kind of person you are. You’re the best kind of person, and I don’t need other people choosing my friends for me.”

Steve blushed but looked relieved. Bucky was looking at him with a mix of approval, admiration and…something Tony couldn’t quite place.

“Ya better listen to him, Stevie. Tony’s even smarter than you are, so you know he’s right.”

Steve smiled, weak but genuine. “I don’t know about right, but I do know better than to argue with him. I think he’s even more stubborn than I am.”

“Damn straight. And of course I’m right,” he said smugly, “I’m a genius.”

The other two just laughed so he counted that as a win.  

*****

Time continued to pass, sometimes quickly, sometimes so slowly that Tony couldn’t keep busy enough, and every second was a torture filled with homesickness and loss. Every person and thing around him just reminded Tony of the fact that he didn’t belong here. Time still passed though.

Before he knew it, Thanksgiving was there. The trees in the parks were filled with reds, golds and browns. A freak cold front had almost frozen the city five days before, the low temperature odd for so early in the season. Steve had gotten very sick and had had to go to the doctor, fluid was starting to form in his lungs. Tony hadn’t batted an eye when he paid the hospital at the end of Steve’s stay. He merely waved off Steve and Bucky’s protests that it wasn’t his job to pay for things like that, and they would work out a payment arrangement.

Tony wasn’t having that. Almost all of Steve’s money went to medicine and doctor’s bills. He deserved to keep something for himself.

They had come home on Thanksgiving day. Steve was supposed to stay on bedrest for another day or two, so it was Tony and Bucky who cooked their holiday dinner, Tony decided soup would be best for Steve and followed a recipe he’d been taught by the younger man a few weeks before. Their meal was modest but delicious. The hot soup warmed their chilled bones, and they all sighed as they finished eating.

Now that the sun had set, the temperature continued to drop, and though Tony had improved the radiator a couple weeks back, it still wasn’t enough to keep the chill out of the apartment. The walls were too thin and so were the cheap window panes that only seemed to let out the heat while letting in the cold. It wasn’t good for Steve who was still recovering and under doctor’s orders to stay dry and warm.

When Tony commented on it, and asked what they usually did during the winter months, Bucky looked away, nervous and uncomfortable.

“We usually push the beds together and share body heat.” He answered, flushed with nerves and waiting for Tony’s reaction.

It was a smart, practical solution, but Tony understood his hesitance to share the story. Two grown men sharing a bed in 1939? Not a widely approved of notion. He knew Bucky was worried over what his response would be to that, probably expecting the period typical homophobia that had seemed to plague Steve for years because of his stature and artistic abilities. Tony, of course, didn’t give a shit about that.

“Sounds like a plan.” Tony answered without a trace of derision in his voice. “I’ll take the right side, and you’ll take the left with Steve in the middle?”

Bucky’s eyebrows flew up.

“Or the other way around. I’m not really choosy about bedsides.” Bucky was still looking at him incredulously. “Or, I mean, I don’t have to join you. I just thought it’d be warmer.”

“No, that’s fine.” Bucky found his voice. “I just didn’t expect you to be alright with it.” He coughed, uncomfortable.

“I’m not Joe Collins, or the assholes like him. Believe me, I get doing what you have to do to survive. Been there.”

Bucky just nodded, looking relieved and thankful.

Not long after they were all getting settled into the joined beds with Steve in the middle. All three of them in their sleep pants and shirts. Several blankets piled over them. Tony scooted closer to Steve, and when he didn’t object, he closed the remaining distance between them, their sides flush against each other. Bucky did the same on Steve’s other side.

It was nice sharing warmth this way. Tony hadn’t slept next to anyone since Pepper, and while this wasn’t the same, it was comforting. He wondered if Steve or Bucky was all that comfortable with Tony being in bed with them. They’d grown up together, knew everything about the other. It was familiar. Tony was not. But the two men didn’t say anything, their breathing slow and steady.  


“G’ night, Buck.” Steve yawned, “Night, Tony.”

“Good night, Steve,” they both answered. Tony laid there thinking about the past as the other two fell asleep. Considering some of the things Tony had had to do to survive, sharing a bed for warmth really wasn’t that extreme. It was just the bigotry of this era that made this seem like such a big deal.

Tony had made a bullet proof suit with flamethrower arms to survive. Had lived with a painful hunk of metal in his chest as it slowly poisoned him, just to buy himself extra time. He’d pulled Pepper down with him because he couldn’t face his demons on his own, almost getting her killed. Later, she’d almost gone crazy worrying over him, all because he was drowning and wanted to cling to her like a life preserver.

As he began to drift asleep, the thoughts swirled behind his eyelids, the cave with Yinsen, Pepper. God, he was a fuck up, and now he was clinging to Steve and Bucky. If he had any kind of conscience, he’d leave before he ruined them too. They were destined to be heroes. If Tony stayed, he’d corrupt them. Could Captain America exist if Steve Rogers had first been tainted by Tony Stark?

Tony was almost asleep, but his brain provided an answer anyway. A very loud NO.

*****

Tony woke up in the dark, gasping and thrashing against hands that were trying to hold him down under water, hold him down as they carved into his chest and broke bones that were supposed to protect his heart. 

“Tony, you’re alright.” “It’s us.” “You’re safe.”

The strange voices were lying. There was no safe, not here where it was always cold, and they were always watching, ready to hurt him again and again until he broke. Tony didn't want to hurt anymore. He couldn't survive the water again. He thrashed harder.

“Tony wake up!”

His eyes finally snapped opened and slowly focused on a face that was blurred. Was he crying? “Yinsen?”

“No,” the voice sounded cautious, “it’s Bucky.”

Tony shuddered as all the air left his lungs. Right, he… OK. There were no hands trying to hurt him. It was Steve and Bucky, both of whom he could now see looked terrified.

“Yeah, yeah sorry, I…aahh,” he closed his eyes and scrubbed his face, willing the past to disappear, “I just…need a minute.”

They stayed silent as he slowly pulled himself back together but kept their hands on his arm and shoulder, anchoring him. Well this was just perfect. He’d slept fine every night he’d been here only to lose it when they were there to see him in all his lame-ass glory. Wonderful.

“Sorry.” He said again, hiding his face in his hands, because what else could he say? Steve was supposed to be resting, not dealing with Tony’s mental problems.  

“You don’t have anythin' to be sorry over.” It was Steve that spoke this time. “Are you alright?”

He gave a humorless laugh. “Always. Never better.”

“I’m gonna call bullshit on that one.” It was Bucky’s turn to talk, apparently. “You looked like you were fighting for your life.”

“Something like that.” He sighed, finally lowering his hands to look at them again.  “I can’t believe I did that. I thought I had it under control.” _Think again, Tony_.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Steve asked tentatively.

He shook his head. “It’s not important. I’ll be fine.”

“Tony,” Bucky’s voice was firm, “talk to us.”

Tony looked at the earnest faces of the young men. Both waiting patiently for him to explain himself, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t…

“It was the cave.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “I, I was back in the cave. After it happened, I had nightmares all the time. I’d wake up and think I was still there, about to die.”

“What did they…what happened?” Steve’s voice was low, barely above a whisper.

“We were ambushed.” Tony gulped, remembering. “The soldiers around me were shot before they could run five steps. Bombs were falling. I was trying to get to safety when one went off right in front me. I caught the shrapnel in my chest.”

Bucky inhaled but didn’t say anything.

 “I blacked out. The next thing I remember was waking up screaming, strapped down on a dirty cot while they were cutting me open, breaking my ribs to remove the metal fragments. All I could do was scream and wish I’d never woke up.”

“Jesus, Tony.” “Oh, my God.”

“After, when they were sure I wasn’t going to die, they tried to force me to help them. I refused so they tortured me. Held me under water and drowned me. They did that for days. They beat me, starved me, threw me in a dark hole where I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face. They left me there until I thought I’d go crazy or die from dehydration.”

“And they had you for months?” Bucky asked, voice filled with pain, and Tony almost lost it. Here he was crying about three months of torture that made what Bucky would someday go through look like stubbed toe. He wanted to rage at the unfairness of it all.

But he just nodded, “Three months.”

“Shit, Tony, how did you get out of there?”

“I agreed to help them.”

Their faces transformed with shock. “What…what did they want?” Steve’s voice was hoarse.

“They wanted me to build weapons .” Their eyes went wide. “I think you both know by now that I made a very valuable captive. I can build _anything_ if I have the right tools and parts. So I built a weapon, a new weapon.” This was the most honest he’d ever been with them, and, subject matter aside, it felt good.

“I began working on something different than what they’d seen before, and they were so greedy they didn’t stop to really inspect it. I built a powerful weapon,” Tony smirked at the thought, “and used it to try to kill every single one of them as I blasted my way out of that godforsaken pit.”

“Wow,” Steve breathed, “you rescued yourself.” Bucky’s eyes were like saucers.

“The plan only half worked. There were two of us being held in the cave, but the other guy, he didn’t make it. He ended up getting killed trying to buy me some time.” Tony’s heart ached at the memory. His only friend in that hell, lying on the ground covered in dust, body riddled with bullets.

“Yinsen?” Bucky asked softly, correctly guessing at the name Tony had called out when he’d woken.

“Yeah, I found him in a tunnel. He’d been shot several times. He saved my life, told me not to waste it.” He scrubbed his eyes. “God, my face keeps leaking! He, he saved me and…”

He huffed a breath, aggravated with himself.

“He saved you,” Steve finished for him, “and now you live your life helping and saving other people.”

Tony shook his head. “You don’t get it. I’m still that man. I’m just trying to survive. Everything I’ve done has been to escape the fear, to make sure I’m never hurt and scared like that again. I’m just trying to survive.”

And as he said it, Tony knew it was true. Building the suit to fight terrorists? It wasn’t noble. It was preemptive defense. A way to get them before they got him. The arc reactor? It wasn’t about clean, sustainable energy for all. It was to keep his heart beating. It was a great source of power that he could use and not have to depend on an outside party for that power. Joining the team and inviting them to live in the tower? They were security guards. The most powerful beings in the world living onsite to help defend him.

Just like he was using Steve and Bucky now _. I’m just selfish and a coward._

“No, Tony,” Bucky said firmly, “You’re one of the least selfish people I’ve ever met.”

Had Tony said that last part out loud?

“You help _everybody._ You stood against four men to defend Steve when you didn’t even know him, and you think you’re a coward? You’ve done more for us than I can even…and you act like it’s nothing. Like it’s no big deal that you’ve made our lives better, so many people’s lives. You’re brilliant, and instead of trying to nickel and dime everyone to get rich, you work for _practically nothing_ so they can have heat and still afford to feed their family. Just because you end up getting something in return for the work you do doesn’t make you selfish.”

“You don’t really know me, Bucky.” And how could he, when Tony had lied since he’d met them? “The way I grew up, the way I lived, I was a spoiled, selfish asshole. I drank and partied and slept with whoever I wanted, did whatever I wanted while not giving a shit about the people I used in the process. I used them to feel better so I didn’t have to think about what a fuck-up I am. So I didn’t have to think about my dad getting drunk and beating on me because I was a disappointment. So I didn’t have to deal with him cursing at me and calling me useless and a…” _faggot_ , but Tony stopped himself, “when he hit me so hard once he broke my jaw.”

Howard had been livid when he’d found Tony and his boyfriend fooling around in Tony’s room. He’d sent Tony away the next day, early enrollment at a new school.  

“You’re right about one thing, Tony.” Steve said. “Your father really was an asshole.” He took a deep breath. “But you’re wrong about everything else. I can’t imagine what it was like to go through any of that, but whoever you were when you were younger, you’re not that person anymore. And I think that what you had to suffer through is payment enough for the mistakes you’ve made, especially when you’re still suffering from it.”

Bucky nodded in agreement and hesitantly asked, “Is your chest alright? We’ve seen you rubbing it sometimes. You don’t even seem to notice you do it.”

“My heart and lungs are damaged.” Tony shrugged. “I’ve had some surgeries since then, and after the last one, I’m about as good as I’ll ever get.”

It was quiet for a while. None of them really knowing where to go from there until Steve timidly reached an arm out and drew him into a hug. Bucky followed almost immediately. After a moment Tony melted into them, taking in their silent comfort that was better than any words could ever be as they reassured him that he was safe. He wasn’t alone. He wasn’t being judged.

It should have been awkward. They were in bed wearing their pajamas. It wasn’t, though, and he had to stop himself from openly crying again. He’d never had this. Not with Pepper. Not with anyone. For the first time in nearly two months, Tony wasn’t sure he wanted to go home. He didn’t think he could give this up. He’d trade the future, his fortune and his life to keep this as long as he could.

Because this, what he was feeling, was priceless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened. Tony finally let himself feel the weight of his emotions. It's a good thing Steve and Bucky had his back; however he still has miles to go. Tony's life philosophy is emotional repression, but don't worry, we'll soon be back to the fluff. And dare I say a dash of smut?
> 
> Also, what Tony did for Steve is what I found for treating an asthma attack without an inhaler. Remove stress, calm the person, hot caffeinated beverage and inhaling eucalyptus oil until emergency medical treatment arrives. Well, they didn't have emergency treatment for asthma back then. Medical science didn't acknowledge it as an actual physical illness until the 1960s. From the 1930s to the 1950s in particular, it was seen as a psychological disorder brought on by stress or depression. 
> 
> Psychologists even attributed the wheezing of an attack as a mental projection of a baby crying for its mother. So these doctors would basically talk to asthmatics about their problems as a treatment for a lung condition. And poor Steve was too impoverished to even afford that bullshit. 
> 
> Also, Tony got eucalyptus because when vaporized in an area, it can: boost the immune system; help with allergies, headaches and sore throats; improve respiratory circulation; fight bacterial, viral and fungal infections; reduces pain and inflammation. Sounds like something Steve should have around the house.


	5. Dates, Dancing and Dirty Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tries to socialize and sabotages himself. He and Steve have quality bonding time, and we finally learn more about Bucky's filthy mouth. Basically, the title says it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! I'm back with the chapter I promised. Real life has been wearing me down at work, it's a busy time of year for us, so thanks again for all of your patience and support. Every comment makes me smile. You guys are the best. 
> 
> Also, it was brought to my attention that the term '"check" or "checker" was not fully explained. Simply put, it means a dollar. I firmly believe that Steve should only use the word buck when he is talking to his gorgeous roommate. He believes that too, at least he does in my head.
> 
> This is me dipping my toe into the smut, but unfortunately we won't be fully diving in for several more chapters. Which is good because writing smut is HARD. And me being an idiot, decided to write an explicit polyamory story for my first time writing. But rest assured it is coming, and it will be the longest chapter to post by the time it arrives since I'm trying to reward your patience through this slow burn.

The weather stayed cold over the next few days, but didn’t reach the freezing temperatures they’d had for Thanksgiving. Tony had woken the next morning feeling embarrassed over his melodrama from the night before, but Steve and Bucky had said nothing about it upon waking. They’d smiled and talked like they usually did over breakfast, letting the subject rest and giving Tony the peace he’d needed to recover from the emotional event.

He knew they were curious. He’d catch one of them looking at him, or they would appear to be having one of their silent conversations; however they didn’t press him for more. Which was good because he didn’t think he could talk about it yet. Or ever. He’d already shared too much.

Tony had crafted a life for himself here.  He’d had to adapt and become someone else. Someone Steve and Bucky would want to be around. The problem was that as more time went by, he’d started to forget it was a persona. He’d genuinely begun to change, and he’d _really_ begun to care for the two other men.

It had come so naturally, too. He couldn’t recall having such an easy friendship. Rhodey was his best friend, for sure, but it was kept together mostly through Rhodey forgiving Tony of his shit and choosing to love him anyway.

Rhodey would not have let last night slide. He’d be hounding Tony to talk more about it and offering unasked for advice. He’d be doing it out of love, yeah, but it would just end up in an argument with Tony feeling caged and frustrated, ready to lash out.

Steve and Bucky obviously cared, but they afforded him the option of dealing with it on his own. Tony appreciated that more than he could say. Throughout his life people had treated him like he wasn’t capable of making his own decisions. He would be the first person to admit that he sometimes made horrible decisions, but he was a grown man and they were his bad decisions to make.

Steve and Bucky were giving him the normalcy he needed right now, without judgement. They teased each other and traded playful insults like always as Tony helped himself to much needed coffee and listened to their antics. He felt something settle in his chest. This was what trust felt like. This was respect.

***

 It was Saturday, and Tony was walking back from the hardware store with his most recent purchase. He’d been scrounging spare parts for a couple of weeks now, and he was just about ready to begin work on his newest creation. He was going to build them a washing machine. They had them out there, but they were primitive and expensive. Tony knew his would work a hell of a lot better; he’d just needed the materials to create his masterpiece. Steve was going to shit a brick. Those hands of his should be sketching beautiful, naughty pictures, not scrubbing dirt out of their laundry.

He stopped by the corner grocery to pick up a few apples and some sugar. Steve had a recipe from his mother that made the best damn pie Tony had ever tasted, and he was going to beg or bribe Steve to make it again for him. Tony smirked, his internal voice sounding dirty at the thought of _eating Steve Rogers apple pie_. Yeah, he was twelve at heart.

He looked up from the apples and saw a young woman looking back at him. Her soft red lips turned up into a smile. Dark blonde curls fell around her shoulders, the color complimented by the green dress she wore. A dress that matched her eyes. Tony realized she’d mistaken his smirk as a friendly smile.

“Good day, miss.” Tony was getting good at the polite thing people in this time were so big on.

“Mister Stark,” she murmured and nodded toward him. “I hope you’re well.”

Tony was getting pretty well known around the neighborhood, hell through most of the borough really. It wasn’t surprising that she knew him, but as he looked at her he realized he’d seen her around a lot. She must live nearby if she was in the local store.

“My day just got better seeing your pretty smile.” He winked, throwing her a cheeky grin. Tony was a flirt. Sue him.

She blushed but looked delighted. “I’m sure your day would have been just as nice without it.” She really had a sweet way about her.

“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re far too lovely to believe that.”

She grinned. “I’ve seen you in here a lot, but I didn’t know you could be this charming, at least when you’re not trying to sweet talk a free licorice lace from Edna.”

Edna was the owner’s wife who sometimes worked behind the counter. Tony would chatter at her until she’d roll her eyes, smile indulgently and grab him a piece of licorice from the jar next to the register. It wasn’t really free. Tony wouldn’t do that. She and her husband had five children to support, but the banter was fun.

“Oh, I’m shameless,” he agreed.

She giggled, a soft feminine sound, though she looked a little nervous after a moment. “Shameless, perhaps, but still charming. I'm surprised you don't find yourself with more friends. You came here from California?”

“That’s right. It’s a bit different here, and I’ve never been very good at making new friends. Wouldn’t even know where to start.” Tony knew that he probably seemed like hermit, only leaving the apartment when he had to, but the less he interacted with people, the less chance he had of doing something inappropriate. He didn’t want to draw too much attention to himself.

“I’ve never seen you at the dance hall. That’s where a lot of singles go to socialize. Your roommates are there every so often, but I never see you with them.”

Tony’s mind was working double time. Was this a casual chat between neighbors? Maybe she was just being friendly and trying to help the poor hermit out of his shell. Or was this a passive suggestion? Did she want him to ask her to the dance hall? It couldn’t be. He didn’t know how old she was, but he knew it was a lot younger than him.

“Wouldn’t be much fun to dance alone,” he reminded her, “and all my old partners are back in California.”

“I would dance with you.” She looked up shyly through her lashes.

Tony gulped. That was a less than passive suggestion. Tony should politely decline. He was going to, but then he thought of  Steve and the rumors he worried about. Tony probably should be seen out with a woman. He just wouldn’t have thought one this _young_ would be offering to help him with that.

“I would be honored to dance with you, but you really don’t want someone like me. I’m a little behind on the newer dances.” _I’m old!_ Is what he really wanted to say.

She bit her bottom lip. “I don’t mind the classics.”

Tony’s Daddy Issues Alarm sounded in his head, and he wondered what to do. Was this socially acceptable in this time? It hardly was in his time, unless the guy was rich, but he wasn’t rich here. He was just Tony Stark, discount repairman.

She was lovely, though. Maybe he should go out and live a little. “May I know your name?”

She smiled again. “It’s Louise. Louise Selby.”

“Lovely name,” he returned the smile. “Louise, would you grant me the privilege of accompanying me to the dance tonight?” God, he felt like he was in a cheesy black and white movie, which he realized he kind of was.

“I’d love to, Mr. Stark.” She was beaming.

“Tony, please, or I’ll be calling you Miss Selby all evening.”

When Tony got back to the apartment, he wondered what the hell just happened. He had a date, a date with someone who was either older than his mother or almost young enough to be his daughter. He didn’t want to think about that too closely.

“Steve?” He called as he slipped out of his shoes.

“In the kitchen.”

“Excellent choice of location,” he said as he crossed the space, “I just happen to have found some apples on my way back, and I think they should be used before they spoil. Why not put them in a pie so they’ll keep?”

Steve laughed as he peeled potatoes at the kitchen table. “That has to be lousiest made up reason to get me to bake a pie I’ve ever heard.”

Tony dropped all pretense, “Please, Steve. I can’t get it out of my head. I’ve dreamt about it three nights in a row now. The first two nights I was just eating the pie. Last night, well, you probably don’t want to know. I’m pretty sure the pie was a minor even if it was consensual.”

Steve shook his head but was still grinning. “Sometimes I wonder what’s really going on in your head. Then I think it’s probably best I don’t know.”

“Your right about that. Most of it would make a sailor blush before having the need to go to confession.”

Steve chuckled. “I’ll make your pie, but only if you promise never to tell me about last night’s dream.”

“Deal,” he said quickly. Thank you American Pie Dream.

At that moment they heard the door. “Stevie? Tony?” They heard Bucky shucking off his shoes.

“In here.” They called together.

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky entered, “got a couple o’ dames lined up for a date tonight. So get out your dancing shoes.”

“Aw, Buck,” Steve nearly whined, “You know I wish you wouldn’t. You don’t have to keep trying to set me up.”

“You need a girl, Stevie, and staying in every weekend isn’t going to get you one.”

“Going out doesn’t get me one either, Buck. You know what’s gonna happen. She’ll take a look at me, and five minutes later she’ll find some other fella to dance with.” Steve said, keeping his eyes on the half peeled potato in his hand.

“Then she don’t deserve you.” Bucky said seriously. “You said you were feeling better so we’re going out. You’re not gonna hide in this apartment.”

Steve’s head whipped up, and his eyes flashed. “I’m not hiding.”

Tony suppressed a shiver. It was these moments when Steve was so much like his Captain America persona that it threw Tony off balance. The stubborn, challenging set of his jaw and determined look in his eyes was something Tony had seen every time they were called out to fight. Steve’s inner strength was stronger than his shield.

Bucky smirked. “Good. Then be ready at seven so we can pick up the girls.”

Steve sighed then looked at him. “Sorry, Tony. I won’t have time to cook dinner and your pie. Can you manage?”

“I can fend for myself, you know.” He said in mock indignation. “But it doesn’t matter anyway. I, uh, have a date tonight too,” he ended sheepishly.

They stared him for a second before Bucky crowed, “Really? That’s great, Tony. With who?”

“Whom.” He corrected out of habit. “Someone I’ve seen at the grocery a few times. Louise Selby.”

Bucky’s jaw dropped. Steve’s eyes rounded before he burst out laughing.

Tony tried not to flinch at the sound as his pride was wounded. “Look, I know I’m too old for her, but I don’t think the laugh track is necessary.”

 Steve abruptly stopped laughing, looking horrified. “No, that’s not what meant! Not at all, Tony, I was laughin’ at Bucky.”

His eyebrows narrowed as he frowned, “Bucky?”

Steve nodded and looked like he was trying to stifle more laughter. “He’s asked her out at least a dozen times, and she’s never given him the time of day.”

Tony chuckled at that. “Well, no offense, Buck, but that makes me feel a tiny bit better. It would make this whole thing even more awkward, and it’s plenty awkward enough.”

They both looked confused at his words. “Why is it already awkward?” Bucky asked.

“Oh, you know, the small fact that I’m probably twice her age. Part of me wonders if this isn’t some kind of joke. Like I’m going to show up at her door, and a group of her friends will be there waiting to laugh at me.”

“Twice her age? She’s the same age as me.” Bucky said as he cocked his head. “Wait, how old are you, Tony? I just realized we never asked.”

“I’m thirty-nine,” actually feeling skeevy at the thought of taking a twenty-one year old out dancing. This old fashioned morality must be corrupting him. He didn’t think he’d have had a problem with it a few years ago.

“Thirty-nine?” Steve actually sounded shocked. “But you, um, you look so…”

“Much older than that?” Tony finished for him. “That’s fair. I partied for the better part of two decades, and the last few years have brought some wear and tear.”

“No,” Steve corrected, “younger than that. Most of the fellas we know who are forty have lines all over their face and rough skin.”

Bucky nodded. “The dock foreman Mr. Talbot is about forty, and he looks much older than you.”

“He probably doesn’t moisturize.” Tony said flippantly.

“Moisturize?” Bucky raised an eyebrow.

“You know, ‘it puts the lotion on its skin’. You have to take care of your skin, it’s your biggest organ. Well, it is for most people anyway, _my_ biggest organ is…”

“Oh, God, stop.” Steve groaned and threw a potato peel at him. “You’re worse than Bucky.”

“Debatable.”

“Seriously though, Tony,” Bucky said to get the conversation back on track. “You look great, and if Louise wants to go dancing with you, I don’t see nothin’ wrong with it. Just one thing, though.”

“What’s that?”

“I wanna hear every detail about it after you leave to walk her home.” Bucky waggled his eyebrows as Steve rolled his eyes behind him.

*****

Tony felt like a fish out of water. He’d picked Louise up at the apartment that he was sure she shared with her parents, a single lily in his hand for her. Because you know, he was a gentleman. They’d exchanged polite words on their walk to the dance hall, where he’d told her they’d be meeting Bucky and Steve with their dates.

The place was in full swing when they’d walked in. Couples were dancing out on the floor to songs by Glenn Miller, Tommy Dorsey and all the other big names he heard on the radio. They’d found Steve and Bucky soon enough.

Their dates were pretty little things, both dressed nice with their hair done up. Bucky’s date was curvy with pale blonde hair. Steve’s was a  brunet who stood several inches taller than him. She also didn’t seem to be paying him any notice as Bucky and Marie? Marian? Went out to the dance floor.

Louise apparently knew Steve’s date (Ann she’d called her), and the two of them spent a few minutes catching up. Tony tuned out their conversation in favor of watching Steve. He was hunched in and looked tired but resigned. Tony nudged him with his shoulder.

“Didn’t know Bucky could dance so well.” He nodded toward the center of the room where Bucky and his date were tearing up the floor to Frankie Masters’ _Scatterbrain_.

Steve gave a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, Buck can really move. You should see him when he’s really showing off.”

Tony felt horrible watching Steve basically being ignored by his date, his discomfort written plainly on his face.

“Tony?” Louise was now talking to him. “Did you want to?” She asked, tilting her head to the dancers across the room.

“Sure, of course,” he answered distractedly, not really wanting to leave Steve.

They walked to the edge of the dancefloor just as another song began. Tony and Louise both started moving as Mildred Bailey’s _I Thought About You_ filled the room. Tony wasn’t too familiar with the steps for this music, but he was a quick study, and Louise was a good dancer. They managed to make it through the first song without incident and followed it up with a plucky attempt at Fats Waller’s slightly goofy _Your Feets Too Big_.

Tony looked out at the tables when the song changed, he saw Steve sitting alone. “Do you mind if we sit this one out?” He found himself asking. “I need to catch my breath. Heart condition,” he explained.

Louise agreed easily enough. Maybe she’d expected her date with an older man would include health problems, or she was just being nice. Tony couldn’t tell. In all honesty he felt fine, he just didn’t want Steve to be alone.

Steve looked up at them as they approached the table. “It’s a little warm in here,” Tony huffed as he sat down. “Too much for an old man’s heart. I wish they had some windows open. The December air would probably feel wonderful.” He gave as an excuse for their early return.

Tony didn’t want Steve to think he was pitying him because he wasn’t. He’d just rather keep Steve company than dance with Louise, and that realization made his stomach drop. Louise was beautiful in her own way. Soft and graceful, funny and kind, he should want to be holding her on the dance floor. He should be flirting and making her laugh that cute giggle of hers, but he didn’t really want to. Not enough to leave Steve, anyways.

The three of them traded comments on the other couples for a little while until Louise said she was going to powder her nose.

As soon as she was gone, Tony turned to his friend. “Are you alright, Steve?”

“I’m fine, Tony.” He answered evenly, finally taking his eyes off the floor. “Are you alright? You said your heart was…”

“Oh, I’m good.” He quickly assured him. “Just not used to dancing anymore.”

Steve silently nodded.

“What happened to Ann?” Tony regretted the words as soon as they’d left his mouth. He knew what had happened, and it pissed him off that Steve had been cast away by the stupid woman.

“She went to powder her nose.” Steve said in that too controlled voice again. “Though I guess she found someone else to talk to on the way.”

And Tony caught sight of her leaning up against a tall, young man with broad shoulders and a shit eating grin. Stupid bitch, his mind supplied. That’s when he saw Louise chatting with another guy not ten feet away from Ann the Bitch. Huh, Tony supposed “I’m going to powder my nose” was this generation’s version of “I think we should see other people”.

He’d apparently been given the brush off, and found that he was more or less OK with that.

“Well, since my date seems to be powdering her nose with that guy who works at the deli, you wanna get the hell out of here? I need coffee. Or scotch. Or both.”

Steve’s small smile met his eyes this time. “Let’s stick to coffee for now.”

“Spoil sport,” but it lacked any conviction. He didn’t really want a drink, hadn’t for a while, and wasn’t that something? They got up, making sure Bucky saw them headed to the door. Tony mimed the universal sign for drinking as he brought his hand to his mouth like he had a cup in it. Bucky frowned, but nodded.

They walked for two blocks until they arrived at a diner that sold the best cup of coffee Tony had found so far in this time. It was fairly crowded, but they found a booth for themselves towards the back. After the waitress had brought them their drinks, coffee for Tony and hot chocolate for Steve, they slowly sipped in companionable silence. Of course it was Tony who spoke first.

“You’re better off without her.”

Steve looked up. “Now you see why I didn’t want to go out tonight. I know Bucky’s trying to help, but,” he shrugged, “I get tired of watching everyone else. And being ignored or left by the gals he finds for me just isn’t as much fun as it used to be.” He tried to joke.

“You’re better off,” he repeated firmly. “Women like that aren’t worth the paper they stuff in their bras. Trust me.”

“Stuff in their bras?” Steve asked slightly scandalized.

Tony nodded. “Oh she was definitely a stuffer. I can spot a pair of falsies from across a room. She didn’t even do a good job. The left one was obviously bigger than the right. It looked like she’d gotten stung by a bee or something.”

Steve looked at him in disbelief before he burst into laughter. Tony smiled at him, pleased with himself for getting the reaction. Steve shouldn’t be worrying about some idiotic dame when he could be here with Tony laughing at his crude jokes. That’s just what he did, too.

Tony was in his element as he told outrageous stories and had Steve laughing so hard that tears were shining in his eyes. Some of the stories were from Tony’s wilder years, and others were the plots of movies that hadn’t been made yet. Steve wouldn’t know the difference.

They sat there for almost two hours, talking and laughing and getting refills. Tony was having the most fun he’d had on a date in a long time. The thought stopped him cold.

 _A date?_ Tony swallowed. This wasn’t a date, he reminded himself. This was getting coffee with a friend, with _Steve,_ who was straight and living in 1939 and trusted Tony. Steve, who would probably think he was a pervert for even thinking that. Steve, who was half his age. Maybe Tony was a pervert.

“Tony? Tony?”

He came back out of his thoughts. Steve was looking worried. “You doin' alright?”

“Yeah, fine. Too much coffee, maybe.” He gave a self-depreciating chuckle. “You almost ready to head home?”

Steve smiled warm and bright. Tony realized it was the first time he’d ever called their apartment home. “Yeah, let’s go.”

They walked into the apartment. Both of them quiet because the walls were thin, and they didn’t want to wake the neighbors. Tony was headed to his couch and Steve to the bathroom when they heard a woman moan. It was followed by a man’s voice murmuring words too low to hear. Both their heads whipped around to look at the bedroom door.

It sounded like Bucky’s date wasn’t over yet. Tony awkwardly looked at Steve. Who looked just as awkward but shrugged, like this was something of a usual occurrence. Steve just sighed quietly and went over to the couch where Tony was still standing. He grabbed his sketchpad and started doodling, obviously trying to ignore the sounds still coming from the other room.

Tony hesitated then sat next to him before picking up his own notepad. He gotten it a few weeks before and had been writing down schematics, ideas and equations as they came to him. It worked well enough, but it was no JARVIS.

Another moan had Tony struggling to remember what he’d been about to write as his dick twitched in interest. Fuck. The last thing he needed was to catch wood while listening to Bucky screw some girl when Steve was sitting next to him. He shifted a little, thinking of dead puppies and Justin Hammer and the Hulk’s naked ass he’d seen that one time.

 _Yes, please_ The woman’s voice breathlessly pleaded. _James, James yes, right there, more_

Bucky’s voice was loud enough to be heard now. _So good, Marie, so sweet and wet, clutching my fingers, I could tongue you for hours_

Tony sincerely hoped this wouldn’t take hours. He hadn’t been laid in forever and this was almost cruel.

 _James! Please, please, I’m going to…_ A high pitched moan cut off her words, and Tony was now at full mast. Perfect.

He tried to subtly look over at Steve and noticed his pencil wasn’t moving anymore and his breathing was a little fast. Tony realized his was too.

 _You ready for me, sweet thing? I’m gonna make ya feel so good_. Bucky’s voice was like liquid sex pouring into Tony’s veins and making his heart race even faster.

This shouldn’t make him this hot. Hell, he’d watched people have sex in front of him, been in a couple of orgies, pushed the limits of his own sexuality more times than he could count, and it had almost never gotten him to this level of arousal so quickly. Maybe it was because the couple having sex didn’t know he was listening. Or because Steve was sitting right next to him and he had to try to hide his arousal.

Or maybe he was fucked up enough to get off on the thought of Bucky naked and sweating, talking dirty in that woman’s ear as he prepared to drive himself into her with Steve so close Tony could easily grab him and grind himself against the younger man, relieving this ache until he came. FUCK

 _James!_ And Tony heard the bed squeak as Bucky must have pushed into her, followed by a wanton moan

 _So good, sweet thing_ Bucky groaned breathlessly _So wet for me, so tight, gonna make you purr for me, gonna make you feel so good you’ll purr_

She moaned again as the bed continued to squeak softly.

_Not yet though, first I’m gonna drive you crazy, Gonna make you so far gone you’ll be tearing up my back with your nails just trying to hold on, biting my neck so you don’t scream, you want that, sweet thing?_

Another moan was all that answered.

_You gotta do better than that, Marie_

Oh, God, that voice should be illegal.

_I want to hear you say it, tell me how bad you want it, that you need it, I can feel you shaking, You’re clutching at my dick so tight, so hungry for it, but you gotta say it_

_Please,_ She was gasping _. James, please, I-I want it, I need you, Please, Harder_

_I got you, sweet thing_

And then he really started moving. The squeaking of the bed grew faster and louder as their gasps and moans rose in volume and frequency. The faint sound of flesh slapping flesh echoed through the door that separated them from Tony and Steve.

Steve who seemed to be trying not to squirm. The motion made Tony turn his head, and whatever blood he had left in his brain rushed downward. Steve was looking back at him. His eyes were dark, cheeks flushed and his breathing hard as he met Tony’s gaze. His eyes slowly looked down to Tony’s lap, probably seeing Tony’s erection making a tent in his pants. Tony’s eyes copied the motion and saw Steve’s own physical reaction making his khaki trousers bulge.

Holy Shit! Tony’s eyes flicked back up to Steve’s who was looking like he could come at any moment. He watched as Steve bit down on his bottom lip like he was trying to regain control of himself. Tony’s own control was slipping. He was painfully aroused, not having had sex in almost a year and suddenly feeling every damn minute of it. He hadn’t gone longer than six months without sex since he was fourteen.

The sounds behind them were growing louder, dirtier as Tony and Steve held each other’s eyes. Tony didn’t know what Steve was thinking of. Was his arousal just a simple physical response of pent up frustration mixed with the provocative noises in the other room? Was he only focusing on the woman’s sounds, like porn? Was he looking at Tony to try to control himself by reminding his cock that he wasn’t alone and needed to behave? He couldn’t be affected  by Tony’s arousal, surely?

Tony was about to say ‘fuck it’ and grab his dick, when a long, drawn out moan sounded from the bedroom. The squeaking of the bed stuttered and seconds later Bucky let out a low groan.  The following silence was disturbed only by the sounds of heavy breathing of both the lovers in the room and the two men on the couch.

Steve, looking embarrassed, slowly rose unsteadily to his feet. He motioned to the bathroom awkwardly and mumbled about a shower before he made his way quick and quiet out of the room. The second the door closed, Tony palmed himself through his pants. The sweet friction felt too good on his straining dick, and it wasn’t long before he was biting down on his lip as he came in his pants like a teenager.

His vision blinking out for a second as his blood pounded in his ears. When he slowly came back down, he felt disgusted with himself.

What was wrong with him? Sure, Steve had been aroused too, but he was young and inexperienced and had been listening to a woman in the throes of her passion. Tony had to give it to Marie; she had made some damn sexy sounds and seemed very responsive. It was only natural for Steve to have gotten off on it.

But that’s not what had sent Tony over the edge. Able to think clearly now, he knew that his own lust had less to do with Marie and had been more about Bucky and Steve. The sounds and words Bucky had spoken were seared into his mind. He wanted to watch Bucky using those sinful skills on a willing body, maybe hear his own name spoken in that low rough voice. The look of Steve so turned on had made Tony want to wreck him even further. Slowly take him apart until he was moaning louder than Marie. Begging Tony for more as if he might die without it.

This was a new low. Yeah, in his own time he’d noticed Steve and James’s bodies, had admired the muscles and sharp lines, but this had been different because this was a different Steve and Bucky. They were barely more than teenagers. They’d been so good to Tony, accepting him and treating him like a friend. When Tony had had literally nothing, he’d had Steve and Bucky. Who he’d lied to and used. Now he wanted to use them even more?

Tony laid down and pulled a blanket over his whole body, hiding his face along with his shame. He could feel the sticky mess cooling in his pants and knew it would be an uncomfortable experience in the morning when he’d go to clean himself. He didn’t care. He deserved it. The dried come would remind him of how inappropriate these thoughts were, and how wrong he’d been to have them.  

He should appreciate what he had. Two friends, who were as kind and loyal as they were, was more than he deserved. The happiness he felt around them was something he should never take for granted. This was what he kept reminding himself as he finally drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I want to send a big thank you to KahunaBurger for taking the time to talk me through the previous problem with my end notes. It's much appreciated!
> 
> Second, I know not a lot happened in this chapter and it may seem filler-y, but pieces of it will come into play in later on.
> 
> I will try to have the next chapter up by Sunday, which I am excited/nervous about because it's probably my favorite chapter so far. Wishing all of you nothing but the best!


	6. Holiday Gifts and Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's December, and the season is filled with surprises and fluff. There's sad news and exciting news. And a washing machine!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters. The boys deserve some holiday fluff. They do say Merry Christmas because Steve and Bucky are Irish Catholic. I still snuck in some plot advancement and character development.

Another two weeks pass, and Tony had been making good on his promise to himself. He doesn’t let his thoughts wander inappropriately, he doesn’t stare at Bucky’s muscled arms and trim waist. Or Steve’s compelling eyes and graceful hands. He. Does. Not.

He works, rebuilding and repairing tech all over the neighborhood as his reputation spreads. People exclaiming that he doesn’t just fix their things, he improves them. After Tony Stark gets his hands on something, it works better than it had when they’d bought it.

This morning that glowing reputation had come to fruition. He was practically bouncing as he walked to their apartment, so full of good news and good feeling that he was liable to burst. When he’d been approached by the senior physician at the hospital, he’d been expecting a good job that paid well. The man was the chief of medicine; he could afford to pay for quality work. Tony had gotten so much better than a crisp ten dollar bill and a thank you. He just couldn’t wait to tell Steve, and then later Bucky after he got home from work.

As he walked in to their apartment, however, the song he was whistling died on his lips. His first thought was surprise that Bucky was already home. He’d normally be at the docks for several more hours, but then he finally took in the full scene.

Bucky was hunched over on the couch looking like he was desperately trying not to cry. Steve sat next to him, looking lost at what to do for his best friend. Tony’s heart stuttered.

“Oh God, Bucky,” he breathed as he rushed over, “what happened? Are you alright? Did you get hurt?” Tony was going to kill the bastard that hurt him.

Bucky shuddered and closed his eyes as if in pain, and Tony’s worry increased. He squatted down in front of the younger man and hesitantly put his hand on the side of his neck trying to soothe him. Bucky leaned into the touch and let out a shuddered breath before he opened his eyes. They were red rimmed and wet.

“What happened?” Tony repeated softly.

“I lost my job.” His voice was so small, almost in shock. “They laid off ten of us.” He squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head, ashamed.

Tony’s chest clenched around his heart. He knew what this would mean to Bucky, how it would affect him. Bucky was a doer, a provider. He’d dropped out of his last year of school to help support Steve. When they’d had no friends or family to help them, Bucky had worked himself half to death to feed them and keep the roof over their heads. Because of that Tony knew Bucky wasn’t worrying about himself, he was worried about Steve. Who’d been sick again since Thanksgiving and had needed a rather expensive medicine to recover with.

“Bucky,” he tried quietly, but the brunet wouldn’t meet his eyes. So he made his voice firmer, sounding like a parent that expected an answer. “James.”

Bucky lifted his eyes, and Tony thought of how vulnerable he looked. “Tony, I…I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do.”

“You’re going to be fine.” He said without a hint of doubt, like he could see the future and knew it would be so. “It’s going to work out. You don’t have to worry because I’m going to take care of this until you find another job.”

Bucky shook his head. “It’s not your job to pay my way, Tony. You do so much already.”

“It’s not your job to take everything on yourself, either.” Tony corrected him. “You’ve worked hard for years. You’ve taken on so much. You’ve got a lot to be proud of. This isn’t your fault, James. You haven’t failed. You just need some time to figure this out. Let me help you. This isn’t you asking, this is me offering. Friends can do that for each other.”

Bucky let out a shaky exhale as he melted a little more against the hand on his neck, taking the comfort Tony offered. It was done less out of dejection and more out of relief and acceptance. He was showing his faith in Tony, his belief that Tony really would take care of this. Of Steve. Of Bucky. Tony’s chest warmed. This was something he knew he could do, was good at. He’d provided for his teammates back home. Allowed them to live without the worry of paying bills. Buying them things that he knew they’d enjoy so they could destress and just live for a moment like normal people who deserved to be happy.

Bucky deserved that, and so did Steve. Tony had this.

He met Steve’s eyes and was stunned by the look of gratitude he saw there. Tony knew Steve often felt like a burden to Bucky, and it usually ate at his pride being a grown man that relied on his friend for so much knowing the weight it put on Bucky’s shoulders. Tony had relieved Bucky of that weight and let him feel taken care of for once in his life. Steve mouthed a soft ‘thank you’ before he turned back to his friend and put his hand on his shoulder.

“We’re going to be alright.” Tony continued to say, rubbing his thumb along the younger man’s throat to keep soothing the frayed nerves he still sensed under the surface. “I’ve been working more than ever. It seems as though the good folk of Brooklyn can’t get enough of me,” he said pompously and earned a watery chuckle from them. “The only downside is that I won’t be able to get my own place soon, so I guess you’re both stuck with me a little while longer,” he joked.

They didn’t laugh.

“We’re not _stuck_ with you, Tony,” Steve frowned, “we _want_ you here. We just know it can’t be fun for you sleeping on a couch and sharing a tiny space with us.” Bucky nodded along with Steve’s words.

It was Tony’s turn to be uncertain. “I’ve interrupted your lives and taken over half of your home. I know I’m not the easiest person to live with, to be around. I’m pretty sure I have that in writing somewhere.”

“Then whoever said that was talkin’ out their ass.” Bucky finally spoke. “These past two and a half months have been fun. You’re fun to be around Tony. Most days I couldn’t wait to come home and hear some of the crazy stories you come up with or some of the dirtiest jokes I’ve ever heard. And listen to you talk about the books you’ve been readin’ or the places you’ve been.”

Steve nodded, “We don’t see how you put up with _us,_ two low-class, uneducated misfits. We expected you to run outta here the first chance you got, but you just kept using your money to help us here instead of finding your own place. And we were so grateful, but we just kept waiting for you to have enough. We felt like we were _using you_ and sooner or later you’d see it.”

“You’ve rebuilt what seems like half of the apartment,” Bucky said, “and I know you’ve been collecting parts for somethin' else.”

“That was supposed to be a surprise,” Tony muttered, thinking of the nearly finished washing machine he was keeping in the basement, and earned two smiles.

“You insist on buying most of the food,” Bucky continued. “You say it’s only fair because you don’t cook, but that’s not true anymore. You help Steve cook almost every night and then help with the cleanup. It’s why we won’t take your money for the rent. You do enough.”

“I thought,” Tony struggled to voice the thoughts that had been in the back of his head for over two months. “I thought you didn’t let me pay rent because you didn’t want me to have a claim here. I’m a guest. This is your home.”

They both looked upset at his words, almost pained that Tony had come to that conclusion.

“This is your home, too,” Steve said, voice so sincere it left no room for doubt. “For as long as you want, we want you here.” His stare wavered for a second as his voice faltered. “You might not want to for long, though. Winter’s only started, and I’ll probably get sick again. And again. It’s a lot to deal with, and most of my money will go to doctors.”

“No, it won’t,” Tony interrupted, remembering the good news he’d been coming back to share earlier.

“You can’t keep paying for my doctor’s bills, Tony,” Steve was shaking his head, building himself up to argue, “not on top of everything else.”

 “I won’t have to.” Tony stopped him. “I had actually come home to tell you. This morning I went to the hospital to repair one of their ventilators. The chief of medicine was so impressed by how quickly I got it working, he offered me a contract. They want to use me exclusively when their equipment needs repairs or maintenance. I worked it out with him that I’d do all the work they needed in exchange for free health care. For you. Well, Bucky and I would get it too, but that’s just a bonus. Medicine is included, too.”

Steve and Bucky looked stunned.

“You can’t just work there for free, Tony.”

“It’s not free, it’s mostly a trade.” He corrected. “I'll still get paid, just a lower amount with the implied healthcare benefits, and I’ll still be working odd jobs around the neighborhood, but I’ll be on call for when the hospital needs me. I might even get more jobs with the hospital staff if any of their appliances break down. It’s a win-win for everybody.”

They both stared at him quietly for a moment, until Bucky finally broke out with, “I can’t believe you think you’re not worth being around. I swear I’d like to find the idiots who made you think that and kick their asses.” Steve nodded, looking serious.

“Well, their either too far away or too dead,” Tony reasoned, “so I say we go find some pizza instead. All of this emoting has made me want something covered in grease and cheese. Maybe washed down with a soda.”

The boys faces broke into smiles, they knew how uncomfortable serious emotions made him. They were sweet like that. As they got up to get their coats, Tony added, “I hope you don’t think this is free, Steve.”

Steve looked at him, confused.

“I expect another pie to be baked by the time I get home tomorrow.”

The sound of their laughter was a sweet relief after the painful scene he’d come home to. As they walked out to go to the boys’ favorite pizza joint, Tony felt settled. Their revelations had soothed a lot of his worries. They honestly liked him, liked him for himself, not because he was Iron Man or the fact that was rich or famous. They wanted him around, wanted him to stay.

Walking along the sidewalk, he noticed the Christmas decorations in people’s windows and on store fronts. It was less than two weeks away. He’d never been big on Christmas. He’d never had reason to be. But as he thought of it now, it seemed like a great idea. Decided, he would create a great Christmas with food and presents and a tree. They had already given Tony so much, much more than they knew. He wanted to celebrate and give something back to his friends.

The other two talked lightly as they walked through the cold December air, unaware that Tony was silently planning to make the yuletide gay, um…happy. Tony sighed.

*****

It was Christmas eve. Steve and Bucky had been sleeping for a half hour as Tony quietly got up from the couch. He stealthily moved across the living room headed for the door. As noiselessly as he could, he snuck out of the apartment and began the long walk down the stairs to the basement where he’d stashed his holiday gifts. First he brought up the tree. It wasn’t anything special, but it was green and prickly and would hold some garland and tinsel. That’s all Tony could ask for.

On his second trip, he brought up the presents and decorations. On his third trip, he stopped on the second floor and knocked on a door that looked identical to their own aside from the number on it. A man opened it.

“Right on time.” The man was Michael Walsh. Tony had talked to him a few times over the last couple of months and made an agreement with him that for his help with this, Tony would build toys for his three children for Christmas. It was a good deal for both of them. “I just finished wrapping the gifts.”

 “I hope they like them.” Tony said as they made their way down the stairwell.

“Are you jokin’? They’re gonna go crazy over 'em. I can’t believe you made those little robots, just like the ones in the department store.” Michael marveled.

Tony wanted to say that he’d built far more impressive robots than the little wind-up toys he’d thrown together, but of course, he couldn’t. “I just appreciate your help with this. I’d have probably thrown my back out if I’d tried to carry it by myself.”

“No trouble at all.” Michael waved it off. He was good man who worked hard for his family, and from what Tony had seen, he was a good father to his children who seemed to adore him.

They carried the washing machine he’d finally finished that week up four flights of stairs. It was a Christmas miracle that they were able to bring it in and set it down without waking the two men sleeping in the other room. Tony walked Michael down to his apartment to get the final surprise.

“Tell Rose that I really appreciate this.” He said as he grabbed the item from the other man.

“Not as much as we do. You bought the supplies.”

Tony shrugged. “Well, this is one of those things that I can’t make and wouldn’t even try without the fire department present.”

Michael chuckled but added in a serious tone, “You’re doing a real nice thing, ya know?”

Tony shifted awkwardly. “It’s just a holiday surprise.”

The other man shook his head. “Not just that. What you’re doing for those boys? It’s more than most would, and I’m glad ya are. They’ve had a hard lot in life, most folks have, but they never complain. They don’t cause trouble running ‘round town. It’s good of you to look after ‘em.”

“They’re the ones who helped me.” He said as if it was obvious. Most people knew his story. A man who’d lost it all just as he’d moved into the city and was taken in out of pity by the two boys who’d had little to spare.

“That’s why they deserve it.” Michael said simply. “Those two don’t have a bad spot in em’. It’s good to know someone’s lookin’ out for them. Merry Christmas, Tony.”

He held out his hand and Tony shook it. “And to your family, as well.”

Tony spent the next couple of hours preparing for the morning, getting everything ready so his surprise would go off without a hitch. It was just after one in the morning when he finally settled down on his sofa to go to sleep, looking forward to when the boys would wake and have a real Christmas to celebrate.

He woke early, energized despite the lack of sleep with the excitement of getting things started. He went to the kitchen and started taking out the food he’d prepped late last night. God, he’d come so far. Three months ago he could barely cook an egg, now he was cooking Christmas lunch.

An hour or so later, the bedroom door opened, and he watched as the two came into the living room only to freeze in surprise at the sight of the decorations and tree.

“Merry Christmas!” He called out, and they spun around to see him in the kitchen covered in flour and stirring a pot over the stove.

“Tony, what…?” “How did you…”

“It’s a surprise, so SURPRISE!” He waved his hands, brandishing the spoon he’d been using and smiling at their shared looks of disbelief.

“You got us tree?”

“You’re cooking?”

“When did you do this?”

“You’re _cooking_?”

“Yes. Yes. Last night. And yes.” He smiled as he went back to stirring the gravy he’d been making. “There’s breakfast on the table. This all won’t be ready for a while; some of the vegetables need time to cook down, and I still have to wait for the main course to finish baking.”

They just continued to look at him. So many emotions flitting over their faces that he had a hard time reading them all. He was starting to get worried when they finally crossed the room and came into the kitchen. They looked at the pancakes on the table then at the pots Tony was tending to on the stove.

Bucky shifted on his feet. “Tony, how long have you up? This must have taken hours.” Steve’s wide eyes were scanning over everything as he silently agreed with him.

“I set a lot of it up last night after you went to bed.” Tony shrugged. “It was the only way to make it a surprise.”

“You didn’t need to go through all this trouble, Tony.” Disbelief still filling Steve’s voice. “We weren’t expecting anything.”

“I know,” he said easily, “but I wanted to. It’s been a tough year. For all of us. And I never had the Christmas thing growing up. I think I spent less than five actual holidays with my parents so I wanted this. I get to eat and sing songs and celebrate with my friends. It’s really very selfish me when you think about it.”

“I don’t think anything about this is selfish, Tony,” Bucky was shaking head, “but it sure looks and smells great.”

“Thank you, I was a little worried what with me being by myself in the kitchen, but there’s only been one small fire…Kidding!” He said at their panicked looks. “Just kidding, trying to lighten the mood although now I can see that suggesting a house fire was not the way to go with that.”

He set down the spoon and turned off the fire beneath his boiling potatoes. “Please eat. I’m so out of my element here you have to meet me half way and act normal.”

This got him two grins before they went to the table and did as he asked. Tony continued to flit around the kitchen as Steve and Bucky mmm’d around their breakfast. Not eating as much as normal, they were clearly saving room for the lunch Tony was preparing.

He’d just about finished the hands-on part, and all there was to do now was wait when the two had finished eating.

“So, present time!” He clapped his palms together.

The stunned looks returned to their faces, and Tony knew where this was going so he cut them off.

“No objections. No buts. I did this because I wanted to. I’m Tony Stark, and I do what I want so get your asses in gear, boys.” He grabbed his coffee mug and walked over to the couch, flopping down and trying not to spill his drink. Damn his feet were tired from all that standing in the kitchen. He felt like a housewife.

Steve and Bucky followed before stopping between him and the tree, both looking like they weren’t really sure what to do now.

“Steve,” Tony began as he blew a stream of air across the hot liquid before he took a sip, “your presents are the blue ones. Bucky, yours are the red.”

“Tony…” “I don’t…”

“No objections.” He repeated. “Do you know how long it took me to wrap those? For like, ever. I’d never wrapped a present in my life, which is also why it looks like they were done by a blind gorilla. Just please, open them?”

They shared one of those looks of theirs, a silent conversation happening in a matter of moments, before turning to the presents under the tree. Tony tried to act calm when he was really nervous and uncomfortable on the inside. He hoped this was OK. He’d been prone to overdoing things in the past. (re. ridiculously huge stuffed rabbit, sorry Pepper) In the end his fears proved unnecessary.

Steve exclaimed over the new sets of charcoals, pastels and pencils he received. The premium sketchbooks of thick paper that the man at the store had assured Tony would add to the quality of the artist’s work, and the leather-bound portfolio cover was embossed with his initials. It would be perfect for protecting his sketches as he carried them around the city. He’d also received a new (and warmer) coat.

Bucky smiled at the new bottle of cologne and hair pomade, both his favorite brands, along with the new hat Tony had gotten him because that man looked damn fine wearing one. Tony also got him a new lunch pail and work boots for “when you get your new job” Tony told him because he wanted Bucky to know that he had faith in him.

He’d also gotten them two new shirts and a belt for each of them because it was nice to feel good about what you wore sometimes.

They just kept thanking him, not really believing that he would have gone through all this trouble over them. It made Tony’s heart swell at their happiness, but ache at the same time to think of how little kindness their lives had given them if a few modest gifts meant so much.

He saw when Bucky’s eyes kept drifting over the large object in the corner that was covered by a sheet.

“Tony, what is that?” He asked with equal parts curiosity and caution. “You didn’t buy anything else, did you?”

“Nope,” he said, making his lips pop around the p. “I made it. If one of you would do the honors,” he motioned with his hand.

Steve went over to the large gift and tentatively pulled the sheet off. “Tony, is that? It looks like a…”

“Washing Machine.” He finished for him. “Again, it’s purely selfish because now I don’t have to help hand wash laundry,” he grinned.

Both their jaws dropped.

“Holy shit! Tony, you made a washing machine!” Bucky looked floored.

Tony just nodded. “I’m calling it the Mark 1.” He smiled at his private joke. “I’ll install it later today after we eat. There should be just enough room in the corner of the kitchen.”

He was readying himself for the protests, the exclamations on how it was too much that would turn into sincere gratitude. What he wasn’t ready for was Steve, who just crossed the room, sat next to Tony and threw his arms around him in a hug. Now it was Tony who looked floored. He was so touched but unsure of what to do with the affection that he went to look to Bucky for help. He was surprised again when Bucky wrapped him in another hug from the other side.

It was nice, he thought. It reminded him of the night of Thanksgiving after he’d woken from his nightmare and shared his pathetic story with them. The support surrounding him on both sides, the affection that was so palpable he felt like he could literally breathe it in. But now it was laced with something else, something he had a hard time defining.

“You’re,” Steve began, voice a little muffled, “you’re amazing, Tony.” He felt Bucky nod silently against him. “Even without everything else, I can’t believe you built something like that out of scraps.”

“It’s really not that impressive. You should have seen some of things I’ve built out of scraps in the past. It once saved my life.”

Bucky and Steve pulled back but didn’t quite let go.

“You really are a genius, Tony.” Bucky said in an awed voice.

“It’s more of a curse than blessing, really.” Tony said, uncharacteristically humble. “My mind never stops, and I have almost no natural social skills, I’ve had to learn to fake my way through those for most of my life. I’m also told it’s made me narcissistic, and that I don’t play well with others.” He chuckled.

“Again Tony, who are these people that said this?” Bucky asked.

“To be fair they were right about that,” Tony conceded, “but I’d like to believe I’ve gotten better about it in the past couple years.”

“I can imagine it would be easy to _appear_ narcissistic,” Steve mused, “when you’re so much smarter than everyone around you. It’s gotta be tiring sometimes, feeling like you have to wait for everyone to catch up.”

Yes! Tony thought. That’s exactly how it was, like he was being pulled back to the speed of everyone else. It was equally infuriating and exhausting sometimes. The unexpected empathy left his voice thicker than it should be. “No one’s ever tried to see it from my point of view. They just think I’m an asshole.”

“I think we’re the assholes.” Steve said. “You did all of this for us, and we didn’t even think that we should do something for Christmas. We just never really have since we’ve been on our own.”

“You couldn’t have known,” he corrected. “I meant this as a surprise.”

“I still wish I could of gotten you something.” Steve said, guiltily.

“Pie, Steve. Any form of thanks can be given in pie. You like your presents? Pie. If I hold the door for you? Pie. Pass the salt? Pie. It’s universal.”

Steve laughed at this, but Bucky looked troubled. “I can’t bake like Stevie.”

Tony’s heart broke a little at the shame in Bucky’s voice. He knew Bucky couldn’t get him a present in return because he wasn’t working anymore.

“I don’t know what I can do besides housework, and I’ve already been doing that.”

Tony opened his mouth to say that Bucky could walk around without his shirt more often, but caught himself just in time. Yeah, that probably wouldn’t be taken very well, and Bucky would end up giving him a black eye for Christmas.

“You can dance.” And Tony’s mind did not wander with the different possibilities of getting Bucky to dance for him. Nope. No half-naked lap dances here.

Bucky frowned, looking confused. “What does that have to do…”

“You could teach me.” And then his mind was off, thinking of scenes from Dirty Dancing. Bucky was Jennifer Grey, of course, because let’s face it, Tony’s too old to be crawling across the floor of a dance studio. “I mean, you know I’m not really up on all the new moves people are using nowadays. I saw you at the dance hall. You’re a natural.”

Bucky looked doubtful. “I dunno. I’ve only ever tried teaching Stevie, and it didn’t go so well.”

Steve snorted. “That’s cuz I’ve got two left feet, Buck. It’s not that ya couldn’t teach me.”

Bucky chuckled then looked at Tony sheepishly. “I, yeah, I could do that.”

“Excellent! Now I won’t look like an old man with epilepsy next time I go out.”

“Tony, you’re not old.” “You were dancing just fine.” They both said at once.

“It’s probably a moot point anyway.” Tony shrugged. “I don’t see myself getting asked out again any time soon, but hope springs eternal!” He looked past them to the kitchen. “In the meantime I believe lunch is almost ready. Well, more like Christmas brunch.”

He got up and hurried off to the kitchen, trying to shake off the serious tone that things had taken. How they had gone from a simple opening of presents to that mushy display, he didn’t know. It seemed to be a normal occurrence around the younger men.

Tony was pleased to see that the small turkey he’d managed to get was almost ready. He began the final steps for the side dishes.

“It’s not quite ready, but if you boys want to set the table in the meantime while I finish.” He called out.

Almost forty-five minutes later, the boys were sitting at the table and Tony started piling it with food. “Mince pies. Colcannon, an Irish must have.  Soda Bread if I didn’t screw it up, smothered greens with bacon, cranberry sauce, gravy, and” he said as he placed each dish on the table, “a small but hopefully tasty little turkey.”

He looked up from the bronzed bird he’d set at the center. Steve and Bucky were gaping at the spread on the table. “Is it right? I tried to go traditional Irish, but honestly some of the recipes I got from the neighbors were well beyond my level of expertise…”

“Tony, it’s perfect.” Bucky interrupted.

Nodding, Steve said. “It looks wonderful. I haven’t had mince pies since my ma was alive.”

Oh, no pressure there then, Tony thought but didn’t say. Stupid Mrs. O’Grady and her mince pie suggestion.

“Well, let’s dig in before it gets cold. Here,” he went to hand the carving knife to Bucky, who shook his head refusing.

“It’s your turkey, Tony. You should carve.” Steve nodded in agreement.

“Alright,” he accepted, “but just so you know, I’ve never done this before and barely know the difference between this thing’s shoulders and its ass.”

They chuckled as Tony began to carve. It wasn’t so bad. Though he did silently wish for one of those electric carving knives to speed the process along.

After they’d all piled their plates full of food, the two boys looked up at Tony. Their faces full of warmth and gratitude and _love_. This was it, Tony thought. Christmas. He’d gotten the tree and the presents, and it had been fun watching them open their gifts, but this, this was Christmas. He was going eat this wonderful meal with the two most important people in his life. They would talk and make jokes and laugh and forget that yeah, life was hard. Steve would probably get sick again soon. Bucky was still looking for a job. Tony was still stranded out of his time. And every day news about the war in Europe grew worse, setting Tony on edge because he knew what would happen and what it would mean for the young men sitting across from him. 

That was OK, though, because right now in this shabby little kitchen of their too small apartment, they had each other. They were family. And Tony’s mind flickered to images of the Grinch’s heart growing three sizes, and Tiny Tim’s squeaky voice saying “God bless us, everyone.”

Tony smiled at the two. “Merry Christmas, boys.” 

*****

Tony couldn’t believe Steve had gotten him to agree to this. Just another Christmas miracle, he supposed, as he sat in a pew at the back of the crowded church. He was in a Catholic church, and nobody had even had to die to get him there. If only Rhodey and Pepper could see this.

It was alright, he supposed. The windows were pretty, and the candles were nice. The fact that he didn’t seem to know when to stand hadn’t seemed to bother anyone. And even though he understood the Latin the priest was speaking, he didn’t know when or how to respond, but he was trying. This was important to Steve, and for him, Tony would try. Bucky had come along as well. He’d obviously been raised in the church, even if he hadn’t attended a Sunday’s mass since Tony had arrived. He wasn’t lost or uncomfortable like Tony was.

The sermon was a typical, he assumed, Christmas themed lecture. It wasn’t too bad, imparting the true gift of the holiday being their Lord, that they should be thankful and love their neighbors as God loved them. The usual, he figured. It was a nice thought if that was your thing. It ended with a solemn commentary on the war and upheaval in Europe. They should all count the blessing that they were safe and free and living in peace. Tony agreed with that last part.

After, when they were back in their apartment, Tony turned on the radio to a station playing Christmas music. As Steve took a seat on the couch and Bucky in his armchair, he went to the icebox for his last surprise. He brought out the large jug and three glasses, setting them on the small coffee table in front of the boys, as he went behind the couch to grab the final ingredient.

“What’s that, Tony?” They asked at almost the same time.

“Homemade eggnog,” he answered as he shook the bottle of quality bourbon he’d retrieved from its hiding place. He’d gotten it in payment for fixing a stove. “The perfect holiday nightcap.”

“You made eggnog?” Steve asked surprised.

Tony shook his head. “No, that stuff’s tricky. I wasn’t going to risk screwing it up. Mrs. Walsh on the second floor made this. I bought enough ingredients for two large batches. She kept one as payment, and I got the other. A fair trade.”

He walked to the table and poured a finger of bourbon in each of the glasses before he filled the rest with the chilled eggnog. And really, the boys needed to learn new facial gestures because the touched disbelief was quickly becoming too common a thing. They needed to get used to this. Tony was taking care of them, and this was just how life was going be.

He handed them their glasses and took a seat next to Steve as Eddie Cantor’s _The Only Thing I Want for Christmas_ played on the radio. It was so perfectly appropriate for the moment, and Tony just smiled and raised his glass in a toast. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.” They both copied and sipped at their eggnog with him. It was good. Rich and sweet with the smooth bourbon giving a slight burn as it went down. They stayed quiet for a while and enjoyed their drinks as the music played in the background. The alcohol relaxing and warming them after the walk in the cold evening air.

By their second glass, however, they’d begun to sing along with the radio, even the little advertisement jingles in between songs. Their third glass had them laughing over the smallest things that probably wouldn’t have been as funny without the eggnog. The fourth glass had them teasing Steve at his perma-blush, the alcohol making his skin flush a deep pink, and the dopey smile that he couldn’t stop making.

They kept refilling their glasses.

At some point Bucky had squeezed his way onto the couch on Tony’s other side. All of them leaning back with their feet on the worn table in front of them as they continued to joke and laugh in the dimly lit room.

Steve, not surprisingly, was the first to pass out. His head resting on Tony’s shoulder as he breathed deeply,making a small wheeze at each exhale. Tony watched him with a fond smile. He looked so innocent, so peaceful. Tony wanted to wrap his arms around him, wanted to keep him this way and shield him from a future that was going to put so much on the young man’s shoulders. The burden of command, of saving the world, that would be thrust upon him.

He looked over to Bucky and found the young man staring at him. His stormy grey eyes were half hidden under eyelids made heavy by the bourbon and long day they’d had. Tony’s breath caught. He was beautiful.

“Thank you, Tony.” His voice was deep and quiet so as to not wake Steve. “This was the best Christmas we’ve had in, in forever. I’ve never really been able to give him much.”

“I was happy to do it.” Was that his voice that sounded so breathless? “Honestly, it’s the best Christmas I’ve ever had. My parents cared more about their social obligations than their parental ones, which, considering how they were, was probably a good thing for me.”

Bucky nodded slowly, obviously fighting against the haze of liquor. “My dad was always drinking. Everyday. It didn’t matter if it was Christmas or your birthday. He got mean after he’d drunk enough. He’d drink away half of his paycheck sometimes.” Bucky’s voice turned bitter. “I hated him for that. He cared more about his fucking liquor than taking care of my ma and sister. I hated that more than when he’d take a swing at me.”

Bucky looked over to Steve. “After Sarah died, it was so easy to leave. It was a _relief_. I love my ma and sister, but Steve, he’s…It’s always been us, us against the world. People tearing him down because they think he’s too small, judging him against their own fucked up ideals. My old man tearing me down because he couldn’t deal with his shitty life, and my ma just pretending it wasn’t happening. When Sarah died, I had to take care of him. I’d promised her, and she’d always been so good to me. I’ve always looked out for that punk.”

Tony listened to this unfiltered confession, learning more about the young man before him.

“But ya see,” Bucky continued, “what no one gets is that _he’s_ always taken care of _me_. When I felt too dumb for school, he’d help. He never judged me, and he always found a way to explain it so I would understand. When I felt powerless because of the shit at home, he’d always make me feel strong, like I could do anything. When my old man would tell me I was worthless so many times I’d believe him, Stevie just…He’d act like I was the greatest person in the world. He’d look up to me. The best guy I knew looked up to _me,_ like I was somethin’ special, when it was him that made me special.”

“You’re both pretty damn special in my book.” Too special, he thought, and Tony should probably stop talking. Damn bourbon. “I’ve travelled all over this planet and met a lot of people who might be considered important, but none of them have impressed me the way you two have.”   

Bucky’s eyebrows came together in a frown. “We’re just two jerks from Brooklyn.”

Tony let out a humorless laugh as he shook his head. “Trust me. You don’t realize how much more than that you are, how unique. Before all this,” he waved his hand vaguely, “well, let’s just say I was very well off, important maybe. People didn’t care about me, though. They only cared about what I could do for them, what I could give them. I lost all that and wound up here with nothing but the clothes on my back. You both helped me when I could give nothing in return. You expected nothing, asked for nothing. You even worried that what you gave me wasn’t enough. Do you not know how rare that is? It amazes me.”

Bucky bit his bottom lip, looking doubtful. “It was only right. Especially after you helped Steve.”

“A person is not owed anything when they do the right thing. They should do the right thing because it’s right.”

Bucky smiled softly, and didn’t that make him look even more beautiful? “You sound like Stevie.”

“I take that as a compliment.”

“You should.” Bucky breathed quietly. He had leaned in over the course of the conversation, Tony realized, his face just inches away. His lidded eyes focused on Tony’s.

Tony’s breath caught. Was this happening? Should he let it? God, he wanted to. His mind battled over what he wanted and what was right. But Bucky was drunk, so this wasn’t right.

“Tony…” Bucky leaned in, his face nuzzled against Tony’s throat as he sighed.

Frozen to the spot, Tony whispered, “Bucky?”

Bucky didn’t answer. He just took another deep breath and exhaled, obviously having fallen asleep. Tony realized he was half hard and sandwiched between the two of them. Both their heads on either of his shoulders. He looked up at the ceiling, once again wondering how this was his life.

Ignoring his dick and refusing to let his thoughts wander, he decided to focus on the positive. He’d done it. He’d given his boys a real Christmas. He’d made them so happy today, and as a reward the universe had given him this gift. Both of them curled around him sound asleep.

It really was the perfect gift. If, ya know, he could just control his dick.

“Merry Christmas, Tony,” he whispered as he closed his eyes and drifted off to peaceful dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Tony and Bucky finally got some one on one conversation! And I finally defeated the dreaded chapter 9! Hope you guys enjoyed this. Next chapter will be up on Wednesday and will have a lot happening in it. Love you guys!


	7. Sex and Violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's dancing, and Tony plays matchmaker. Three well paired couples go out and celebrate the New Year with interesting results. Tony learns a secret about the boys and admits some things to himself. He runs into some unwelcome faces, and...Well, Tony chooses violence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm a day early! I had a very productive weekend. Finally conquered chapter 9 before continuing and finishing chapter 10. Go me! A lot happens this chapter. Fluff, smut and a bit of action too. Tony and the boys are starting a new year with a new direction to their lives. This chapter is the catalyst. So for all my fellow recovering Game of Thrones fans, be warned. Winter smut is coming. Just not this chapter LOL.

It was New Year’s Eve, and Tony was almost home. Home with Bucky and Steve, not home to his time, and that was OK. He was beginning to accept this new reality. He still missed his friends and his life, but each day was a little easier. He wished he could take credit for becoming so well adjusted, but it was really all Steve and Bucky. They just made life better.

Whether it was the pranks they played on each other (and him) or the jokes and teasing they constantly hurled at one another or even when they’d bicker like an old married couple, it was never dull. Bucky was home during most of the day now when he wasn’t looking for a new job. Tony had told him there was no pressure, and he shouldn’t take the first thing he found out of desperation. He should like whatever job he got. Bucky had a lot of useful skills.

Tony remembered the day after Christmas. He’d stayed home to install the washing machine, having never gotten to it the day before, and watched as Steve broke in his new set of pencils. He even drew a picture of Tony working on the floor next to the new appliance, sleeves rolled up and a wrench in his hand. Tony was going to buy a frame for it.

Bucky had been sitting beside the radio, reading the paper for any job listings, when Tony approached him.

“I’m ready for my gift, Mr. Barnes.” He said as he pulled the paper from his hands. He’d already read it today, and Tony didn’t want him stressing out over a lack of available employment.

Bucky sighed, “Tony, I don’t…”

“Nope,” he interrupted. “Not hearing it. Up, up. Time to show me those moves.”

Bucky huffed as he stood, looking slightly nervous. “How do you want to do this?”

“You said you taught Steve, right?” Tony asked, and Bucky nodded. “Well, just do what you did with him.”

Bucky rubbed the back of his head, clearly thinking, before he exhaled and seemed to make up his mind. “Alright,” he said as he stepped forward and took Tony’s hand. “We’ll do this with me in the place of the gal you’re with. First dance is the foxtrot. Put this hand in the middle of my shoulder blades while I put mine on your shoulder. Hold my other hand out like this.”

Tony did as instructed. “Is this like the waltz?” He asked, the posture was very similar.

“Yeah, but the count is four instead of three.” Bucky nodded as he released Tony’s hand and shoulder. “Now, you’re always gonna start with the left foot,” he tapped Tony’s foot with his own to get his attention. “The man takes two slow steps forward, left then right, before stepping to the side, again with the left foot, and closing the step by bringing the right foot next to it. These last two steps are quick. Now watch.”

And Tony watched as Bucky stepped and counted, demonstrating the basic steps. He did it a few times before stepping back in front of Tony and saying, “Ok, hands back up the way I showed you.”

Tony lifted his arms and did as instructed. He could feel the muscles of Bucky’s back through the shirt beneath his palm. The warm heat of his skin radiated through the fabric. The hand on his own shoulder was a light caress. Tony swallowed but focused on Bucky’s face.

“Now do the steps with me while I count.” Bucky said, and Tony stepped forward. After five sets of counting to four, Bucky grinned. “You’re pretty good at this. Now let’s work on turning with the music so you don’t trot your gal off the dancefloor.”

Tony smiled and began their steps again. Following Bucky as he’d gently pull to indicate where and how to effortlessly move his partner to keep the steps smooth. They worked  on it for several minutes. Steve would make comments and crack jokes at both their expenses, but Tony was genuinely having fun.

“Good,” Bucky said after a while. “let’s see if we can add a few fancier movements. Dames like that, when you pause to bend ‘em backwards a little then snap them back. Spin them out and twirl ‘em back against you. Use your foot to slide theirs out and around in place of the side step.”

“Right, “Tony said, but internally wondering if Bucky could really teach him all of that in one evening.

It turns out Bucky could. His instructions were easy to follow, and he moved effortlessly through the steps, showing Tony exactly how to let his partner know what he wanted them to do.

As a big band song began on the radio, Bucky stepped back up against him, smirking. “Perfect tune. Let’s see what you’ve learned.”

Tony grabbed his hand and slid his other back between his shoulders. He waited for the count to catch up in his head and stepped forward with his left foot.

And they were dancing. Tony was doing the foxtrot, and it was fun. Hell, it was almost easy, of course most of the credit went to Bucky. The man was a damn talented dancer. They stepped and swayed together. Tony would spin Bucky out and reel him back in. He held him tighter as he quickly dipped the other man’s head back before snapping him up to meet his eyes. Bucky was smiling, and Tony realized he was too.

Their little living space became a dance floor as they moved in time to the music, their eyes never leaving each other. Tony felt a small pang of loss when the song ended but hid it behind his smile.

“You got it, Tony!” Bucky cheered as he lowered his hands.

“Well,” Tony countered, “I had a good teacher.”

It had been a good day. Bucky taught him to Lindy Hop the next evening. Shag and Jive dancing were taught on the following nights. Tony smiled as he remembered doing the Jive with Bucky as Cab Calloway played on the radio. All the while Steve was doing a hilarious impersonation of the singer where he stood to the side of their “dance floor” and sang into an empty soda bottle he was using as a microphone.

Yep, his new reality wasn’t bad at all, Tony thought as he bounded up the stairs of their building. When he walked into the apartment, he saw the two boys were in their usual seats on the couch and armchair.

“Hey fellas, come here often?” He joked as he took off his coat and shoes.

“Are you kidding? I practically live here,” Bucky said, not missing a beat. “The service ain’t what it used to be, though.”

“You should probably tip better,” Steve chimed in his sassy voice. “I’m not your damned waiter, Buck. You can make your own sandwich.”

“You were already up!” Bucky snapped. “And making yourself a sandwich. One more wouldn’t have killed you.”

“We don’t know that.” Steve said with a straight face. “I’m delicate.”

“Delicate my ass you little punk! You used up all the mustard, too.”

“Well, yeah,” Steve said as if it was an obvious thing to do, “You can’t have a pastrami on rye without mustard and still call yourself a New Yorker.”

“I know that you little shit! Which is why I didn’t get a sandwich.”

Tony was chuckling as he turned to the blonde. “Steve, you know there’s another jar of mustard in the back of the cabinet.”

“WHAT?!” Bucky shrieked. “You little asshole!” Steve burst into laughter until Bucky threw a couch pillow at his head. “You just wait, Rogers. I’ve got all the time in the world to plan my revenge.”

“Well, not all the time, no.” Tony said.  Bucky looked up to him in confusion. “We’ve all got dates tonight.”

“Dates?” They asked in unison. They did that a lot.

“Actually, Steve has a date,” Tony added, “but she’s bringing a couple of friends for Buck and me.”

“What do you mean I have a date?” Steve asked with equal parts incredulity and nerves.

“There’s this lovely young nurse at the hospital that I’ve spoken with a few times.” Tony explained while smiling. “And guess what? She is also taking art classes on her days off. She likes using pastels and doing landscapes. So I told her about my younger, blonde haired, blue eyed roommate who is an extremely talented artist. She wanted to meet you.”

“Awww no, Tony,” Steve huffed. “Why would you do that? She’s gonna be expecting someone that’s…that’s not me. Someone she won’t step on.”

“It’d be pretty hard for her to step on you. She’s barely five feet tall. You have at least three inches on her, easy.”

Steve looked surprised. His mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out.

Bucky was grinning ear to ear. “She sounds perfect for you, Stevie, and she’s an artist! You can’t say you won’t have anything to talk about.”

 _God, I’m brilliant_ , Tony thought. He was really pleased with himself. The girl was very sweet and shy, but when he’d seen her sketching on a piece of paper at the nurses’ station and asked her about it, she’d come alive. She’d talked passionately about art and seemed so pleased at his sincere compliments and interest. Most men, apparently, had deemed her drawings a “cute hobby”. Assholes. Like a woman couldn’t be an artist?

“We’re meeting them tonight at the New Year’s Eve party the hospital staff is having. Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to drag you there tied up in a sack?”

Steve rolled his eyes, but he wore a tiny smile. “I’ll come quietly.”

Later at the party, Tony was chatting with his date. The party was in an event room of a hotel the hospital had reserved. They were sitting at a table and talking about the pros and cons of different car engines, and Tony was impressed. Apparently, her father, uncles and brothers were mechanics and owned their own garage in Flat Bush. His mind kept flashing to Marissa Tomei in _My Cousin Vinny_. She even sounded like the beautiful actress.

Bucky was out on the dance floor with his date. Both of them seemed to be having a great time as they danced and spun. Each couple seeming to complement each other perfectly; the dancers, the mechanics, and the artists. Steve looked like he was having the time of his life.

Across the table the two smaller figures were completely absorbed in one another.

His date, Lucille, hadn’t so much as batted an eye when the two groups had met outside the hotel. They’d struck up a conversation and hadn’t stopped talking since. They’d discussed their favorite artists, the styles that influenced their own work and their favorite subjects to sketch.

It may have been premature, but Tony was internally patting himself on the back.

He and his date made it out to the dance floor not long after, and he got to put his dance lessons from Bucky to use for the first time. It was really kind of fun. One song turned into two, then three and before he knew it, two hours had come and gone. He and Bucky had even traded for a couple of songs to keep things lively before they’d jokingly cut in to get back their dancing partner.  

The music was halted as a well dressed man stood on the stage to announce the countdown to the new year. Tony glanced at Bucky, and they both grinned as they began to count backwards with everyone else.

Tony gave his date a friendly, but mostly chaste kiss as other couples around them did the same. He looked over to search for Steve only to find an empty table. Turning his head to scan around the room, he couldn’t find him anywhere.

When he met Bucky’s eyes, he knew he hadn’t spotted his friend either. It was odd that Steve would leave without signaling to one of them, and Tony felt a seed of worry begin to take root.

Their dates had noticed their missing friend, as well, and asked if the two wouldn’t mind walking them home. Apparently, they all shared an apartment together.

Hoping that Steve had just decided to walk his date home early, the two of them obliged and held there arms out for the girls to take. It wasn’t a long walk, just three blocks. They each kissed their date softly on the cheek and bid them good night and happy new year.

It wasn’t until they got back to their own empty apartment that they really began to worry. Steve wasn’t the type to go off by himself at this time of night. It was a rough neighborhood, and there would be a lot of drunk idiots on the streets tonight.

He could be in trouble. He could be hurt. He could be…entering the apartment looking rumpled and _Was That Lipstick On His Mouth?!_

“Steve!” Tony and Bucky nearly yelled at the same time.

“Are you OK?”

“What happened?”

Steve _blushed_. “Hey, fellas,” he answered as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Sorry. I tried to wave and get your attention when we left, but I guess you didn’t see me.” He hadn’t quite met their eyes yet. “I walked Lucille home.”

“Then what took you so long to get back?” Bucky asked him. “We dropped our dates off after you left and still got home before you.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Steve shifted, “but Lucille wanted to show me some of her art pieces, and I didn’t want to offend her so I walked her up to the apartment. And well, she uh.”

Steve was rapidly turning red now.

“Oh my God, you little scoundrel!” Tony burst out just as Bucky chuckled and asked, “And did you see her _pieces_? Huh, Stevie?”

Steve huffed out a breath and murmured, “Not the landscapes I was expecting.”

Tony and Bucky burst out laughing. Steve’s face was equal parts embarrassment and pride.

When they finally stopped chuckling, it was Bucky who asked the question first. “So what happened, Stevie. Details!”

“Yes, Rogers, we definitely need the whole story.” Tony added.

Steve frowned. “I don’t think it’s right that I…”

“Kiss and tell?” Tony finished for him. “Fine. Leave the kissing out and tell us about the other stuff. Was there other stuff?” He asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Steve snorted. “You’re not gonna drop this, are ya?”

“Nope.” “No way.”

“Alright,” Steve sighed as he ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. “We got up to the apartment, and she practically jumped on me.” He flushed red again as he continued, “Before I knew it, she’d pushed me down onto the couch and was nearly on top of me. Kissing and running her fingers in my hair and down my arms.

“She, uh, she pushed up her dress and sat in my lap. Kept whisperin’ how she liked my eyes and could tell I was an artist because my hands were perfect and…” He coughed. “She took my hand and put it between her legs, under her dress, and kept murmuring _perfect_ as she started rocking back and forth.”

“Was she wet, Stevie?” Because of course Bucky had to ask.

“Yeah.” And only Steve could look that embarrassed and smug at the same time.

“That’s good,” Bucky said, “It means she was into it.”

“I just didn’t think it would be _that_ wet, or soft.” Steve mumbled.

“Did you finger her?”

Steve just nodded, face red.

“Was she tight?”

“Geez, Buck! The mouth on you!”

Tony felt like a spectator at a tennis match as his head moved back and forth between the two lifelong friends as Bucky kept up a series of questions he must have been waiting to ask Steve since puberty began.

“Did she touch you too? Or did she just grind her thigh against you as you fingered her?”

 “She just rubbed against me, but I was so distracted by where my hand was I didn’t notice how close I was until she came and clenched around my fingers.” He shrugged with a small smile. “I went off right after that.”

Tony was about to chime in when Steve added, “Then her roommates walked in.”

There was silence for three seconds before Tony and Bucky both started shaking with barely suppressed laughter. It wasn’t long until they finally broke and began laughing in earnest.

“That’s fucking priceless!” Bucky gasped. “We gave them polite kisses goodnight, and they go up to find you makin’ time with their roomie!”

Tony was wiping tears from his eyes when he asked, “How’d they react?”

“Pretty well, actually.” Steve answered, looking slightly confused. “They said they were glad she’d gotten to play and could make it up to them later. I just got out of there as fast as I could without being too rude.”

“Wait,” Tony held up a hand, “they were glad she got to play? She’d make it up to them?” Tony’s eyes went wide with understanding. “Oh. _OH._ Well, how ‘bout that?”

Steve and Bucky just looked at him, questioning. Tony tried to think how best to explain.

“Steve, firstly, congratulations.” Steve blushed as Bucky smirked. “Secondly, I want you to face the possibility that while I’m _sure_ she did like you, she may already be in some kind of relationship.”

Both sets of eyebrows lowered further in confusion.

“Ya know, with her roommates?” he finished in what he hoped was a casual tone.

Bucky’s eyes went wide and darkened. Tony could practically see the images his mind was producing.

Steve looked shocked. “You mean that all _three_ of them…are lovers?” And yeah, Steve’s mind was clearly supplying him with some visuals as well. However, it was Tony’s turn to be shocked by what he said next. “Well, that works out, I guess. We both had a good time, and I don’t have to worry about disappointing her with not wanting anythin’ serious.”

“You don’t?” Tony asked in near disbelief.

Steve gave him a dry look. “Does it really seem like I can start courting a dame right now? I can barely provide for myself.”

Tony nodded slowly. “Yeah, fair point, I guess. But wait, you two are OK with the three girls shacking up and all that?”

It was Bucky’s turn to give him a dry look. “Bein’ queer’s not exactly unheard of in this neighborhood. You have to know that by now. The hotel a few blocks away is pretty much a haven for ‘em, and you musta seen some of the guys dressed as dames on the street at night by now. And everyone knows what goes on at night at the navy yard a few blocks away.”

Steve shrugged. “It’s not our business. Yeah, it’s illegal, but we don’t think it’s right to tell someone what to do with their body. It’s just another form of bullying, going after someone cuz they’re different.” Then his eyes narrowed. “What about you? Is it a problem?”

Tony shook his head before Steve had finished the question. “Hell, no. No problem.” Tony was pansexual after all, even though he couldn’t tell them that. Tolerance was one thing, but would they actually want to live with him if they knew that? “I have never judged someone based on race, religion, gender or sexual orientation. I believe in infinite diversity in infinite combinations.”

Steve and Bucky smiled at that.

“That sounds like a philosophy quote.” Steve teased. “You get that from one of your books?”

Tony smirked. “From the Vulcans, actually. An intelligent and enlightened race I’ve studied for years with the help of Gene Roddenberry.”

 

*****

As Tony walked the now familiar street home to their apartment, he kept replaying the previous night in his mind. It was a great start to the new year, 1940. He’d had fun dancing with his date. Steve had finally had a successful date and had even gotten to second base! He’d finally found out just where the two men stood on homosexuality and was pleased to find them not only tolerant but a little _defensive_ on behalf of the LGBT+ community.

They’d stayed up a little longer, gently teasing Steve about his rumpled hair and clothes (along with the fact he’d had to go change said clothes because of the grinding action he’d received). It had been nice, fun.

He was getting home earlier than he’d planned because the couple he was supposed to fix a sink for had needed to cancel. Apparently, their baby had decided to come early so he was about to surprise Bucky and Steve by coming home for an early dinner. Maybe they could go get a pizza or something.

When he entered the apartment, he first thought it was empty since neither of his roomies appeared to be home. As he began to cross the room, however, he heard a faint moan from the bedroom. His first instinct was that Steve was sick, and he quickly went to check on his friend, hoping it wasn’t serious.

His hand was almost on the doorknob when he heard the moan again, but this time it was followed by Bucky’s voice.

“Yes, there Stevie. God, you’re hands always feel so good.” And oh, Tony recognized that voice. That was his sex voice. But what the hell? They weren’t…

“Fuck, Bucky,” Steve groaned, low and breathy. “So gorgeous. It’s been forever since I got to feel you.”

Tony’s jaw dropped. Because No. Way. This. Was. Happening. And had Steve said forever? That would mean they’d done this before.

“I know, doll, I know. But you know why we can’t. If Tony found out…” Steve gasped at something Bucky must have done. “If he found out, he might leave. He might not hate it like most people, but we don’t know if he’d be OK living with it.”

“I…I know,” Steve gasped. “I don’t wanna lose him, he’s a good friend, but shit! I miss your mouth.”

Bucky mumbled something, presumably against Steve’s skin before he said more clearly, “I know, doll. That’s why I was so loud with Marie that night. I wanted you to hear. Did you get hard Stevie? Were you thinkin’ of me touchin’ you? Kissing you? Doing it just like you tell me to.”

“Uhng..yes, yes Bucky.”

“Good, because I was thinkin’ of you the whole time.”

“You called her sweet thing.” And even though his voice was breathy and aroused, Tony could hear a small amount of upset in that statement.”

There was a pause before Bucky answered. “Steve. Doll, please don’t be mad with me. I call _every_ dame I go with sweet thing. You know why?” Steve just continued to gasp softly until Bucky continued. “Because they’re all interchangeable. They don’t mean anythin’ to me except for the cover they give me. People need to think I want those gals, but I could never want any of them more than I want you. You’re my baby doll, always, the most precious thing in my life. You always give me what I need. I love you, Steve.”

“Love you, Buck. So much. Missed this.” Steve groaned. “Keep touchin’ me. Faster.” Bucky must have done as he’d asked because Steve groaned even louder.

“So perfect in my hand, doll. So hard for me. I love that you want me this much. Did that girl try to touch you last night, like I’m touchin’ you?”

Steve grunted. “Yes, but I…I stopped her.”

“Why, baby?” Bucky’s voice was liquid and smoky at the same time. “Why’d you stop her from getting’ her hands on this beautiful prick? I would understand. It’s so perfect.”

“I couldn’t…she’s not, not you. This is only…uhhnng.”

“Only for me, Stevie?” And Bucky groaned at that thought. “You’re right. She doesn’t get to have this. None of them gals do. This is mine. To touch. To lick. To suck. I’m always so good for you, aren’t I?. I take you so well. You want my mouth, doll? Please let me taste you.”

“Yes!” Steve gasped. “I want your mouth, Buck. I wanna come down your throat, be inside you.”

“Fuck, Steve. Keep talking to me.” There was a shifting sound as someone moved on a bed. Tony was frozen. He knew he shouldn’t be here, should not be listening to this, but he just couldn’t seem to make his muscles obey the command to move.

“Shit!” Steve practically hollered. “Yeah, Bucky, your mouth is so good, so hot and wet. You’re tongue’s fucking perfect. So good to me, lettin’ me fuck your mouth.”

Holy Shit! Tony’s mind reeled. He could _hear_ the wet sounds of Bucky sucking Steve off. The word Deepthroating ran through his mind at the sound.

“I wish you could see how you look, Buck. Your lips around my dick, taking it all down your throat. So good.” Steve grunted “ Take it all. That girl had your dick in her, and you’re gonna show me how much more you’d rather have mine in you.”

Tony’s mind blinked with static as he felt heat curling in his gut. He knew it was wrong, but it didn’t seem to matter, he was so turned on right now. Steve continued talking, saying filthy things to Bucky as he (from the sounds being made) very enthusiastically sucked Steve off like it was his job.

“Ah fuck, yeah,” Steve groaned, “you gonna swallow it all when I spill down your throat, Bucky? Suck down every drop?” The muffled hum from Bucky suggested he really liked that idea. “Of course you will. You never let it go to waste do you? Even when you hold me down and lick my stomach clean. What would the other fellas think if they could see you so hungry for it?”

Tony heard another muffled groan.

“You like that, don’t you? The thought of suckin’ me off in front of those assholes and lettin’ them know you’re mine. That you do these things for me, only me. Show them all the things I let you do to me. Or the things I do to _you._ The sounds you make, so fuckin’ sexy.

“Or are you imaginin’ _Tony_ walking in on us? Those big brown eyes in shock when he sees how good you are to me. I know you get off on the thought of being watched, being heard. He heard you that night, too. I think he was just as hard as I was listening to the filthy things you said and did to her. It was so hard not to come listenin’ to you with him right there when I know how good you feel. You sounded so fuckin’ amazing. I wonder if he liked your sounds as much as hers.”

“Steve,” and shit, Bucky’s voice sounded raw, “please, doll.”

“Don’t stop.” Steve commanded.

Tony bit back a groan because that was his Captain voice.

“You know you only get to come if your mouth is on me. Next time you fuck some dame all you’re gonna be able to think of is the taste of me, hot down your throat. Wishin’ it was my mouth around you or me in you. Knowin’ she’s second place at best to me. Just another quick fuck that will be gone before morning.”

Bucky let out a long moan around Steve.

“Shit , your mouth is perfect, I’m so close. You gonna come with me, Buck? You ready? You gonna…”

And Steve let out a long groan that signaled his release. It was soon followed by Bucky’s harsh grunt as he must have come while trying to swallow Steve’s.

A few moments passed as Tony listened to the two of them panting before Bucky spoke. “Thank you, doll. I needed that so much. Love it when you take over for me. Love that filthy mouth.”

“I love you, Buck. I’ll do anythin’ you need.” Steve sighed a satisfied sound. “Til the end of the line.”

Bucky hummed. “Til the end of the line, Steve.”

Tony abruptly found the ability to move. He silently crossed the room headed for the front door where he exited the apartment without a sound.

Without a particular destination in mind, he walked…and walked as he failed not to think of what he’d just heard. The sounds they’d made and words they’d spoken were seared into his mind, playing on repeat. After a while Tony had to admit one thing to himself.

He wanted them. Both of them. Hell, he was falling for them both.

Steve was sassy and stubborn and brave; beautiful with his high cheekbones and thick lashes that framed those sky blue eyes set off by blonde hair, and slender, graceful hands.

Bucky was charming, playful and mischievous with lean muscles, a strong jaw, thick hair and eyes like an arctic ocean.

And they were both so loyal and _good._ Tony’s chest clenched when he realized the truth.

Yeah, he probably loved them. His time spent in their company was the happiest of his life. Cooking with Steve, joking with Bucky. Watching Steve draw on the floor next to the sofa as Tony pretended to read the paper, hearing Bucky sing along with the radio as he worked around the apartment doing little chores. His life had never been so peaceful.

That’s why it hurt so much. Because they were in love with each other and always had been. Tony was their friend at best, and an interloper at worst, disrupting their lives because he shouldn’t even be here. It didn’t matter what he wanted because he could not have it.

But what else could he do? He was stranded here, immune to magic that could get him home. Time travel technology would have been near impossible in his time even with his nearly unlimited resources. There was no way he could build it in this century. Even he wasn’t that good.

“Hey, old man!”

The voice startled Tony from his thoughts, and fuck, this was all he needed. Joe Collins and his little gang was standing about twelve feet in front of him. A quick scan of the area showed that it was dark and the street was nearly deserted. Tony had been walking in circles far longer than he’d realized.

“Yeah, you, queer lover.” This fucker was on Tony’s last nerve. “Where’s the shrimp? I’d have thought that he would be followin’ you ‘round like a mutt after a bone.”

Tony’s voice was icy to his own ears. “I’ve had just about enough of you and your shit, asshole. Say one more thing about him, and you’ll wake up bleeding in the gutter like the trash you are.”

As one, the four men stiffened at his words, clenching their fists and looking murderous.

“What’d you say to me?” Joe snarled. Tony swore he could see a vein throb on the side of his overlarge forehead. “Piece of shit, ya think you’re better than us because ya fix broken lamps? I bet you’re just as big an invert as Rogers. If Barnes wasn’t such a slut for anything in a skirt, I’d think he was fuckin’ both of ya.”

And yup, Tony’s patience was up. “Leave now, or I’ll make you regret your whole sorry life.”

“How ‘bout I drag you in this alley and end yours.”

Joe seemed pretty cocky considering the last time they’d met in an alley. Of course, he had backup and wouldn’t be taken by surprise this time. Tony really didn’t give a fuck. He was so tired and frustrated, and he really wanted to beat the shit out of something. He felt his mouth curve up in a smile that felt almost shark-like, and he calmly walked into the alley.

 As he turned around, he took in the wall of muscle that had him cornered in the small space. He was outnumbered, yes, but he would bet his entire savings that they were out-classed when it came to fighting. He’d trained with every member of the team for months and learned many different styles.

Natasha, in particular, was a very unforgiving teacher. She didn’t pull punches and believed the best incentive for learning was the desire to avoid pain. She wasn’t wrong.

“Last chance, fellas,” he offered, knowing full well they wouldn’t take it.

Joe laughed along with the others. “I’m gonna enjoy this.”

_No, you’re really not._

One of the men lunged at him , and it was so easy to predict his move it was pathetic. Tony blocked the punch with his left arm, twisted his hand to grab the forearm and pulled the guy face first into Tony’s approaching right fist. Once. Twice his arm drew back and reconnected. Blood spattered from the guys nose as he howled.

Tony released the arm only to grab his shoulders to pull him down as he brought his knee up. As it made contact with the guys stomach, the air rushed out of him in a groan as he fell to his knees. Tony delivered a well-aimed punch that knocked him out cold.

He quickly shifted his stance as the other three rushed at him. Tony ducked low and rolled to the side, getting behind one of them. Jumping up he delivered two quick kidney jabs. _Have fun pissing blood tomorrow._ He swiftly turned to press his back against Mr. Bruised Kidney’s and reached up and behind him to wrap both hands around the front of his opponent’s throat. He violently bent forward and pulled up against the man’s chin, flipping him over his back to slam chest down on the ground in front of Tony.

That’s when a fist connected with the side of his face. It was a sloppy hit but was still backed by enough muscle to leave him dazed. Not wanting to be a stationary target for another blow, he dropped to one knee. As he drew his fist back, he let his pointer and middle finger knuckles protrude like Nat had taught him and struck out at a nerve that ran along the upper thigh.

Tony knew from experience that this hurt like hell while temporarily limiting mobility to the limb. The guy cried out and stumbled. It was all Tony needed to spin around and kick the legs out from under him. With the guy flat on his back, he didn’t think twice before striking out and landing a blow against his temple. The guy didn’t get up.

He lifted his head to meet Joe’s eyes as he got back to his feet. “Just you and me now, Joey. When you wake up in this alley tomorrow morning, remember it was an old queer that kicked your asses.”

“Fuck you!” Joe spat as he lunged. Tony dodged the first punch and landed one of his own to Joes mouth, but the left uppercut from Joe got him in the jaw. His head whipped back violently as he wondered if some teeth were knocked loose. That’s when a knife came up and slashed at his stomach. Tony barely had time to jump back as he felt the blade cut through his shirt and graze his abdomen in a quick burn of pain.

The knife came back in another vicious slicing arc, but he instinctively pushed out his arms, crossed at the wrists to deflect then disarm.  

Without his weapon Joe launched against him and tackled him into a wall.

Pinned between his enemy and the wall was not a good place to be. Joe landed a right hook to his face, and he felt his lip split open. As the arm retracted to land another blow, Tony went on autopilot. He headbutted the man to get him to back off a little and allow Tony more space to move.

He fought against the pain in his own head and delivered two quick uppercuts to both sides of the torso, thinking he heard a rib crack as the first one landed. Joe staggered back a few more steps, and it was all Tony needed. Tony stepped forward and to left and kicked out, Joe’s knee making a satisfying pop as it connected. The man cried out as he fell sideways to the ground.

Tony went over and sank down to kneel on his chest, noting that the cracked rib must be protesting under his weight. Wrapping his hand around the thick neck, he squeezed just hard enough to make breathing difficult and get Joe’s undivided attention.

Despite his heavy breathing, Tony’s voice was nothing but calm menace, “What did I say would happen if you went after Steve again?” Joe gasped, his fingers struggling to pry Tony’s hand away, so Tony leaned down harder on his chest. “I believe I promised to break more than just your arm.”

Joe’s eyes were wide as he looked into Tony’s rage filled ones.

“I get why Steve hates bullies so damn much. You’re pathetic. Beating on someone half your size just because you can, so you can feel powerful.” Tony’s grip tightened. “Do you feel powerful now?”

Scared eyes bulged in response.

“Did you feel powerful not three weeks after I met Steve and you assaulted him on his way home from church? ANSWER ME!” He snarled.

“N..No,” Joe gasped.

“Fucking liar.” Tony spat. “You thought you were untouchable, didn’t you? Towering over everyone else in height and out-muscling them at the same time. Of course that’s even before you add in your little gang over there.” Tony nodded to the three unconscious men to the side of them.

“Height and muscles and lackey assholes to do your bidding. Steve doesn’t have any of that but he’s still worth ten of you on his worst day.”

“That…little fuck’s…a que…”

Tony acted so fast it was over in moments. His left hand grabbed the arm that was still grasping at his hand on Joe's throat. He stretched it out all the way out to the side and whipped his right hand palm out to strike the center of the forearm as he pulled the limb towards him. The crack was loud in the space around them. Tony dropped the arm as his hands flew back to restrain Joe, one on his throat and the other over his mouth to silence his yell.

Joe was huffing out breaths through his nose, and his muffled curses fell flat against Tony’s palm.        

“Steve and Bucky are the best people I know, too good for the likes of you and me.” Tony tightened his grip on the throat again as his voice dropped to a deadly purr. “That’s why you’re never going to speak to them again. In fact, I suggest you avoid them at all costs because they don’t need to deal with the shit that you bring to their lives.”

Adding more weight to his knee on Joe’s chest, he continued, “Whatever your thinking, don’t. I promise that it will not end well for you. I’m twice your age and just beat down four of you. What you may not realize is that I was holding myself back because taking your life just isn’t worth it.”

Tony slid his palm up to cover Joe’s nose as well as his mouth to suffocate him, and Joe began panicking as he desperately tried to free himself with one good arm.

Eyes still locked with the man below him, Tony added, “Remember this the next time you want to feel powerful at someone else’s expense. Remember that I will know and come find you. Remember that I keep my promises because next time, I will pick up right where we left off and finish this.”

He released his hold and allowed Joe to suck in a ragged breath before he drew his hand back for a punch that broke his nose. He repeated it to the side temple and knocked the jerkoff out.

“Tony…” a choked off voice sounded to his right.

He looked up, and there stood Steve and Bucky, open mouthed and looking stunned.

_Well, fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve finally got the girl, kind of. And gasp! Steve and Bucky are together? Who could have seen that coming? Those sneaky boys. This may seem like a step back for Tony with the pining and angst, but like I said in the beginning, this needed to happen for other realizations to be made.
> 
> I've never said this, but I do apologize for any mistakes to my typing and whatnot. This is unbeta'd.
> 
> And here is a little spoiler-y treat. So stop reading if you don't want to know.
> 
>  
> 
> You know how everything up until now has been seen through Tony's eyes? Well, wouldn't it be interesting to hear from someone else? I won't say who, but at some point in the next chapter, another point of view will weigh in as the boys have a talk about Tony.


	8. Lights Will Guide You Home and I Will Try To Fix You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of BAMF Tony. A deeper insight to Steve, Bucky and the secrets they've been hiding behind their smiles. This is the turning point, and heads will begin their removal from asses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for all of you truly amazing people. The response to the last chapter was staggering. I was overwhelmed by the number of comments and wonderful things you took the time to write. I couldn't even finish responding to them all on my lunch hour! So this is going up as a great big thank you. Your support means the world to me.
> 
> The title for this chapter is obviously from Coldplay's Fix You. There are two reasons. Firstly,the lights mentioned are a callback to chapter three where Tony calls the boys two sources of light. Second, like all the titles it references an important moment for Tony in the chapter. He is still not in a good place, but we know that our boys won't let him stay that way for long. I swear I can hear that song playing in the background during part of this chapter. 
> 
> I'm a little nervous about the alternate POV as I have gotten used to writing Tony. If anything seems out of character or doesn't flow as smoothly...well, I did my best to avoid that. I actually left little breadcrumbs in previous chapters. This is how I always envisioned the inner workings of the character. I went back and reread this story three times to make sure I had dropped hints about certain things. Sorry, I'm rambling, but I'm nervous. Especially after the hype from the last chapter. 
> 
> So, enjoy!?

Tony stared back at the wide-eyed expressions of Steve and Bucky as he staggered to his feet. This was bad. So bad.

It was late at night, and Tony was standing in an alley filled with four unconscious, beaten men. How much had they seen? How much had they _heard_?

 _Enough,_ he figured from the looks on their faces. He actually saw fear there. They were afraid of him, and a large part of himself couldn’t blame them for that. Tony knew he was capable of violence. Iron Man came with a certain amount of violence, both done to and done by him. But this wasn’t Iron Man fighting, this was Tony being brutal because these men happened to be there and had earned Tony’s anger.

_Big man in a suit of armor, take that off and what are you?_

“I can explain,” he started, but he honestly had no good reason for this. He was tired and in pain, and seeing them just brought back the memory of what he’d been trying to escape.  

“Tony,” Steve’s voice was off. Shock and something else changed his normal tone. “You…I can’t believe you did that. You…”

 “Oh my, God, your bleeding.” Bucky cried out as his eyes darted over to the knife on the ground then back to Tony’s reddened shirt before the two men rushed to his sides. “He stabbed you! Oh, shit!”

Steve’s shock was finally replaced by a new expression as he looked at the bloody fabric like it was offending him personally. “We need to get you to a hospital.”

Tony balked at that. He hated hospitals. “No, it’s fine.” He panted as the adrenaline faded. He knew a crash was coming soon. “It’s only a scratch. I’ve had worse.”

“Tony…” “I don’t think…”

“Please,” he all but pleaded, “let’s just go home and get this bandaged.” He wondered how long he’d be able to call it home after this.

They both looked at him, clearly conflicted and near panicking as they tried to process the scene around them. Eventually, they both nodded in silent agreement and wrapped an arm around either side of him to help him walk, which was nice because Tony could feel the strength leaving him. God, he was out of shape. He hadn’t sparred in months.

They walked in silence as they made their way back to the apartment. It was good because Tony’s head was throbbing and his jaw ached. The cut on his lip was a shadow compared to the burning pull of his stomach with every step he took.

They finally made it inside, and Tony was nearly overwhelmed as the memories of what had happened between the two men at both his sides returned. The two lovers who were leading him to the couch. The two lovers that he was in love with.

He sat down with a groan as he leaned back against the cushions. The silence was too heavy for Tony so he finally asked what he’d been wondering the whole walk home. “How did you two find me? What were you doing there?”

Steve was quietly removing Tony’s shoes, but it was Bucky who answered, bringing back bandages from the bathroom.

“It was late, and you hadn’t come home. We were worried.” He still looked worried, both of them did, and it was his fault.

“Oh, well, sorry about that. I lost track of time.” They didn’t look relieved by his answer, so he continued, “I was just walking, lost in my own head. I get like that. My brain never shuts up, you know. It’s worse than my mouth.”

The joke fell flat.

“Yeah, so anyways, I was walking, not paying attention to the time or where I was, when I walked straight into Collins and his group of boy scouts. They said some things, then I said some things and before I knew it, I was teaching those misguided young men some manners.”

They both continued to stare until Steve spoke this time.

“Some manners? Tony, you…you clobbered them. I’ve never seen anyone fight like that. The things you did…”

“You saw?” Tony asked, worried.

“Oh, we saw.” Bucky cut in, he and Steve were still looking at him like he was a ghost.

_Or a monster._

“We’d just turned onto the street when we saw you _walk into that alley_ followed by Collins and his guys. We hurried over to help, but when we saw you fighting…we just froze in shock.”

“You moved so fast, Tony, and the way you fought was...” It was so weird that _Steve fucking Rogers_ was saying this to him. In seventy years he’d be the one to teach Tony a few of those moves. “It was unreal. We stepped forward when we saw the knife, but you just batted it away like nothing. Before we knew it, Joe was on his back, and you were…”

Threatening to kill him. Breaking his arm with calm detachment. Suffocating him to get a point across. These things went unsaid, but Tony felt the words hovering around them.

“I’m sorry.” And he meant it. “I’m sorry for worrying you, for being reckless, for being…me. Just please let me get this bandaged up, and I’ll get out of your hair. I promise.”

That pulled a reaction out of them. Steve frowned as he looked back down at Tony’s bloody shirt as if remembering the wound. Bucky almost tripped over his feet as he hurried the bandages to Tony. “Sorry! I forgot. Let’s get your shirt off, and I’ll help you clean and wrap the cut.”

Tony shook his head. “The shirt stays on.”

“Tony, it’s got blood all over the front of it,” Bucky said quietly, “and it’ll be much easier to clean and bandage the cut without the shirt in the way.”

“The shirt stays on!” He snapped, instantly regretting it when they both flinched. He took a deep breath and tried to explain. “It’s…I have a lot of scarring. I don’t let people see it. Trust me, you don’t want to.”

Bucky’s eyebrows drew together in a pained expression, but he just nodded. As Tony began to carefully pull the shirt up to reveal the wound across his stomach, Steve finally spoke.

“What do you mean you promise to get outta our hair?” Steve sounded almost angry. The question seemed to make Bucky realize what Tony had said, and his face morphed into confusion before dropping into a matching scowl.

Tony stopped his work with the sticky shirt and looked up uncertainly. “I mean, _obviously_ you wouldn’t want me to stick around after that. You saw what I did. You _heard_ what I said.”

“And you think that bothers us?” Steve asked incredulously. “Yes, I’ll admit that a lot of it shocked the hell out of us, but Tony, we were really only worried about _you_! You’re hurt! You could have been killed! I can’t bring myself to give a shit about them right now.”

Tony was confused. “But I…”

“Defended yourself against four assholes who were lookin’ for a fight?” Bucky interrupted. “Against the same guys who have tried to make Steve’s life miserable for years?”

Steve nodded. “And what you said, about me, no one but Bucky’s ever done somethin’ like that. Just like that first day when we met, you defended me.” Steve sounded like he was reassuring himself along with Tony and was seeing it in a different light now that he’d had time to think about it. “You made my problem your problem. That day, you promised to break his arm…” His voice full of emotion as he finished, “Then tonight, he tried to call me a queer and you just…kept your promise. You said me and Buck were worth…”

“Ten of him,” Tony finished. “I meant it. You two are the best people I’ve ever met.” He took a breath and finished with the truth. “I’ll kill that fucker if he touches you again, Steve. I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself. My old man used to do that shit when he was drunk and angry. When I think of someone beating on you, hurting you and saying those things, all I can think about is making sure it never happens again.”

Steve’s eyes were wet as he took a deep, shaky breath. Bucky’s hand reached out to his and squeezed gently, giving comfort, before he pulled it back and silently knelt next to Tony.

He lifted his eyebrows, waiting for Tony’s nod of permission, and carefully helped him pull the shirt up to his ribs. The cut wasn’t that deep, but it was long, a diagonal line that ran from his left hipbone to his lower right ribs.

Bucky grabbed the Bourbon from the table where Tony had left it last night when he’d had a nightcap. “This is gonna burn,” he warned.

“I’ve had worse.” He answered, but took a deep calming breath anyway.

Yup, it burned. Tony gritted his teeth as he waited for the pain to recede to a dull roar. Bucky grabbed several pieces of gauze and covered the gash that had restarted its bleeding. He then grabbed the freshly laundered sheet Tony slept with and ripped it into long strips. Bucky carefully started to wrap it around Tony’s waist, hands moving under his back to catch the fabric and bring it around again.

When he was finished, Tony saw his eyes linger on the homemade bandages, as if he were looking through them to the skin underneath. To Tony’s scars. Yeah, the worst were still covered by his shirt on his chest, but they still littered his skin down to his navel. The thick surgical scar ran well past his ribs. Tony knows they both saw it.

God, he was tired. Tired of being scarred. Tired of being broken. Tired of the voice that was never quiet in his mind. He just wanted to sleep.

So he was surprised when Bucky put a hand under his shoulder and urged him to sit up. The confusion must have shown on his face because Bucky smiled softly, his blue-grey eyes shining as he said, “You’re sleepin’ in a bed tonight. You need to rest, and this couch ain’t made for comfort.”

Tony opened his mouth to protest, but Bucky cut him off. “Nope. No arguments. Getcha ass movin’, Stark, or you can sleep in a hospital bed.”

Tony’s mouth closed, and he slowly got to his feet with Bucky’s help. Steve had already left for the bedroom. They entered just as Steve began to push one bed across the floor to the other, the double bed once again large enough for all three of them.

Tony gulped as his mind began to race. It was only hours ago that both of them had been in this room on one of these beds making love as Tony listened through the door. He felt dirty. He’d violated their privacy, and here they were offering to share their bed with him so that he was comfortable and could rest.

He didn’t deserve either of them.

Bucky went to the dresser and grabbed a clean shirt, holding it out to Tony. When he took the offering, Bucky turned his back to give him privacy as Steve left the room.

Tony was sore and getting the shirt on took more effort than usual, but he did it. He touched Bucky’s back to signal he was finished. The younger man just turned around and led him to the bed. Steve came back as he was settling under the covers and handed him a glass of water and some pain relievers.  

Tony, unused to being waited on with such care, choked up as he grabbed the items from Steve. Sweet, stubborn Steve who would probably force the pills down his throat if he refused. Tony didn’t refuse. He popped the white tablets in his mouth and drained the glass in large, hurried gulps. He’d been thirstier than he’d thought.

Steve took the empty glass and set it on the dresser as Tony relaxed against his pillow. The two younger men stripped down to their undershirts and boxers and climbed in next to him, one on each side.

“G’night, Tony.”

“Sleep well, Tony.”

Tony blinked back tears. “Good night, boys.”

The pressure in his chest was staggering. Love and pain in equal amounts. The comfort of having them next to him was like a salve, soothing his aching head and trying to pull him into unconsciousness. He was surrounded by the ones he loved, lending him their warmth.

The pain had nothing to do with his injuries. It came from being so close to what he wanted and knowing he couldn’t reach out for it.

It didn’t matter. He’d take the pain. As long as he could have whatever love they chose to give him, even as a friend, he’d bear the pain and cherish the love.

It was with these thoughts that he finally drifted off to sleep.

 

***Bucky’s POV***

Bucky lay silent and still next to Tony’s sleeping body and thought about the past few hours.

Steve and him had finally taken a chance and fooled around like they used to do. No quick hidden kisses or silently jerking each other off in the middle of the night so they weren’t discovered. And Fuck, it had been good.

Bucky had been happy for Steve finally getting somewhere with a date, of course he was, but it had hurt a little too, behind his teasing questions. This was how Steve felt every time Bucky was with some dame, and it definitely hurt. But what choice did they have? They had lived together for too long to not make time with the girls they went out with.

Bucky hated it. Always feeling like he was stepping out on Steve, as if he ever would if he had the choice. Steve was his rock. He was the only one that made Bucky feel safe enough to ask for what he needed. Bucky knew he wasn’t like other people when it came to sex. Hell, even for an invert he had to be peculiar. He didn’t understand it himself, but Steve always did his best to take care of him.

After they had finished and cleaned up, they waited for Tony to get home, and the hours passed. It had been dark for a while, and they’d been worried so they went out to search for him. Bucky was so relieved when they’d rounded that corner and spotted Tony, only to become angry when Tony went into an alley with the four assholes who had made Steve’s life miserable for so long.

Bucky had never been angry with Tony before, but when he saw the man do something so reckless, he wanted to rage. Those guys were dangerous. How could he do that? What was he thinking?

Bucky and Steve had taken off after them, and Bucky was worrying how to protect Steve and Tony when they entered the mouth of the alley and stopped dead in shock.

They arrived just in time to see Tony break the first guy’s nose then knock him out. Tony rolled on the ground, delivered punches then spun around to throw another guy _over his back_!

One or both of them gave a small cry that was probably lost in the noise of the fight when Tony took a hit to the face, but it didn’t seem to slow him even as his knee hit the ground. Punches and spinning kicks and more punches, and then it was just him and Joe.

Tony taunted him with that cocky smile he wore so well. Telling Joe he’d wake in up in that alley because an old queer had kicked their asses. Even in Bucky’s panic for Tony, his mind latched onto that because Tony wasn’t really calling himself that, right? He couldn’t mean it. He was just trying to piss Joe off.

Tony dodged a punch then landed one of his own. Another of Joe’s made contact and knocked his head back. Bucky saw red when he saw Joe pull out a knife before his stomach quickly plummeted as the knife slashed across Tony’s front. He and Steve both launched forward a few steps before Tony quickly got the knife away from Joe and tossed it to the side.

Bucky had heard the impact of Tony’s back hitting the wall, just as he heard the sound their heads knocking together as Tony got Joe off of him. Joe stumbled, and with a few more quick punches and a kick, Joe was on the ground with Tony on his chest.

Bucky had never seen the look Tony now wore on his face as he choked the other man. It was pure hate. Tony’s voice had been so cold as he threatened Joe who was trying and failing to loosen Tony’s grip. Tony never budged.

He just kept talking about Steve and how he’d promised to protect him. And even though Bucky would admit that he was a little scared of Tony in that moment, a warmth spread through him when he heard the man so upset over Steve getting hurt.

Bucky and Steve both flinched when Tony loudly roared, “Answer me!”

Joe’s answer just made Tony even angrier. Joe was struggling to speak as Tony fumed at him before he managed to get a few words out. Bucky felt his anger reignite as he realized Joe was going to call Steve a queer, but it abruptly turned into stunned disbelief when Tony broke his arm so quickly, hell it looked _effortless_ , before his hands went back up to silence Joe again.

Tony was speaking again, and a chill went up Bucky’s spine as Tony said he’d been holding back because Bucky believed it. The relative ease that Tony had taken them down with, and the calm detachment on Tony’s face that warred with the cold fury throughout most of the conversation spoke volumes as to what he was capable of.

When Joe was knocked out by the final punch, Bucky had choked out Tony’s name. He was in shock. He couldn’t believe this was the same man he’d taught how to dance, the same man that had surprised them with the best Christmas they’d had in over half a decade. But that thought quickly left when he saw the red stain on Tony’s stomach, and worry won out.

They had to help him. It was clear that Tony would not go to the hospital like they wanted him to, so Bucky just did the best he could patching him up. God knows, he’d had enough practice with Steve over the years, but he was still worried about that wound. What if it got infected?

Bucky flashed to the moment he tried to take Tony’s shirt off. The harsh snap of Tony’s voice had shocked him so deeply it almost hurt. Tony had never spoken like that to them before, but once Tony apologized and explained why, Bucky’s heart melted a little.

Even with the shirt only half-way up, Bucky could see a lot of scars. Some were older than others, especially the fine jagged ones that were scattered below his ribs. One was very thick and deep red, peeking out from the middle of his shirt. Bucky had made himself focus only on the cut he was tending to.

When Bucky had realized Tony had talked of leaving, he got anxious and angry. Tony couldn’t leave. Did he really think they’d disown him over this? Especially when he’d done it for Steve?

And as he lay there and really thought about it, he realized that nearly every single thing Tony has done since they met him has been for Steve or Bucky himself. Tony is always working, always planning, always trying to do better by them. Bucky wonders if the reason Tony doesn’t like to deal with emotions is because he feels things too deeply, so he _shows_ the people he cares about that they are important. All because Tony can’t bring himself to say it.

And Bucky knows that Steve and him are important to Tony, but why? He never understood how Tony treated them like they were special, like they mattered, even when Tony barely knew them. The thing that had always been most odd to Bucky was how little Tony thought of the things he did for them. Many of which were incredible, yet Tony acted as if it were perfectly normal things to do.

Bucky would be lying if he said he didn’t secretly love the way Tony doted on them, took care of them, and tonight had just been another instance of it. Honestly, it was the thing he loved most about…

_Tony_

Bucky stared at the dark ceiling above his head in a state of shock for the second time that night. He loved Tony. Not the same way he loved Steve, but not the way he would if Tony were just his friend. Was it possible to love two people at once? It didn’t feel right, like he was betraying Steve. God, what was wrong with him? Was this connected to how messed up he was? Was he that much of a freak? Then again, Bucky had to admit that he’d maybe been in denial about how he felt, and he knew why.

Tony was everything that stoked the shameful desires that Bucky tried so hard to ignore. A real man wouldn’t think those things or want those things, but Bucky always had. Hell, there were things he’d never even been able to admit to Steve because he was too ashamed.

Steve was always so kind and indulged Bucky in what he asked for. Bucky liked the way Steve claimed him, told him what to do, embarrassed him a little. And wasn’t that fucked up? What kind of man would get off on that?

But as Bucky thought of Tony, other more hidden desires threatened to surface. When he thought of how protective Tony was or how he took care of them. How he could be so commanding at times. When he called them boys…

Bucky felt something hot in is lower stomach at the thought. And for once he didn’t push it away. What would it be like to be with Tony? Would he be the same in a relationship as he was as a roommate? Would he be the same in bed? Would he take care of Bucky like he was special and…precious? Bucky’s dick twitched at the thought.

He then heard Steve give a small cough in his sleep, and Bucky’s mind snapped back to reality. Bucky was with Steve! He loved Steve! And if he kept indulging this warped side of his nature, he could end up losing both men.

Bucky closed his eyes and promised himself that he would do better before he slowly began to drift off to sleep.

***Tony POV***

Tony woke slowly. He could sense light behind his eyelids, but that wasn’t what woke him. A dull throbbing ache in his head was battling for supremacy with the burning pain in his stomach.

_What the hell did I do last night?_

It was then that he registered the warm bodies on either side of him, and it all came rushing back. He was in bed with Steve and Bucky. He’d gotten injured. The events of the previous day snowballing behind his eyelids as he remembered exactly why he was here, cuddled between his roommates. Now that he knew their secret, it felt wrong to be here in the middle.

Apparently, he’d been dividing them since he arrived here, making them hide in their own home, all while he was falling in love with them. Tony very briefly wished he hadn’t stopped that knife last night.

What was he going to do? It had been hard enough to keep his distance and act normal, like a friend and nothing more, when he thought they were straight and it would be a hopeless endeavor. Now he knew they were together, but it was still just as hopeless for him.

God, the things he’d heard. It was like a fantasy he’d never allowed himself to have. Steve being so possessive and dominant. Bucky getting off on being used by Steve. It seemed he had a submissive side to him, something Tony wouldn’t have guessed at. It interested him though, and as he thought about it, the more sense it made.

Bucky had taken on a lot of responsibility from an early age and having that burden removed, especially by someone he trusted, would probably be very appealing. Bucky had always taken care of Steve. Was this how Steve took care of him?

He remembered how dominant Bucky had been with that girl. Then he remembered how Bucky had said it meant nothing. It was just a necessary act, however both times had involved a lot of talking. For Steve’s benefit? Or was it a shared thing? Tony could think of a few things he’d like to hear Bucky and Steve say, and a few more he’d like to say in return. Not that it mattered, he reminded himself. Hopeless.

Tony didn’t handle hopeless well, and all of the emotions he’d been trying to overcome since he realized he was stranded here crashed down on him. He wanted to go home. He wanted his workshop and his robots. He missed JARVIS and Pepper and Rhodey and Happy and that band of lunatics he called his teammates. He missed the uncomplicated interactions he had with Cap and James. He missed fighting over stupid things like using someone else’s coffee mug and what movie they should watch and what Chinese place they should order from.

Not this, not falling in love with not one but two people who were already in a secret relationship with each other in fucking nineteen-forty!

At that thought Steve decided to snuggle closer against Tony’s side. His arm moved up to brush along Tony’s chest as his hips ground lightly against Tony’s thigh and he hummed in his sleep. As if in answer, Bucky turned toward the sound and reached across Tony’s chest to find his lover’s hand. It was too much.

Tony let out a choked sound as he shut his eyes and briefly considered _praying_ to be sent back to his time. As he shuddered and tried to stop another sound from leaving him, the two boys on either side of him jerked awake. They looked at their joined fingers on Tony’s chest then up at each other before they both turned to Tony.

He watched the groggy confusion morph into panic as they yanked their hands away from the other as if they’d been electrocuted. That panic killed Tony just a little bit more to know he’d caused it. So he did the only thing he could do, he tried to fix it.

“Sorry,” he croaked. His voice sounded like shit, so he cleared his throat and tried again. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Didn’t remember my injuries until I tried to stretch. Not a fun way to wake up.”

It seemed to work as their panic morphed into concern over him.

Steve spoke first. “Are you alright? Do you need something?” His hands hovered over Tony’s stomach, clearly wanting to check beneath the wrappings but not sure if it would be welcome.

Bucky was already up and getting the leftover bandages he’d placed on the dresser. He brought them to the bed before turning back to grab the empty glass Tony had used last night and left the room. He heard the tap run from somewhere in the apartment and figured Bucky was refilling the glass while Steve was still hovering over him waiting for Tony’s permission to lift his shirt.

“Tony,” Steve started to say, “can I check your cut?”

Bucky re-entered the room and said more bluntly, “Let’s see the damage.” Before he handed Tony the water and some more pain relievers. Tony quietly took them and drank down the water. Bucky grabbed the glass and set it aside.

Tony exhaled heavily and began to raise his shirt. He hesitated when he got to edge of the wrappings at his chest but then thought _fuck it_ and carefully pulled it over his head, trying to avoid his bruised face without jostling his stomach.

Their sudden intakes of breath were followed by heavy silence, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at their faces so he stared up at the ceiling. _Ugly_ just kept running through his mind. He hated his chest. He knew what it looked like. Even Pepper hadn’t wanted to look too closely at the scars on his torso around the reactor. It was even worse after the reactor’s removal.

Jagged little red and white lines streaked across his chest and down his ribs. Stretch marks from where his skin was cut and pulled tight to be tucked around the reactor. Discoloration in the center of his chest from the skin graft showed where the reactor once rested, and a long surgical scar from the procedure that removed it and the remaining shrapnel. It was still raised and purple, rough where it ran over existing scars.

“You wanted to see the damage,” he tried to quip, but his voice sounded small. He still couldn’t look down from the ceiling and meet their eyes. God, this was a mistake. What was he thinking? He should grab his shirt and…

He flinched when he felt a hand on the center of his chest, and his eyes snapped down to meet Steve’s who quickly pulled his hand back a few inches but was still so much closer than Tony was used to.

“Sorry,” Steve said worriedly, “does it hurt?” Tony just shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.

“Can I?” Steve motioned to his chest nervously, and after a couple moments consideration, Tony nodded.

Steve’s fingers were gentle, the long graceful hands of an artist. They felt cool against Tony’s skin as they traced over the scars. Tony almost shuddered when Bucky’s hand joined him, rough and warm and a deep contrast to Steve’s. It wasn’t sexual, but it was intimate. Tony both hated and craved it. He viciously forbid himself to cry. This was too much, and he was emotionally exhausted.

As if sensing this, the two younger men pulled their hands away at the same time. “Can we change your bandages?” Bucky asked softly.

Once Tony nodded yes, Steve began to carefully unwrap the linen, getting close each time he reached around Tony’s back to grab the unraveling cloth. When it was gone, he gently peeled off the stained gauze that was slightly sticking to Tony’s abdomen.

He looked down to examine himself. The shallow slice was a dull red but had mostly clotted. There didn’t seem to be any infection as of yet. Bucky came forward with a tube of ointment and a small piece of gauze that he used to smear the salve across the wound. He gently laid another strip of gauze over the cut and began to wrap Tony up in a new strip of linen. Steve moved behind Tony to catch the cloth and pass it back around to Bucky; the two working quietly together.

“Done,” was all that Bucky said as he tucked the end of the linen into place. Tony just closed his eyes and sighed as he laid back down on his pillow.

“Thanks, you guys. I think I’m going to try to get some more rest if that’s OK?”

He heard their murmured replies, “Of course, Tony.” “Sleep as long as you need to.” He dimly noted their exit as he laid there and let oblivion claim him.

***Steve’s POV***

As he sat across the table from Bucky, Steve’s mind replayed the last twenty-four hours. It had begun with Bucky teasing him all morning about Steve’s first successful date, and while he had enjoyed doing that with Lucille, he’d also known that it wouldn’t be enough to change him and how he felt about his best friend and sometimes lover.

So to get Bucky to stop talking and give him what he’d been thinking of since the night before, even as he’d grinded against that girl, he kissed Bucky. It was a kiss he’d given many times to let Bucky know what he wanted, and it worked as well as ever.

He knew Bucky would want this too, want the reminder of who they were to each other. It had been a while. Since Tony arrived, they’d had to sneak in quick moments of affection, quiet sessions of lust when Tony was sound asleep. They made up for lost time.

Steve had spoken his usual words, claiming Bucky and teasing at the thought that Steve would use him in front of others. It could never happen, but it was always fun to pretend. Then, Steve had mentioned Tony catching them, watching them. The effect was immediate. Bucky’s eyes had almost gone black before they rolled back, and he moaned around Steve.

Steve’s dick had jerked in Bucky’s mouth as he pictured it. Tony’s eyes wide and face flush like it had been the night they’d sat and listened to Bucky screw that girl. He came hard not long after that, talking filth to Bucky and thinking of Tony watching them.

Now Tony was lying in his bed and healing from a knife wound. God, if they’d only looked for him sooner. They could have lost him, and Steve couldn’t even be properly mad at Tony. He’d be a hypocrite. How many times had Steve gotten into a fight to protect someone else? To stand up to a bully or some jerk who wanted to throw their weight around?

So Steve wanted to be mad, but he couldn’t. He was worried though.

Tony was hurting, and it wasn’t just from his injuries. Something was wrong. He had noticed little things last night after they’d bandaged Tony up. After Steve had begun to wrap his head around everything he’d seen Tony do. It was still there this morning in the way Tony didn’t quite look at them as he spoke.

But Steve couldn’t understand why. Did he still think they were angry with him?

“What do we do?” He asked softly so his voice wouldn’t carry to the bedroom.

Bucky sighed and rubbed his face. “I don’t know, Stevie. Tony’s always been a bit of mystery, but…I’m just thankful it wasn’t worse. Fuckin’ Joe Collins pulled a knife on him!” He said looking livid. Steve understood that feeling.

Steve sighed. “I don’t think he’s ever had to use it. All the times he and his gang have gone after people, they usually just rough ‘em up and leave. I don’t think they expected Tony to kick their asses.” And he had. It had been surreal to watch.

“How did he do that, Steve? I mean I can fight sure, but those moves he did, I’ve never seen anythin’ like it.”

Steve looked at him. “We already knew he’d fought in the past. He told us that the second day we met him, how he was captured. Then, he told us more the night he had that nightmare.”

Bucky nodded and closed his eyes. “Those scars, Jesus, he said there was scars, but I didn’t imagine it was that bad. How did he survive that?”

In his mind he saw those scars that Tony had hidden from them for three months. His heart ached for his friend. The damage was extensive, apparently both physically and mentally. How could it not be? That’s what had been hardest.  Seeing the shame and disgust on Tony’s face as he refused to meet their eyes.

Steve could see now how careful Tony had been to keep his chest covered these past three months, and he recalled the way Tony had snapped at Bucky last night when he tried to take his shirt off. Steve wondered if it was the scars that Tony hated or what they reminded him of.

Probably both.

“He survived because he’s one of the strongest people I’ve known.” Steve continued, “We’re gonna have to take care of him.”

“Of course we will.” Bucky answered. “Is that even a question?”

Steve sighed. “Buck, you know how he is. Tony is one of the most generous people we’ve met, but I don’t think he knows what to do when generosity is given to him. It’s like he isn’t used to kindness or people taking care of him. Getting him to rest and heal is gonna be difficult.”

Bucky looked disheartened at that idea, but nodded. “Well, we’ll nurse him back to health even if we have to tie him to the bed. The last thing we need is for him to hurt himself worse by upsetting that wound.”

“I don’t want to lose him, Buck.” Steve admitted quietly, meaning so many things with just that one sentence.

“I know,” Bucky agreed. “I keep waitin’ for the day when he gets sick of us, or he’ll realize how much we’re holdin’ him back, or…we slip up and he catches us. I don’t think he’d do nothing to hurt us, but I can’t imagine him staying after that. And the longer he stays, the more I know it’s gonna hurt when he goes. He’s more than our friend, he’s….”

“Ours.” Steve finished for him because that was the truth. Tony had walked into their lives and into their hearts. His sharp mind and quick wit were disarming. His humor and charm drew people to him. He was kind and generous and handsome.

 _Oh_.

_Oh, No_

“But,” Steve stammered, “but not really ours. He’s our friend, yes, but not like we have some claim to him. Because what we have is ours, and Tony is his. He’s not like us and…”

“Steve.”

“I mean, of course I don’t mean it like that. Tony is just so…”

“Stevie,” Bucky murmured, “look at me.”

Steve exhaled feeling a blush spread over his face and met his best friends eyes.

“Do you love, Tony?” He asked in a voice Steve couldn’t interpret.

Steve wanted to yell _NO!_ He loved Bucky. With all his heart. He had since he was fifteen, and six years later nothing had changed that. “I love _you_ , “ was all he could answer because it was the truth.

Bucky’s eyes held nothing but acceptance and understanding as he smiled softly. ”But you love him too.” It wasn’t a question. Hell, he didn’t even sound upset!

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, because what else could he say?

“Well then, I’m sorry too.” Bucky answered still smiling softly.

Steve didn’t understand what Bucky could possibly be sorry about. Steve was the one who… “You too?” Steve hissed incredulously as understanding dawned on him.

“You fell for him too, so don’t be so surprised. How could I not?” He asked pointedly. “He’s kind, smart, funny and pretty easy on the eyes.” Bucky coughed, looking slightly embarrassed. “But what really did it was how good he is to you. Tony’s all aces when it comes to you, Stevie. I love how he takes care of you.”

 _And me_ , Steve knew Bucky was thinking but didn’t say. He knew it was something that Bucky secretly craved, something he hated that he craved.

So Steve gave Bucky what he needed and kept the focus on him. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” Steve huffed.

Bucky smirked, “I know that, but it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it, or that I can’t enjoy it.”

Steve knew he was right on both counts, but he really wished Bucky could admit that he would enjoy it for himself and not just on Steve’s behalf.

“Is this strange, Buck? That we both fell for the same guy when we’re already together?” Steve wondered before remembering. “Lucille and her roommates, Tony said the three of them were probably in a relationship or somethin’. That means it has to be, I dunno, OK? Tony seemed to know somethin’ about it.”

“Tony knows about a lot of things, doll, and he is from California. People are different there. I didn’t think they were _tha_ t different, but…I’m glad you feel the same and remembered that about those girls. I spent a good chunk of last night thinkin’ there was even more wrong with me than I’d thought.”

And it hurt, it hurt every time Bucky talked about himself that way. “There’s nothin’ wrong with you, Buck. You’re just different.”

“It’s a hell of a difference, Stevie.” Bucky just sighed. “I love you, ya know that right?”

“Of course I do.” Steve took the small risk and kissed him, letting every ounce of affection he could pass through it. “And I love you. And I love us. I wouldn’t change it or you.”

“I wish I could be normal, for you.” Bucky said in a small voice, the pain clear in his eyes.

Steve grabbed his hand. “I don’t know what that means, Buck, but I’m pretty sure I would hate it. You wouldn’t be my Bucky.”

“It’s even worse now that I know I love Tony.” Bucky said. “I keep thinkin’ of all these things, and I know it won’t happen, but what if by some miracle _he did_ want to be with us? What would he say if he found out about me? About the things I want? The thought of havin’ him then losing him is worse than never havin’ him at all.”

“I don’t think you’re giving Tony enough credit, love.” He thought about it some more and sighed, “It doesn’t really matter in the long run though, does it? We can’t let him know, or we’ll probably lose him. I don’t want to damage what we have.”

“And we won’t,” Bucky agreed. “Tony’s been through more than enough. For now, it’s our job to take care of him.”  

Steve nodded. Tony had done so much for them, and last night he could have died because he’d wanted to make Steve’s life a little easier. Because Tony knew he could fight four men and win. Steve would fight for Tony, even if it was only to fight his own feelings.

Steve never backed down from a fight.

***

As predicted, Tony was not a happy patient.

When he finally woke up, he balked at the idea of staying in bed.

“I’m fine.” He swore up and down, and Steve almost wanted to throttle him. He’d been cut open sixteen hours ago! And he still wouldn’t look directly at Steve when he spoke!

“You are staying in bed, Tony.” Steve argued. “Bucky is fixing you a sandwich, and you will stay here and eat it.” This had to be payback for all the times Steve had been difficult while sick and on bedrest. His ma must have been laughing at him from heaven.

“It’s just a scratch, Steve, really! And I have work to do!” Tony protested, “I am very in demand right now.”

Bucky came in carrying a plate of sandwiches and a glass of milk. “The only demands that matter right now are ours. You stay put ‘til that wound closes, or I’ll tie you down.”

Tony’s face froze for a moment before his mouth snapped shut. He wordlessly took the offered plate of food and mumbled his thanks. Steve would have sworn his cheeks looked flushed. Was he getting a fever?

“Tony, we appreciate that you feel like you have to work right now,” Steve started, “but please just take it easy for a bit and let us take care of you.”

Tony swallowed his mouthful of sandwich. “I don’t do well with inactivity. I have to stay busy.”

“We can bring you that notepad you always carry ‘round.” Bucky offered. “You know, the one you’re always scribbling in, and we can’t understand half of what it says.”

That caused a small smile to form on Tony’s lips. “That’s because half of the equations are incomplete.”

“Pretty sure that’s not the reason,” Bucky smirked as he left to get the pad and pencil.

Steve looked back to the injured man. “Do you trust us, Tony?”

“Of course I do!”

Steve chest loosened at the sincerity in that answer, and the fact that Tony was now meeting his eyes. “Then trust us to handle this. It’s only for a few days and…”

“You’ll get sick of me!” Tony blurted out and held up a hand to stop Steve’s argument. “No, you don’t understand. I will admit that I’m strung out and emotionally exhausted, but it has nothing to do with this cut. I’ve been able to stay busy and away enough so you haven’t noticed. I’m selfish and difficult and reckless and could count the friends in my life with one hand. Everyone else saw it. With enough time you will too, and I….” His voice broke as he looked to the side, “I can’t stand the thought of you seeing me that way.”

Steve couldn’t find words as his heart broke for the man he loved.

“You might be a genius, Tony” Bucky said from the doorway across the room, “but that was the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” He walked over to the bed before he continued, “I’m sorry that other people made you feel like that. No one deserves to feel like that, and they were missing out ‘cuz you’re a great friend to have.”

“You don’t understand,” Tony said desperately as he motioned to his scarred chest. “This was the price I paid for who I am. Truth is that I was broken long before I was damaged, and everyone knew it.” He practically clawed at the mass of scars. “I _deserved_ this. I was too proud and blind to what I was doing, to the lives I ruined because of my negligence. That’s who I am. My own father couldn’t get rid of me fast enough, and the man I thought of as an uncle, who helped raise me, tried to kill me, twice! And I never saw it coming. That’s how broken I am. I thought a murderer loved me, but he tolerated me like everyone else so he could use me.”

Steve watched as tears fell down Tony’s cheek. “I’ve lost so many people because of this broken thing inside of me, every relationship, friendship has been ruined. I don’t want to ruin you.”

Before Steve knew what he was doing, he’d wrapped his arms around Tony’s shoulders and held him close. An urge to protect roared inside him as he gently rubbed Tony’s back.

“I can’t say that you’re broken, Tony,” he murmured, “but if I’ve learned anything from you, it’s that there is nothing broken that can’t be fixed.”

“I don’t know how to fix this,” Tony croaked fighting back tears. “I’ve been this way for too long.”

Bucky answered this time. “You start by lettin’ us help you. Because we want to. And trust us to stay and take care of you.”

Tony pulled back from the embrace to look at the two of them and chuckled wetly to himself. “Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are going to try to save me. If anyone could fix me, it’d be you.”

Steve didn’t quite understand what he meant by that. Judging from Bucky’s face, he didn’t either, but Steve would take it as a win.

They eventually all settled in various places around the bed. Tony scribbled in his notepad as Bucky wrote a letter to his mother and sister. Steve was sketching some pictures he hoped to sell while Tony was recovering. The supplies Tony had given him for Christmas were wonderful. He never imagined the difference quality paper and pencils would make and warmth flooded his chest that Tony had gotten him something so thoughtful.

As he drew, he thought about the men next to him. He wasn’t supposed to love either of them the way he did, but it couldn’t be helped. One day, Bucky would get married like was supposed to. Maybe Tony too. If Steve actually found a woman who’d have him, he would probably marry her because that’s what fellas did.

But Steve was stubborn. He loved Bucky and knew that he always would, ‘til the end of the line. His best friend. His lover.

Steve looked up at Tony. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he soundlessly mouthed words about whatever he was working on. It was a different kind of love than what he felt for Bucky.

His lover was right. Tony was mysterious and charming and handsome. He was educated and seemed to know something about everything. He’d never shown them anything but respect and kindness, and that meant more to Steve than he could ever say.

Steve couldn’t understand how Tony saw himself, and while he wasn’t as smart as Tony, he could see the pattern forming. Tony didn’t think he was worthy of love. It was the only time his confidence was shaken, when the emotional armor he must have been building up his whole life cracked just a little.

Tony didn’t think he could be loved. But Steve loved him. And Bucky loved him. They may not be able to tell him the whole truth of it, but they would sure as hell show him in the ways they could.

Steve thought and began to form a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve has a plan! And both boys have finally realized their feelings for Tony, it just took them almost losing him for it to happen. Oh, and I only told half the truth. There were both the boys POVs. Forgive me?
> 
> Please don't hate me for Bucky. He is my sweet cinnamon roll, and I love him dearly (possibly the most), but he has lived his life uninformed of certain things like sexual preferences and kinks. Steve doesn't know about these things either, but in typical Steve fashion, he will do anything for Bucky to be happy. 
> 
> I do not believe in kink shaming. I believe in healthy communication between partners, unfortunately Bucky kink shames himself. I'm willing to bet Tony can make that better. 
> 
> The next chapter will post Saturday, and I mean that. I still have a lot of writing to catch up on before I go back and tweak that chapter, the infamous chapter 9. It was truly the most difficult to write by FAR because everything has been building up to it, and I had to do it justice. It was also my first time writing anything like it. Three guesses as to what happens. All I can say is your patience is about to be rewarded. Lord, have mercy. 
> 
> As always I appreciate all comments!


	9. You Didn't Push Me Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's plan to show Tony that they care about him is underway, even as Tony is trying to distance himself from his feelings and fight the depression they caused. It was decided that their friendship is too important for any of them to admit their attraction, but then someone slips, and a new kind of bravery is shown through desperation and paying attention to the right things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! This was the longest and hardest chapter to write. I actually wrote an entirely different 2nd half the first time I wrote this, but I was not happy with it. At all. So, I reread the story, some of the chapters several times before I then came back and created this. Now I feel that the characterizations are more natural and make sense with what I'd established. 
> 
> *Nervously hits Post Without Preview*

Tony stayed in bed for three days after that before Steve and Bucky grudgingly let him get back to work. It had been a long three days.  

He couldn’t believe he’d broken down like that. Again. He’d _cried._ Again. He’d admitted to things he’d never voiced before, had never allowed himself to dwell on to begin with. At least Steve and Bucky didn’t seem too bothered by his outburst.

Not that they had spent much time speaking to each other since then. Tony wasn’t hurtful about it, but he really didn’t have it in him to keep up the pretense while he was trying to get his head back on straight. He’d never spent so much time pretending to sleep in his life. It hurt to be around them, and at the same time he was so desperate for them that he couldn’t turn them away when they caught him awake.

They would talk with him, asking questions about his favorite things. Steve had asked about his favorite memories growing up and what his favorite foods had been. Bucky had asked more diverse questions. Ranging from: Had he ever flown in a plane? To: Had he ever been in love? That last question had made Tony want to smother himself with his pillow.

Once during these little talks, he’d almost convinced himself that they were looking at him a certain way, different from before. He could have sworn there was something in their eyes as they listened to him talk about his life, but he furiously reminded himself that wishful thinking would only drive him insane.  

They were being supportive and keeping their promise to be there for him. It only made Tony love them more, which was another reason he had to get out of that apartment.

Tony had come to realize and accept some things these past three days as he was stuck in bed. He’d been repressing a lot, even before he’d arrived here, but since then Tony had been walking a very fine line with those boys leading him the whole way.

The lies, half-truths and constantly watching over everything he said and did had pushed him to a breaking point. Realizing he was in love with two people who couldn’t love him back was the final straw. Well, that and the crash of adrenaline after a fight and getting slashed across the stomach.

Staring at his equations and theories on the notepad Bucky had brought him, he realized that he was just doing this out of habit and desperation.

He truly was stranded here, unless some other outside force came to help him. He’d stared down at his hand to the now invisible brand that made him immune to magic, trapping him as neatly as if he’d been in an actual cage.

He’d also accepted that he would be alone and hoped that with enough work, his love for Steve and Bucky would shift to a more appropriate form of affection. He couldn’t risk otherwise.

So, back to work.

Thankfully his clients had been very understanding to the fact that Tony had been injured and unavailable. He still had to take it easy though. He moved a bit slower and wasn’t supposed to over-exert himself. No heavy lifting either. Tony followed these rules because he had no doubt that if he pulled open the finally sealed wound, both of those boys would force him back to bed for another three days.

The cold was not doing him any favors. He never realized how much shivering affected your stomach muscles, and his healing wound was really starting to itch. At least he was out of the apartment.

The day passed by smoothly, and he was able to catch up on the jobs he’d had to delay. Apologizing repeatedly to his customers that he wasn’t able to get to them sooner and thanking them for waiting for him to get to it and not go to someone else for their repairs.

It was a little after five in the evening when he finally returned home. As he walked through the door, the smell of something familiar and wonderful hit his nose. It couldn’t be.

“Boys?” He called as he removed his jacket and boots, still wondering if his nose was playing tricks on him.

“In here, Tony.” Bucky called from the kitchen. As he crossed the small space to round the little wall that held a closet, he saw the both of them finishing with dinner.

Steve looked up from the pan he was tending to and smiled. “You’re just in time.”

Tony went closer to look at it’s contents as Bucky moved a pot to the sink and poured some pasta into a colander. “Is that what I think it is?”

Steve nodded, still smiling. “As close as I could get to what you described. You said it was your favorite dish growing up.”

Tony throat tightened. “It was. It smells just the same as I remember.”

Growing up Tony spent most of his time away from home. He was usually at boarding school during the year, and he’d spend most of his summers at camps specifically geared towards science, mathematics and engineering. Then, there had been college when he’d turned fifteen.

On the rare occasions when he’d returned home, the family’s butler Jarvis would make this just for Tony. Angel hair pasta with chicken sautéed in butter, white wine, lemon and garlic with a pinch of salt and black pepper added at the end. He hadn’t had it since Jarvis died. He’d told them about it when he’d been laid up in bed two days ago.

Tony took a steadying breath. “Thank you, both of you, but what’s the occasion?”  He looked up worried. “Is it a birthday? Did I forget a birthday?”

Steve huffed and shook his head. “It’s not a birthday dinner, Tony. We did this for you.”

Tony didn’t understand. “But why?”

“To celebrate your first day up and about o’course.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “It was fun. Stevie and me went shopping around for the ingredients after he sold his sketches. We even found some pretty good wine for the sauce.”

Tony turned to look at the table, and sure enough, there were _four_ bottles of Chardonnay in the center of it. He recognized the label and was surprised; it was a good one.

“Where did you get this wine?” He asked as he gathered the bottles and began to store them in the top of the icebox. He may be a common repairman, but there was no way he was drinking un-chilled Chardonnay.

Bucky watched as he put the bottles on ice (so to speak) and shrugged. “A guy I know who owed me a favor. A couple favors actually.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Are you telling me you know someone who sells things that have, for lack of a better term, fallen off the back of a truck?”

“Pretty much.” Bucky agreed unconcernedly.

“Huh. I don’t know if I should be impressed or worried.”

The smirk Bucky gave him made his heart stutter. “Impressed, definitely.”

“Alright,” Steve cut in, “Bucky you done bragging? Yes? Good, get the plates and utensils ready. Tony,” he turned to him, “go wash up. It’s almost chow time. Move.”

“Sir, yes sir.” Tony saluted as he left the two to take a quick shower. Thanks to that smirk Bucky had given him it was a lot cooler than the one he’d originally planned on taking. After he’d dried off and dressed in a fresh set of comfortable clothes, he made his way back to the kitchen.

He could hear them talking softly as he approached, but when he entered the room, the conversation died. If Tony was prone to paranoia, he would think they’d been talking about him. Okay, maybe he was a little bit paranoid.

“Am I interrupting?” He asked as he went to grab the already open bottle of wine from the icebox.

“No,” Steve answered, “not interrupting.”

Tony placed the bottle on the table as he took his seat and watched as a soft blush spread on Steve’s cheeks. Right. Not his business. He’d probably walked in on a private conversation. Here he was getting between the two of them again.

He summoned all the experience his life had afforded him to put a smile on his face and appear perfectly at ease. “Well then, let’s eat! If one of you will plate the food, I’ll pour the wine.”

Yes, he was definitely in the mood for wine. Lots of wine.

Bucky began to plate the food as Steve moved to get something from the oven. It was bread, sliced and lightly toasted. Steve had probably baked it today. Steve filled the basket in the middle of the table and put the pan in the sink before returning to his seat.

Tony passed the two wine filled glasses before accepting his plate from Bucky and snagging a couple slices of toast. Looking down at his meal, Tony forgot about the recent awkwardness and smile softly. “Thanks again, guys. This looks and smells amazing.”

“Sure does,” Bucky agreed. “You outdid yourself, Stevie.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but the effect was ruined as the blush reappeared. “Just eat the food.”

Tony promptly obeyed as he twirled his fork to collect the thin pasta before spearing a piece of sliced chicken. With the first bite, Tony’s eyes closed as he moaned around his fork. He felt like he’d been transported through the years back to his childhood. Or, technically, forward to his childhood.

When he opened his eyes, he half expected to see Jarvis looking at him across the table with the same fond, indulgent smile he wore just for Tony; however it was Steve and Bucky who returned his gaze.

Tony swallowed his bite. “It’s perfect, just like when I was a kid.”

They smiled in relief before digging into their own meals.

“Oh my God, Tony,” Bucky groaned, “you weren’t kiddin’. This stuff’s so good.”

Steve nodded around his mouthful.

They ate quietly at first, each of them concentrating on their food. The bread Steve provided was perfect for sopping up the sauce that was left on the plate. Tony would have been happy just eating that.

A second bottle of wine was soon opened, and conversation began to pick up. Tony told them about his day and some of its funnier moments. Bucky and Steve told him about their little misadventure to get the wine, and how Bucky had talked his way into getting two more bottles than the guy originally offered.

“It was nothin’ special.” Bucky shrugged loosely. They were all feeling pretty relaxed by this point. “It’s pretty easy to talk Charlie into anything once you get to know him.”

“You and your mouth, Barnes, I swear,” Tony said as he got up and brought their plates to the sink. “You could talk a nun into doing burlesque. Damn, I almost forgot the wine!”

He went to the icebox and removed the remaining bottles from the top compartment before placing them in the bottom section. “Can’t let them get too cold.”

“How do you know so much about wine, Tony?” Steve asked, his lips quirked up in a languid smile. Someone was feeling good.

“For starters,” Tony began, “I used to drink a lot of it.” Steve huffed as Bucky chuckled. “Secondly, it was just the way I grew up. Wine was served with meals and at parties. I didn’t have my first beer until I went to college.”

“Wow, how old were you?” Bucky asked.

“Fifteen,” Tony shrugged.

“You went to college when you were fifteen!?” Steve’s eyes widened as he leaned back.

“You musta been one hell of a kid, Tony.” Bucky muttered.

“I wasn’t.” Tony smiled a little sadly. “You don’t get to be a kid and go to college when you’re fifteen. Playtime is wasted potential, at least that’s what my father said. Anyway,” Tony clapped his hands once, breaking the moment, “how about we take this to the other room? We can listen to the radio and play some cards.”

“Not just yet,” Steve smirked and got up to walk to the oven. “There’s one more thing,” he added before he opened it and pulled out-

“Pie!” Tony couldn’t believe it. “How did I not smell it?”

“Steve had hoped the sauce and baked bread smell would hide it from you.” Bucky grinned.

“An ingenious plan to be sure,” Tony agreed as he watched Steve set the pie on the table and grab fresh plates. “Would it ruin the surprise to ask what kind?”

Steve smiled as he cut out the first slice. “Blueberry. It’s your favorite, right?”

Tony’s mind flashed back to the helicarrier when he’d offered Captain America a blueberry. “Yeah, blueberries are my favorite.”

They ended up opening another bottle of wine with their dessert, which was absolutely delicious, before finally settling down in the living area. Each sat on the floor around the coffee table nursing their drinks. They had played a couple games of Gin Rummy which were made more entertaining by the buzzes they were nursing.

“Maybe we should go to a movie next week,” Tony began as Bucky shuffled the deck. “That new James Stewart movie is coming out. His stuff’s usually good.”

Steve smiled as he put his glass down. “I would be good with that. What about you, Buck?”

“I’m always up for a movie.” He answered as he finished his shuffling. “Same game? Or are we playing somethin’ new?”

“Same game,” Tony replied after a drink of his wine. “I’m gonna beat you, Rogers. So help me God, you can’t win them all.”

“Stevie’s always been good at cards.” Bucky chimed as he dealt their new hands. “Twerp doesn’t like to lose.”

“I don’t win every time.” Steve said as he rearranged his cards in his hand.

“Yes, you do.” They both said. Steve just rolled his eyes.

“I’d accuse you of cheating, but it’s you, and I know better.” Tony looked at his hand. Dammit, Steve was going to win again. How was it that every time…

“Wait!” Tony glanced to Bucky, then Steve and back again. “You _are_ cheating!”

“What are you talkin’ about?” Bucky asked. His straight face lasted a few more seconds before he burst out laughing. Steve soon joined in.

“Are you kidding me?” Tony couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to figure it out. “Both of you?”

“You ever notice how much Bucky talks and gestures with his hands while he shuffles?” Steve asked. “He started figuring out those tricks when he was twelve. Taught a few to me after he got really good at it, and like you said, no one ever suspects me of cheating. I never cheat if money is involved though.”

“I do.” Bucky smirked.

“Well, I must say that once again Barnes, I am impressed, but don’t think I won’t be watching you more carefully now. ” Tony shook his head as he grabbed his glass to finish off his wine.

“Wanna open up the last bottle?” Bucky asked.

“Buck,” Steve shot a warning look at the other man.

“What? We’re all adults, and it’s fun to knock a few back every once in a while.” Then Bucky smirked at him. “ Unless you’ve already had enough, Stevie.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed. “You’re askin’ for it, Barnes.”

“Always.” And Bucky _winked_ before getting up to get the last bottle. Steve just shook his head.

Soon they were back to playing after Bucky had refilled their glasses and Tony reshuffled and dealt the cards. Fool him once, shame on you. Never again, Barnes.

“Son of a bitch!” Tony exclaimed by the end of the game. “Five points! You beat me by five points, Rogers, and this time I know you didn’t cheat! And you’re drunk!”

Steve scoffed, “Am not,” before shaking his head. “Well, maybe a little, but not very. You two drank more than I did.”

He went to stand up and promptly stumbled, falling into Tony’s lap.

Tony grunted in surprise as his stomach was hit.

Steve’s eyes widened as he twisted and frantically began pulling at the bottom of Tony’s shirt. “Shit! I’m so sorry Tony,” he apologized as he smoothed a hand over Tony’s scabbed abdomen. “Is it bad? Are you bleeding again?”

Tony could barely form an answer because Steve was practically _straddling_ his lap. He just shook his head. “It’s fine, Steve,” He murmured as he gently grabbed Steve’s hands to stop the distracting rubbing they were doing. “Just a little sore.”

The younger man looked up to meet his gaze. Under a worried brow, clear blue eyes shone with a brightness that the wine had given them. “I’m sorry,” Steve breathed. They were so close.

Tony’s eyes trailed down to stare at slightly parted lips. They would taste like wine and pie and Steve. God, he wanted to know what Steve tasted like. He leaned forward, and Steve’s breathing hitched, snapping him back to reality. What was he doing?

He pulled back and turned his head to address the space above Steve’s shoulder. “Yep, I’m fine. So why don’t we call it a night now that the nightcaps have run out? It’s late, and we could all use a good night’s sleep.” He did his best to fake a yawn. “Sleepy, and hey, now that I’m on the mend I can move back to the couch so you can have your beds back.”

Steve frowned a little as he slowly got to his feet looking uncertain. “If you’re sure, Tony. I mean, we don’t mind if you wanted to be comfortable. You really should have a bed to sleep in, and it gets cold in here .”

“It’s fine.” Tony assured him as he stood and took a step back. “You may be right about the bed though. I’ll start looking at getting something small that could fit beside yours tomorrow.” He placated, knowing he would drag that out for as long as he could because right now he couldn’t even think about sleeping in the same room as them if he didn’t have to.

Steve nodded as he started backing toward the bathroom. “I guess I’ll wash up before bed.” He said before he turned and left, closing the door behind him.

It was silent in his wake. After a minute or so, Tony’s nerves got the best of him, and he looked over at Bucky. He was watching Tony with an unreadable expression, which set him on edge because he would very much like to know what the younger man was thinking about what had just happened. What Tony almost did to _Bucky’s lover_. He was definitely thinking something, though, Tony could practically see the wheels turning in his head.

After a few more tense moments, Bucky calmly stood and slowly approached him, not stopping until he was at most a foot away. Tony once again noticed how muscled his arms were and the fact that the man was an inch taller than him. Those blue-grey eyes seemed to pierce through him and see into Tony’s mind.

“Bucky…”

“Don’t,” he said softly, but it was without heat. He slowly lifted a hand, hesitated then reached to grab Tony’s jaw, forcing him to meet his eyes. He seemed to be searching for something in the deep brown depths before exhaling deeply and continued in a murmur. “Ya know, I would do anything for that punk.”

Tony began to steel himself against a punch he knew was coming. “I know. Listen Bucky, I…”

“Anything.” Bucky continued as if he’d never spoken. “I’ve fought for him, gone hungry for him, hell I’ve stolen for him. I’d die for Steve if I had to.” He looked down and took a deep breath before returning his gaze. “If I’m strong enough to do that, then I should be brave enough for this.”

Tony’s mind shorted out as Bucky closed the distance between them and pressed a kiss against his lips. His hand still on Tony’s jaw keeping them together. It was gentle and chaste and lasted for all of three seconds, but it left Tony dizzy.

Bucky pulled away just enough to rest his forehead against Tony’s. His hand moved to hold the back of Tony’s neck as he panted short breaths against his lips. “You didn’t push me away.”

Stunned, the only words he could get out were, “You kissed me.”

Bucky huffed and rubbed his nose against Tony’s. “And you still haven’t pushed me away,” he said almost awestruck.

Tony didn’t understand. “But you…you and Steve are together. You shouldn’t…”

This time Bucky pulled away. His eyes were wide as he asked, “How do you know about me and Steve?”

Tony shifted uncomfortably. “I heard you two the other day.”

Bucky stepped back. “When…?”

“The day I got hurt.” Tony’s hand moved to his stomach. “I’m sorry. I came home early to surprise the two of you with an early dinner. I, uh, I heard you in the bedroom.”

A blush tinted Bucky’s cheeks, but he didn’t look away. “Is that why you didn’t deck me one just now?” He asked defensively. “ Because you already knew I was a _queer_?”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” Tony snapped, “like there’s something wrong with you. So what if you _are_ queer? If you want to identify as that, then you can. But not in that tone.  There are a lot of people who don’t fall into the role that this society says they should, but there is nothing shameful about it.”

“There is if you get arrested for it,” Bucky said softly, eyes cast down unable to meet Tony’s. “I know you don’t seem to have a problem with it like a lot of people do. Even if you didn’t have a problem, it still doesn’t mean you’d want to be kissed by some fella.” He looked up at Tony. “But I heard what you told Joe in the alley, and I couldn’t stop thinking about why’d you’d say something like that. Then I saw your face when Steve fell in your lap, how you looked at him and leaned in like you were gonna…So I took a chance.”

“But _your with Steve_!” This still didn’t make sense to Tony.

“And I’d do anything for him.” Bucky nodded in agreement. “That’s why I took the chance even though it was terrifying. Steve would never risk your friendship by admitting how we feel. If you got upset, it would be at me because I kissed you. You wouldn’t push him away because of it.”

“Of course I wouldn’t write him off for that! Even if I wasn’t crazy about both of…,” Tony stopped as he filtered through what Bucky had just said. “Did you say we?”

Bucky shrugged and smiled nervously. “We’re pretty gone over you, Tony. We have been for a while. I understand if you don’t feel the same, but please don’t leave.” He begged. “I’m sorry if I screwed this up. I’m just so sick of always pretending, and I…I don’t wanna lose you.”

“Holy Fuck,” Tony breathed out before he crossed the distance, grabbed Bucky and kissed him hotly, cutting off the sound of surprise the other man made. He sucked on his bottom lip, licked at it with his tongue before letting his teeth run across the plump flesh and taking a playful nip as he pulled away. “I’m crazy about you, both of you. I just never thought you’d want me back.”

Bucky’s face lit up at Tony’s confession, but when he spoke, he almost sounded shy. “Of course we want you, Tony.”

Tony smiled back at him until he remembered about the missing person in this conversation. “Oh God, Steve,” he turned to look at the bathroom door where he could hear the sounds of Steve brushing his teeth. “He must have felt like I rejected him.”

Bucky smiled a little. “There’s an easy way to fix that.”

 _True_ , Tony thought just as the bathroom door was opened by Steve who was dressed for bed. God, he looked adorable.

Steve wouldn’t quite meet their eyes. “Well, I’m gonna head to bed. G’night Buck. Tony.”

Tony began moving as he took his first step toward the bedroom. “Steve,” he called, and when the younger man turned to face him, Tony cupped his hands around those delicate cheekbones and jaw to bring him in for a kiss.

Steve jolted in surprise before his brain caught up to what was happening. He made a sound in the back of his throat then wrapped his arms around Tony’s shoulders and pulled him closer, returning the kiss. Tony gently pressed kisses along his lips, giving tiny licks until he coaxed Steve to open his mouth and slid his tongue in.  

He tasted like peppermint and felt so good leaning up against Tony. He deepened the kiss, sucking Steve’s tongue as he closed the last of the space between their hips. He could feel Steve growing hard against his thigh, and he gently pushed against it adding friction. Steve moaned into his mouth.

They broke apart panting.

“Fuck,” Bucky groaned, “that was sexy as hell.”

Steve’s breathing was heavy. “Tony what…? I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

_You didn’t push me away._

Tony gently ran the back of his fingers against Steve’s cheek as he looked into confused blue eyes. “I wanted you to know, with no amount of uncertainty that I am hopelessly, absolutely crazy about you, both of you.”

Steve’s eyes widened. “You are?” When Tony nodded, he turned to Bucky for confirmation. “Buck, what…”

“You know that thing we agreed not to do?” Bucky asked, shrugging awkwardly. “Well, I kinda did it anyway.”

Steve huffed and rolled his eyes. “Of course you did.”

“Are you complaining?” Bucky asked petulantly and raised an eyebrow.

Steve looked back to Tony, who gently smiled at him, and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. “No,” he said, returning the smile. “I’m not complaining.”

“Good,” Tony said, “because I’ve been wanting to lay you in a bed and get my hands all over you both for too long now.”

Steve blushed as Tony tugged on his hand walking backwards to the bedroom while curling a finger with his other hand, motioning for Bucky to follow.

Thank Odin that the beds were still pushed together. He turned them and gently pushed Steve down on the bed before turning to pull Bucky in and kiss him thoroughly. Breaking apart he met Bucky’s eyes and said, “It’s been a while since I was with a man, much less two at once.” He turned to Steve. “I’m gonna take good care of you, baby boy.”

Steve’s pupils expanded, and he shivered at his words. Apparently, Steve really liked that so he filed it away under the Makes Steve Happy part of his brain. He had a similar file for Bucky.

Tony leaned over and slid his hands under the hem of Steve’s shirt, slowly moving them up and spreading his fingers across the smooth skin of his flat stomach before gently running his nails down to the top of his pajama pants. Steve shivered again. “Tony-“

“Do you want this, Steve?” He asked as he traced circles on the smaller man’s hipbones with his thumbs. Enthusiastic consent was an important part of foreplay for Tony. “We don’t have to do anything more tonight. I want you to be comfortable.”

“I want this, Tony,” he said then gasped as Tony slipped his fingers down to tease beneath the waistband of his boxers; only stopping when he felt the beginning of hair. Steve continued, “However you want me, I trust you.”

“And I won’t betray that trust.” He reached over to move Steve’s shirt up. The other man sat up to help him pull it over his head before laying back down. Tony then grasped the hem of his pajama pants and pulled them down his slim legs. He grabbed for the boxers but stopped, looking up for permission. Steve lifted his hips, eyes never leaving Tony’s as the last bit of clothing was removed, and he was fully bared to him.

Tony looked down. “You’re beautiful, Steve.”

Steve blushed and looked to side. “I’m a twig,” he mumbled.

Tony grabbed his chin and turned his face back to him, pressing a soft kiss against his lips. “No, you’re beautiful, baby boy. Look at that smooth, pale skin, and now I can see how far down that blush of yours goes.”

This only made Steve blush harder. Tony ran a hand up the back of his calf, behind his knee then along his outer thigh until he got to his hip. He squeezed gently. “You have no idea how much I want you.”

He stood back and turned to Bucky, who had been watching the two of them. “What about you, sweetheart?” He asked as he hooked two fingers into the waistband of Bucky’s pants and pulled him against him. “What do you want tonight?”

“I really hadn’t planned this far ahead.” Bucky breathed. “I half expected you to punch me when I kissed you.”

Tony chuckled, “I was ready for you to punch me for almost kissing Steve. I’m glad you didn’t. My lip’s almost healed.” He kissed him briefly. “So no plans, is there something you want.”

Tony looked down at Steve to include him in the question, but he too seemed to be waiting for Bucky’s answer. Of course he was, Steve was all about giving Bucky what he wanted, the self-sacrificing idiot. Tony loved him for it.

“I could suck you off,” Bucky offered, a little lost. “I’m good at that. You could fuck me, too, if that’s what you wanted.”

God save him, they were both self-sacrificing idiots. He wanted to know what _they_ wanted.

Tony understood, he really did. This was new for them. They had been together for years. Years to learn about the other’s wants and discover each other’s bodies, and now there was a new person being introduced into something that was very private between them. Hell, it wasn’t just private, it was a secret.

He decided to take the first step. Communication was the only way this would work if they were all going to enjoy this. And Tony really wanted them to enjoy it.

“I know that I would love either of those things, but I also need to know what you like. What do you not like? Is there something I should know never to do?” He looked from Bucky to Steve and back again. “For instance, I’m good with being on top or bottom, though it’s been a while since I bottomed, and usually I take control then, too. It’s a thing with me.”

Steve cleared his throat. “I, uh, I like both too. I mean I usually top?” He said the word like he wasn’t too familiar with the term. “But what I like best is givin’ Bucky what he wants.” He shrugged, blushing. “I like feeling useful.”

Tony nodded, knowing this was probably difficult for Steve to articulate. “So your versatile with a bit of a service kink.” At Steve’s look of confusion, Tony tried to phrase this simplest way possible, “You get off by taking care of the other person, making them happy. It’s not so much what you are doing, but that you are doing it because they like it or want it. That actually works very well with me, and it’s good to have someone like that in a multi-partner dynamic.”

Steve looked relieved at hearing this.

Tony turned to Bucky. “And you, gorgeous? If Steve usually tops, I assume you prefer to bottom?”

Bucky bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, I don’t…I don’t like to be in charge.”

Tony had guessed as much, but he needed more information. “I want you to know that I’d never judge you because of what you like in bed, Bucky. Chances are that I’ve already done it anyway, but I need to know what you mean when you say that. When I heard you and Steve the other day,” Steve’s head jerked to Tony upon hearing that, so he spared a quick glance, “it was an accident. And also really fucking sexy.”

He looked back to Bucky, “When I heard you, it sounded like Steve was pretty dominant towards the end. Is that what you mean by not in control?”

“Sometimes,” Bucky answered, “Sometimes I like that because I need to know that I’m Steve’s, that he wants me, and I’m good just doing what I’m told. With the dames I date, it’s very tiring to pretend, especially when I know Steve is waiting for it to be over.”

Bucky seemed to be forcing himself to get this out. “That’s…that’s why I talk so much during sex. If I know Steve’s listening then it’s a way to include him. When we’re together, it helps remind me that none of it mattered. We belong to each other. I don’t have to think of anything else but what he’s doin’ with me as he talks me through it. He takes care of me, and I like that.” He finished quietly.

It hurt Tony to realize just how much it must cost Bucky to keep up the appearance of a carefree ladies man. The emotional toll of having to be with someone he wasn’t in love with and didn’t care about, all to help protect the one he loved.  

Tony leaned in and kissed him, slow and sweet. “I’d love to take care of you, sweetheart. Can I?”

“Yes,” Bucky breathed as he nodded, relaxing against him.

Tony started to undo the buttons on Bucky’s shirt, kissing along his jaw as his hands moved down. He nibbled on his earlobe before sucking it into his mouth as he pulled out the last of the fabric from his pants.

Bucky’s breathing was getting heavier, finally breaking into a gasp when Tony bit down on the fleshly lobe and gently tugged. He then started unbuttoning the pants, moving his mouth down to Bucky’s neck as his hands began to push the trousers from his hips to his thighs.

He licked and sucked the skin beneath his lips, slightly salty and all Bucky.

“Tony,” Bucky groaned when he nipped sharply at where the neck met the shoulder, quickly soothing it with his tongue. He felt gravity take over and push the pants the remaining distance to the floor.

He pulled back to look in Bucky’s artic eyes. They were both breathing a little heavily now. He curled his fingers into the waist of Bucky’s boxers and pulled them down as he sank to his knees, prompting Bucky to step out of them and his pants.

Like Steve, Bucky’s dick was uncut and already half hard. He could tell it would get even thicker once he was fully aroused. Tony’s mouth watered, but he just leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Bucky’s hipbone before looking up.

“Why don’t you go keep Steve company while I undress, gorgeous.” He said as he rose to his feet.

Bucky got on the bed, and Steve pulled him into a passionate kiss. Tony watched them as he pulled his shirt over his head, leaving his white sleeveless on. The naked men on the bed finally broke their kiss.

“Fuck, Bucky,” Steve panted. “You were right. It was sexy as hell watching you with Tony.”   

“Not as hot as watching the two of you,” Tony said as he undid his pants and pushed them and his boxers down in one go. “I’m so fuckin’ lucky. You two naked in bed and waiting for me.”

Tony was half convinced this was a dream.

They turned to look at him, his bottom half completely bare and quickly hardening at the sight before him. “God, the things I want to do to you.”

He began to move forward, but stopped when he realized they were now looking at his chest. His healing cut wasn’t bothering him so he didn’t think it had started to bleed again. It felt fine. He looked down to his shirt. Nope.

“What?” He asked looking back up at them.

Steve spoke first. “Are you gonna, um, keep your shirt on?”

“Well, yes.” Obviously. No need for that boner killer.

“But why?” Bucky asked before he quickly continued. “I mean you can if you want, but you don’t need to.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “I don’t?” He asked with some disbelief.

“Tony, we don’t care about your scars.” Steve said before he hastily added, “I mean, we aren’t bothered by ‘em. They’re just a part of you.”

Tony breathed deeply as emotions flooded him. He hadn’t had sex without a shirt since Afghanistan. “I, I can if you want. It’s just usually not…”

He exhaled. Fuck it. He loved them. He trusted them. If they didn’t mind, then he could do this. He grabbed the bottom of the shirt and pulled it off.

Not waiting for a reaction and ready to get this back on track, he went to the bed and crawled over to them. He kissed Bucky before turning his head to kiss Steve. This time he let his mouth linger in the kiss as his hand went to Bucky’s thigh. As he slid his tongue into Steve’s mouth, his hand also slid up higher until he got to Bucky’s cock.

It _was_ thicker than before, and as his tongue moved against Steve’s, he firmly wrapped his hand around Bucky.

He began to pump him slowly as he broke the kiss with Steve and leaned back, looking down at the younger man’s lap.

Tony was surprised to find that Steve was a grower. He had average girth, but the length had to be at least 7 ½ inches. Maybe eight. Not that it was important, but damn, what a bonus.

Keeping the rhythm of his hand on Bucky, he reached his other hand to circle Steve. “Fuck, baby boy, I can’t believe you hid this from me.” And he began jerking him at the same tempo as he was doing to Bucky. “I don’t know if I could’ve resisted getting this in my mouth.”

Steve made a noise at the back of his throat between his heavy breaths. Tony looked at Bucky. “You’re so thick in my hand, sweetheart. I’m gonna need this in me, eventually.”

Bucky groaned.

“Would you like that?” Tony continued, knowing now how much Bucky loved to be talked dirty to during sex. “Steve could fuck you while you fuck me? Fuck me through you?”

Both of them groaned at that.

“I’m kinda greedy, though. I think I’m gonna want it a lot of ways.” He twisted his hands on the upstrokes and slid a thumb over each of their slits. Steve hissed as Bucky’s hips jerked.

“Though tonight, I think I know what I want to do with you.” He finished and released his hold on them.

Steve made a movement as if he wanted to grab his hand back while Bucky just groaned. He turned to the brunet. “Lay down, gorgeous.”

He waited for Bucky to obey before he looked at Steve. “I want to watch him suck your dick. He sounded amazing at it.”

He turned to Bucky. “You want Steve in your mouth while I take care of you, sweetheart?”

Bucky’s dick twitched in answer, but he nodded his head quickly. “Yes. Fuck, please.”

“Alright. Me and Steve are gonna make you feel so good. You won’t be able to think of anything else, but first I need to know what supplies we have.”

Steve looked confused for a moment then brightened. He got up and went to the dresser, opening the top drawer, before returning with some vaseline and a couple condoms. He put them next to Tony then moved over to kneel beside Bucky’s head.

Tony wished this sexually repressed place had actual lube that was accessible to everyone, but knew this would have to do. He looked back at Bucky as he laid between the younger man’s legs and rubbed his thigh. “Show me what that mouth of yours can do.”

Tony eyed Steve’s straining dick then looked up to his face. “Go on, beautiful, show me how you like it.”

Tony watched as Steve ran his fingers along Bucky’s jaw, prompting him to open his mouth. He moved the hand back up to grab Bucky’s hair, holding him in place. Leaning his hips forward, he slid the tip of his dick past Bucky’s lips, sighing as he moved steadily forward.

Halfway down he pulled away, Tony watched as Bucky used his lips to push the foreskin back before circling the freshly exposed head with his tongue then digging it into the slit. He repeated the swirl of his tongue then used it to press it along the length of the shaft before moving back to gently suck the tip.

“Fuck that feels good, Buck.” Steve panted. “So good. You ready for all of me?”

Buck nodded, “Please, doll.” Before opening his mouth again.

And he took _all_ of Steve. The blonde pushed his hips forward again, not stopping until Bucky’s nose was pressed against him, and stayed there. Tony started to lightly grind himself against the mattress as he watched Bucky work his throat, swallowing around the head of Steve’s cock, until Steve pulled back and let him breathe.

“You’re fuckin’ amazing, Buck.” Steve grunted as he pushed back in and started a rhythm, going all the way down each time. Every few thrusts he would pull back, and Bucky would suck in a breath before taking Steve all over again. It sounded wet and filthy with Bucky moaning around the dick in his mouth.

Tony made his hips stop their movement and finally broke his silence. “Shit, you’re so good, sweetheart. This has to be one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen. Both of you are incredible.”

Bucky moaned again, and Steve cursed slowing his hips to draw this out. When he pulled himself free, Bucky gasped around his inhale. “Please, Tony, I need…want your mouth so bad.”

“Of course, gorgeous.” Tony said as he stretched a hand to the hard length in front of him and wrapped his fingers around the base. He leaned forward to lick a stripe from root to tip, teasing at the foreskin before dipping his tongue in to play with the head and slit. Pre-come hit his taste buds, and his eyes closed at the salty flavored fluid.  

Bucky moaned thickly with his mouth full, and Tony opened his eyes to watch the two as he kept up his teasing.

“Does it feel good, Buck?” Steve panted as he continued moving in his mouth. “I know you have a thing for his mouth.” This was news to Tony. “I bet it feels better than you thought about. Wonder how it’s gonna feel when he takes you inside him, that smart mouth you love wrapped around your dick.”

Holy fuck, Steve had a way words, but Tony definately agreed that he wanted Bucky inside him. In any capacity.

Taking a deep breath through his nose, he pulled his lips over his teeth and began a tight slide down. At halfway, he backed up an inch then relaxed his throat before slowly bobbing towards the bottom. Bucky was very thick, and he felt the stretch as he reached the end. He swallowed a couple times around him before pulling up to the top. Keeping the tip in his mouth, he swirled his tongue around the head as he took another deep inhale.

He repeated this process a few more times before increasing his speed. He added his hand at the base and matched the rhythm of his mouth. With his other hand, he collected some saliva that had escaped his mouth onto his fingertips and gently brushed the skin of Bucky’s perineum.

Bucky’s hips jerked as he groaned around Steve again. Tony just continued his movements with his mouth while making gentle circles on the sensitive skin.

“Fuck, Tony looks so good taking you.” Steve moaned as he ground his pelvis against Bucky’s face. He pulled back freeing himself and asked, “How’s his mouth, love?”

Bucky’s voice cracked, sounding almost raw, as he answered. “Fuck, it’s so good, Stevie. Can feel his throat stetchin’ around me. Ahhhh, his hands, it’s driving me crazy.”

Steve cupped his cheek to look in his eyes. “You want his fingers, want him to fuck you, Buck?”

Bucky made a choked off sound and nodded. “Yes. Please.”

Steve looked over to him as Tony pulled his mouth off Bucky, his hand moving to gently pat Bucky’s hip. “Roll over, sweetheart. Hands and knees.”

Tony pulled the little tub of Vaseline next to him and opened the lid for easy use as Bucky turned over. He felt another stab of longing at the sight in front of him. The younger man’s muscled back stretched forward. His thighs and toned ass tensed in anticipation as Tony moved closer.

“You will tell me if you are not comfortable or want me to stop.” He told him.

Bucky nodded.

“I need to hear a yes, Bucky.”

“Yes, Bucky.” Apparently, he still had the capacity for sass.

Tony delivered a firm slap against the right side of his ass in repayment, but the only result was a long moan from Bucky.

_Huh, this could be fun._

He cupped a handful of the other side of Bucky’s ass, kneading it gently before bringing his hand back for another, firmer hit. The brunet let out a strangled sound.

Tony stared at the freshly pink skin his hand had left. “That alright, sweetheart? You OK?”

“Yes,” Bucky panted from where his head rested against his forearms. “Fuucckk.”

“Holy Shit.” Steve whispered watching Bucky’s reaction to the spanking.

Tony smirked, forgetting himself he said, “You be good for me, or I’ll have to spank you again.”

But before he could worry if that was too much, he saw Bucky’s cock jerk between his open legs, and he answered, “Yes, sir.”

Heat flashed through Tony as he apparently found a new kink. Though he supposed this kink was Bucky specific. “Fuck, you’re going to kill me, sweetheart,” he said as he grabbed both cheeks of Bucky’s ass and spread them, leaning close he breathed on the twitching hole. He stuck out his tongue and licked a stripe across the muscled opening.

Bucky’s whole body spasmed as he tried to muffle his shout of surprise. “Tony, what…” he gasped, “what are you, aaahhhh…” He moaned as Tony repeated the gesture.

Keeping his head where it was, he lifted his eyes to check on the other men. Bucky continued to pant while Steve looked on in what could only be described as fascination, confirming Tony’s theory that the two of them had never tried rimming. Shame.

“Do you like this, sweet boy?” He asked as his breath ghosted against his wet entrance.

“Yes!” Bucky’s voice was wrecked. Between the deepthroating he’d given Steve and his lust, it had cracked saying a one syllable word. “Yes, sir.”

“Good,” Is all Tony said before moving back.  He lightly flicked the tip of his tongue back and forth across his perineum, slowly moving up while only playing along the outer rim. Bucky moaned as his hips shifted, desperately trying to get Tony to move to his center. Tony gave his ass a swat to keep him still. Bucky groaned but stopped his movements, giving Tony control.

After another minute or so, Tony obliged and ran the flat of his tongue right down his middle, starting below the balls and finishing at his tailbone. He returned to gently suck on the rim, adding tiny licks to loosen Bucky as he grew accustomed to this new sensation.

Steve was watching Tony work while softly stroking Bucky’s hair, who was speaking in desperate, choked off sentences against his arm. “Unh, yes…God it’s so good, Tony….Please, more…Fuucckk…”

Tony could feel that he’d relaxed a little as he tentatively poked the tip of his tongue into Bucky, pushing past the tight outer ring of muscle and into his heated body. He slowly began a thrusting motion, each push getting him deeper into the shaking man in front of him.

Steve began to lightly stroke himself with the hand that wasn’t soothing Bucky as he watched Tony eat the younger man out. Tony would urgently tongue at him before slowing down his movements to almost a tease, keeping Bucky in a constant state of new forms of stimulation. The man was practically begging at this point so Tony decided it was time to move on.

He moved back and spread Bucky as wide as he could to watch his partially loosened hole open for him. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, honey. It’s driving me crazy, all the sweet sounds you’re making.”

Tony moved back to continue tonguing him open, leaving one hand to keep him spread apart. The other moved down to scoop some of the Vaseline onto three of his fingers. He pulled his head back and slowly circled one lubed finger around Bucky’s spit slicked hole before pushing inside. Already loosened from Tony’s efforts, the ring of muscle gave way as Tony easily buried the digit to the second knuckle.

Bucky moaned and clenched around his finger before relaxing. “More. Please Tony, I need more.”

Tony leaned down to press a kiss on the small of his back and murmured, “I’ve got you, sweet boy,” before he pulled the finger back and pushed forward again.

Bucky began rocking his hips against Tony’s hand, panting and gasping as Tony started to move a little faster. Tony could tell he was ready for another one so he steadied a hand against Bucky’s hip to slow his movements and added a second finger.

Bucky stilled as Tony gently pushed into him, the stretch more noticeable this time around, but with the small thrusting movements he soon had both fully inside him. Tony started slowly, rotating his wrists every time he pulled out and pushed in again, increasing the pace in increments.

This time as he twisted in, he curled his fingers up in search of the spot that would make Bucky see stars. He soon found it. The pads of his fingers brushed that sensitive bundle of nerves inside him, and Bucky muffled a cry as his hips jumped. Tony pulled back before moving forward to press it again.

He continued for another couple of minutes, scissoring his fingers and loosening Bucky, hitting his prostate every few strokes. “One more, sweetheart. You ready?” God knew Tony was, but like Bucky, he was very thick and knew he had to work in another finger to prep him properly.

Bucky just moaned and pushed back harder on his fingers, so Tony took that as a yes. He inserted the tip of a third, easing it in beside the others. Tony slowly worked all three in, giving Bucky time to adjust, and ran the pad of his middle finger over the prostate again to help take away any discomfort.

He was soon back to fingering him open, twisting and spreading the digits in Bucky’s relaxed hole. Tony finally decided that he was ready and gently withdrew his fingers, watching Bucky’s opening flutter.

Tony grabbed a condom and tore open the packet. He rolled it on and applied some more lubricant before he lined himself up. He looked up at his boys. Bucky was breathing heavily, but he lifted to his hands as he felt the head of Tony’s cock brush his rim. Steve had stopped touching himself as was simply staring at Tony with a look of pure lust.

Tony wanted to kiss him, but he didn’t know if Steve would be Ok with that considering where Tony’s mouth had just been. Instead, he gently ran the hand not holding his cock down Bucky’s spine and settled it on his hip. He softly said, “Breathe, sweetheart,” before he pushed past the muscled ring and was finally inside him.

Bucky moaned at the intrusion, hot and tight around the head of his dick, and Tony knew he’d have to go slow at first if he stood a chance of making this last. He began to shortly thrust his hips forward and back, inch by inch, feeling Bucky’s inner walls clench and relax each time he moved deeper. Tony’s hips finally rested against Bucky’s ass as he bottomed out.

They both groaned, and he held still to give Bucky time to adjust. “Fuck, sweetheart, you feel so good.” He said breathlessly, and Bucky clenched around him at the praise. “So good for me,” he repeated as he squeezed both hips in his hands, getting a firm grip then began to move.

He pulled out in one long slow slide, stopping just before the head came free and pushing back in. He repeated the motion until he felt Bucky completely relax, then ground his hips against his ass, going as deep as he could. Bucky whimpered, but Tony could hear the arousal in it.

“You’re taking me so well, honey, so tight and hot around me.” Tony grunted as he felt Bucky clench again. “Your fucking perfect.”

“Tony….” Bucky moaned then panted, “Please, please…more.”

Tony looked at Steve while still slowly moving his hips. “You want to fuck him together, baby boy? We could fill up.”

Steve exhaled like the air had been punched from his lungs, his eyes blown to almost black at the sight of Tony fucking the man between them. He looked down at Bucky. “Can I Buck? You want him to fuck you onto my cock?”

“Fuck,” Bucky groaned, nodding desperately, “yes, Stevie. Please.” And opened his mouth for Steve, readying himself, as Steve slid past his lips.

Steve ran his hands through Bucky’s hair and grabbed a fistful in each to hold him steady. He kept his hips still, waiting for Tony to set the pace and push Bucky deeper.

Tony started slow, watching Bucky move forward with each thrust to take more of Steve. The tight stretch around him felt incredible, and he soon found himself building a faster rhythm. Tony looked down to see himself disappear into Bucky before sliding out again, his hole stretched around the cock moving inside him. He tilted his hips to find the right angle and knew when he found his mark.

Bucky groaned around Steve who gasped, his fingers clenching tighter in his hair before relaxing.

“Shit, Bucky, you should see yourself.” Steve panted. “Taking both of us. You feel so good, love. You’re incredible.”

Bucky pulled off him with a gasp then moaned. “It feels so good. Love being full, Stevie. Love, ahh…” he groaned as Tony snapped his hips forward into his prostate again, taking advantage of Bucky’s empty mouth. He did it again and again, pulling sweet sounds from the man. “Tony, yes!” he panted, “Harder. Fuck me harder.” Before taking Steve in his mouth again.

Tony tilted his head to make sure his jaw was lax enough around Steve then tightened his hold on Bucky’s hips. He began fucking him faster, building to a savage pace and only hitting his prostate every few thrusts.

“You’re so tight, sweetheart. I wish you could see how well you take me.” Tony panted as he continued to fuck him. “The way you clench around my cock every time I get nice and deep. My sweet boy, being so good for me.”

Bucky made a choking sound around Steve’s dick then whimpered. Steve’s hips jerked from whatever Bucky’s throat did as he made the noise.

“So close,” Steve panted. “So close, love. You gonna swallow me down?”

Bucky made a noise that sounded like a yes then began moaning around the blonde’s cock. Tony made his thrusts longer and harder, pushing Bucky just a little bit farther around Steve. Less than a minute later, Tony watched as Steve’s eyes closed and his head fell back. He grunted then let his mouth stay open in a silent cry as he came hard down Bucky’s throat. He was so beautiful like that, it nearly took Tony’s breath away.

Tony slowed his hips to an almost stop, gently grinding into Bucky as he watched Steve come down from his climax and pull out of his lover’s mouth. Bucky’s arms collapsed, and he fell forward, changing the angle of Tony’s dick.

Bucky moaned, “Tony, please. Wanna come.” His usually velvet smooth voice was completely fucked out, and Tony felt a surge of pride that he was partly responsible for that.

Tony reached a hand around to fondle Bucky’s balls, pulling another moan from him.

“You wanna come on my dick, sweetheart?” Tony panted as he started thrusting harder into him, nailing his prostate every other time. “Wanna show me how good you are? You gonna clench around me as I fill you up?”

Bucky let out a strangled cry as Tony’s hand moved up to Bucky’s neglected cock. “Yes!” He moaned, “Please!”

“My sweet boy, asking so nicely.” Tony ground out as his hand fully closed around him and his hips began to lose their rhythm. Fuck, he was close, but he kept talking, trying to bring Bucky over the edge. “Be a good boy. Come in my hand, sweetheart.”

“Ahhh, yes! Daddy!” And Bucky was coming. Tony’s vision nearly whited out as Bucky’s ass spasmed and clenched around him, and his hand was painted with Bucky’s spunk. Tony groaned as he felt his release crash through him, spilling into Bucky who’s twitching hole was milking him. The wave of pleasure in his body was echoed by the last word Bucky had groaned as he orgasmed.

_Daddy_

Panting and sweaty Tony gently pulled out of Bucky who collapsed onto the mattress, satisfied and exhausted. He sat back and collected his breaths, waiting for his heart rate to slow and the fog to fully clear from his head. He looked down at the condom still wrapped on his dick, knowing he’d have to get up and dispose of it.

Just as he was building up the initiative to move, the bed shifted, and Steve got up to go over to the little garbage can in the corner, returning with it. He was a saint.

Tony reached down and removed it, tossing it in the bin before grabbing it to put it on the floor next to the bed. He wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist and pulled the blonde against him.

“Thank you, baby.” He breathed a kiss across his cheek. “Next time we do what you want.”

Steve blushed and kissed him back. “I, uh, I kinda enjoyed watching you with him,” he mumbled, “but we could try some other things too. That thing you did to Bucky with your tongue…”

And how the man could go from choking Bucky with his dick while talking dirty to this shy, sweet boy was just one of Steve’s charms. Tony smiled and kissed his cheek again then turned to Bucky, who’s breathing had settled and had turned over to his side to look at them.

Tony moved forward and kissed his forehead, running his fingers through his sweaty hair. “That was incredible, sweetheart.” He ran his fingers down the back of Bucky’s head to the nape of his neck, staring at his flushed skin and sleepy grey eyes. “So gorgeous.” He whispered.

Tony then pulled back to get off the bed and headed to the bathroom. He wet a washcloth and brought it back to the room. He crawled back over to Bucky. “Can I clean you up?”

Bucky looked a little uncertain, but mumbled, “OK.”

“Be right back.” Steve said as he left them.

Tony went to wipe Bucky’s messy stomach and moved down to gently clean his spent cock. He then carefully went lower to wipe away the remains of the lubricant around his hole while also checking him. Tony was thicker than what he was used to and had been rough there at the end. His ass looked well used, reddened and a little swollen, but Tony couldn’t see signs of damage. He let out a small breath in relief.

He tossed the towel into the hamper across the room and went to grab the dirtied sheet. He wadded up the half that was unoccupied, “Move over here, sweetheart.” Bucky moved over the crumpled mess of sheet to the clean half of the bed, and Tony pulled the remaining portion away to place it in the hamper as well.

Steve came back with two glasses of water. Like Tony said, a saint. He and Bucky drained their glasses, and Steve took them and placed them on the dresser before returning to the bed. He looked happy and tired and satisfied, which made Tony thrilled to no end. The night had been amazing, more than he could have hoped for.

He looked at Bucky, and his good feelings vanished. The brunet looked uncomfortable and anxious? Worried? Whatever he was feeling, it wasn’t what Tony had hoped to see.

“Bucky,” he asked, unsure how to voice his confusion and concern, “are you alright, sweetheart?”

Bucky trembled slightly, as if trying to suppress whatever he was feeling. “I…” he began then choked on a breath and broke down, Steve wrapped his arms around him from behind trying to comfort his friend. “I’m sorry, Tony! I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I did that, I can’t…” he choked again, looking like he was fighting back tears.

Tony cupped his face, panicking and trying to comfort him, wondering what he did wrong that had Bucky feeling like this. “Hey,” he soothed, “hey, sweetheart. What’s wrong? Why are you sorry?”

Bucky closed his eyes, and the look of shame on his face broke Tony’s heart. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered brokenly in Tony’s hands. “I can’t believe I said that. What’s wrong with me? How could I like something like, something like _that_. I know we’re not normal, but I have to be,” he gasped, “have to be seriously fucked up to be like this. How can you wanna touch me after that?”

Steve looked at Tony in concern.

Tony ran Bucky’s words through his mind, trying to figure out what had him so upset then he remembered what Bucky had called him as he came. “Sweetheart, look at me.” He said, firm but gentle, his hands still cupping his sweet boy’s face as he waited for Bucky to meet his eyes. “ _I’m_ the one who’s sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. There is _nothing_ wrong with you. Nothing.”

Bucky looked like he couldn’t believe him, so Tony continued. “Do you remember what I said before we started. I promised you that I wouldn’t judge you for what you like during sex. I love everything about you. You are so sweet and kind and perfect, and I never want you to think otherwise. I told you long ago that I don’t care what other people consider is normal. I want you and Steve, and I will do anything to make you happy. You two are my world.”

He looked into Bucky’s eyes, begging him to believe it. The other man drew a deep, shaky breath. “But I called you…”

“Daddy,” Tony finished for him, and Bucky nodded guiltily. “If I’m gonna be perfectly honest here, I really liked it.” Bucky’s face changed to surprise. “Are you disgusted by me, now?” Tony asked.

Bucky shook his head. “O’course not.”

“Then, believe me when I say that there is no such thing as normal sex. Everyone is different, and as long as both people are consenting adults, they decide what gives them pleasure. You calling me daddy is not unheard of, it’s not unnatural. You did it because I was doing something _right,_ I made you feel good and safe and cared for. Just like I wanted to do.”

Tony kissed him, letting his lips linger before resting his forehead against Bucky’s, mimicking their first embrace. “My sweet boy. You can call me daddy or sir or whatever else you want to when we’re together. I love you.”

It took Tony three seconds to realize what he’d just confessed as he heard both of their shocked inhales. _Shit_. He hadn’t meant to say it, not this soon. You don’t tell someone you love them after the first time you have sex.

Steve was the one you spoke. “You love him? Us?”

Tony met his eyes, then Bucky’s. “Of course, I do.” He answered truthfully, appropriate timing or not, he refused to take it back. He wanted this too much. “I am head over heels, hopelessly in love with both of you. Even when I thought there wasn’t a chance in hell for any of this, I fell for you.”

Bucky and Steve both scrambled forward and flung their arms around him, cocooning him in warmth. “We love you, Tony.” Bucky said thickly.

Steve nodded his head. “We both admitted it to each other right after you got hurt. We love you. You make us so happy.”

Tony’s chest felt light in the wake of the recent concern for Bucky. They loved him back. He made them _happy_. Him, Tony Stark. Scarred, middle aged, blue collar Tony Stark. Tony had never cried because of happiness, but he seriously felt that he could at this moment.

He pulled back slightly and kissed each of them. “This really was the best day,” he whispered. Tony could feel his exhaustion returning so he pulled away. “On that note let’s get some sleep. Steve and I will make breakfast in the morning, and we can all talk about moving forward with this.”

The other two’s mouths slightly smirked, probably knowing Tony had reached his quota on emotions for the evening. Steve turned off the lamp, and they all moved to lay their heads on their pillows. With all of them still naked and Tony in the middle, the other two snuggled up to his sides. Steve pulled their blankets over them.

It was warm, comfortable. Perfect.

“Good night, boys. Love you.” He whispered into the darkness, finally getting to say what he felt.

“Love you, Tony.” They answered together, then all three drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, they finally kissed! And then some. For any of you who feel that Bucky's submissive side wouldn't let him take the leap and kiss Tony, remember that he also did it for Steve, and this wasn't actually about sex. For Bucky, loving Tony was just another secret he'd have to keep in his life, and that thought made him desperate. He even said his biggest fear was having Tony then losing him. If Tony outright rejected him, it would hurt, but I think Bucky could have moved on easier from that. His fear at the end of the chapter showed this when he believed Tony would push him away. 
> 
> I hope this was worth the wait. I've never written smut before. I hope the way they got together felt natural enough to be believable and didn't take you out of the story. I know the discussion they had before sex was vague in some parts, but I didn't like the idea of Tony throwing out terms and labels that the boys wouldn't understand so I had him try to explain it in ways they would. Plus, I believe that sexuality is fluid and don't like to label myself as one thing or the other because dynamic can change for a lot of reasons, depending on the person's head space at the time or the person they are with. It's why I wrote Steve to be so versatile since he has two very different lovers. He just wants to make them happy. 
> 
> Thank you all again. I don't know when the next chapter will post, but it will at least be by next Saturday. It depends on how much work I can get done.


	10. Different Point of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after. How are our boys feeling now that everything has come into the open? And what's next in this new relationship? There's breakfast with the promise of an important discussion. Bucky tries to learn to accept some things about himself. Steve starts to take a look at his own preferences and the possibilties now available to him with Tony. But nothing is ever perfect, and there may be an unforseen consequence to their shared night together. Tony is NOT having that as the darker side of his nature resurfaces. Later on, the boys learn some new things, including that Tony doesn't fit in a box with a label.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is. The summary kinda says it all. Thank you to all of you who have stayed with this. For new readers, welcome!
> 
> Oh yeah, you probably noticed but his chapter beat out the last one in length. I guess my muse just had a lot to say.

***Bucky’s POV***

Bucky woke warm, naked and well rested. He was also deliciously sore and for a moment, he couldn’t quite remember why. Then last night came back to him. _Tony_

He opened his eyes and saw the man laying next to him, sleeping peacefully. His brown hair was disheveled, but Bucky was certain his looked worse after…God, he’d had sex with Tony, amazing sex. Which only goes to show that sometimes Steve was wrong. He had taken a huge chance in kissing Tony, but it had paid off. He had thought he could keep his feelings to himself, but he soon realized he wouldn’t be able to keep up the charade much longer.

Bucky’s whole persona was mostly an act every time he left the apartment, and he couldn’t stand the thought of pretending that he and Steve weren’t crazy for the man every day in their own home.

He looked over Tony again. His dark lashes were resting on the hollows under his eyes as he breathed softly in his sleep. Bucky’s eyes traveled down to the striking facial hair Tony maintained. New growth had grown across his cheeks, leaving them shadowed. He’d shave before he left the apartment today. Tony was meticulous about his grooming.

Bucky remembered how that beard had felt against his skin, how it had rubbed at sensitive places. He looked at Tony’s mouth, and a fresh wave of memories came forward, making his morning wood worse. God, the things Tony had done to him, and the things he’d done with that mouth were beyond description. Tony clearly had a lot of experience in bed. And with men. And more than one man at a time according to Tony.

Bucky fully appreciated that fact because the memory of being between Steve and Tony, having them both inside him was…fucking amazing. He’d never been so overwhelmed, and he already craved to feel that again. Tony had taken such good care of him and given him exactly what he wanted, needed. Even if he’d always kinda hated that part of himself. Not the part that loved Steve, he could never hate being with Steve. Steve was his everything for most of his life.

He remembered their first time together as two fumbling teenagers stroking each other off while Steve’s mom was at work. They’d been together ever since, learning each other’s bodies and supporting the other in equal measure. It had taken Bucky a long time to realize what he really wanted during sex with Steve.

At first, he’d been the one to take Steve. It had seemed to make the most sense to both of them. It had taken a while before Bucky got up the courage to ask Steve to fuck him. Steve, of course, didn’t judge him. Why would he? It’s not like Bucky judged Steve for getting fucked, but for some reason it was hard for him to ask for it.

It took longer for Bucky to admit that he wanted other things, things Steve had never asked for.

What he’d called Tony last night, though? That had shocked him once he’d recovered from his orgasm and started thinking clearly. He’d just said it without thinking. The way Tony had spoken to him, almost disciplined him at one point, it had just put the word in his mind. He’d tried to hold off and told himself not to say it. He’d done so well until he’d come, and everything whited out.

Tony had said that there wasn’t anything wrong with the things he liked, and Bucky wanted to believe that. Maybe in time he would. Maybe they’d talk about it some more today.

With that thought Bucky realized that he now had _two_ fellas. Two people to love him and for him to love. He felt so lucky. No matter what happened to him in this life, he thought, no matter how bad it got, as long as he got to keep Steve and Tony, he would be OK. They would take care of him.

He looked back to Tony and saw the other man was now awake and watching him. Tony smiled, and Bucky loved the little crinkles it made around his eyes. The few strands of silver at his temples glinted in the morning light. He was so handsome.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Tony whispered.

Bucky’s chest warmed. He loved the affectionate name Tony had given him, like when Steve called him love. It made him feel special.

He smiled at the other man. “G’morning, Tony.” He softly answered. Tony leaned in to kiss him, his beard scratching softly with a hint of morning breath. It was perfect. Real.

Bucky moved to deepen the kiss, and Tony enthusiastically returned it. The older man turned to press against his side, and Bucky could feel Tony’s own morning arousal along with the scars that covered the front of his body. Bucky hadn’t gotten to feel them like this last night, and he wondered if it was wrong of him to enjoy the texture of them rubbing against him. The proof of Tony’s strength etched in his skin.  

Tony moved to kiss his neck, his breath was hot on Bucky’s skin as he started speaking softly. “I was having the most wonderful dream, honey.” He said as he licked a stripe along the curve of Bucky’s neck. Fuck, Bucky was sensitive there. “You were in it, and you made the sexiest sounds.”

Bucky groaned softly in frustration as Tony moved away from his neck to give him one more kiss. “As much as I would love to stay here in bed and show you everything my dream entailed, it would make me very late. I still have a lot of work to catch up on.”

Tony looked across the bed at Steve’s still sleeping figure, and Bucky’s eyes followed. “We should probably start breakfast.” He said quietly, giving Bucky a quick peck on the cheek before he started to get up. “I don’t think sleeping beauty will be waking soon.”

Bucky nodded, knowing Tony was right on all accounts.  They grabbed some clothes and quietly got dressed before they took turns in the bathroom to wash up and brush their teeth. He let Tony go first because he was the one who had a job to get to.

Fuck, Bucky wanted a job. He hated not being able to pull his weight and making Tony responsible for everything. Tony said it was OK, that he wanted Bucky to get a job he liked, but it didn’t make it any easier. The truth was that Bucky knew he was probably gonna have to settle for some crap job he hated, just like he always had. He wasn’t educated or formally trained in anything so it’s not like he had a lot of options.

Once or twice he’d even thought of enlisting, but he’s pretty sure that wouldn’t have gone over well with either of the men. They weren’t at war yet, and Bucky didn’t particularly want to be a soldier, so he knew that Steve and Tony would just see it as him being desperate for a paycheck.

As he walked into the kitchen space, he saw Tony at the table pouring flour into a large bowl. He grabbed two eggs as he looked up at Bucky. “Pancakes good with you?”

When Bucky nodded, Tony cracked them open and added them to the flour, tossing the shells into the trashcan he’d pulled up next to him.

“So what are you doin’ today?” Bucky asked as he went to the icebox and grabbed the small bottle of milk to give to Tony.”

“Thank you,” Tony said, taking it from him. “The usual. There’s a married couple three blocks over who have lighting problems in the old home their trying to fix up. The diner down the block is having trouble with their refrigeration unit. I need to check in with the butcher that the freezer upgrade I did for him is working the way he wants because he said he might want me to do the same to his other one.”

Bucky remembered Tony’s story of “upgrading” (Tony’s term) that freezer. The butcher had been in a horrible mood that day, not at Tony obviously, but Bucky supposed marriage problems could do that to a person. “I hope he’s in a better mood this time.” Bucky told him.

“You and me both,” Tony chuckled, mixing the batter in the bowl he was holding. “Ryan’s a good man, but his temper even puts me on edge.”

Bucky nodded as Tony continued. “Then I have to make the trek to Councilman Shaw’s home again. He was so happy with how I fixed his car, that he wants me to take a look at their washing machine. Apparently, his wife has made some complaints, and he wants to know if I could give it look. Said he’d make it worth my while if it made his wife happy.”

“If you could get it to work anything like ours,” Bucky smiled, “I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.”

Tony looked at him and winked. “Stark products are the best.” He said grinning.

Bucky wholeheartedly agreed. Everyone he’d spoken to had raved about Tony’s work, and it wasn’t surprising because Bucky knew the man was a genius. An actual genius who by some miracle had found himself a place in their lives, and a miracle that he’d fallen in love with two jerks from Brooklyn after the fact.

“Then, I’ll go to the hospital and make sure everything there is working right.” Tony said as he checked the heated pan in front of him. “I went yesterday and fixed a couple minor things, but I’m supposed to look in regularly.”

Bucky’s head spun at the amount of things Tony juggled every day. It was a testament to how good Tony was that he could get even half of that done in one day, but Bucky knew he would finish it all by the time he got home tonight.

As Bucky watched Tony pour the first of the batter in the pan he realized, “Tony, have you had your coffee yet?”

Tony looked up from the pan, looking kind of surprised at Bucky’s realization. “Huh, no I haven’t. Wanna make me a cup, sweetheart?” He asked as he batted his lashes ridiculously at Bucky.

Bucky huffed and moved to make the coffee in the contraption Tony had cobbled together on the bones of their old press, because of course Tony built himself a better coffee maker. Bucky looked back at Tony poking at a pancake and realized he had never seen Tony so happy and awake before his coffee in the morning.

Was it the sex? Maybe Tony liked sex more than coffee.

 _Or maybe_ , a voice in his head supplied, _he loves you more than coffee_

Bucky’s chest warmed at the thought, and he smiled softly as he started the task.

Tony was an incredible person, and last night had made him so happy, knowing Tony shared their affection. As he turned and watched Tony moving a couple of small pancakes onto a plate before adding more batter, he thought again of how bad last night could have gone.

“Tony,” He began, trying to say what he was feeling without putting his foot in his mouth and ruining it. “About last night, I…”

Tony looked up, and Bucky was surprised to see that he looked scared. “It was too much, wasn’t it?” Tony asked, slightly panicked. “I pushed too far. I knew I should have slowed things down. We should have taken the time to discuss things more, and I was too controlling,” Tony was working himself up.

It was a thing with Tony that he seemed to be so hard on himself when he cared about something. The smartest man Bucky had ever known was constantly second guessing himself and finding flaws that usually didn’t exist. Bucky wondered how many people were to blame for it.

“I should have been more careful introducing new things to you, and I never should have…”

Bucky silenced him with a kiss. It seemed to work as Tony relaxed against him. He slowly pulled away, but didn’t go far. “I was just gonna say, thank you.” Tony’s eyebrows shot up. “I really loved being with you, and thank you for taking care of me,” he finished shyly. Bucky did not like talking about this, but he realized he was going to have to. “And for not judging me.”

Tony smiled, those crinkles returning for Bucky to see, and said, “Of course, sweetheart, I love you.”

Bucky kissed him again and sighed. This was good. He was good, and Tony loved him the way he was.

 

***Steve’s POV***

Steve woke slowly to the light shining through his eyelids and the sound of murmured voices. He opened his eyes to look for the source but saw an empty bed. He figured Bucky and Tony were already up like always and making breakfast. He inhaled deeply and caught the smell of something cooking and the usual aroma of Tony’s coffee.

Steve wished he could drink the stuff like Tony did. He hated the mornings. His back always ached when he got up because of his curved spine. His joints took time to loosen up when he’d start his day, and because it was winter, Steve knew that if he went outside his lungs would have trouble with the cold, frosty air.

He never complained about his weaknesses. What was the point? It wouldn’t change anything, and it would only prove that he was, in fact, weak. But sometimes Steve wondered what it would be like to just wake up and feel good, healthy. What would it be like to not constantly ache or have to worry about asthma or getting sick because he’d gotten caught in the rain.

He never let himself wonder for too long because wishing never got anyone anything. If you wanted something, you worked for it, no matter how difficult it was. His ma had taught him that. Steve should have remembered that when it came to Tony. He’d resigned himself to loving him quietly and wishing things could be different. If it hadn’t been for Bucky, who knows if he’d ever have gotten his head out of his ass?

Last night had been wonderful. Finding out Tony loved them too and getting to be with him was so much more than Steve had hoped for, and watching Tony take Bucky apart as Steve fucked his mouth had been hot as hell. He loved it when Bucky just let himself go.

Steve knew that Bucky struggled with what he liked in the bedroom. It had never bothered Steve, and he was happy to do anything for the man he loved. Hell, he _enjoyed_ doing them for the man he loved. Steve would do anything, give Bucky anything he wanted or needed, if it made him feel good. He remembered Tony had called it a “bit of a service kink”.

Steve wasn’t familiar with the term, but the description sounded right enough. Steve got off on every moan Bucky made. It was a heady feeling knowing he could give him pleasure like that, and sharing that with Tony? Listening to the things Tony said as he’d softly dominated Bucky made Steve just as aroused as when he said those things himself.

He also kind of liked that Tony ran the show. Yeah, he’d been commanding with Bucky like he usually was, but Steve had also liked Tony giving both of them directions, even if he’d made it sound like more of a suggestion with Steve. Like they were both equally taking care of Bucky, and Tony was just the one who happened to be making the calls on how to do it.

That really worked for Steve because he had gotten to watch and enjoy the show even more than he would have if he’d been the one orchestrating everything. As he’d looked on to Tony with Bucky, he realized that he _really_ liked watching them. A lot. Maybe this was one of his things? God knows the thought of being watched was one of Bucky’s.

He’s sure that liking to watch other people had to be something that some people enjoyed, like the best kind of movie, only he got to be in the movie too.  

He won’t lie and say he hadn’t been a bit surprised when Bucky called Tony daddy last night, though Steve wouldn’t have said anything about it. He’d never called Steve that, but maybe it was just another thing that Bucky liked, and he liked it with Tony. Maybe it was always there, and he’d never felt comfortable doing it with Steve? It didn’t matter. If Bucky liked it, then that was enough for him.

Steve didn’t know if that’s something _he_ would like, but maybe they could try it later sometime if it felt right. Possibly. Who knows? Maybe Tony did, he seemed to know a lot about this kind of stuff. They’d talk about it.

He thought he understood why Bucky liked it. The thing that had attracted Bucky to Tony the most was how the man seemed to want to take care of them.

Sex was the only time Bucky let his guard down and fully accepted someone taking care of him. Hell, he’d even begun to accept the care Tony gave them in day to day life without feeling like he owed something in return or was somehow a failure for not providing for himself. It was just the way Bucky had lived. He’d watched over his mom, sister, and (even if Steve hated to admit it) Steve himself. Thanks to his drunk of a father and a mother who doted on his sister, Bucky had grown up without much care or attention by the people who were supposed to love him.

Steve thought of his own mom. He knew she had loved him, but the rest of the world went out of its way to show that they did not feel the same for Steve. Maybe he should see if he liked being taken care of too. Someday. Maybe.

He thought back to Tony with Bucky. He’d been so loving with him, getting Bucky to talk a little about what he liked and then giving Bucky just what he needed. Steve remembered Tony prepping him and what he’d done with his tongue. That had been a surprise, both the act itself and how erotic Steve had found it.

It just seemed so taboo, but it had turned Bucky into a desperate mess. Steve really wanted to know what that felt like. Definitely, not maybe.

With that thought Steve pulled himself back to the present and decided it was past time for him to get up if he wanted to see Tony before he left for the day. He got dressed and went to find them sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee at the table. There were three plates of pancakes, but the other two seemed to have been waiting for him to arrive before they ate.

Tony looked up from his coffee cup and smiled softly. “Good morning, baby boy.”

Tony had given him that little name, and if someone had once told him he’d like being called baby boy by anyone, Steve would have punched ‘em in the jaw. But when Tony said it, well, Steve had to admit that he liked it a lot more than he thought he would, like when Bucky called him doll.

Steve smiled. “Good morning,” he said as he went to kiss each of their cheeks, thrilling at the knowledge that he could now do this with both of them, before taking his seat. “This looks good.”

Bucky smiled and teased. “We were waiting on you, punk. I wanted to eat, but Tony said it’d be impolite or something.”

“You should listen to him about those things,” Steve sassed back, “Lord knows you don’t have any manners of your own, jerk.”

“Comin’ from you that’s awful rich, Stevie.”

“I don’t have to have a lot of manners to have more than you, Buck. Your elbows are on the table, and you’re not even eatin’ yet.”

Tony just chuckled as he picked up his fork. “Well, let’s get to eating it now, I have to leave soon.”

Steve knew they would both miss the man while he was gone throughout the day. They usually did, but he knew it would be even harder after last night. They had so much to catch up on, but he didn’t comment on this. He just grabbed his fork and dug into his breakfast.

Before long Tony was heading out the door, after kissing them both and promising that they would all talk when he got home that night. Steve knew they had a lot of things to discuss, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to skip it and repeat what they’d done together last night. He sighed, maybe after.

Steve and Bucky returned to the kitchen and started cleaning up the mess from breakfast. Steve was still sometimes amazed at how fast Tony had picked up cooking because the man was now flourishing at it. Those pancakes were as good as any Steve had ever had, not to mention the meals Tony helped with or the Christmas dinner he’d done by himself. If Tony put his mind to something, he succeeded. Period.

It made Steve wonder again what it would be like to be under Tony’s focus in bed. He turned to Bucky.

“So Buck,” he started, “Last night, it was good?” God, that sounded awful. “I mean, you enjoyed it? With Tony?”

Bucky huffed and stepped over to kiss him. “Yeah,” he answered, “I enjoyed it a lot, with you and Tony.” Then he looked a little worried. “Did you not…?”

“No, I mean yes,” Steve said quickly, “Of course I enjoyed it. I loved everything, but I was just wondering…” Steve took a deep breath and released it. “He took really good care of you, and you seemed to like it, and I wondered…”

Bucky looked into his eyes. “Usually I’m the one with the problems talkin’ about this stuff. He didn’t hurt me if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“No, I didn’t think that.” Steve quickly assured him. “I don’t think Tony could live with himself if he hurt either one of us. I just wanted to know what it was like?”

Bucky smiled, and his eyes glazed over a bit. “It was amazing. All I could think about was how good it felt, and you were both touching me and talking to me.” Bucky came out of the thought and focused on him. “But that’s not what you meant, is it?”

Steve knew he should just be able to say this, but Bucky was right. They usually talked about what Bucky wanted. Steve had never really had to say the things he might want to try because before now, he’d only wanted to give Bucky what he liked, and it had been more than enough. “I really liked watchin’ you with him, a lot. I’ve never really gotten to do that before, and I was kinda surprised by how much I enjoyed it.”

Bucky smiled kindly. “That’s not a bad thing, doll. If I can like the stuff I do, and it’s OK, then you can get off watchin’ your two fellas together.” He smirked, “Especially if I can have you in my mouth while you’re doin’ it.”

Steve huffed and nodded. “It’s just that when I was thinkin’ of the things Tony did to you, and how much you liked them, I started to wonder what it would feel like too.”

“You mean that thing with his tongue?’ Bucky brightened. “Because it was fucking incredible, Stevie. I can’t believe we never thought of tryin’ that.” Bucky looked at him. “I’m sure Tony would want to do that with you, or I can try doin’ it. I don’t have the practice Tony’s had, but I would try.”

Steve smiled at his best friend. “I’d like either of you doin’ it. You know how much I love your mouth, Buck.” He breathed in again. “But I was wondering what it’d be like to have Tony do more of those things to me. You know, hold me down and make me feel good.”

“I thought you liked being in control?” Bucky looked a little hurt. “I thought you enjoyed what we have?”

Steve kissed him. “Of course I do, love.” He said when he pulled back. “I love you trusting me like that and making you feel good. I always have. But with Tony, he’s so good at everything, ya know? And he can be so commanding, so I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have the attention of someone like him focused on me. Does that make sense?”

Bucky smiled, looking relieved. “Of course, Stevie, and speaking as someone who had that attention focused on him, I don’t imagine anyone not liking it.” Bucky looked to the side, thinking. “So you think you’d like both? You having control with me, and Tony having control with you, or do you want to be with Tony like you are with me too?”

Steve shrugged a little. “I might, it depends. But for now I know I want Tony to take me, even if it’s just to see if I like it as much as I think I would. I do know that I will never want to change what we have.” Steve said, giving Bucky a quick kiss. “As long as you want me that way.”

“I’ll always want you, doll.” Bucky said with his trademark smile and eyes twinkling.

A knock at the door tore their attention away from each other. “Who could that be this early in the mornin’?” Steve asked as he went to the door.

When he opened it, he saw their next door neighbor standing there and looking very pissed off.

Steve was about to ask what he wanted when the man opened his mouth and cut him off.

His voice was seething. “Listen, you little degenerate…”

 

 

***Back to Tony***

 

Tony walked quickly down the sidewalk as he hurried to get home. He was running late, much later than he’d planned on being. He’d wanted to do something special tonight to celebrate their new relationship, and he was already fucking up.

After their quick morning meal, he kissed both Steve and Bucky before he rushed out to get started on the still long list of things he’d gotten behind on while he was on bedrest.

He’d done well today. Made a good sum of money and strengthened his growing ties within the community. He was far from the influential businessman he used to be, but he was forging connections nonetheless.

And now he was late. It was the only thought running through his head as he entered the apartment and stopped dead in his tracks.

Both of his sweet, precious boys were sitting beside each other on the couch and looked upset. Not angry upset, no Tony would understand since he was arriving home later than usual. This was supposed to be their first night in an official relationship, and they’d promised to talk about it.

No, they were distraught upset, and that sent Tony into angry protective mode. What had happened during the day?

As he entered they looked up to meet his eyes but couldn’t seem to say anything.

He crossed over and knelt between them, cupping a hand on each of their cheeks. “What’s wrong, boys?”

Steve sniffed while Bucky just closed his eyes and leaned against his palm seeking comfort.

“Did something happen today? Are you upset with me?” Tony asked, not knowing what could have caused such a difference in them over the course of the day.   

 Steve was the one who answered. “O’course we’re not upset with you, Tony. It’s just…Mr. Byrne.”

“The asshole who lives next door?” Tony asked, wondering just how much he was gonna have to kick the guys ass.

“He heard us,” Bucky murmured, opening his eyes. “Last night.”

 _Oh_ , Tony thought. _Fuck_

“We’ve always been so careful.” Bucky continued. “Steve and me, we were always quiet or only fooled around when we knew they weren’t home.”

“What did he say?” Tony needed the particulars if he was gonna salvage this, or kick his ass.

Bucky just shook his head so Steve picked up the story. “He came by not long after you’d left this mornin’. He said he knew what he’d heard us doin’ last night, and he wasn’t gonna live next to that.” Steve took a steadying breath. “ He said we needed to leave, move out, or he’d tell everyone and call the cops.”

Bucky shuddered at the words.

“We didn’t know what to do,” Steve continued, “He just took our silence as being guilty before he spat at us and called us faggots. As he was walking away, he turned and said, “One way or another, you’ll be leaving.”

“Tony,” Bucky’s voice shook. “what if they take us away? I don’t wanna go to one of them places. I’ve heard awful things about what they do.” His breathing sped as he started to panic. “They can’t just drag us there; we’re not sick. You said it’s not wrong. We’re not sick. I don’t want that to happen to me.”

Steve looked terrified at the thought of them being taken as he wrapped an arm around Bucky and pulled him closer, trying to comfort them both.

Tony’s mind raced as Bucky’s words pierced him, and he remembered treatment of homosexuals who fell under the wrong sort of legal attention during this time. Jail was the better of the options they’d be faced with. Those institutions were a nightmare. He would die before he allowed that to happen to any of them. He watched a tear fall onto Bucky’s cheek.

That did it.

With his mind made up, Tony leaned forward and gently kissed Bucky before turning to do the same with Steve, then he rose to his feet, and firmly said,  “I’ll be right back.”

He turned and walked to the door, stopping only when he heard them call out from behind him. He turned to calm them. “It’s going to be alright. I’ll handle this.”

Without another word he walked out of the apartment and turned left. The neighbor to their right was a sweet old widow woman who was nearly deaf. She would never hear anything that went on in their apartment. It was why the radio was next to the wall they shared with her. Just a sweet, deaf old lady.

The neighbor to the left, however, was not sweet and apparently not deaf. But he was old enough to have learned an ounce of tolerance and compassion by now. Tony knew the guy would be alone. His wife was a nurse who worked her ass off at the hospital because he complained of a bad back and wouldn’t hold down a job.

Tony knew his wife. She was a sweet woman who had worked in the pediatric department for twelve years. Tragically, she couldn’t have kids. Knowing what Tony knew about her husband, it was probably for the best.

He knocked on the door and waited, putting on his press smile as he slipped into boardroom mentality.

The door opened and there stood Mr. Byrne. Tony would never be friendly enough with him to use his first name. “What…oh, it’s you.” The man looked disgusted.

“Good evening Mr. Byrne,” Tony smiled as he pushed his way past the man and into the apartment. “You’re looking tired. Long night?”

“What do ya think you’re doing?” The man all but yelled. “Get the hell out of my apartment, or I’ll call for the police!”

“Whatever for?” Tony’s face morphed into shock. “I just came to have a neighborly chat.”

Byrne’s face went red. “I don’t chat with the likes o’ you.”

“Likes of me?” Tony pointed to his chest, seemingly nonplussed.

“Degenerates,” the man spat out. “Diseased.”

“Well, there must be some misunderstanding because I am neither of those things.” Tony said easily.

“I know what I heard.” The other man gritted out, like it was too painful to think about. “I know what you and those little fruits are doing next door. Leave now or come tomorrow, I’ll tell everyone what you’ve been gettin’ up to. Then I won’t have to wait for you to move.”

“It’s funny sometimes the things we _think_ we know, isn’t it? Everyone has a different point of view.” Tony said, and the man looked to interrupt so Tony just raised his voice a little and continued straight on through. “I mean, I could swear that I know that you,” he pointed at Byrne, “are fucking the butcher’s wife while your own wife is hard at work supporting your sorry ass.”

Byrne’s face immediately fell and began to pale. “I don’t know what…”

“I could also swear,” Tony steamrolled over him, “that I knew the butcher suspected his wife’s infidelity and was looking for some proof. Have you seen that guy? His arms are thicker than my thighs. We had a long chat while I was fixing his freezer, and believe me, he’s got a hell of a beatdown coming for the guy fucking his wife. Whatever kind of idiot would be stupid enough to do that because God knows the man doesn’t mind the sight of blood.”

Byrne had turned even paler. Tony could see that the man knew what could happen. The butcher was generally a pleasant guy, who was helplessly in love with his wife, despite her indiscretions, and it made him very jealous and possessive. Rumor was he’d already put one guy in the hospital for being a little too friendly with her. The guy had been too scared to press charges.

“I could also swear,” Tony continued, “that I know your wife is sick to death of you. We both know you don’t deserve her. I think this would be the final straw for her. After all, she has friends at work that she could stay with. I’ve heard them remind her of that. Several times. It would be so much easier for her splitting rent with someone who would support themselves.”

Tony stepped up into the man’s space. His voice was a cold threat. “So you see? Even with our different points of view, I think you can agree that you may have _thought_ that you heard something, but you must have been mistaken. I know this because I actually hear and see a lot of what goes on around here. I’m everywhere in this neighborhood, in this borough. I also know _three_ councilmen. I’m owed favors by no less than _nine_ police officers. I’m friends with most of the business owners in a ten block radius. I recently made a deal with our landlord to officially take over the maintenance of this building in exchange for our rent. Somehow, I’ve managed to become a respected member of this community, while you are a piece of shit who does nothing but use his wife.”

Tony felt a familiar fury settle in him as he stared the man down. His voice was even colder as he continued.

“But I don’t need councilmen, or policemen, or businessmen, or a landlord who would happily throw your ass out on the street once your wife left you. I am a genius with an IQ higher than you could probably count to.” Tony quietly raged, “And I want you gone. Now, out of our lives, out of our building, out of this city or I promise you will not live to regret it.  It would be only too easy for me to get rid of you.

“I will strip away everything you have; your marriage, your safety, your reputation.” He promised. “They will all be gone, and that’s if I’m nice enough let you walk away from this. You have no proof to back up your threat and no credit with anyone to make them believe you. All I have to do is go to the butcher right now, and your world will start to crumble. After that, if you even think to say anything further about this to anyone, well, it’s a dangerous neighborhood. People find bodies in the river all the time, and I doubt anyone would miss you enough to question it.”

Byrne was looking at him in horror. He was right to. Tony meant every word.

“Think carefully, Byrne.” Tony said as he threw the man’s hurtful words back at him. “One way or another, you will be leaving. I will be staying right here, surrounded by my large group of friends and those two boys that I am fiercely protective over.”

And Tony watched as the man deflated before his eyes. Just another bully who’d lost his power.

“Good choice,” Tony said, business voice returned and stepped back. “ I’ll give you a few moments to pack, shall I? Then you can write your long suffering wife a goodbye letter.”

Tony watched as the man packed his meager belongings then wrote the letter. “Be sure to tell her you’re sorry. Not for leaving, but for not doing better by her and leaving sooner.”

He watched as Byrne finished and set the pencil down on the table.

“Shall we?” Tony motioned to the door. Anger flashed over the other man’s face, but he just gave a jerky nod and walked past him. Tony locked the door behind them.

“Your key,” Tony held out his hand and waited as it was fished out of a pocket and placed into his palm. “I’ll just turn this in to the landlord in the morning as part of my new duties as superintendent.”

Tony pocketed the key before pulling out his wallet and removing two five dollar bills. “This is for you. Find a flophouse in another city then a job. I can’t have the thought of you living on the street weighing down my conscience because I honestly don’t want to think of you again after this moment.”

He placed the bills in Byrne’s hand, “So don’t ever let me see you around here again because I will make sure it is the last time I see you.”

With that Tony turned and made his way back to his apartment, as he opened the door he called back to the retreating figure. “Have a good evening!” And closed the door behind him.

He was soon set upon by Bucky and Steve, both frantic and wanting to know what the hell just happened and where did he go and what was he thinking and…

“Boys,” he stopped their questioning and just hugged them close. “It’s alright. I just had a friendly chat Mr. Byrne.”

“A friendly chat?!” Steve asked incredulously as he pulled back. “After what he told us? We were scared you went over there to kill him!”

“Tony,” Bucky looked angry, but it was the kind of anger a person feels when they were scared. “He could ruin us. Even if he didn’t make a case about it and tried to have us commited, he could ruin us in this neighborhood.”

‘You’re right.” Tony said to calm them so he could explain himself. “But I had to speak with him after the threat he made. I couldn’t risk something happening to you, to us.”

“What did he say?” Steve asked like he didn’t want to hear it.

“He said he was sorry.” Their jaws dropped. “Or that he was a sorry sack of shit. One of those.”

“I seriously doubt he said either,” Steve said, not amused. Tony realized this was no time to be flippant.

He kissed Steve calmly then pulled back to look at both of them. “You’re right,” he repeated, “He didn’t say either. In fact he didn’t say much of anything. I did most of the talking.  I explained in very simple terms that what he _thought_ he heard couldn’t possibly be true. Then I explained to him the reality of what would happen if he went around spreading such a damaging and blatant lie like that to the neighborhood. I also could have implied that even though what he thought he heard wasn’t true, I happened to know something very true about him. Something that would be very unpleasant for him if it were to get out to certain people.”

“And he believed that?” Bucky asked, shock and doubt warring on his face.

“Well, yes. It was the truth. Not the thing the about us, obviously, last night was incredible, but really it’s none of his business.” Tony continued. “Have you ever heard the term: Knowledge is power. Or: It’s not what you know, but who you know?”

They both nodded, not sure where he was going with this.

“Basically, I proved that point by telling him the things that I know, and that I could _prove_ that I know them _._ I also enlightened him that just because I might not be an influential person, it didn’t mean that I don’t know several people who _are_. People who like me. People who owe me favors. People who would doubt the word of a man like him who could want me gone because I knew his little secret.”

“So he’s not gonna say anythin’?” Steve asked slowly.

“He won’t be around to say anything. We both decided it would be best if he was the one to leave.” Tony said solemnly. “He packed his bags, wrote a goodbye to his wife and left his key with me to give to the landlord. It’s just as well, I was meaning to speak with him about our rent situation. I’m pretty sure I could work out a trade with our rent for doing maintenance on the building.”

“You got _him_ to leave?” Steve asked in disbelief. “Because you said you knew a secret about him? How does that even work?”

“It was a hell of a secret,” Tony chuckled. “One that would have definitely cost him his marriage and good health.  He’d have been lucky if Mr. Ryan didn’t kill him.”

“Why would Mr. Ryan kill…” Bucky looked confused before his eyes widened in realization. “Byrne is screwing Ryan’s wife?!”

Tony had told the boys how Ryan was fuming about it that day.

He nodded happily, pleased that Bucky had put it together. “You can see his problem. I go to Ryan and tell him what Byrne has been doing. He beats the ever loving shit out of him. Then what can Byrne do? Spread a rumor about his neighbor who sold him out? I would just say that I was helping a friend and told him the truth about the guy screwing his wife. No one would believe that Byrne wasn’t just trying to get back at me, and they’d hate him even more for it.”

Steve looked stunned. “What would you have done if he hadn’t listened?”

Tony shrugged. “I’d have lifted some ether from the hospital, knocked his ass out, brought him to a side street at night and left him there naked. He’d have been arrested, discredited and his wife would have kicked him out. This way was a lot less work.”

They both looked like he’d grown a second head.

“What? My first impulse would have been to dump him in the river, but I figured he’d probably die from that. Stripped naked on a street somewhere is a good compromise!”

Steve just kept staring, but Bucky whistled. “When you fix a problem, you don’t hold back, Tony.” He huffed as he ran a hand through his thick hair. “But I can’t say I’m not happy you did it. I don’t know what we’d have done if the police were involved. Those institutions…” He visibly shuddered.

“I’d never let that happen.” Tony told him firmly. “Never.”

Steve finally spoke. “How did you know he was messin’ around with Ryan’s wife?”

“I passed him in the hall more than once, and he had red lipstick smeared on his cheek.” Tony said like it was obvious what that meant.

“And…?” Steve eyebrows scrunched up.

“I have only seen Mrs. Byrne wear _peach_ lipstick, and she should because it looks great on her.” Tony rambled. “But do you know who _does_ wear red lipstick?”

“Mrs. Ryan,” Steve answered looking impressed. “You figured out a case of adultery from that?”

“Well yeah. That and Byrne is one of the few men stupid enough to fool around with the butcher’s wife.”

Bucky started laughing, quietly at first before it grew into the full blown joy of relief. Steve soon followed.  Tony watched as most of the remaining tension in their bodies drained.

“So we’re OK.” Bucky said, as if to reassure himself.

“We’re better than OK.” Tony answered as he grabbed the other man’s hand and squeezed gently. “We’re together.”

Tony decided that the boys had been through too much today to go forward with his plans for a special evening of celebration. He got them to relax as he made some sandwiches. Steve had balked that Tony had worked all day, and he could do it, but Tony wasn’t having it. That kind of anxiety was exhausting, and they’d lived with it all day.

Tony was still going to tell the butcher in the morning, just in case Byrne decided to do something stupid like try and cross Tony. He had to cover his bases, after all.

They sat down at the table to eat. Each of them had two sandwiches with a beer because Tony figured they could use it after the day they’d had. It took a few more reassurances over the course of the meal, but by the time they had moved on to the leftover pie from the night before, the boys seemed to be fully relaxed.

That was good because Tony still had some things he wanted to discuss with them. He ate the last bite of his pie and put his fork down before looking across the table at them.

“So guys,” he began, “I know tonight and, more specifically for you, today did not go as we’d hoped.”

“I’ll say,” Bucky murmured. “but at least ya didn’t kill the guy.”

“Why do you both keep saying that?” Tony asked knowing exactly why they could think him capable of it. “Of course I didn’t kill him!”

But he knows that he could have. Tony would do whatever he had to if it meant protecting them. The scary thing was that he was smart enough to get away with it, especially in this time period.

“Yeah, you did mention something about throwing him in the river while he was unconscious then thought better on it.” Steve said, smirking. “You have the control of a saint.”

Tony sighed. “I am far from a saint,” he conceded, “and I have done many violent things in my life, but never to innocent people and only in defense of myself and others. I learned the hard way if it’s them or me, it will be them. Every single time.”

“Tony, we don’t hold that against you.” Steve said seriously. “Whatever you’ve done, we know you’re a good person, and we appreciate that you would want to protect us.”

Bucky nodded, “We’re just thankful that wasn’t the only option because that would have…been somethin’ else for us to handle. I don’t really wanna think about it. We’re not judging you or anythin’, but…”

“We’ve just never had to worry about somethin’ like that,” Steve continued for him, “and I know we only know pieces of your past, but I can understand why you’d learn to react to threats that way. We also know that you would never do anything to hurt us or risk what we have here.”

“Of course I wouldn’t,” Tony said, honesty making his voice thick. “This place with you, it’s my home.”

“Well, we’re safe now,” Bucky said, “so that’s what matters.”

Tony nodded. “You’re right. It just worries me what you could think of me for it.”

Steve gave a small shrug. “We think what we’ve always thought, that you’re kind and generous and want to take care of us. And we love you for it.”

Tony relaxed at the affirmation. “I love you, too. Both of you.”

“Speaking of,” Steve said looking over to Bucky. “We had hoped to talk about some things, about us. How this all is gonna work and stuff.”

Bucky nodded, “This mornin’ you said we needed to have a discussion, and Steve and me did some talking.”

“Are you sure that you’re up for that?” Tony asked surprised. “I understand if you wanted to wait.”

“We really don’t want to think about that anymore. We worried about it all day.” Steve said. “We’d rather move forward and talk about something that makes us happy.”

“Like us, together.” Bucky said. “He already ruined our day. We’re not lettin’ him ruin this.”

God Tony loved them. They were not blind to his faults, but they chose to love him anyway. Even if it was admitting that Tony had a tendency to violence when pushed far enough. He didn’t deserve them.

“OK, so what would you like to talk about first?” He asked them because he knew they probably had some questions.

 

***Bucky POV***

 

Bucky had had a long day. The fear of losing everything and being sent to one of _those_ places had stolen the joy he’d felt that morning. Thankfully Tony was able to fix the situation. Again.

God that man was amazing. He’d protected them. Again. Bucky didn’t know if he should be more upset at the thought that Tony essentially admitted he would have disposed of Byrne if it had come down to it. Probably, his mind supplied, but when he thought of the alternative, the harsh action didn’t seem that extreme. Especially when he thought of how Tony had put it. If it’s them or me, it will be them.

Anyway, he’d meant what he said. He just wanted to put the whole thing past them and focus on their new relationship.

Tony asked, “Ok, so what would you like to talk about first?”

Bucky started to think, but Steve beat him to the first question.

“Well, what is this called? The three of us, does it have a name?”

It was a good question. Bucky wanted that answer too.

“A few, actually,” Tony told them. “I’m more partial to the term triad but that’s just because I’ve grown used to it. More people are now using the term throuple. Really though, I’m good with either because they both mean the same. We are in a polyamorous relationship, in which we are all equal and all together.”

Steve nodded as Bucky absorbed a lot of new words from those few sentences. He finally said, “I like that, equal and together.” It had a nice ring to it.

“I think I prefer the word triad, too.” Steve said next to him. “Throuple sounds kinda odd.” And Bucky agreed with Steve on that.

Tony chuckled. “A lot of new things can, I suppose. Give it time, you may change your mind, but the label isn’t important. What we are to each other is.”

Bucky agreed with that too, and he liked how Tony described them.

Tony turned back to Bucky, and he felt his heart start to beat faster. Why was this still so difficult? Why couldn’t he just ask what he wanted to know without it making him want to punch something in frustration and shame?  

Tony, of course, just patiently waited and let him gather his courage and his thoughts, but he already knew what he most desperately wanted to ask.

“Tony,” he began more softly than usual, “do you know why I am the way I am? It’s not like…You said it wasn’t unusual.”

Tony grabbed his hand and gently squeezed. “It’s not, sweetheart. It’s perfectly natural.” He soothed, big brown eyes looking at him with affection. “Some people just prefer sex that way, to be more submissive. A lot of the time, it’s people with the strongest personalities, or people who have a lot of responsibilities in their lives. People who are constantly the center of attention and find it stressful. People who have a very important job and are in charge all the time, so that’s their way of taking a break.”

Bucky knew Tony was explaining it so that he would understand it easier, and he appreciated it.

“That’s just a few examples,” Tony continued, keeping eye contact, “but the most common element is the freedom that submission gives them, that surrender and the knowledge that it, in no way, makes them weak. I always believed it takes a good deal of strength to submit to someone else. Like last night, you just let yourself go and knew that you would be cared for by Steve and me. A loss of control can be a scary thing, especially when sex is involved, so I am honored that you trusted me with that.”

Bucky was a little overwhelmed at that because it made a lot of sense. He did like the freedom from responsibilty. Tony even thought he was strong to ask for it?

Tony reassured him. “You are not weak. It doesn’t make you less of a man, and there is nothing wrong with it. Wanting to be cared for by someone you love and trust is never a bad thing.”

Bucky’s eyes had grown wet, the relief of finally understanding why he felt this way and being validated for it was something he’d wanted for so long. “Thank you,” he said thickly, “for explaining that to me.”

“Of course, sweetheart,” Tony smiled softly, eyes crinkling, before looking to Steve. “What about you, beautiful? Anything you want to know?”

Steve blushed but managed to ask, “You used a lot of words last night to describe what we do. I want to make sure I know what they mean and how they relate to us.

Tony seemed to think over his answer before saying, “Alright, we’ve discussed how Bucky generally prefers to be submissive in sex, right? That’s what he enjoys most?”

Bucky nodded along with Steve, less embarrassed about this fact than he would have been before Tony explained it better to him.

“And you remember how I made the reference to him being a bottom and you being a top?” Again they nodded. “Well, the word bottom simply refers to the one usually receiving and to the submission of the person, or like Bucky says, him not being in charge. When you identified as a top last night, Steve, that was you claiming responsibility for Bucky. His pleasure, his mental and physical well-being was in your control and therefore your responsibility.”

He looked at Bucky. “It became my responsibility too when you agreed to bottom for me. That’s why I promised to take care of you.” Bucky smiled softly, Tony really had taken care of him. He always did.

Tony looked back to Steve. “Tops are dominant, and sometimes the quietest, shiest people can be tops because again, there is a freedom in the role, and sex does not define who you are as a person. During sex, chemicals are released in our brains and bodies, especially if you are engaging in a dominant or submissive scene.”

“Scene?” Bucky asked, and Tony turned to him. “Like in a movie? Is that why you call it a role?”

Tony nodded. “Yes, some people call it play, hence the term roleplay, but that is an even broader umbrella term that we can discuss later.”

 _God, how much does Tony know about sex?_ He wondered as Tony continued. He listened.

”As I’ve said, sex doesn’t define a person, and your submission is a choice. You are choosing that role during that session of sex, that scene. Understand?”

Bucky nodded. He liked the thought that he was choosing to submit, and it wasn’t because there was something wrong with him.

Steve asked, “You said our brains make chemicals?”

“A lot of chemicals,” Tony answered. “It’s another responsibility of a top to make sure that the submissive is able to continue making lucid choices throughout the scene because sometimes these chemicals along with the intense feelings the sub is experiencing can alter their judgement.”

“Alter how?” Bucky asked curiously. He didn’t think he’d ever been altered, but then again, how would he know, if in fact, he was already altered or hadn’t known to look out for it.

“I’ve never actually experienced it,” Tony admitted, looking sorry for not having a better answer, which was ridiculous because he was already answering so much. “It’s rather difficult for me to fully submit. However, I’ve been in the dominant role for a partner who has, but everyone is different. Generally, the intense emotions and sensations create a flood of these chemicals in a person’s brain. The effect is somewhat drug-like.”

Bucky knew Steve looked as surprised as he did right now, especially as Steve asked, “What does that do?”

“They can feel things very intensely,” he told them. “Emotions like joy, usually having a sense of euphoria.” That actually sounded kinda nice, Bucky thought. “Their capacity for pain is also affected, and they are no longer able to judge their tolerance for it reliably. As the top, Steve, it is your responsibility to monitor that.”

“Pain?” Bucky asked, very confused. “Why would there be pain?” Steve was always careful with him. Tony had been too.

“There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain,” Tony answered simply, “especially when body chemistry is involved. It can be done to help remove a person from their thoughts and focus on what their body is feeling. Sometimes the person receiving it just enjoys the pain inflicted.” Tony looked directly at him. “Speaking of which, I first need to apologize to you, Bucky.”

Bucky’s confusion grew. “Why do you need to apologize?”

Tony cleared his throat. “Last night I spanked you without discussing it first, without asking for your permission.”

Bucky blushed deeply at the reminder. “It’s Ok,” He murmured and admitted “I, uh, I actually liked it.”

“And I’m glad you liked it,” Tony assured him, “but I still shouldn’t have done that without your consent. Impact play, however light, should be discussed before it happens, even if you just yell out ‘smack my ass’ during random sex between strangers.”

Steve choked at Tony’s colorful description. Bucky kept hearing the phrase “smack my ass” run through his head and shivered. He’d been surprised when Tony had done that. He’d been even more surprised by how much he liked it. He definitely wanted to try it again. Impact play?

Tony exhaled. “That brings up another topic of safe words.”

“Safe words?” Steve repeated, but he looked to be taking this very seriously. Bucky knew Steve would never want to hurt him, even if he couldn’t feel it at the time.

“It’s a word that’s agreed upon ahead of time that let’s the top know to stop, usually it’s a random word that wouldn’t normally be said during sex.” Tony explained. “Then there is the color system where instead of a safe word, people use colors: red, yellow or amber, and green.”

“Like the traffic lights some places have?” Steve questioned. “Green for go? Red for stop?”

“And yellow or amber for slow down or pause.” Tony nodded.

Bucky thought this had a lot of rules, but he trusted Tony. He was in charge after all, he thought wryly. Then he remembered. “So if I have enough of these chemicals, I won’t feel pain?” Bucky asked. “How can I tell you to stop?” He kind of worried about that aspect of it.

“This is where your trust in Steve and me is so important.” Tony told him before he looked to Steve.

“Even with the colors and safe words, if Bucky gets to the point where he doesn’t feel pain reliably because pain starts becoming pleasure, he most likely wouldn’t be able to say them anyway. That’s why it’s so important to watch out for this and remember the limits he sets ahead of time. Along with the euphoria, he could become dizzy or loose coherent thought. He will essentially be floating on these feelings.”

“That part actually sounds really nice.” Bucky admitted quietly. No thinking, no worrying, just feeling. “Could I really do that?”

Tony looked at him. “I can’t guarantee it, Bucky. It depends on a lot of things; how far the scene goes or if you reach that level of endorphin release. We can absolutely discuss this further if that’s something you think you’d want, but I felt like I should at least bring it up since you are a submissive with two possible tops.”

Bucky understood, really he did. Last night had been intense, and he now realized that it could go even further. What Tony was suggesting was a whole lot more than he’d ever experienced. Pain becoming pleasure? Floating?

“There is also a consequence to this.” Tony told him seriously. Consequence? All he could think of was how the neighbor had overheard them. Was Tony worried they’d be discovered again?

“What kind of consequence?” He asked uncertainly.

“The drop,” Tony said. “What goes up must come down. Those chemicals we talked about will be used up, and the crash can be pretty hard for some people. You’ll be exhausted. Speaking can be difficult, and you could become uncoordinated.” He turned to look at Steve. “It will be the top’s job to care for him, make sure he feels safe and loved. Keep him warm and comfortable.”

Tony looked at Bucky uncertainly. Bucky wondered what could make him so nervous all of a sudden. “I understand if you’d only want Steve for that part, or for him to be in charge of your care afterwards. You’ve known him longest, and as we discussed earlier, I’m not always the most gentle person. I understand if you want Steve to be in charge during or after a scene. I would be there to help him, but he would have the control.”

Bucky’s heart melted for this man at the same time it broke. How can Tony not realize by now that Bucky trusted him? He pulled the man in and kissed Tony before moving back and saying, “I want both of you, or either of you, however we decide to do this. I trust you, Tony. I know you’ll take care of me.”

 

***Steve’s POV***

 

Steve watched as Bucky kissed and reassured Tony that he was fine with Tony being in control if they ever decided to do that. Steve was also digesting a lot of information. He never realized sex could be so complicated and come with so many rules. He was very grateful that Bucky and him had never accidently crossed into what Tony had been describing.

He could see how easily it could have happened, and Steve wouldn’t have known what to do. He might have hurt Bucky unintentionally. Bucky could have done that floating thing and freaked Steve out because he wouldn’t have known what was going on. Then he might not have been able to give Bucky what he’d needed because he would have been panicking when it was his job to stay calm and soothe him.

Yeah, Steve definitely agreed that Tony should be in charge, at least at first, so Steve could learn what to do by watching him.

 Tony, seeming happier after Bucky’s kiss, turned to look at Steve. “Anything else, baby boy?”

Steve fought the blush that threatened him with the use of that name. It just brought back so many images from last night. “You said I had a service kink?”

“Service topping,” Tony said kindly. “Is what I told you last night. You are in charge, but you are doing the things that your submissive wants or had asked you to do. You probably feel a great deal of pleasure and arousal providing these things, right?”

“Yes,” Steve nodded because he did. The feeling was always so incredible when he saw just how much Bucky got off from Steve giving him what he wanted, whether it was using him or embarrassing him a little with the things he said. Steve loved Bucky’s reactions.

Tony continued. “I also wanted to explain about the chemicals and the drop they can cause first, because sometimes in certain instances the dominant can experience something similar, and I wanted to prepare you for that.”

“I’m going to feel floaty?” Steve asked, slightly worried. How could he take care of Bucky if he was floaty too?

“No, it’s not the same and usually not as intense, but you can experience a form of drop after the pleasure of servicing Bucky. I just wanted to mention it just in case. I would rather over prepare you than under prepare.”

Steve appreciated that, but there was something else he wanted to know. “So, if Bucky is submissive and a bottom, is me being a service top just make me a dominant?”

“Unfortunately, there is sometimes a grey area with service topping.” Tony said as if mostly to himself.

“Why?” Steve asked.

Tony shrugged. “Some people don’t see it as truly topping. They would say that Bucky is topping from the bottom because you are servicing him and not the other way around. I don’t agree with this, but it is a thing. It’s considered a soft form of topping which makes you less dominant. It doesn’t really matter for us because I don’t really prescribe to labeling someone’s sexual preferences as an absolute thing. Fuck other people’s opinions.”

Tony looked at him, leaning in. “A person decides what they are and what they want. Sometimes a person isn’t strictly a dominant and leans toward switching like you mentioned last night. You said you liked both, not that you’d done both, but you _liked_ both.”

Steve shrugged. He didn’t want to hurt Bucky again by making him think that Steve hadn’t been satisfied with their relationship. Bucky rarely fucked Steve, not since the beginning of their relationship, before Bucky had asked to switch roles and started explaining what he wanted, had it been a regular thing.

“I like topping Bucky.” He said. “I always have.”

Tony’s eyes were filled with understanding. “It still doesn’t mean you can’t like or want other things too, or that liking penetration makes you a submissive. People like what they like.”

“Stevie,” he looked over to Bucky who was looking at him encouragingly, “It’s fine, doll. Tell him what we talked about this mornin’.”

Tony watched him and waited. Steve took a breath then started with the easier admission. “Well, I told Bucky that I really liked watchin’ the two of you together. I mean, I _really_ liked it.”

“That’s perfectly understandable.” Tony teased. “We are really sexy.”

Steve huffed a laugh, but he appreciated Tony trying to make this more comfortable for him. “I think I liked you being in charge as much as I did because it let me watch, more than I would have if I’d been the one deciding things.”

“Well, that’s definitely something we can do when you feel like taking a step back and watching us together for a while.” Tony agreed. “You could even tell us what to do while you watch, like your own private little show you get to direct. I’d love to follow your orders, beautiful.”

Steve felt his skin heat because he really liked the sound of that.

Tony smiled, probably guessing that Steve was reacting to the suggestion, however, his face turned more serious after a moment. “But you never confirmed what I suggested before. Last night when I said you were versatile, that was an assumption. Do you want to switch roles at some point? Is there something that you want try?”

Steve remembered back to this morning and the curiosity he had felt toward being with Tony. “I really liked sharing control with you, but when I was watching you with Bucky, it made me wonder…what it would feel like to be in Bucky’s place.”

Tony’s eyebrows raised slightly but beyond that there was no other reaction. “I’m afraid we’re going to have to be more specific here, Steve. Are you saying you want to be penetrated or you want to try submission?”

Steve was frustrated with himself. “I don’t know. Both? Maybe? But not the same as Buck. I don’t know how to say it.” This was all just so new, and he didn’t feel like he was expressing himself clearly because a week ago he’d never even wanted these things. “I never really thought about any of this before.  I love what I have with Bucky, but watching you with him and having you in this relationship has made me wonder if I’d like other things too.”

Tony nodded in understanding. Steve envied him for that because he certainly didn’t feel like he understood himself right now.

“Steve, it’s time for open honesty,” Tony said. “Nothing you say will shock me into judging you, and I’m sure Bucky feels the same way, but I want you to describe exactly what you want when you picture us together so I can figure out a way to give it to you. You said both, but not like Bucky. What did you mean by that?”

Steve took a steadying breath, then another. Just describe what he wanted. He could that. “I want to know what it feels like to have you focus on me. You’re so smart and strong and confident, and I…I thought about you holding me down and _making_ me feel good, making me desperate and overwhelmed. I wanted to _feel_ it. You’ve never treated me like I was too small or weak, and I…”

Steve’s heart was beating faster as he pictured what he was saying. Each image just made him more sure he wanted it. “I don’t want what Bucky wants. I don’t want to feel like I’m sweet and precious. I want…”

“To test your limits.” Tony finished for him. “Do you picture it rougher than what Bucky likes? A little less care giving and praise? You said you wanted to feel it.”

“You’ve never treated me like I was weak.” Steve repeated. “I don’t want you to hold back if we’re together.” How much would he want? How much could he take? Bucky had always joked that Steve liked getting hit. Steve didn’t really, not if it was getting punched in the face, but he did always push himself to his limit.

“So to clarify,” Tony began, “sometimes you’d want to continue topping with Bucky, but you think that there may be times when you’d want to be dominated by me?”

“Yes,” he answered. “I don’t think I’d want to call you what Bucky does,” he looked at Bucky, “Not that there’s anything wrong with it.”

Bucky just smiled ruefully and shook his head. “Punk.”

Tony added, “That’s perfectly alright. The term daddy fits into what Bucky wants from me, and what I give him; caretaking, protection with a sense of authority, even the spankings. You can call me Tony or whatever else feels comfortable at the moment.”

Steve nodded. “Good, then I’d like to try that. Eventually.”

Tony smiled. “Whatever you want, baby. We’ll make it work.”

 

***Tony’s POV***

Tony leaned back, quite happy with how the discussion had gone and equally aroused at the thought of doing some of the things they’d discussed. Fuck, just the thought of holding Steve down and fucking into him with abandon did things to Tony that made his pants a little too tight at the moment.

He was about to ask them if they had any more questions when Bucky asked, “What about you Tony?”

Oh, now there was a question. How could he even begin to go into all the things he’d done and his preferences without coming off like the man-whore he knows everyone says he is.

Tony blew out a breath and looked at both of them. “In the simplest of terms, I would be a hedonist.”

“What’s that mean in all this?” Steve asked as they both looked confused.

“I like pleasure.” He said simply. “I’ve enjoyed many roles for sex but don’t really identify as one over the other. My main goal is to feel good and make the person I’m with feel good. I’m one of the most fluid people I’ve met. I’ve bottomed, topped, been a daddy, been an owner, among other things. I’ve even been a sadist for a longer term partner with masochistic preferences, and I enjoyed it all.” He’d even been a little surprised by how much he liked delivering pain to someone.

They looked at him. And looked. And looked.

 _Too much?_ Tony wondered, thankful he hadn’t said more because Lord knows he could have.

“I don’t think I’m ready to know what those last few things mean.” Bucky said as Steve nodded in agreement.

 _Probably not_ , he internally agreed. He looked at Bucky and said, “When I said I’ve been a daddy, I meant you. Just you. When I told you I liked it, I’d only realized I liked it because it was you giving me that name. You’re the only one.”

He had always been sir, a few times master. It had been fine with him because the experiences had been fun and pleasurable, but it had never affected him like it had when Bucky called him sir. And then daddy. He was only daddy to Bucky.

Bucky smiled at that. “Really?”

“It’s all you, sweetheart,” he answered truthfully. Funny that most of his past partners had been drawn to him because they wanted a certain measure of pain or control, discipline or ownership. No one but Bucky had thought him capable of being a supportive caretaker. His sweet boy really brought out the best in him. They both did.

“Tony, you said you’ve bottomed before.” Steve said. “But you also said you don’t submit easily. How does that work?”

Tony shrugged. “I enjoy penetration. It feels fantastic if the top knows what they’re doing. Submission, on the other hand, is different. Trust is a big part of it, and I have rarely fully trusted someone, even my partners to that degree. I have submitted to a point, but it’s really that my top would need to _earn_ my submission.” Then he flippantly added, “It’s difficult for someone to convince me that they know better than I would.”

They both chuckled at that.

“Was there a reason you asked, Steve?” Tony guessed why, but he wanted to hear Steve say it. If he couldn’t say it, how could he do it?

Steve blushed but didn’t look away, and that was promising. When he spoke, God help Tony it was in his Captain voice. “Because I want to top you. I want to know what you like and what you want, then I want to make you beg for it. I want to hear you moan and watch you squirm when I give it to you. Do you trust me to give you that?”

Tony shivered, and he knows they both saw it. If Tony could submit to someone, it would be Steve, especially when he used that voice. His voice was husky as he replied, “Like I told you before, beautiful, I’d love to follow your orders.”

Steve smiled and relaxed in his chair.

“That’s gonna be fuckin’ sexy as hell to see.” Bucky said, and Tony privately agreed as he wondered just what Steve had in mind.

For the first time in over three months, Tony forgot about his lost life in the future as he so happily enjoyed the present. He didn’t feel out of place or trapped. He didn’t feel the crushing weight of hopelessness. As they sat around their second hand table in their simple little kitchen and talked of all the new possibilities for them to try and enjoy, the different ways they could give each other pleasure and their plans for their relationship moving forward, Tony just thought one thing.

_I’m so lucky_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there it is. Everyone's preferences are out in the open. So if any of that isn't your cup of tea, well, I just hope that you will continue read and skip the smut. Otherwise you'll never know if Tony makes it home. 
> 
> When Bucky talks about being sent to those places or an institution, he is talking about a mental hospital, which did happen because homosexuality was seen as a "curable disease". Some of the wonderful treatments they provided to their lucky patients could include lobotomies, electroshock and castration among other things. The Great Depression brought with it a resurgence of conservitism, and by the late 1930s to early 1940s homosexuals could be basically imprisoned in these facilities with the promise that they wouldn't be released until they were better. Their treatment was often inhumane, and they would suffer physically and mentally at the hands of their "healers".
> 
> Bucky's terror is very understandable as it also showcases their neighbors cruelty at threatening to help send them there. For me, it's even sadder when I think of how Bucky's ultimate fate was to land in the hands of similarly cruel men. Knowing this, I don't think Tony's reaction was too extreme. If faced with the alternative, I'd rather risk a prison sentence for murder as a heterosexual man than find myself in one of those places labeled as an invert. In my mind it's self defense, and he is also protecting Steve and Bucky. 
> 
> Also for any history buffs out there, yes Steve would know about traffic lights. They were primitive and manually operated by police officers working together at the major intersections of large cities, but they did exist. Honestly, the research I do for two sentences of dialogue.


	11. He's Totally Fucked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has a surprise planned for the boys. It's really sweet. The boys have a surprise planned for Tony. It's really spicy. Also, a surprise POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter before the time jumps start up again. I'm tying up some loose ends as their relationship really begins, so next chapter will show our boys several months from now. I know many of you have been looking forward to/dreading a certain upcoming event. Well, buckle up because after this one it is fast approaching. 
> 
> Also, Italian will be spoken in this chapter. I apologize in advance to any of you lucky people who speak that beautiful language because I, sadly, do not. Blame google translate. Translations will be in the end notes. 
> 
> I also would like to say that moving forward, any actions taken during all future sexual scenes between them were discussed beforehand by our boys. If it wasn't specifically mentioned in their discussion, it was implied that they would have covered the subject as they continued talking at the end of the chapter. Everything is safe, sane and consensual. All words used (mild slut shaming) was discussed and requested by the specific person. Enjoy.

Thankfully, Tony was heading home a little early today, which was good because last night had been a clusterfuck for his plans. Yes, they’d had a very productive and healthy talk about their dynamic, and what they each wanted in this relationship moving forward. Not much would actually change between them. They would basically have what they’d already had with the addition of physical and romantic affection.

The biggest change would be Bucky. The thing is that Tony doesn’t like to share. He never has. A casual threesome or orgy doesn’t count. When a person is his, they are his. He’d calmly explained this with the concession that yes, Bucky would still go on dates, as would Steve and Tony. He wasn’t possessive enough that he didn’t realize the need for this charade, however, Bucky would _not_ be having sex with any of these women.

He could kiss them, fondle them and rub against them, but Tony drew the line at second base. That mouth and dick belonged to him and Steve, and he would not budge an inch on this. He didn’t care if he had to spread it around the neighborhood that they’d found religion and were now saving themselves for marriage, or whatever.

He would probably do that anyway because it would be very approved off within the heavily Catholic community. See? Sometimes religion could work in his favor. So no, he wasn’t sharing, and he didn’t care how possessive that made him. He was not used to this lifestyle of keeping your preference secret, and he could not handle listening to his sweet boy fuck another woman again.

Besides, the only date Bucky and Steve had to worry about right now was the one Tony had planned for them.

Tony had woken up this morning determined to carry out his previous plan of a romantic night with Steve and Bucky. After his conversation with the butcher, that had resulted in a very grateful, very large man almost breaking his back in an unexpected hug, Tony hurried to get his morning jobs taken care of. At around noon he skipped having lunch so he could make a quick trip to Kensington to make sure everything was in order for their evening out. After last night he wanted to do something extra special.

After his midday trip, he went to the hospital to do a routine check for anything that might require his attention. That’s when he heard news of the latest scandal. Nurse Byrne’s husband had run out on her. Left a note and gone. Tony looked properly appalled at hearing this, though internally he was just glad that the asshole was out if his life. Assuming responsibility for what he’d done and trying to be a good neighbor, Tony had then sought her out.

She’d been alone when he found her, standing by herself in the back of an almost empty hallway and staring at a file that he was quite sure she wasn’t really reading. She seemed lost in her thoughts until she noticed his approach and looked up. Surprise filtered onto her face to find him there with her. “Mr. Stark, how can I help you?”

Tony felt a stab of guilt over what she was going through. It _was_ his fault.

“Mrs. Byrne,” he began, “I don’t want to intrude on what isn’t my business, but I wanted to say that I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to be going through this.”

She looked at him warily. He could understand her hesitance. Her husband just left her, and here was this man she barely knew playing the sympathetic card. “Thank you.” She said softly.

“I want you know,” Tony told her, “that as a neighbor and friend, I’m here to help if ever you need it. I know this must have been a shock for you.”

She looked down and nodded. “It was rather shocking,” She admitted before meeting his eyes again and whispering, “But it’s a relief to be honest. It’s been so hard these past years dealing with everything, and I’d just resigned myself to the fact that it probably wouldn’t get any better until one of us died. I was suffocating and couldn’t say anything about it. But now that he’s gone, it’s like I can breathe again.”

Her eyes widened as she realized what she’d just said to an almost stranger when she should probably be grieving. “I mean, I don’t…That was a horrible thing to say. It’s completely inappropriate. Please, just forget…”

“Ruth,” Tony interrupted her panicked apologies, calling her by her name as a friend would to get her attention. “You have nothing to be sorry for. That man did a disservice to everyone who shared his gender. I’m not going to judge you for being glad he’s gone. I won’t tell a soul what you said. No one will know, and there will be no gossip on the subject; it’ll be our secret. I just want you to know that if you need help, please remember that there are three friends living right next door who would be happy to provide it. Even if you just want some polite conversation now and then.”

Her eyes watered before she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him. “You’re a good man, Tony Stark.” She whispered in his ear. “Thank you for your discretion.  Please know that I’ll keep your secret as well.”

Tony pulled back from the hug to look at her, his mind reeling from her words. “My secret?”

She smiled softly. “I’ve known about those sweet young boys for years now. When you moved in I wondered, but…It isn’t my place to say anything one way or the other.”

Tony’s voice was quiet. “You’ve known for years…”

“They remind me of my brother and his _best friend._ They’ve been _roommates_ for years too.” She teared up a little as she continued. “And now I get to see him whenever I want, without making an excuse to my husband, who never liked my brother. That’s another blessing to come from him leaving, even unexpectedly like this.”

_Her brother? Well, how about that?_

Her eyes sharpened a little as she looked at him. “Though I have to say that the biggest surprise wasn’t that he left, though that was certainly a surprise. No, it was when I went to the landlord this morning to tell him about my husband leaving. He explained he already knew because _you_ had told him when you’d dropped off his apartment key.”

Tony realized where she was going with this. It was proof that even though he was a genius, he still made stupid mistakes when it came to common sense.

“He also handed me an envelope; it had a month’s rent in it. He said that you’d told him my husband had given it to you to give to me when he’d left his key with you. I can’t imagine where that money came from because he hadn’t worked in months.”

“Well, we can just be glad he wanted to do something right in all this.” He said weakly.

Her stare never wavered. “Then, he told me that my rent was now lower since the apartment was being occupied by one person instead of two. I don’t think I’d ever heard that stipulation before when renting.”

Okay, so maybe Tony had talked the landlord into a reduced rate for both of them instead of just letting him live rent free for his services. Tony didn’t technically need to live rent free, and this would help her considerably.

“It’s begs belief that so many things in my life could just _fix themselves_ over the course one night.” She went on as her eyes warmed. “I had honestly been dreading to come home last night. He had been in such a terrible temper when I left that morning. _Something_ had clearly upset him from the night before, but I couldn’t say what that was.”

She gave him another, smaller hug and whispered, “And I never will say. I promise.”

Tony stared at the kind woman before him. “Thank you, Ruth.”

“Thank _you_ , Tony.”

*

Yes, she was an amazing woman, and Tony would make sure that she was looked after.

Tony finally entered the apartment to a different scene than the night before. Steve and Bucky were together on the couch and looked ecstatic. “Tony!” They both called out before jumping up and sandwiching him between them in a hug.

“Well, hello to you too.” He chuckled as he returned the embrace. “I take it you’re not just happy to see me, though.”

“I got a job!” Bucky crowed gleefully. “Finally, and it’s perfect for me, Tony!”

Tony’s face lit up. “That’s great, Bucky! What’s the job?”

“I’m teachin’ dance classes at the community center!” Bucky said through his grin. “They’re gonna pay me to dance!”

Tony’s smiled widened, “That’s amazing, sweetheart! I told you that you were a wonderful teacher.”

Beaming, Steve said, “It was you that gave him the idea, Tony.”

“Me?” He asked confused.

“Yeah,” Bucky said. “After you left this mornin’, me and Stevie were sitting on the couch. I was lookin’ through the paper, and the radio was playin’ when the song we danced the foxtrot to came on. And I said ‘wish I could just get paid to dance cuz I know I’m good at it. I taught Tony in no time’, and Steve said ‘well, why don’t you?’”

“I told him he should at least try,” Steve continued with the story. “And after a little bit of talkin’, he had no good reason not to go ask.”

“The woman who helps run the center had seen me at the dance hall when I’d go out.” Bucky finished. “And she said she’d been impressed cuz I was very good, and they’d needed a guy to help with their lessons so she’s gonna give me a chance.”

Bucky threw his arms around Tony and kissed him breathless. His tongue practically danced with Tony’s. “Thank you,” he said wetly as they pulled apart. “Thank you for being patient and telling me to wait and find something I’d like. I’d probably be luggin’ boxes somewhere and hating every minute of it. I’ve never had a job I was excited about.”

Tony hugged him tightly. “Of course I was patient, sweetheart. I’d wait forever for you.”

Bucky threw out an arm and pulled Steve into the embrace. They stayed there, enjoying the calm, happy moment.

“We should celebrate.” Steve said as they broke apart. “Go out and do somethin’.”

“I agree.” Tony smiled. “And I already know the perfect place.”

“You do?” Bucky asked, surprised.

“Well, I had already planned on taking the both of you somewhere tonight.” Tony admitted. “I wanted to do something special, but now it can be a double celebration. That’s even better.”

“Tony, you didn’t have to take us anywhere.” Steve said. “We woulda been happy just stayin’ in and making dinner.”

“I know,” Tony said. “But believe me, I wanted to celebrate. Now, I want to celebrate even more.”

“Where are we going?” Bucky asked, probably realizing that this was going to happen no matter what was said. Or he liked the idea of Tony taking them out. Either was fine with Tony.  

“It’s a surprise. Just put on something nice that makes you look sexy.” Tony winked.

“Well that certainly narrows it down,” Steve said sarcastically as turned to walk away, and Tony swatted his ass. Steve spun around looking shocked.

“Don’t insult yourself, or you’ll get another,” Tony teased, enjoying the blush that spread on Steve’s cheeks. It was giving him all sorts of ideas, and he reminded himself to wait for after the date.

Almost an hour later, they were all riding together in the back of a taxi. Tony watched through the window as they passed Prospect Park before making their way to Kensington. The Irish/Italian neighborhood was a little out of the way from their own part of town, but that was part of the appeal. It made tonight feel just a little more special.

They finally pulled up to the address Tony had given the driver. He paid and tipped the man before stepping out in front of the cozy Italian restaurant that would be their venue tonight.

“Tony,” Bucky said with widened eyes, “we’re eating here?”

Tony understood where he was coming from. This was a nicer place than the boys were used to. Not extravagant, but it was certainly nicer than average. Tony just nodded. “I’ve already taken care of everything.”

Steve smiled and shook his head. “Of course you have.”

Tony wished he could take their hands or loop his arms around theirs, but he knew that wasn’t a possibility so he just motioned with his head and began walking, knowing they would follow.

The inside of the restaurant was charming and cozy with accents of Italian art and architecture. Candles lit the tables as two musicians played softly on a violin and Chittara battante. The sweet Italian melody just added to the atmosphere. Several tables were already occupied.

“Mr. Stark!” A loud and heavily accented voice greeted enthusiastically. “You are right on time, mio amico.”

A large, middle aged man with dark hair and kind eyes rushed forward to greet them.

“Signor Martinelli!” Tony said as he clasped hands with one of his newest friends. “Spero tu stia bene?”

“Ottimo! Grazie!” He turned to look at Bucky and Steve. “Ah, these are the friends you spoke of, yes?”

Tony nodded. “Let me introduce Steve Rogers and James Barnes.” He said as he motioned to the two other men.

Martinelli went and shook both of their hands in quick succession. “Molto piacere di conoscerti. If you are friends of Tony, then you are my friends as well.” He turned back to Tony. “Everything is prepared as you requested. Shall we go?”

Tony nodded. “Ovviamente, I can’t thank you enough my friend,” he answered as they walked through the restaurant to a curtained door in the back. “I know this was last minute.”

“It is I who am thanking you. You helped mio famiglia. I am happy to host you.” Martinelli turned to Steve and Bucky as he pulled open the curtain to reveal a private room. “Mr. Stark is a very kind man.”

“He sure is,” Bucky agreed while Steve nodded. “Tony’s tops. Tonight was his idea, and he wouldn’t tell us where we were goin’.” He was looking around the little parlor with a wide eyed appreciation. “You have a beautiful place here, Mr. Martinelli.”

“Grazie, amico! But please, call me Francesco.” He said as he directed them to the table and laid out menus for them. “You say this was a surprise?”

Tony nodded as he sat in the chair that would put him between his boys at the square table. He wanted them on both his sides.  “James got himself a dream job today. We’re celebrating.”

“Eccelente!” Martinelli exclaimed as Steve and Bucky took their seats. “A celebration! Congratulations, Mr. Barnes.”

“Thank you,” Bucky answered, a light blush touching his cheeks. His boys were gonna kill him with those blushes tonight.

“I shall leave you to decide on your dinner.” Francesco said as he began to back away. “Gianetta will be in shortly to take your orders, but please, call if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Francesco, you’ve already been too kind.” Tony called to the retreating man.

“It’s nothing.” He said with a wave of his hand as he left the room and closed the curtain.

“Tony,” Steve said after a few moments of silence. “What was all that?”  

“Hhmm?” Tony asked, looking up as he opened his menu. “What was what?”

“That,” Steve said as he motioned vaguely with his hand in the direction their host had just left. “How do you know him? And you speak Italian? And why are we in this fancy room?”

Tony smiled softly as he remembered that this would be a big culture shock for the two of them. “I met Francesco a couple of weeks ago after I helped his daughter out of a bad situation. Remember the car that I fixed a couple blocks from our apartment?”

They both nodded. “That was her?” Bucky asked.

“Yep. It was almost dark, and she was driving her children back home after visiting family. Her car stopped working.” Tony shrugged. “You know how cold it’s been lately. I couldn’t just let her sit there with three kids in the back seat and no heat. Lucky for both of us, it was an easy fix, and she was able to get back on her way home soon enough. Francesco came and found me the next day to thank me for helping his daughter and grandkids. He couldn’t believe that I didn’t charge her anything and told me about his restaurant and invited me to come and bring my friends anytime I wanted.”

Then he turned to Steve and answered his question more seriously. “And I chose this private room because I wanted you to myself without having to keep up the constant pretense that we are only friends. It’s not just because it’s fancier.”

“And the Italian?” Bucky asked, repeating Steve’s other question.

“My mother’s parents were Italian. She spoke the language and wanted her son to as well.” He shrugged. “I enjoy speaking it around the neighborhood when I can.”   

Bucky smirked. “Any other languages you speak?”

“One or two.” He answered vaguely.

Steve huffed. “Plus a few more probably.”

He wasn’t wrong. Running an international corporation had made being multi-lingual a necessity.

“It’s not a big deal, but I will be happy to tell you after we decide on our dinner. Gianetta will be here soon.” Tony winked before he looked back at his menu. Everything sounded good. He loved classic Italian cooking.

“I don’t know what half this stuff is.” Bucky said as he looked at the menu. “I don’t speak Italian food. Oh, look, they have spaghetti!”

Tony felt his eye twitch, but thankfully it was covered by his menu. Taking a breath he said, “Sweetheart, you can get anything you want, and I mean that, but I had hoped to introduce you to some of my favorites and see if you’d enjoy them too.”

“You’d order for us?” Bucky looked surprised before a small smile spread across his face. “I think I’d like that. You have really good taste.”

“Of course I do,” Tony agreed, “I fell for the two of you, didn’t I?”

Bucky huffed a laugh as Steve groaned, “Ya shoulda seen that one comin’, Buck.”

At that moment Gianetta appeared through the curtain, smiling professionally as she approached the table. “Good evening, gentlemen. I am Gianetta. It is my pleasure to serve you this evening. May I get you started with a drink?”

Tony motioned to the chilled water on their table. “We’re fine with this for now, but could you bring a bottle of your house red so it can breathe before the food arrives?”

“Of course, sir. Would you like an antipasto while you decide on your meal?”

Tony nodded and looked to his boys. They just stared back at him, clearly waiting for Tony to order something. He looked back to Gianetta. “We’ll start with the caponata, and we’ll be dining family style if you could bring some extra plates?”

“Very good, sir.” She said with a small bow of her head. “I’ll tell the kitchen.” Then she walked out.

“What’s antipasto?” Steve asked. His forehead was scrunched in that adorable expression Tony loved so much.

“An appetizer,” Tony told him. “A little treat before the main course.”

“This is a hell of a lot fancier than the pizza place.” Bucky said. “What’s family style?”

Tony answered after sipping his water. “It’s like how we eat at home. Each of us sharing the same food. It lets us order a variety so we can try different things.”

“That sounds perfect.” Steve said. “I don’t know what most of this stuff is, but the smell of the food cooking in the kitchen is mouth-watering.”

“And we get to try a bit of each.” Bucky said almost excitedly. “Are any of these like that pasta we made for you?”

“There are a couple that are similar.” Tony nodded, “There is definitely one that I want you to try since you love spaghetti so much.” They both perked up at this as Gianetta returned with their plates and wine. She opened the bottle and gently poured it into a decanter. “I’ll be back soon with your caponata.”

When she was gone again, Tony looked at them. Letting his cool façade slip a little, he voiced his growing anxiety. “I hope this isn’t too much. I know it’s different than what you’re used to, and I’m trying hard not to go overboard. I just wanted to take you out and show you something new. I want you to enjoy yourselves.”

Steve’s eyes softened as he looked at him. “We are enjoying ourselves, Tony.”

Bucky nodded quickly, “We are. Yeah, it was a little much to take in at first, and I don’t think I’d be as comfortable if you weren’t here to help with the menu, but this is incredible.”

Tony relaxed a little more. “I’m glad. After the dinner you made for me, even when I’d been so unpleasant while I was stuck in bed those days, I wanted to say thank you.”

Steve grabbed his hand under the table. “You don’t have to thank us for caring about you.”

Tony squeezed his hand briefly. “Old habits I guess. It might take me some time to break them.”

Bucky grabbed his other hand. “Take all the time you need, Tony. We’d wait forever for you too.”

An hour later they were sitting and laughing in front of empty plates. The last of the wine was in  their glasses as they talked about Bucky starting his new job in two days. Tony had eventually told them that he spoke seven languages other than English: Spanish, French, Italian, Mandarin, Japanese, Russian and Latin. They had then demanded that he prove it by speaking in each one of them, laughing as he carried on a conversation with himself in several different languages.

It had been a great evening. The food was delicious, but the company was the best part of it. Tony couldn’t believe he got to have this.

When they went to leave, Francesco flat out refused to accept Tony’s money, something he was quite unaccustomed to. He did, however, allow Tony to leave a very generous tip for Gianetta. She had been lovely, and Tony was quite certain she’d caught a glimpse of his hand on Bucky’s thigh at one point when she’d entered the room, though she made no comment. She was flawlessly professional and kind.

Their trip back to the apartment was filled with happy conversation on the dinner they’d just eaten. When they’d finally arrived back home, Steve and Bucky turned to him once the door was closed.

Tony was in the process of removing his coat when he noticed them staring and paused.

“Boys?” He asked as his blood started to pump a little faster. Bucky was biting that plush bottom lip of his while Steve just looked at him with heated eyes and a smirk.

_Please let this be what I think it is_

Steve confidently walked up to him and gently tugged on his tie as he put his mouth next to Tony’s ear. “We were thinkin’ of this all day,” he breathed against Tony’s skin as his other hand rubbed along Tony’s pec. “We wanted to celebrate and thank you for takin’ care of everything while Bucky found his job. Then you had to go and make tonight even better.”

“I…” Tony’s mind was melting because who the fuck knew that Steve could be this seductive? “I just wanted…”

Steve tugged his earlobe between his teeth and bit it gently before releasing it to ask, “What did you want, Tony? Did you want Bucky? Me? Both of us?” Steve licked a stripe up his neck, and Tony’s eyes rolled back as his blood rapidly began heading south. Because _Yes_ …

Tony refocused his eyes to look at Bucky who was slowly removing his own coat and shoes, never breaking eye contact with him.

Steve just continued next to his ear. “You always ask what we want, always worry about us. What do _you_ want, Tony?”

How was he supposed to answer that when there were so many possibilities running through his head at the moment? All those damn variables filling his mind with a ceaseless stream of thought. “I…”

Steve _chuckled_. “Tony Stark is speechless.” He said as he pulled back to look up into his eyes with a playful smirk. “I thought I’d have to do a lot more before that happened,” he murmured as he moved back to kiss along Tony’s neck. His breath was hot against his skin as he spoke “and I was planning this all day. All the things I’d have to do to take you past the point of words.”

“Planning it?” Tony asked a little breathlessly. Based on their talk last night, Tony’s list of possibilities grew smaller as the thought registered that Steve had planned something. It certainly took a great deal of control from Tony if that was the case.

As he continued to watch Bucky remove his shirt and reveal that gorgeous skin of his, he felt Steve’s hand slide up along his chest and the length of his neck to reach the back of his head. Tony felt as Steve’s fingers closed around a portion of hair and gripped tight before pulling back to stretch out his neck and make him look at the ceiling. Tony now knew what scenario Steve had planned, and he was more than happy with it.

After Steve had admitted that he’d want to top Tony, and they’d continue to discuss the things they all liked, Tony had given Steve several do’s and likes that cranked his arousal. He wondered how far Steve would take it. He hoped pretty far. The hair pulling was just the beginning, and Tony found himself increasingly ready to be used and ordered around. He followed Steve’s orders on the battlefield, why not the bedroom?

Tony cried out as Steve bit down on the muscle where his shoulder met his neck, and fuck, yes, he didn’t hold back. Tony wanted the bruise, the reminder of everything about to happen. He focused on the throbbing pain Steve’s teeth had left.

“Safe word?” Steve asked in _that_ voice, and Tony was simultaneously proud that he remembered and turned on even more at the thought that he might need it.

With his throat still stretched back, he gasped out the word they’d agreed on. “Dodgers.”

“Good.” Steve released his hair and stepped back. Tony then realized that Bucky was now fully naked. He guessed that Steve had told him earlier how this was going to go. While they had planned this. All day.

“Love,” he said to Bucky. “ Why don’t you be good for me and help your daddy out of his clothes so I can use him properly.” Steve had agreed to address Tony as that on Bucky’s behalf during a scene, but he wouldn’t call Tony daddy in regards to himself. “Tonight, you’re gonna help me take care of him. You want to make him feel good?”

Bucky nodded and said, “Yes,” before he looked at Tony. “Can I daddy? I promised to listen to Steve.”

“Of course, sweet boy.” Tony said breathlessly. Bucky was so good at his submission, and Tony wondered how Steve was going to get him to help dominate his daddy. Bucky was Tony’s to cherish, but tonight Tony was Steve’s to use and command. He almost shivered at the thought.

Tony watched his sweetheart approach him and lusted after the long, lean muscles that shifted under Bucky’s skin as he stepped in front of Tony.

Steve began to remove his own clothes as he watched Bucky gently slide the jacket Tony was wearing off his shoulders and down his arms. The buttons of his shirt came next, and Steve matched each lost article of clothing with one of his own, a mirror image to what was being done to Tony.

Bucky sank to his knees as he pulled down both Tony’s boxers and pants in one go. His face directly even with Tony’s thickening arousal, but he kept his head down, waiting.

Steve approached them, equally naked, and he ran his hand through Bucky’s thick hair. “So good, love.”  Steve then looked to Tony. “Tell your boy how good he’s been today.”

Tony gently cupped the side of Bucky’s face and lifted his head to meet Tony’s eyes. He softly rubbed his thumb along his cheekbone and said, “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart, so happy you listened and waited to find a job you wanted. I love you so much, sweet boy.”

Bucky shivered lightly against him.

Steve then reached forward and signaled with a touch for Bucky to stand. He gave Bucky a gentle kiss filled with affection before he turned to Tony and pulled him forward by the neck to kiss him far more harshly than Bucky. He dominated the kiss as his tongue pushed its way into Tony’s mouth, licked across the edge of his teeth before going deeper, and Tony submitted.

He relished in the scrape of the other man’s nails against his neck as his tongue was overpowered by Steve’s. He was a hell of a kisser. He felt Bucky slide up against him and start kissing up the other side of his neck. He was surrounded by them; both of their mouths on him, and the thought was intoxicating.

For one of the first times during sex, he felt that he could let himself fall, and they would catch him. The knowledge left him dizzy as their lips and warm bodies comforted him.

“Move.” Steve said against his lips as he turned them, never fully breaking the kiss, and began to walk Tony back toward the bedroom with Bucky grabbing hold of Tony’s hand to be pulled along.

Steve pulled back from the kiss, and Tony tried to catch his breath before Steve pushed him down against the mattress. He turned to whisper something to Bucky as Tony panted watching them, wondering what would happen next. He kind of loved that he didn’t know. He was at Steve’s mercy in this.

Bucky then crawled onto the bed and settled between Tony’s legs. His eyes were darkened as he looked up Tony’s body to return his gaze.

“Just like I told you, love.” Steve said to Bucky as he too climbed onto the bed, walking on his knees to stop by Tony’s head.

Bucky nodded obediently as he grabbed Tony’s fully hard dick, then without any buildup or teasing he swallowed him whole. Tony cried out at the sudden sensation of tight, wet heat engulfing him. He’d watched Bucky do this to Steve, and it was even better than he’d thought it would be. Bucky didn’t seem to have a gag reflex as he swallowed around the head of Tony’s cock again and again. His sweet boy was just naturally gifted.

Tony was trying to calm himself and get used to the rhythm Bucky was setting, but that flew out the window when Steve, still facing Bucky, swung a leg over Tony’s head and straddled his face. His shins rested on Tony’s biceps, effectively pinning his upper arms down and giving Tony a close view of his cute little ass.  

While Bucky continued to fuck his face with Tony’s dick, Steve reached back and grabbed a handful of Tony’s hair. “Been thinkin’ about this since I saw you do it to Bucky.” He said, his voice full of authority. “Now it’s my turn. I’m gonna ride your face, and you’re gonna make this good for me.”

“Yes,” Tony groaned, his head pressing back into the pillow and eyes closing as he felt Bucky tug on his balls while he sucked along the head.

“Pay attention,” Steve reprimanded and pulled his hair harder, making Tony’s cock jerk against Bucky’s lips. “Bucky will stop if you don’t focus on me. You are here to make me feel good.”

“Yes, sir,” Tony breathed as he settled into the frame of mind he needed to be in. This was the part of submission he enjoyed, being used like an object. He’d told Steve as much, and so far, he was delivering.

“Good,” Steve murmured as he pushed back to Tony’s face, his hand still pulling at Tony’s hair. His center found Tony’s mouth, and he obediently went to work.

Just as he stuck out his tongue to lightly lick at Steve’s rim, he felt Bucky release him from his mouth and move lower. As Steve gasped at the new feeling of Tony teasing at his ass, Tony had to hold in a gasp of his own when he felt Bucky’s tongue begin to do the same to him. He needed to focus on Steve.

Steve moaned as Tony began licking broader stripes across his opening. “Fuucckk, so good.” He said as pushed back against Tony’s mouth.

Tony felt the nails of Steve’s other hand dig into his side while the one in his hair pulled Tony tighter against him, and he slowly began to swivel his hips. “Keep your tongue out.” He ordered, then began to use Tony’s face for his own pleasure.

Tony struggled to obey. He worked to keep his tongue firm enough so that Steve could rub against him just right, but Bucky was currently driving him insane. As Steve lazily rode his face, Bucky was teasing him mercilessly, mostly sticking to the outer edges of where Tony really wanted him. When he would finally pay attention to his hole, it was all too brief for Tony.

He loved it. The mild degradation Steve was inflicting and the desperation that Bucky was inciting served to silence almost every thought in is head while he focused on this one task: Obey, make Steve feel good.

“How is he doing, Tony?” Steve asked in a husky voice from above him. “Bucky really wanted to try this. Is he doing a good job?” He lifted himself slightly so Tony could answer.

Tony gasped in a breath then moaned as he felt Bucky start to poke at his entrance with the tip of his tongue. Steve’s hand came down on his outer thigh in a slap, causing him to gasp again. Bucky never even flinched, he just pushed deeper.

“I asked you a question, Tony.” Steve said in a hard voice.

“Yes,” he groaned, “It’s so good. He’s doing so fucking good. So good, my sweet boy. AAhh…” he cried out as Bucky firmly began to stroke the stretch of skin beneath his balls with a finger, his mouth never stopping.

“I’m glad,” Steve answered as he lowered himself back to Tony’s mouth. He felt Steve’s hand leave his stomach where it been helping to prop Steve up, and he figured he was petting Bucky’s hair as he praised him. “Your doing so well, love. Just like I told you to. You look so sexy between his legs.”

Bucky moaned against his rim, the pleasure of the new sensation caused Tony’s tongue to pause for a moment too long. Steve’s hand came down even harder this time in in two quick smacks at almost the same spot as before, and Tony almost choked from the sudden sting of it. The feeling was delicious, and the mild burn of it centered him.

“Don’t stop,” Steve commanded as he once again tugged at his fistful of Tony’s hair, his grip tight. “I want to know what he feels like.” Steve told him. “So whatever Bucky does to you, I want to feel you do it to me.” His upper body leaned forward as his ass was pushed more firmly into Tony’s face. “Fuck him with your tongue, love. I want to feel him moan against me.”

Of course Bucky obeyed, and Tony didn’t have much choice but to moan at the sinful swirl he made with his tongue. He soon felt Bucky start to push his way into Tony’s partially loosened hole, so he did his best to mimic the movements with Steve. Pointing his tongue he pressed against the ring of muscle. He continued his thrusting movements until he finally pushed past it and into Steve.

Steve groaned on top of him. “So fucking good. Is this what you’re doing to him, love? It feels amazing.” Steve gasped as Tony pushed deeper, just as Bucky had done to him. He could feel the need to squirm, wanting more and deeper and faster, but he couldn’t ask for it. He just kept his tongue moving, a step behind Bucky every time, and surrendered.

Tony moaned again with his tongue still in Steve when Bucky pressed harder against his taint. It was almost too much and not nearly enough at the same time.

“Yes,” Steve groaned as his hips began to move faster. “Love the way your beard feels on my skin. Love your mouth. Fuucckk…” he moaned as his ground himself down on Tony’s tongue.

This continued for several more minutes, and Tony actually began to slowly lose himself. The need to focus on what Bucky’s mouth was doing made him feel every sensation more intensely. The task of replicating it on Steve drove all other thought from his mind.

Tony was a little lost when Steve stopped his movements above him and climbed off. He choked out a groan when Bucky stopped his tonguing and sat up a moment later. He hadn’t even realized he’d closed his eyes until they opened in confusion. Tony was panting as he looked to find the two of them, his body tingling.

Steve then leaned over and ran his fingers against Tony’s cheek. “Color, Tony?”

“Green.” He said softly after a moment, then he realized the reason for Steve’s question. Tony had grown progressively quieter in the last few minutes, and that was kind of unusual for him, though he felt too good to care.

“Good,” Steve said as he straightened to his knees again. He watched as Steve sweetly kissed Bucky’s cheek then whispered in his ear like before. Bucky nodded and reached to the space next to Tony’s head to grab a pillow then handed it to Steve.

Steve took the pillow from him with one hand and nudged at Tony’s hips with the other. Tony lifted them just enough for him to slide the pillow under.

He grabbed Tony’s shoulders and turned him so that his head was hanging off the edge of the mattress, but his hips still remained propped up on the pillow. “You’re going to take care of Bucky now. Open your mouth.”

Head hanging upside down, Tony obeyed as Bucky got up and walked over to stand above him.

Steve leaned over Tony’s head to kiss Bucky’s cheek again and murmured. “Your daddy wants to be used, love. You gonna make him happy?”

“Yes, please,” Bucky whispered. Tony figured he had to be desperate for some relief right about now after the rimming he’d just given Tony. His cock was straining in front of him, the tip deep red and wet.

Steve carded his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “I want him to feel it, love. Want to watch him choke on you.” He looked down at Tony, mouth still open and waiting. “Ask him for it.”

Tony wet his lips and asked, “Please sweetheart, use my mouth, let me take care of you. I wanna feel it when you do.” And he reopened his mouth, panting at the thought of Bucky fucking into his throat.

Bucky smiled shyly and said, “Yes, daddy.” Before he leaned forward and slid the tip of his cock into Tony’s waiting mouth, groaning softly at finally getting some contact.

Tony tongued at the head, tasting pre-come while he worked into and around the slit as Bucky moaned. As Tony gently sucked and relaxed his jaw, and Bucky pushed farther into his mouth, Steve came around to settle between Tony’s legs.

Steve circled a lubed up finger around his hole. Tony didn’t know or care where he’d gotten the Vaseline. All he knew was that he was about to be filled by both his boys.

As Steve pushed the first finger into him, Bucky also pushed all the way in. Tony fought to the urge to gag, but the angle of Bucky’s dick made the feeling more intense, and he actually choked a little.

“Your so tight, Tony.” Steve said as he pulled the finger back. “I’m gonna enjoy stretching you out.” He pushed back in again a little harder, and Tony moaned around Bucky. All he could do was feel what was happening and try to breathe when Bucky let him.

After a few hard thrusts of his finger, Steve firmly pushed the second in alongside it. The burn of the stretch made Tony want to gasp and caused him to choke around Bucky who was planted deep down his throat. It felt so good. The stretch of his ass mirrored the stretch of his throat perfectly, and Tony was so thankful that Bucky was thicker than average. His throat would be raw after this.

Steve hardly left him any time to adjust before he started a rhythm with his fingers in Tony. Occasionally scissoring them to open him even more, he was merciless as he seemingly avoided the area where Tony’s prostate was.

Bucky groaned above him as he ground his hips against Tony’s face and went even deeper. Tony’s eyes had already begun to water from the deep throating he was giving him, but as Bucky pushed further he felt the first tear fall.

“You feel so good, daddy,” Bucky moaned as he pulled back and thrust in again. “I’m so deep.”

“You’re doing so well, love.” Steve told him as he spread his fingers wider. “Choking him just like I told you to. Look how hard he is for you.” He lightly tapped Tony’s straining dick.

Tony could only grunt and choke in response.

“Color, Tony?” Steve asked, and Bucky pulled out to let him answer.

Tony gasped and coughed around the breaths he took before he could rasp out, “Green. Green, please…I need, need you…”

“I’ll give you what I want to, when I want to.” Steve answered in a hard tone. He grabbed Tony’s thighs and pushed them up to spread him even wider. “Hold these, love.”

Bucky leaned forward to grab each of Tony’s thighs, keeping him open and completely under Steve’s control. He then positioned himself back to enter Tony’s mouth again. He sighed when Tony opened for him and sank back down his throat. “So good, daddy.”

Steve just added more lube to Tony’s open hole before he plunged his fingers back inside. Tony jerked, the movement made his throat convulse around Bucky who groaned again. Steve set a punishing pace with his hand, and all the while never touching Tony’s prostate.

Tony was getting desperate enough to outright beg. He needed more, more of everything. He could feel his own cock laying neglected on his stomach. The wet tip of it smearing along his abs each time his body was jostled by one of them. He craved to take a full breath, but at the same time, the denial of that satisfaction coupled with the feeling of choking only turned him on more.

Suddenly, Steve’s fingers were gone, and Bucky pulled back so that only the tip of his dick still remained in Tony’s mouth.

Tony did his best to gently suck at the head as he caught his breath. Then, he heard the wrapper being torn from a condom. Steve leaned over him between his spread out legs and wiped at the tears on one of his cheeks. He hadn’t realized that many had fallen.

“Color?”

Tony released Bucky and hoarsely answered, “Green.”

“Your mine, Tony. This is mine.” He said as Tony felt the head of his dick push against his hole. Steve applied some more pressure until he breached the ring of muscle and entered him. He didn’t stop his thrust as he continued in one long, slow slide into him.

“Yes,” Tony groaned as he felt every inch of Steve stretch him open the farther down he went. He moaned when Steve’s hips connected with his ass as he bottomed out. It was all he was able to say as Bucky slid back into his mouth and began his own slow slide down.

Tony was completely filled. Both of them were so deep, and it had been so long since he’d had this. _No_ , he thought, he’d never had this. Two people he loved more than anything surrounding him and giving him everything he liked for the sole purpose of using and pleasuring him. It was almost overwhelming.

Then Steve started to move. He ground his hips against Tony’s ass, and he groaned as his hands landed on Tony’s chest between Tony’s outstretched legs that were still being held up by Bucky.

“You feel so fuckin’ good, Tony.” Steve panted as he swiveled his hips. “You’re so tight around me, so hot. So fucking sexy between us chokin’ on Bucky’s dick.”

Tony felt another tear roll down his cheek as he worked his throat around Bucky. He was theirs, body and soul. It was all he could think as he let himself go, focusing only on the words being spoken and the sensations running through him.

Steve pulled out all the way, then pushed back in again, going all the way down. His fingers found Tony’s nipples, and he squeezed them. Tony gagged around Bucky. His sweet boy just pushed in farther whispering, “Please, take all of me. Please, daddy.”

And Tony did, he wanted all of him. As Steve continued his unhurried thrusts into him, he lifted his hands to grab at Bucky’s ass behind his head and gently squeezed, encouraging him to use Tony as he needed. Tony’s body jerked when Steve’s next thrust was hard and deep.

He had no time to recover before Steve did it again, and again. Tony’s arms fell to the mattress, his hands gripping the sheets as Steve started a punishing pace.

“You’re perfect like this, Tony.” He grunted as he slammed into him. “The perfect toy for me to play with.” His hips thrust back and forward with every other word. The feel of Steve’s long cock and the words he spoke just pushed Tony further. “Fuck, the sounds you make as you take us.” He twisted one of Tony’s nipples as he angled his hips just right and _finally_ slammed into Tony’s prostate. Even in his folded position, Tony’s back arched off the bed.

_So good, so good, too much, so good_

It was all his mind could process as Steve now hammered into the sensitive bundle of nerves with every thrust, his hand trailing along Tony’s chest and tracing every scar.

“You’re so handsome, Tony,” he said, keeping with the rhythm he’d set. “So sexy, and your mine.”

Tony felt his fingers trace over his largest scar, the surgical one that ran down his torso. _No, not there, don’t look, not true, don’t look_

Tony made a choked sound around Bucky even as he tried to shake his head to disagree with Steve.

“Yes, you are.” Steve said firmly as he slowed his thrusts to ground his hips deeply. “You’re mine, so only my opinion matters. I love your chest, Tony.” Tony groaned as Steve’s dick rubbed along his prostate, and Bucky settled in the back of his throat. “Bucky loves it too. Tell him, love.”

Bucky panted over him. “I do.” He said as he pulled Tony’s thighs farther apart, almost bending him in half, so he could see all of Tony’s chest. “You’re so strong to have survived that.” He pulled his hips back, letting Tony get a breath before pushing back in. “It makes me feel safe knowing that you promised to take care of me. When I feel them on my skin,” he groaned as Tony swallowed around him, “it just makes me want you even more.”

This was more than Tony expected, more than he could handle. He thought they loved him in spite of his scars, but to know that they thought this…

“So strong,” Steve repeated Bucky’s words as he started moving his hips faster. “And I love that I get to do this to you. You’d let down your walls for me and be used by me. You’d do this only for me.”

Steve began to go even faster as he practically milked Tony with his dick. His hands braced on Tony’s chest, holding him down as his legs were held by Bucky. Steve’s thrust were surprisingly brutal, but Fuck, Tony loved each one them. It was so perfect, being held down, the abuse of his prostate, choking on Bucky; so overwhelmed he was crying from it.

“My sexy toy,” Steve continued, grunting. “Such a slut for us.”

And Tony was their slut. He was everything they’d need him to be. He loved them so much. So, so much, and this felt so good. He could feel his body tingling from his scalp to the tips of his fingers and toes, even his lips.

“Doll, please, I need to…” Bucky begged.

“Let go, love. Right down his throat.” Steve panted as fucked into Tony.

Bucky groaned as he came. Hot, thick ropes of it filled Tony’s mouth and throat, and he worked to swallow all of it. Once he had his mouth clear, Tony was reduced to begging.

“Please. Please touch me!” Tony said through his tears. “Please touch me!”

“Come on my dick, Tony.” Steve said as his hips began to lose their rhythm, “Come on, love you so much. Let go for me,” and he wrapped a hand around Tony’s cock and…

Tony’s world exploded as he came. His vision blurred, and his mind shorted out and all he could do was feel. It was so intense. Steve’s promise of love followed by the order to let go sent Tony flying, and Steve stroked and fucked him through it until Tony felt his hips stop their movement as he cried out and released inside Tony.

He closed his eyes as he rode the wave of his climax through the aftershocks; his body still tingling. He eventually reopened them when he felt Steve gently pull out of him. He turned his head to see Bucky laying beside him and panting through his recovery.

Steve leaned over and kissed Bucky before he moved over to Tony. He kissed him gently as he ran his fingers through Tony’s hair, soothing him. “That was so good,” he murmured against Tony’s lips. “I love you. Are you alright?”

“Yes,” he sighed, “that was amazing, baby.”

Steve relaxed even more at these words; his relief palpable. It was the first time since they’d gotten home that he’d projected anything but confidence.

Tony watched Steve closely as his breathing settled and grew worried at the wheeze he could hear in the younger man’s lungs, but Steve just got up and made his way over to the dresser. That’s when Tony noticed there was a pitcher and two glasses resting on top of it. Steve grabbed them and brought them over.

He poured some water from the pitcher into the first glass and gave it to Bucky, who murmured his thanks and took it from him. He filled the next glass, placed the pitcher on the floor next to bed, and crawled over to Tony. Tony tiredly lifted his head from it’s hanging position, getting a little dizzy from the change in blood flow. Steve cradled the back of his head with his other hand as Tony gratefully drank down the contents of the glass.

When Steve was sure he was satisfied, he filled a glass for himself and drained it. He got back up to return the used glasses and pitcher to dresser and brought back two damp towels. He really had planned everything. He wiped at Bucky’s sweaty skin, before he used the other towel to clean Tony’s face. He then gently wiped off the mess on his stomach and between his legs.

He tossed the towels in the hamper before he scooted Tony further onto the bed and arranged the pillows for all of them rest on. He pulled the covers over the three of them, and Tony was cocooned between both of his boys once again.  

He turned and kissed Bucky slow and deep, relishing at how languid his sweet boy was. “I love you so much, sweetheart. Thank you for an incredible evening.”

Bucky smiled tiredly at him as his eyes drooped close. “Love you, too, Tony. ‘as so good.”

And Bucky was out. Tony watched him fondly for a few moments before he turned back to Steve.

Steve looked just as tired as Tony felt, but he also appeared a little uncertain as he looked back into Tony’s eyes. He was about to ask Steve what was wrong when Steve said softly, “I hope I did everything right. I know it wasn’t all the stuff we discussed, and I know you’re used to more…p-pain at some moments. I just didn’t want to cross a line, and I know I’m not the most imposing person to submit to. I’m not even strong enough to move you around like I want or really hold you down, but I tried. I’ll understand if you don’t…”

Tony kissed him to stop this unnecessary stream of self-doubt. He put as much passion into it as his exhaustion allowed. When he finally broke away from the kiss, he didn’t go far as he rested his forehead against Steve’s, sharing his breath with him.

“It was perfect, beautiful.” He whispered with sincerity. “That’s the only way to describe it. Perfect. As for what I’m used to, this doesn’t even compare to that. It’s not even close. You gave me more than what I wanted; you gave me what I needed.” Tony felt the urge to cry again and pushed it away. “I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you and Bucky. Feeling you both inside me, and trusting you the way I do? Even I don’t have words for it.”

Steve sighed as his body melted against Tony. “I love you, too. Tonight was incredible, and I couldn’t stand the thought that I’d let you down somehow.”

Tony shook his head. “Impossible. I could never be disappointed with you, baby boy. Never.”

He kissed Steve once more then murmured, “Sleep, beautiful. We can talk more tomorrow if you want.”

Steve yawned widely as he closed his eyes. “You’re right. G’night, Tony.”

“Good night, baby.” Tony moved one of his arms behind him and found Bucky’s hand. He linked their fingers together gently before he closed his eyes. Tonight had been a night of wonderful surprises. As he drifted off, he couldn’t help but wonder what other surprises the future had in store for them.

 

 

 

***Sanctum Sanctorum 9:54 a.m. October 3, 2014***

 

“So that’s all we have?” Steve asked as he looked across the empty entrance hall of the sanctum. Everything was mostly in order, and the building appeared to be empty. The only thing out of place was the cell phone they’d found lying on the floor almost directly beneath a hole that had been blasted through the ceiling.

Steve had been working with Iron Man long enough to recognize damage from a gauntlet blast when he saw it. So either Tony had been ridiculously careless with his tech (Steve didn’t believe that for a minute), or he’d been attacked and taken somewhere. He didn’t like the thought of that.

When JARVIS had notified them over forty-five minutes ago that Tony’s locator in his watch had gone off grid, and he had been unable to reactivate it from the tower servers, the team had assembled and taken a Quinjet to bypass traffic and race to the last place the signal had come from. They were nowhere closer to understanding what happened than when they’d arrived.

“All I can sense is the remnants of a powerful spell.” Thor said from across the room near the grand staircase. His keen blue eyes were serious as he continued. “But this is the home of sorcerers, I do not know if it is related to Stark’s disappearance. If it is, I am not learned enough in magic to distinguish the purpose of the spell.” The thunder god looked to Steve unhappily. “I am sorry, my friend. I wish I could be of more use.”

Steve exhaled and shook his head. “It’s alright, Thor. None of us have much to go on, but based on what you said, you’ve probably been the most helpful.” He nodded to the hole in the ceiling. “If Tony had to use his gauntlet, it was probably in defense of whoever cast the spell.”

“We know that wherever Stark is,” Natasha said as she bent to pick up Tony’s cell phone, “he didn’t go there willingly. He’d never just misplace his phone. This thing’s like a piece of his arm.”

Steve watched as she pulled a clear zippered bag from somewhere in that tight black suit of hers, honestly the things that woman carried around on her (where did she even hide them?). She put the phone into the bag before sealing it. “Hopefully JARVIS and Bruce will be able to do something with this.” She said as she finished.

Steve felt someone appear beside him. The fact that he hadn’t heard or sensed their approach could only mean that it was one of two people, and he already knew where Natasha was. “What do you think, Buck?”

“I think Stark is totally fucked.” Bucky said bluntly, his voice so different from how it was long ago when he’d been Steve’s Bucky. “We have no leads on where he is, or what the hell actually happened here. That Strange guy isn’t here to help or give us answers. The only reason for hope at all is that there wasn’t a corpse laid out next to that phone.”

Steve rubbed his hands over his face. He was tired. It was the kind of weariness the serum couldn’t combat because it had nothing to do with his body. He turned to look at his oldest friend. It still hurt sometimes to see the change in the man. Gone were the jokes and the smiles, the teasing, the everything.

He understood the reason behind it. Steve wasn’t an idiot, and he knew that barely eight months of freedom after seventy years of torture and blood would not be enough to heal the damage done to Bucky. It would probably never go away. That didn’t mean that it still didn’t hurt every time Steve wanted to hug him or hold him and knew that he couldn’t.

Bucky himself had already told Steve that he didn’t remember much about them. He also told him that what he did remember was like a shadow of someone else’s life.

That didn’t mean Steve couldn’t remind Bucky that tact should be used in certain conversations.

“Really, Buck? That’s how you say it?” He asked disapprovingly because for some reason one of the only things that had transferred to this Bucky was that he didn’t like disappointing Steve. He wasn’t even sure if Bucky knew why that was. “He’s totally fucked, and we’re lucky there’s no corpse?”

Bucky shrugged, looking slightly puzzled. “Well, he is.” He said as if it was obvious. “And there is no corpse, so he might be alive.”

That broken thing inside Steve broke just a little more at the blank stare on Bucky’s face. “Do you even care at all?” He asked hopelessly. “You know Tony. He’s helped you a lot. He’s one of the only people you allow to touch you when he works on your arm. He’s gone out of his way to keep you out of prison, introduced you to music he thought you’d like. I thought you…I thought you’d learned to care at least a little about him.”

Bucky shrugged again, but there was something different in the depths of his eyes. “I don’t _not_ care.” He said as he seemed to struggle for words. “I just don’t know what else I’m supposed to say, Steve. I know _you_ care. I know you like him. I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

That threw Steve because he’d tried very hard to _not_ look at Tony. Trust that Bucky would see it anyway. That just made Steve even more conflicted about his recent feelings toward his teammate. He’d finally gotten Bucky back, his soulmate, but it wasn’t really his Bucky. Steve sometimes wondered if he wasn’t just so lonely and desperate that he’d latched on to Tony.

There was just something about him that drew Steve in. He hadn’t seen it at first when they’d met. He’d been too bitter and self-righteous, but as he’d grown to really know Tony…Well, he’d be a liar if he said he wasn’t fascinated by him.

“It’s OK.” Bucky continued, misunderstanding Steve’s silence. “Being queer’s not illegal now.”  

Steve sighed. “That’s not the problem, Buck, and now isn’t the time for this conversation.”

Bucky nodded seriously. “First we gotta make sure that Stark’s not dead.”

God help him but Steve almost wanted to throttle Bucky. Instead he just raised his voice and addressed his other teammates. “I think we’ve learned everything we can until we find Strange, or until Bruce and JARVIS can tell us if the phone has any information. We should go back to the tower. We’ll call Pepper and update her on the situation. We can also…try…”

Steve cried out, unable to finish his thought as a sudden pain lanced through his head. His vision blurred as he felt himself fall to his knees cradling his skull. He squeezed his eyes shut as images floated across his closed lids. The sound of his team’s worried voices around him were distant as other phantom voices flooded his mind.

_You gotta be dumber than you look, chump._

_Is there a problem here, gentlemen?_

“Tony!” Steve gasped blindly as he heard the familiar drawl of his friend’s voice and saw the blurry image of him approaching in an alleyway.

_This ain’t none o’ your business, Mister. Why don’t you get the fuck outta here?_

_I would, really, but I’m new to this neighborhood and seem to have gotten lost._

“Steve!” He distantly heard beside him and realized it was Bucky. He couldn’t even enjoy the concern he heard in his friend’s voice because the phantom voices in his mind were growing louder. He recognized them all, but they shouldn’t be there together. Those voices were long past him, and Tony was…

“Aaahhh,” he groaned as a fresh wave of visions flooded his mind. Tony was wearing the same suit from this morning and was twisting Joe Collins arm behind his back. Tony holding out a hand and introducing himself like a stranger would. Tony walking beside him down the street to his apartment. “Tony…” He gasped.

He was so dizzy. It was all he could do to stay upright.

“Steve. Steve!” Bucky’s voice was still beside him growing even more panicked. “Steve, what’s going on? What’s the ma—aahhh…”

He felt something collide with his side, and he somehow knew it was Bucky even before he felt a metal hand squeeze at his arm for support.

“What…why is…Tony!” Bucky grunted in pain next to him. “How is he…there? This isn’t right…I remember…I see him…”

That’s all Steve registered before a blinding pain exploded behind his eyes. His strength left him, and he felt himself falling forward to the floor. He didn’t even feel the impact over the pain in his head. He was so dizzy. He was….He was…

Gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations  
> *Chittara Battante is an Italian guitar.  
> *mio amico-my friend  
> *spero tu stia bene?-I hope you are well?  
> *Ottimo! Grazie!-Very well! Thank you!  
> *Molto piacere di conoscerti-Very nice to meet you  
> *Ovviamente-Of course  
> *mio famiglia-my family
> 
> So that happened. Firstly, the smut. I did my best. I tried to stay true to the dynamic. It's a fun challenge I set for myself making them all so different, haha. Oh, well, at least the plot is decent. Also, no, Tony did not enter physiological subspace. That is usually brought on by more pain than he experienced. I also didn't think it would be very realistic if he were brought into subspace one day after saying he'd never experienced it during his first scene with Steve being dominant. He did toe the line with physchological subspace, but as we saw, Steve was monitoring him closely and prevented him from fully going under. Which is the safe thing to do because Steve and Bucky are still new to this. Be safe kids!
> 
> Secondly, I had always debated on flashing back to the present with the team after Tony disappeared. I had always planned on it being a surprise for both the readers and Tony, then I received a comment asking about it. I told them the same thing I just said. After I finished with my replies, I thought about it, and this scene sprang to life. I had to write it down because it practically wrote itself. When I was finished, I was so glad I did because I loved the contrast of Steve and Bucky to what we'd gotten used to. So thank you Zola! You awakened my muse!


	12. Severing of the Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time marches on. The lives of the boys pass through the changing of the seasons, but a deadline is fast approaching. What will Tony do when he realizes that he is about to lose everything? Destiny is about to cut the ties that bind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, shits about to get real. Possible trigger warnings for this chapter in the form of a panic attack. Like seriously. 
> 
> I don't really want to say much more on this chapter because I don't want to spoil anything. So, enjoy? And please don't hate me.

Time passed for Tony and his boys. One month turned into two, then three and several more.

Tony was becoming a pillar in the community, and his business was booming because of it. He couldn’t walk down the street without being stopped by at least three people asking how he was or if he could find the time to fix something of theirs. Women flirted and asked for his time, but he would politely refuse. He was courting someone, after all.

That little piece of gossip had swept through the neighborhood many months ago. Tony Stark, Brooklyn’s best repairman, was courting his neighbor Ruth Byrne. She was still technically married! The scandal didn’t last long when it was observed that they always kept a respectable distance from each other in public and stayed living separately.

A lot of people approved of the match. Tony was such a nice guy that they were happy to see him laughing and smiling while he was out with Ruth, and everyone agreed that the poor woman deserved someone who would treat her right like Tony did. It had been a very good idea on Tony’s part when he asked Ruth if she wouldn’t mind helping him with this little ruse.

She had happily agreed to it. She wasn’t looking for any man to come around and try for her attention; she was enjoying her independence. She and Tony had built a good friendship over the past several months. She was even close with Steve and Bucky, and all three of them shared dinner together at least once a week. Tony had even met her brother and his _roommate_. He could totally see how they reminded her of Steve and Bucky. They were a cute couple.

Steve had worked out a similar arrangement with Lucille, the hospital receptionist he had seen for New Years. She had readily agreed when she’d learned that he was also in a hidden inverted relationship. She’d even suggested that Bucky do the same with one of her lovers, so Bucky was now courting the girl he’d danced all night with and was enjoying it immensely.

Steve would take Lucille to the park or a diner, and they’d talk about art. Bucky would go to the dance hall almost every weekend with the same pretty girl on his arm. Tony and Ruth would go to the movies or jazz clubs and just enjoy their friendship.

When their dates were over, the evening would always end with the three of them in bed, bringing each other off in spectacular fashion. They’d all come so far, and it was the happiest Tony had ever been.

They took trips to Coney Island in the summer months. The first time they’d gone, Tony knew he was a terrible person as he’d had to fight off laughter at Steve’s ashen face after Bucky finally talked him into riding the roller coaster. The urge to laugh died as soon as Steve thrown up on Tony’s shoes. Tony had probably deserved that, but he thinks Bucky deserved it more. Steve apparently thought so too because he had punished Bucky for it the next night. Turns out Bucky really liked impact play and orgasm denial, and Steve had been exceptionally ruthless that night.

He had even taken them camping in the fall for a few days. Just three friends out enjoying the wilderness, or that’s what they’d told people. They mostly stayed in their cabin and fucked on every surface, but that was only for them to know.

Before Tony knew it, a year had come and gone for him in this century. A few months later, he recreated their first Christmas. Only this time they had all decorated the apartment weeks in advance, and Tony had hung mistletoe at several places in their home. Yeah, he was officially a sap. He just liked their kisses, OK?

He’d also recreated their Christmas dinner, complete with eggnog, and gotten them presents. With Bucky working again and Steve not having to spend so much of his money on medicine and doctors thanks to Tony’s arrangement with the hospital, they were able to get Tony something, too.

Tony had teared up when he’d unwrapped the book. _Robbie_ by Isaac Asimov. It had been published that year and was a brand new first edition.

 _“Do you like it, Tony?”_ _Steve had asked._

 _“It’s about robots,”_ _Bucky had told him_. _“It made us think of you.”_

It was the most thoughtful gift that Tony had ever received, and he had told them so through his wet eyes. It made him homesick sometimes when he read it. He missed his bots and JARVIS, but the pain of his loss was always dulled by his two loves, his sources of light. They carried him through time with them.

News came in steadily from around the globe. The destruction of Europe and the threat of the Germans and Italians rang out more often. News of Japan and Washington’s growing tensions put Tony further on edge. Japan was invading China, and the U.S. retaliated against the atrocities being committed by battering them with a list of economic sanctions and trade embargoes.

Tony understood the reasoning behind it. They hoped that without the money from trade, as well as supplies, metals and oil, Japan would have to reign themselves in from their expansionism. The two countries’ negotiations were going nowhere as Japan proudly stood their ground. Tony knew where this was heading, and it caused him many sleepless nights.

Still, time marched on.

For their one year anniversary, Steve had been hospitalized with the flu. Tony had never felt so helpless as he watched Steve’s body slowly fail him. The fever burned too hot for him to take, and he’d eventually been unable to wake. The doctor had actually told them to prepare for his passing and send for the priest. Tony had almost punched the man. He eventually realized that he should have given Steve more credit. His baby boy was fighter to the core.

Tony vividly remembered the morning Steve had finally opened his eyes to look at Bucky and Tony sitting at his bedside. The sassy little punk even had the nerve to joke about how awful they looked.

 _“I know why I look like shit,”_ _he’d rasped,_ “ _but what’s your excuse?”_

_“You’re lucky that you’re in that bed, punk,” Bucky had croaked, “Cuz I’m gonna kill you for worryin’ us like that.”_

Tony had just closed eyes in exhaustion and relief.

Another year passed. There were dates and dancing. There were arguments and reconciliations. There were birthdays and nights of passion. From asthma attacks to pneumonia and insecurities to reassurances, they had weathered it all.

September brought another cold reality that hit Tony like a slap in the face. The government instituted the first peacetime draft in the history of the country. The Selective Training and Service Act required all men between the ages of 21 and 45 to register for the draft. Tony, who technically fit the requirements and had long ago acquired forged identification documents, went with Steve and Bucky.

Tony was ineligible because of his previous wounds and reduced lung capacity, and Steve was denied for every other reason. Bucky, of course, was accepted, and his name and information would be transferred to the armed forces. He could be sent a letter and shipped off to boot camp at any time they chose.

It only made the time they had together more precious.    

It was early evening on a Sunday in the first week of December as Tony walked along the sidewalk. The chill of the air was getting cooler as the sun continued to sink. He was returning home with a box of ornaments for the Christmas tree they’d gotten that morning. This year he’d decided that they needed new ornaments to add to their usual tinsel and garland. It was their third Christmas together, after all.

As he approached a large group of people all talking quickly in worried and angry voices, he paused to take in the scene. Mr. Flannery who owned the bookshop saw him and called out, “Did ya hear, Tony? The Japs attacked Pearl Harbor in Hawaii!”

It felt like Tony’s stomach fell to his feet as the air was stolen from his lungs. It couldn’t…What was the date? It couldn’t be time! How had he not realized? “What?” Was all he could manage to ask.

“The report just came in over the radio.” Mr. Russo, a nice Italian man who owned the pizza place with his brother chimed in. “They say that thousands are expected to be dead or wounded.”

“They don’t even know how much was actually destroyed,” Mr. McCarthy who ran the deli added angrily. “Or how many civilians were casualties. Fucking Bastards!”

As Tony looked at the group of men before him, he saw it on every one of their faces. Fury, to the point that most were fighting back tears.

Mr. Gallagher was openly crying. “My son, he’s stationed there on the U.S.S Arizona. They said, they said a lot of ships had sank. My son…” Mr. Russo put a hand on his shoulder to steady him as he swayed in his grief. None of them could find the words to comfort to their friend, who didn’t even know if his son was alive or not.

Tony felt his own tears form in his eyes. He knew this was coming, but that hadn’t really prepared him for it. This had always been history to him, a sad story that happened long ago, but now it was _his_ story. The pain and anger of his gathered friends galvanized Tony. This was real, and it was only the beginning.

He saw it all in his mind, the wheel put into motion, and it wouldn’t be stopped. He thought of his boys.     

_No, no, no_

“I have to get home.” He said quickly as he walked off, almost running with the need to see them, to reassure himself that they were still safe. Some hysterical and illogical part of him imagined they were already gone, out of his reach and fallen into ice to be abandoned and forgotten by everyone but Tony. The pavement blurred in his vision as he pushed himself faster.

He took the steps of the stairs two at a time as he raced up to their apartment. His heart was pounding, and he was quietly pleading to any deity that would listen for history not to repeat itself any further. _No more,_ he pled, _don’t take them from me_! He couldn’t lose them. He couldn’t lose them. He couldn’t…

He burst through the door and saw both of them sitting side by side on the floor in front of the radio. Their heads were bowed, and they were holding each other. “Boys…” He choked as they lifted their heads to look at him.

Both of their faces were awash with anger and tears. Steve’s breathing was labored from the strain of his emotions.

“You heard.” Tony said as he felt the despair from that realization settle through him.

“I can’t believe it.” Steve said thickly. “Japan attacked us. We’re not even at war with them!” His small body was shaking with the weight of what he was feeling.

“Bobby Gallagher was stationed there,” Bucky said quietly in shock as he wiped at his eyes. “I knew him. He was always a decent guy. I knew him, and he’s probably dead, killed in a sneak attack.”

“Why would they do this?” Steve asked angrily at no one in particular. “They had families living there. Women and children and they attacked them too!”

Tony crossed the room and knelt between them before he wrapped them in both his arms. They clung to him. “There is no good reason why any of this happens.” He told them, throat tight as he tried to comfort them. “Usually the one’s in power have the least grace among us. The pain of innocent people doesn’t reach them because of their selfish natures, and too many times have good men died so that bad men can hold their power. The people in charge never suffer from war.”

Tony realized that he was describing himself from before his kidnapping. It was men like he used to be that ordered this, men like Obadiah and countless others. The world never seemed to run out of men like them, so blind and entitled and greedy.

“The people of this country aren’t going to stand for this.” Steve said firmly with a hint of the Captain in his voice. “There won’t be any more excuses to keep out of the global conflict.”  

Bucky nodded his head against Tony’s shoulder. “We’ll be at war soon. They’ll set up more enlistment centers and start sending out the draft notices.”

Silence followed Bucky’s words. They all knew what would happen, Tony more than the others. Bucky was about to leave, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He’d go to a base somewhere and train, then he’d be shipped off.

“I’m gonna go enlist tomorrow,” Bucky continued as he pulled away from them, already seeming to distance himself from his lovers.

“You don’t have to do that yet,” Tony said quickly. “Just wait until they send your notice.” He was desperate for more time, maybe this would change something, anything about what was supposed to happen. Tony knew he was wrong and selfish to try to change anything, but he didn’t care anymore.   

Bucky shook his head. “If I volunteer now, I’ll be able to get into training programs to become an officer. I can choose to enlist in the branch I want to serve in. I really don’t want to risk being in the navy or the air force. I get seasick, and the thought of flying kinda scares me cuz I really don’t like heights, not like that anyway. Most of my nightmares are of me falling. It’s probably best if I join the army and stay on the ground,” he tried to joke, but his smile looked pained.

Tony felt himself die a little with that confession because he knew what it would mean for his brave, sweet boy. He couldn’t do this. Steve and Bucky always talked about how strong he was, but he wasn’t strong enough for this. If he lost them, he knew it would kill him just as much as a bullet to the brain would. Fuck, he’d probably put the bullet there himself.

Their evening was a subdued affair as they just sat and listened to the radio reports coming in. None of them could muster up the will to eat something. They listened long into the night before they finally decided to go to bed where they just held each other.

As Tony lay there with both of his boys cuddled against him, all he could wonder was how long he would get to have this before it was taken away. First with Bucky and then with Steve, they would be called away by destiny or fate or some other bullshit force of the universe that didn’t care who lived or died.

He had known this was coming, but he’d fallen in love anyway. He’d fallen in love knowing he would lose them all too soon. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to fight it. Tony was the smartest person he knew.

_Sorry, Brucie, but we both know it’s true._

There had to be a way to fix this. Tony didn’t care if he never got back to his time; he’d long since given it up to be with his two loves, but this was a problem he _would_ solve. He knew he couldn’t change everything, but maybe, just maybe, he could change enough to keep what he had at the end of everything.

Bucky had to leave. There was nothing he could do to change that. Steve would have to undergo the procedure that injected him with the serum because he would be needed to save Bucky in Italy. That is when Steve would truly become Captain America, and Tony had to be there.

He had to save them. He didn’t know how, not yet, but as he thought about it in the quiet darkness of their bedroom, several different ideas began to form in his mind. And hell, if all else failed he’d find his own way to Europe and fight his way to the front lines.

He thought about the little box that he kept hidden in their water heater closet. Inside the box was a carefully wrapped pillowcase hiding two of his most valuable possessions, his gauntlet watch and Starkglasses.    

He may not be Iron Man anymore, but he reminded himself that he was far from helpless. Yes, today had set the wheel in motion, but Tony would be damned if he was just going to lay down and let it roll over him.

 _The acts of a desperate man._ He was desperate, very desperate. It would only make him fight harder to keep them. He could figure this out. He could save them. _Somehow, I will find a way_.

He kept repeating that thought, willing himself to believe that there was something for him to do in this hopeless situation. If he did that enough times, maybe he could finally believe it. Maybe he could believe that he wouldn’t lose them both. It was still repeating in his head when he finally closed his eyes and slowly let sleep claim him.

The next day truly showed the impact of the attack on Pearl Harbor. People were talking about it everywhere. On the streets and at their jobs, people gathered and spoke out in anger and frustration with what had happened. Nothing had officially been declared, but the people of this country had made up their minds.

Enlistment centers had people lined up around the block ready to go overseas and serve. Women were signing on too. They couldn’t go into battle, but many of them felt the need to answer the call any way they could.

All throughout the day, there was only one topic of discussion: War. Tony cursed the stupidity of the Japanese military. If there was one way to get the United States to put aside their reluctance at being dragged into another world wide conflict, it was to brazenly attack them when they were enjoying their time of peace and prove that they weren’t safe.

America was a country born through war. It was the foundation on which it was built. When thirteen colonies decided that they’d had enough and pushed back to claim their right to rule themselves, that way of thinking had carried on through the generations and created a strong sense of patriotism. Tony should know; his family had made a fortune from it, a literal fortune. _Seriously, Japan? You couldn’t just let it alone?_  

They had effectively crippled the isolationist movement that had so far kept America out of the war, and in doing so, they’d signed their own death warrant. They’d also doomed countless future soldiers gearing up for war, American and Japanese alike. Soldiers like Bucky who had gotten in line early that morning and signed their lives away.

The only thing he’d seen that resembled this level of grief and anger had been after the Chitauri Invasion, but this was different. That was the aftermath of a battle that was fought in one day in one city. This was a war that would take years and span the globe.

Tony decided he couldn’t take anymore and went home well before noon. As he walked into the apartment, he saw that Steve and Bucky were sitting on the couch staring at the radio.

“Bucky, you’re home already.” He sighed in relief. “That’s good. I thought you’d be at the enlistment office all…”

“The president is about to speak.” Steve cut him off.  

And sure enough, Tony heard the voice of the Speaker of the House announce the President to Congress. After a few moments, static filled murmurs and voices died as he began his address,

_Yesterday, December 7 th, 1941-a date which will live in infamy-the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons…_

Tony had heard this speech before when he’d studied history. It was cleverly written to appeal not to the idealism of building a better world through war, which had been heavily opposed by most Americans throughout the 1930s who simply wanted to stay out of foreign affairs, but to appeal to the patriotism of the people. It was _their_ nation under attack. It was _their_ country that was in danger. It illustrated that this was completely unprovoked and reminded citizens that as their fellow countrymen were dying and fighting for their lives, their government had been trying to continue diplomatic negotiations. And all in seven minutes. It was an unmitigated success.

_It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Japanese government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for a continued peace._

Tony realized that he was living a historic moment. Most of the country had probably grinded to a halt and was listening with bated breath for the summation of this speech and the decision of Congress. He realized that most of the world was probably also listening in, waiting to see if America would join the fray and push back. They were the only superpower not on the board at this point besides Russia, and they would join shortly after the U.S. did if he remembered correctly.

_The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that many American lives were lost. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu._

_Yesterday, the Japanese government also launched an attack against Malaya. Last night, Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong. Last night, Japanese forces attacked Guam. Last night, the Japanese attacked Wake Island. This morning, the Japanese attacked Midway Island._

_Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation. As commander and chief…_

Tony looked to watch Steve and Bucky. They were transfixed. They sat completely still and were staring at the radio, hardly blinking. Tony wondered about Steve in particular. What was the future Captain America getting from this speech? Was this one of the driving forces that made Steve refuse to accept no as an answer from enlistment offices? No, Tony decided. It may have spurred him on and fueled the outrage he already felt, but Steve was a fiery little punk that didn’t accept anyone’s limitations but his own.

_No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory. I believe that I interpret the will of Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us. Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger._

_With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph-so help us God. I ask that Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December 7 th, 1941, a state of war has existed between the United Sates and the Japanese Empire. _

And that was it. In one hour Congress would vote yes with an unprecedented margin. Only one representative in all of them would vote no, a woman who refused to send men into battle when she couldn’t go herself. It had not gone well for her after that. Her fellow Congressmen had booed and hissed at her.

“So that’s it,” Bucky said numbly. “How long do you think it’ll take for them to decide?”

“Probably not long,” Steve answered. “The President was right. The people have already decided. We’ll be at war soon.”

“Another world war,” Bucky said. “I was starting to believe that America would actually sit this one out. Looks like I was wrong.”

“What other choice do we have?” Steve asked. “Just wait around to be attacked again? If it wasn’t Japan, it would have come from Europe eventually. I don’t see Hitler being satisfied with what he’s already taken.”

“Yeah, I know.” Bucky said and sighed. “I never expected I’d be a soldier, though. Never thought I’d have to kill someone just because someone else told me to.”

“No one should want to kill anyone,” Steve countered, “but sometimes you have to fight for what’s best for other people.”

Tony listened to their spoken thoughts. They were only half listening to each other. He figured they were just trying to process what they were feeling by saying it aloud.

“The only place I’ve been to besides New York is Jersey.” Bucky supplied. “Now, who knows where I might end up.”

“At least you get to do something useful. What the hell am I gonna do stuck here?”

“I wonder if I’ll be fightin’ Krauts or Japs.” Bucky said, looking at nothing in particular.

“Don’t call them that, Buck.” Steve said disapprovingly.

“It’s what they are, Steve,” Bucky said a little defensively, “and what fuckin’ difference does it make when their gonna be tryin’ to shoot at me?”  

“It still doesn’t make it right to give an entire group of people a name like that just because they belong to a country we’re fightin’ against.” Steve said hotly.

Tony felt like he should interject, but they weren’t giving him much of an opening, even if he would have known the right thing to say. They were all strung out and upset, and unfortunately, they were choosing now to vent their frustrations at each other.

“Excuse me for not being more sensitive about the people tryin’ to take over the world, Steve.”

“I just think you should remember that not everyone fightin’ in this war wants to. Yes, they are enemies, but they are still people. I thought you were better than that.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m some bigoted asshole!” Bucky fumed. “Like I don’t know the difference between those things.”

“Do you?” Steve responded. “Because that’s exactly the way bigoted assholes talk!”

Bucky stood up front the couch and looked down at Steve with clenched fists. “If that’s what you think then why don’t’ you…”

“That’s enough!” Tony said firmly, and both of their heads whipped around to him. “I’m stopping this right now before one of you says something you’ll really regret.” _God, what had happened the first time when I wasn’t here to stop them?_

“You are both angry, and it isn’t at each other. Stress does this to people, even people who love each other, and _you do_ love each other. So stop acting like children who don’t know any better and remember that! I will not waste the precious time we have left together listening to this shit!”

Tony could hear his voice rising with every word as his breathing hitched, but he couldn’t stop. “Bucky, we know you are not a bigot. Steve, now is not the time to be morally righteous. We are about to declare war on _three_ countries, and I have quite enough to deal with without you two declaring war on each other! I had a grand total of two hours of sleep last night from worrying over this and am too emotionally exhausted to handle anything. Don’t you realize what this means? Bucky’s going to war. He could die! He going to leave us…He’s…”

Tony gasped, he couldn’t catch his breath. “He’s going to leave…and I can’t...I can’t…breathe…”

He slowly sank to knees, trying to fight off the panic that threatened him. _Breathe. You have a plan. You can fix this. Breathe. Please! You won’t lose them. You’ll fix this. Just breathe!_ He felt tears form in his eyes as he choked and gasped _. I can’t lose them. Don’t want to be alone. I can’t live here without them. I don’t want to be alone! Please, God help me! I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe! They’re leaving me! And I can’t Breathe! Help me!_

Tony felt hands touch him before arms surrounded him, and he started to push them off because he needed to breathe, and they were too close!

“Tony,” he heard a voice saying softly, “It’s alright, honey. We’ve got you.”

He could barely understand. He couldn’t see through his tears. He was choking. Why didn’t the voice help him? _Please, help me!_

“We’re so sorry, Tony.” Another voice said, “Come back to us. We’re right here. Come back to us.”

He felt hands rubbing softly along his arms, down his sides, through his hair, and it grounded him. _Someone’s there. Not alone._

“We’re safe, Tony. You’re safe, and we’ve got you.”

“We’re sorry, honey. We’re so, so sorry. We love you.”

“Please, come back to us.”

Tony choked _. He wasn’t the one who left. They’d left him. They’d gone, and he would have to bury them, and no one would know. No one would know how much he loved them, his boys, his everything. They’d left him alone._

“You’re not alone, Tony.”

“We haven’t gone anywhere.”

“We know how much you love us.”

“You show us every day, honey.”

“Please look at us.”

“Listen to our voices.”

And he tried. He focused on the words he heard being spoken and the hands that still ran along his limbs. He felt gentle fingers brush beneath his eyes, wiping his tears away.

“Breathe, honey. You can do it. Just breathe. Like this, can you feel me?”

He felt a warm hand carefully grab his own and move it against a chest. He blinked furiously, and Bucky’s blurred face came into focus.

“There your are, honey.” And Tony recognized his voice now. “You feel me? Breathe with me.”

He tried to do as Bucky said. He felt others hands running over his back and realized that it must be Steve. They were both here. They were safe, and Tony could breathe.

“We’re so sorry, Tony.” Steve’s voice softly said next to his ear. “We didn’t mean any of it. You were right, and we’re so sorry.”

“We love you so much.” Bucky said quietly as he held Tony’s hand against him, his other hand still brushing away tears. “We didn’t leave you.”

Tony blinked and more tears fell. “I’ve lost…everything.” He managed to get out. “I can’t lose you. I love you too much...to lose you.”

“We love you too, honey.” Bucky reaffirmed as he wiped at the fresh tears. “And I don’t plan on dyin’ over there. One way or another, I’ll make it back to you.”

Tony felt his despair well up again at that empty promise, and he broke down into new tears, sobbing against Bucky’s chest as Steve cradled him from behind. They didn’t know. How could they? But Tony knew the truth. He knew that despite whatever plans he made to save them, there was still the likely chance that their destinies couldn’t be changed.

It was a long time before he stopped crying.

 

***Medical Floor, Avengers Tower 2014***

Steve watched as the whole team was gathered in this medical suite, waiting to hear just what had gone wrong with two of their teammates and if it was connected to their missing third.

He looked across the room at Bruce from where he was laying in a recovery bed. Two hours ago both he and Bucky had collapsed at the Sanctum where’d they’d been searching for Tony. The good news was that they had probably found him. The bad news was that if they hadn’t, he and Bucky were either crazy or under the influence of a spell. Steve would probably be more upset about it normally, but Bruce had given him enough Xanax and pain meds to kill a horse.

It certainly took the edge off of the near constant stream of information being poured into his brain. He fought to push it away and stay in the present. Those images and feelings wouldn’t help him understand what was happening to them, but maybe the other genius on their team could explain.

“Just say it, Bruce.” He told the shy man across the way. “And use small words, please. Between the drugs and whatever the hell this is, I’m not at full capacity.”

“No, shit.” Bucky said in a dead, drugged tone in the bed next to him. He thinks Bruce might have given him more drugs than Steve had gotten to keep him calm. “I feel like I just got out of a cryo-chamber. My head hasn’t been this fucked in months. I kinda like the Xanax, though. If I focus on that wall hard enough, I can almost forget I’m here.”

Steve looked at his friend. Besides being slightly less cranky, Bucky didn’t really have anything to say about any of this. Granted, it’s not like Steve was volunteering much either. He looked back to Bruce.

He saw the man remove his glasses and wipe the lenses on the bottom of his rumpled shirt before replacing them on his nose. “I keep saying this, but I’m not really this kind of doctor.” He huffed before looking at the holo-images beside him. “As far as I can tell, both your brains are in a state of hyperstimulation.” He pointed to where the two very detailed replicas of his and Bucky’s brains were slowly spinning in midair.

“Almost all of the sections in both hemispheres are functioning at a higher capacity than what is baseline for your enhanced bodies, but you see here?” He asked as he retracted a particularly bright looking piece from one of their brain’s. (What the hell even was that thought? Damn, pain meds)

“This is your medial temporal lobe, and it’s mostly in charge of your memory and your body’s responses to memories through this region called the limbic system. As you can see, it’s lit up with an overwhelming amount of activity.”

“Yeah, overwhelming.” Bucky said flatly. “I think that covered it when we both did a face plant in Strange’s entryway. How do you fix it?”

Steve knew Bucky was upset. Having his mind and memory affected like this had to be unsettling after everything Hydra had put him through. Not to mention the pain that it had caused when it began. Steve wondered if it had reminded him of the chair, but Steve knew he wouldn’t have the nerve to ask about it.

Bruce looked like he desperately wanted to wipe his glasses again. “As of right now, I don’t know that I can fix it.”

Steve heard Bucky’s arm recalibrate to that answer, and yep, Bucky was definitely upset, even if he couldn’t act like it right now. It was probably a good thing they were both so drugged because the last thing they needed right now was a code green when Bucky attacked Banner.

At that thought Steve closed his eyes as another flood of memories poured into his mind. It wasn’t as bad as when it had started. They came every ten or so minutes like waves crashing on the shore, sometimes the water reached higher than the wave before, but at least he was able to stay conscious and think around it with enough effort. The first time had been more of a tidal wave that had swept him away.

“So we’re stuck like this?” Steve bit the words out as he focused on the present. “We’re benched indefinitely until what? This fixes itself? And what about Tony?”

Natasha was the one who spoke from the corner. “If what you’re seeing is real, and Stark has actually been sent into your past somehow, I don’t see how we can get him back without the person who caused this. It seems most likely that it was magic of some kind, but without Strange we can’t even confirm that.”

“Holy shit, Stark is butterfly effecting them.” Clint said from his perch on the back of a chair, looking like a spectator at a ballgame.

Steve rubbed at his temples and said, “I don’t understand that reference. What the hell do butterflies have to do with this?”

“The reference isn’t what’s important right now, Cap.” Sam said as he turned to (apparently) his lover with a look that clearly read as _Seriously!? Why?_

“I’m gonna kill someone for this.” Bucky said flatly.

Steve sighed, “Buck…”

“They’re fuckin’ with my head, Steve.” He gritted out, actually able to look murderous through the medication as his arm recalibrated again. “It's happening, right now. It’s like the chair in reverse. Instead of pain erasing my memories, the pain is creating new ones. How the fuck is that possible?”

“Tony was never supposed to be there.” Bruce explained. “Every interaction your past self has with him, and every effect from that interaction, is going to change what you know. From what I can tell, your memories are being rewritten.”

Sam asked the question right before Steve could. “How is that even a thing?” He held up a hand to stop any reply Bruce was about to give. “I know that I’m not exactly an expert on neuroscience or time travel, but that seriously doesn’t make any fucking sense, man.”

“Yeah,” Clint chimed in. “Wouldn’t there be some alternate timeline that Stark created with a new Cap and Barnes? And how come none of us are affected? I mean, I know we weren’t there like they were, but I don’t think anything I’ve learned from history has changed, and if someone was going to change history just by being in the past, it would be Stark. He ain’t exactly low profile.”

“That’s actually a good point.” Natasha said, almost impressed as she looked at the archer. Then she looked back to Steve. “How much has he changed? How long has he been there?”

Steve rubbed at his temples as he squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating. It was so much information to sift through. “Just about three months, I think, because it’s almost Christmas in my latest memories. Bucky just lost his job. That’s all I know until the next wave of memories hits.”

Natasha raised one eyebrow. “Three months of memories in two hours? You’re lucky your brains aren’t leaking out of your ears by now. Even your minds can’t process that much information that quickly.”

“If they weren’t enhanced by the serum,” Bruce explained, “they probably would have suffered some form of brain damage from this.”

“Brain damage. Gee, I wonder what that’s like.” Bucky said sarcastically.

Silence followed for a moment before Clint cut in looking surprised. “Hold up! Did you just make a joke?” He looked to the others as if asking for confirmation. “Yeah, I know it was dry as hell and sarcastic as fuck, but I have _never_ heard Barnes make a joke.”

“I’ve never needed to,” Bucky said gruffly, looking mildly aggravated with Clint.

 _But you didn’t need to make a joke just then_ , Steve thought. _You just did it._

Steve stared at Bucky, foolishly hoping to see something different in his eyes, in the set of his mouth, anything. Bucky just returned his stare blankly.

“Back to the point,” Natasha said, regaining Steve’s attention. “Stark’s been there for three months? What the hell has he been doing?”

“Yeah, his grandkids should be our overlords by now.” Clint joked and was rewarded by Natasha’s hand flying out and slapping the back of his head.

“Dammit Tash! Stop doing that!” He whined as he rubbed the back of his skull.

“Stop deserving it.” She countered before addressing Steve again. “You said your first memory of Tony in your time was meeting him in an alley. What happened next?”

“I, uh,” Steve closed his eyes again and focused his thoughts. “I took him home with me.”

“That was kinda slutty of you, Cap. How much did you charge?” Clint teased. “Oww! Dammit Tasha!”

Steve ignored him and concentrated on the images in his mind. “He lied to us.”

“Shocking. Okay! Okay! I’ll shut up!”

“He lied about who he was, why he was there.” Steve emphasized. “I realize that now, but I believed him at the time. He had helped me, and we felt bad for him, so we let him stay with us.” He looked over to Bucky. “Do you remember that?”

Bucky’s face betrayed nothing as he shrugged. “Yeah, he was broke with nowhere to go so we fed him.”

“Anything else?” Steve pressed because now that he was focusing on remembering and not trying to block everything out, all the pieces began falling into place, one after the other in order. His head even hurt less now that he wasn’t fighting it.

Bucky did that thing where he seemed to go inside of himself when he tried to remember something. His memories were so deeply buried, and his mind was so damaged that he couldn’t even stay present if he wanted to recall them. “He had weird underwear.” He finally said.

“Excuse me?” Sam asked in disbelief.

“He slept on our couch that night.” Bucky said slowly. “The next morning when he got dressed I saw his underwear. I told him…I told him…” He closed his eyes remembering, and Steve’s jaw dropped when Bucky _chuckled_ as he said _,_ “That’s some fancy drawers ya got, Tony. Don’t think I’ve seen that style before.”

Steve felt his throat squeeze tight. That was Bucky, Brooklyn drawl and everything. He forced himself to reign in the emotions that flooded him. Bucky reopened his eyes, and the familiar blankness was still there. Nothing on the surface had changed.

“Alright, now I’m a little freaked because did he just chuckle while he was talking?” Sam asked.

Bucky looked at him with complete detachment. “No, my past self chuckled. I just relived it as I repeated the words.”

“What the fuck is the difference?” Clint asked.

“He found it funny.” Bucky told him flatly. “I don’t.”

“Can we please focus on the fact that Stark is in 1939 and could possibly change history?” Natasha’s voice had an edge of danger to it. “Thor, do you have anything to add on this?”

Thor had been quiet the entire time, listening to everything being said but voicing none of his thoughts.

“I cannot say for certain.” He slowly began. “If my mother were still alive, I would go and seek her counsel for she was very wise in these matters. Even Loki, despite his faults, knew the lore of ancient magics far better than I ever learned. I do, however, remember some of her lessons.”

He looked to Steve. “What you are experiencing has very similar themes to a tale I heard in my youth. My mother had taught it to my brother and I as a lesson on caution when dealing with those who possess great power in the mystic arts. The spell that was used in the story left a very specific mark upon those involved. There is a way to test this.”

He calmly approached Steve’s bedside, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. “With your permission, Captain, I would need to touch you.”

Steve knows his face must have shown his confusion because Thor added, “I simply need to look for something, something beyond the physical. Your hand, please?”

Feeling slightly silly at the overly formal nature of this, Steve put his right hand in Thor’s slightly larger one.

Thor’s head bowed as he closed his eyes. Steve could hear him speaking quietly to himself, but he didn’t understand the words or their meaning. After a few moments, Steve could have almost sworn that he felt their joined hands begin to grow warmer, the tips of his fingers almost tingling from the heat.

Finally, Thor lifted his head and looked at Steve, his eyes filled with something he couldn’t place.

“We will need a powerful practitioner of magic, this Supreme Sorcerer you spoke of.” He said gravely. “Even then, I’m not certain how we will fix this, but his knowledge will be greater than my own.”

“Why?” Clint asked concerned, slipping into the serious role of Hawkeye. “Did something happen to Steve?”

“No, it was Anthony that was cursed.” Thor replied.

“But we already knew that!” Sam said exasperatedly. “You had to hold his hand for that?”

Thor turned to him angrily. “I merely confirmed my suspicions. This is no simple spell! This is not a glamour or a trick, Wilson. This is powerful and ancient magic. Magic that has pierced through the veil of time in this dimension to specifically place Stark in the lives of Steven and James. I can feel it within the Captain; even after so many years, the bonding mark is still there.”

“Bonding mark?” Steve asked because what the hell was Thor talking about?

Thor turned back to answer him. “Whoever did this to Stark was both powerful and cruel. They marked you, and most likely Barnes as well, to pull Stark through time to you. For whatever reason, you are the focus of this spell. He is locked there, bound to you by this magic.”

He turned to the others. “You speak of alternate timelines and the effects of changing your history, but it is not so with this. You mortals cling to your science, but you know nothing of magic, which is a science to itself. Stark cannot alter the course of anyone’s true destiny because it was already written when the spell was cast. The minor events of one day to another cannot change fate. He could try, and he would fail, for that is not the purpose of this spell.”

“What is the purpose?” Natasha asked, stone faced.

“For Anthony to suffer,” he said quietly.

Silence rang heavy in the room. Steve felt another wave of memories flood him, but he viciously shoved them away to the back of his mind.

“Suffer how?” He asked, voice tight. “Why?”

“I do not know the reason behind it, only the one who created the curse would know such a thing, but he will suffer.” Thor said grimly. “I did not misspeak my words when I said he was locked and bound to you. He cannot leave, not until that which has bound him has passed.”

“Passed?” Steve asked in confusion before the full meaning of Thor’s words hit him. “You mean die? Until me and Bucky die?”

Thor nodded sadly. “I told you it was cruel.”

And it was, it really was. “But Bucky and I don’t die. I mean, we didn’t die.” No, Steve had just been frozen for seventy years, and Bucky spent the majority of those same years in cryostasis, when he wasn’t being tortured and made to kill people. “He’ll be trapped there, alone, for decades until he dies.”

Steve felt a surge of sympathy for his friend. People called Steve a man out of time, and he was, but at least everyone _knew_ that he was from the past. Tony would be forced to keep the truth of his identity a secret from everyone, or people would think him insane.

“Stark will not die, not from illness or the passage of time.” Thor told them. “He will only be released from this curse upon your death. He will not age. He will never be free to create a life for himself because he will never be able to stay anywhere longer than the span of years it would take for others to notice. The purpose of this spell is to _make_ him suffer that loss, no matter the count of years. The curse will break with the severing of the bond and not a moment before it.”

Bruce asked quietly, “Are you sure there is no way to break the curse? To spare him from that? There has to be something we can do; we need him back, Thor.”

Thor looked almost pained as he answered, “The only way I know of would be for him to _choose_ to break the bond himself.”

“What does that mean?” Clint asked. “You said it couldn’t be broken.”

“I said that _we_ could not break it, but as the curse’s victim, _he_ would be able to break the curse if he severed the bond. Some might think it better than living throughout the decades trapped and alone. It could likely drive him mad.”

“Meaning?” Natasha almost barked.

He looked straight at Steve. “To end the curse, he would have to end himself. Stark will have to take his own life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, just breathe, loyal readers. Breathe. You are probably wondering "what the fuck!?" This was one of the reasons I debated on visiting the future. It all would have been explained at the end without me looking like a monster. Just remember that I do promise a happy ending to this story, I swear. I know that cliffhanger was a bitch, but honestly you should know better by now. I can't resist. Be assured that more will be explained in the next chapter along with a deeper insight into the effects this is having on Steve and Bucky once this discussion is out of the way. I just ask that you trust where this is leading.
> 
> The war has officially started! Sorry about the minor history lesson, but the nerd in me took over, and I couldn't bring myself to get rid of any of it. I'm kinda nervous about the comments I might get on this chapter, but I will still appreciate every one of them. Just be gentle. So if you need to vent, or have any questions, I check my inbox daily. Thanks guys, and I'm sorry.


	13. Feel It and Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tries and fails to be OK. Trust his boys to put things into perspective for him as he finally owns up to his bullshit. Maybe he just needed to be reminded of what really matters and realize that he was tired of worrying with nothing to show for it. Later, a visit to the future shows the effects that some memories are having.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad you all decided to stick around. General consensus was that I am brilliant but evil. Hell, I'll gladly take it, LOL!
> 
> I want to note that at this time in our story, my grandmother would have been waiting with the rest of her family for news about her brother, my great-uncle. He was stationed at Pearl Harbor the day of the attack. It took days before they finally learned if he was alive or dead. In that time news reports were coming out about the expected loss of life. More than 2,400 American sailors and pilots died in that attack. Over 1,000 more were wounded. Over 300 planes and 20 naval vessels were destroyed, including 8 battleships. For those who know your history, you probably guessed that Mr. Gallagher's son on the U.S.S Arizona did not survive. That ship was tragically hit with a bomb that smashed through the deck and hit an ammunition magazine. The ship exploded and sank with over 1,000 men trapped inside. The Arizona, along with the Utah, are still there beneath the water where people can visit to pay their respects. 
> 
> My great-uncle was fortunate enough to survive Pearl Harbor, and his tour of fighting in WW2. He was an amazing man who sadly passed away a few years ago. But what a life he lived. 
> 
> I write this acknowledgement to honor him and all the men who fought bravely, many of whom did not make it home. To all veterans, thank you.
> 
> I just want you to keep in mind that this would be the climate that Tony and the boys are living in. Constant updates about the destruction, the loss and the war that is now here.

Tony tried his best to move forward after that day. He tried so hard, for Steve and Bucky. They didn’t deserve to be dragged down by his fears or feel guilty about having to leave him, especially when they didn’t understand why he was so worried. Sometimes in his more desperate moments, he considered telling them the truth, telling them everything, but he knew that would only worry them more because he knew he would sound crazy.

So Tony tried. Within a few days, he was able to cover his emotions and fake that he was better. He would listen to the news with them without having another breakdown. He would go to work and talk with people before coming home to help Steve in the kitchen. He would let Bucky pull him up from the couch to dance with him in front of the radio in their living room. When the song was over, Tony had to make himself let go of Bucky.

But every night as he took a shower, Tony would throw away the mask he wore and let himself cry, his tears washed away by the water. If only his problems could follow them down the drain. He knew in his heart that he would need to accept this. He would have to let them go and trust that somehow everything would work out, that he’d succeed and not have to lose them.

As the water ran over his body, he remembered that Christmas was almost here, and he hadn’t gotten them anything. What the fuck was wrong with him? He’d decided on their gifts weeks ago. He promised himself to try harder.

When he got out of the shower, he realized that he’d forgotten to bring his clothes into the bathroom with him. Great, despite Tony’s work on the heating, the thin walls and windows still kept the apartment chilly in the winter. The walk to the bedroom was going to be fun. He wrapped his towel around his waist before leaving the warm, humid air the shower had created.

Just as he was crossing the distance to their bedroom, Steve called out, “Geez, Tony, you can’t walk around wet like that. You’ll catch a cold.” He turned to look at Steve’s disapproving face. Steve had been a little overly protective since Tony’s latest freak-out. Tony couldn’t blame him for it.

“Not likely,” Bucky said, never looking up from the paper he was reading. “Tony never gets sick.”

That was true, Tony realized. In the past two years, Tony had never been ill. Even when Steve or Bucky had been sick with something contagious, he always seemed to avoid catching it. “Huh, just lucky I guess,” He told them as he resumed his walk to the bedroom in search of clothes.

As he pulled on a pair of sleep pants, he looked down at his bare torso. All of his old scars still stood out against his skin, though the worst of them from his surgery had finally dulled a bit in color. He looked at the space on his stomach where one was almost entirely gone. The very faintest trace of a white line could be seen from where Joe Collins knife had sliced him open. Then Tony looked at the inside of his left arm. A year ago he’d gotten a nasty burn from an overheated engine. He’d actually had to go to the hospital for that one; it had been too bad to even try to treat it himself. He looked at the almost invisible mark. The only proof that it ever happened.

Tony had enough scars to know that his skin should not be healing this well. For some reason this made Tony feel like panicking, though he couldn’t really say why. He should be happy that he had fewer marks on his body. God knows he’d only just begun to tolerate the really visible ones. A person shouldn’t complain about good health and their bodies ability to heal so quickly.

His body…

Tony crossed over to look in the age worn mirror above the dresser. His face stared back at him as he _really_ looked, taking in the details he’d been missing all this time. Tony was going to be forty-two in a few months. He’d been here a little over two years. He’d been stressed through a lot of it, and he didn’t have the expensive skin care products he once had access to.

Shouldn’t he have more lines? A few more crinkles by his eyes? A little more silver at his temples or in his goatee? Being as vain as he’d once been, Tony had catalogued and bemoaned every sign of evidence that he was growing older. Now, as he looked in the mirror, he couldn’t find any new signs from before he arrived here. He looked the same. Exactly the same.

**^**

Tony got up and got dressed the next morning. He focused on every task intently, not allowing his mind to wander or his thoughts to stray because he couldn’t fucking deal with it if they did. After his realization last night that something was decidedly _other_ about him now, he had just refused to think about it. He couldn’t, not if he wanted to keep whatever sanity he still possessed.

As he was eating his oatmeal with apple and sugar, Steve entered the kitchen. Instead of taking his usual seat on Tony’s left, he sat himself down on Tony’s lap. Tony’s hand paused on his way to his mouth. He put the spoon back into the bowl as he turned to look at his lover. “Whatcha doin’ Steve?”

The blonde just looked at him seriously before asking, “What’s wrong Tony?”

Tony saw Bucky go completely still out of the corner of his eye. Oh, so they were both worried, and Steve was the one who decided enough was enough, and it was time to call Tony out on his shit. Shocker.  

Tony knew he couldn’t evade the question. He couldn’t even run out the door because Steve was on his fucking lap. Yeah, the blonde had planned this.

“Steve, I know I was a mess a few days ago, but really I’m…”

“If you say that you’re fine, so help me God, Tony, you will regret lying to me!” Steve was really upset. No, he was really _worried_ , and Tony couldn’t stand the thought that his act hadn’t fooled them at all, and they had worried because of it. It was the very thing he’d been trying to prevent.

Tony sighed and put both of his hands on Steve’s hips, squeezing gently. “You’re right. I’m not fine. I have been trying and failing to be fine, but it’s not anything you can fix,” he truthfully. “I just have to work this out, and it’s going to take time. Please, just don’t worry over it. I don’t want to be responsible for making you feel that way over something that isn’t your fault.”

Steve’s face softened but his eyes looked sad. “Please don’t pretend that you aren’t suffering and think we won’t notice. We know you too well for that to work. Seeing you that upset the other day was very hard for us. We love you, Tony. If you’re still upset, then let us help in whatever way we can.”

From across the table, Bucky finally spoke. “We’ll hold you all evening, honey. You don’t have to tell us why, but just let us be there for you. We miss you.”

“Miss me?” Tony asked confused. “I haven’t gone anywhere; I’m home now more than ever, Bucky.”

Bucky smiled sadly. “When was the last time you called me sweetheart? Or asked me to dance just because one of our songs was playin’ on the radio?”

That thought was like a slap in Tony’s face. He couldn’t remember exactly when he’d last called Bucky anything but his name. And his sweet boy was right, up until a week ago he would have been the one to pull Bucky to the center of the living area and dance to all of their favorite tunes as they played. For the last several days, Bucky had been trying to get his attention, and Tony had been so frugal with it.

His throat was tight. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize…”

“I’m not sayin’ this to make you feel bad, honey, but I miss you.” Bucky took a deep breath and continued. “I don’t even need my daddy right now, but I miss my honey.”

That just cut him deeper. He hadn’t been taking care of them at all. He’d barely touched them in the past week, and none of it had been particularly romantic or sexual. Without them knowing the reason behind it, he would have just appeared to be ignoring them in all the ways that mattered. He’d never deserved them less than he did right now.

Tony wanted to go over and hold him, but his lap was filled by his other precious boy. Instead, he reached across the table, Bucky’s hand quickly went out to meet his own, and he laced their fingers together.

“I’m still here, sweet boy, and I promise to let you know when I’m not OK.”

Bucky sighed in relief and gave him a small smile, and Tony felt Steve relax against him as he murmured, “Thank you.”

He realized that he had been both selfish and foolish. He was so busy driving himself crazy over what might happen in the years to come during the war, that he was wasting the time he had now. Not to mention he was being a very shitty partner to his lovers.

For some reason as he was thinking this, that little keepsake prayer entered his mind.

_Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference._

Tony wasn’t a praying man, but the words still somehow gave him a small amount of comfort. It contained a good lesson, that was for sure. He would try to remind himself of that lesson as often as he needed to. It was time for him to really start getting his shit together and stop pretending. He was better than this. He _could be_ better than this. He had to be.

“I’m sorry for pushing the both of you away,” he told them, knowing the shame was clear in his voice. “You deserve better than that.”

“We understand why you did it, Tony.” Steve said from where his head was resting against Tony’s shoulder. At Tony’s disbelieving look, Steve added, “We don’t know the reason behind it, not really, but we do know _you_. You push away anything that you think is painful or unpleasant. You don’t like dealing with how you feel.”

Bucky nodded. “It’s true, honey. I think so much has happened to you that you just learned to act like you were OK _._ Probably since you were young, you learned to put it off and put it off and never let yourself _feel it,_ not until it all comes crashing down.”

“The way I was raised,” Tony began, “it didn’t afford me the luxury of dealing with those things. I was supposed to be above that. There was a high standard that I had to uphold.”

Bucky smiled sadly at this. “Well, we don’t have to uphold high standards here, but we can happily afford that luxury. If you need help, ask for it.”

Tony nodded as he forced himself to not choke up at the tender acceptance being offered. “I’ll do that from now from on. Promise.”

“Do you want to talk about what’s been botherin’ you?” Steve asked, not sounding particularly hopeful that it would happen.

He sighed as he squeezed Steve’s hip with his remaining hand. “I really would, beautiful, but I’ve got a dozen things to take care of today.” He said remembering his full work schedule.

Steve reluctantly slid off his lap and stood beside him as he rose from his seat. “What do you have planned today?’ He asked quietly, obviously not happy with the thought of Tony leaving for work. “Will it keep you out late?”

“Probably so, unfortunately,” Tony answered as he looked to Bucky and saw that his face matched Steve’s in disappointment. It really helped to put his priorities in line and remind him that he was still being an idiot. _Do better Tony._

He walked around the table and grabbed Bucky’s hand again, pulling gently until the young man stood. Tony kissed him softly on the lips, tasting the sugar and apples from their breakfast on his sweet boy’s mouth, before using their joined fingers to pull him along to where Steve was still standing.

He gave Steve a similar kiss, lightly tracing his tongue along the younger man’s bottom lip. As he pulled back, he murmured, “However, there’s only one thing that I _need_ to do today. Everything else can wait.”

He grabbed Steve’s hand in his remaining one and pulled both of them behind him towards the bedroom.

“Tony, what are you doing?” Steve asked confused. “I thought you had to get to work.”

“It will still be there in two hours.” He told them. He wasn’t going to rush this. He had neglected them for almost a week, and the whole time they had worried over him, been hurt by him. He was going to make up for that.

He stopped at the foot of their bed and turned to them. Their faces were a mix of confusion and hope. He reached up and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. Raising an eyebrow at them, he smirked. In his bedroom voice, he asked, “You two just going to stand there, or do I need to undress you? Not that I’d mind, but it would take longer for me to get my mouth on you.”

They snapped out of whatever remaining confusion they felt, and quickly began removing their clothes. He could feel his arousal growing with each inch of skin they uncovered. How had he pushed them away like that? They were the center of his world. When they were all naked, Tony just ordered, “Bed boys.”

They both scrambled onto the mattress, laying side by side, then looked up to Tony standing over them. He grabbed his semi-hard erection and gave it a few long strokes, feeling it grow thicker in his hand as he said, “I haven’t been doing a good job taking care of you. It’s time to fix that.”

Tony moved to spread his body out over them, supporting himself on his hands and resting both of his thighs between their open legs. He could feel their bodies reacting beneath him, growing hotter and firmer. He swiveled his hips, causing his muscled upper legs to brush along their groins. Both of their breathing became faster at the teasing contact. He wouldn’t tease them for long though, they’d waited for his attention long enough.

“I’m so sorry I worried you,” he whispered as he lowered himself onto one elbow by Bucky’s head. His other hand began trailing down Steve’s chest to lightly graze a nipple. Steve’s breathing hitched. Tony hovered his face over Bucky’s as his hand continued to tease at the pebbled flesh on Steve’s chest. “I love you boys so much.” He looked directly into Bucky’s eyes. “I’m gonna take care of you, sweetheart. I’ll show you just how precious you are to me.”

Bucky almost whimpered as he kissed him, squirming beneath him, and Tony could feel him trying to rub himself against his leg. Tony deepened the kiss, sucking on Bucky’s tongue as his other hand moved down Steve’s chest and across his stomach. Tony claimed Bucky’s mouth as he finally wrapped his hand around Steve, causing the man to buck up into his fist, groaning.

Bucky might have said that he didn’t need his daddy as long as he could have the sweeter moments with his honey, but Tony refused to let his boy feel anything less than worshipped. Both of his boys.

He broke the kiss as he released his grip on Steve. The blonde made a noise of complaint, but it ended when Tony moved over to kiss him passionately. He and Steve’s interactions were usually a little less tender than the one’s he shared with Bucky, but on certain occasions they were both in the mood for something softer, a heartfelt connection.

Bucky continued to grind against his hip as Tony poured out all of the emotion he could into his kiss with Steve. He needed to reassure his baby boy that he would be alright, and they would be the reason for it.

He broke the kiss, gasping for air as he rested his forehead against Steve’s. “You gonna let me take care of you too, beautiful? Let me show you how I much I need you, appreciate you?” He asked quietly.

Steve nodded quickly, his breath coming out heavy.

“Thank you, baby,” was all he said as he pushed up off the bed and went to get what they would need from the dresser. He sometimes hated that they had to use condoms. He wanted to feel his lovers, but the use of the Vaseline kind of added to its necessity. They might have been monogamous with each other and didn’t need to worry so much about STDs, but the nature of their lube meant that it was too quickly absorbed into the skin. So they used condoms.

Tony returned to the bed and deposited the supplies. He reached over to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair; his sweet boy pushing into the contact like a cat being petted. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, sweetheart. You won’t be able to think of anything but how much we love you.”

He turned to Steve and asked, “You wanna open him for me?”

Steve was already getting to his knees as he nodded his yes.

“Roll over, sweet boy.” He told Bucky. “Just get on your knees and let us take care of everything.”

Bucky moved farther up to the head of the bed. He turned to bend over on his knees as he rested his head on his folded arms. As he watched, Tony realized he needed this. Both of them following his orders and giving him control. Everything had felt so beyond his control this week that the realization of this being something he _could_ have power over filled him with satisfaction and relief.

Bucky spread his legs wide for Steve as he crawled between them, exposing himself. The blonde placed a soft kiss on one side of his firm rounded ass and murmured, “So good for us, love,” before he lowered his head between Bucky’s cheeks.

Tony knew the exact moment when Steve’s tongue made contact with Bucky. The gorgeous brunet moaned softly and shifted back against Steve’s face, already wanting more. Tony almost wished he could sit back and watch, telling Steve how he wanted Bucky to get off, but that wasn’t the point of this.

Tony crawled up behind Steve. The blonde was so busy concentrating on what he was doing to Bucky that he jerked a little in surprise when Tony spread him open, that cute little ass fit perfectly under his hands as he squeezed the soft flesh. Tony leaned forward and kissed softly at Steve’s rim, his tongue leaving his mouth to give the puckered ring teasing licks.

Tony knew Steve especially loved this. On one very memorable occasion, Tony had eaten Steve out so thoroughly that the young man had actually come untouched from it. Tony had been so turned on that he’d fucked Steve’s limp body senseless, manhandling him into a pretzel and reducing him to overstimulated tears as Tony rutted into him. He pulled another orgasm out the blonde before he’d finally allowed himself to come. That had been a good night.

Steve was now moaning against Bucky as Tony pushed his tongue in to breach him, wiggling it so Steve could feel every tiny movement as it slid in further. Bucky groaned loudly at whatever Steve’s mouth had done in reaction to that. Apparently Steve was still able to focus on taking care of their love. Good.  

Bucky, who was the only one with a mouth that was unoccupied, continued to moan and gasp as Tony reached for the little tub of lubricant. He generously coated his fingers before removing his mouth and bringing the first of them up to enter Steve.

Steve groaned as Tony pushed the digit into him, and he pushed back against it. Tony pulled the finger back then moved in again. “Time to use your fingers, baby boy.” Tony told him as his own continued its thrusting, slowly gaining momentum. “Get him nice and open for me, and I’ll let you sit on his dick.”

Both of them moaned at that. It wasn’t very often when both of them would bottom, but Tony already knew exactly how he wanted to take them.

He soon moved on to the second finger, working Steve open as he scissored and fucked both of them into his tight ass.

Steve groaned as he kept pushing back against Tony’s hand. “UUnnhh, yes, Tony. More, I need more.” Steve liked a fast prep; he relished the burn it caused.

Bucky was still moaning into his arms from Steve’s actions prepping him. “Please, please, I’m ready. Please,” he begged as Tony watched Steve’s arm move as it opened him.

“Not before three fingers, sweetheart.” Tony chastised him. “You know the rules.”

Tony actually would have preferred four of Steve’s fingers to fit in him before Tony would fuck him, but since Tony only used three of his fingers when he prepped Bucky, he had to let that be enough with Steve. It’s just that Steve’s hands and fingers were a little smaller than Tony’s, but he knew that pointing that out and making Steve a special case would get him into big trouble with the blonde.

He’d work around it; he always did. Luckily, Bucky always seemed eager to take him. It was a reassuring thought as he added a third finger and stretched Steve open even further, causing his lover’s head to bow forward as he made the sweetest sound of desperation. Fuck, Tony loved this, needed this. Nothing else mattered but the three of them, here and together.

After a few more minutes, his fingers were gliding into Steve’s open hole without resistance. The blonde and Bucky both were outright begging him for more, moaning and gasping at each brush of their prostate, each time someone’s fingers went just a little bit deeper or drove in a little bit harder.

Feeling satisfied that they were ready and knowing he was beyond the point of endurance to get his dick into someone, Tony removed his fingers from Steve. The younger man groaned at the loss as Tony watched his empty hole clench.

“On your back, sweetheart. Pillow under your hips.” Tony ordered as Steve also withdrew his hand, following Tony’s lead.

Bucky hastily turned over to his back and shoved a pillow under his tailbone. He was panting and his hands gripped at the sheet beneath them, trying to be good and wait. Tony decided to reward him.

He walked forward on his knees and lightly stroked at his cock, pulling a hiss from his gorgeous partner. Tony could sympathize with him. He didn’t tease him for too long before he tore open a condom and rolled it out over Bucky’s straining dick. He added some lube after, loosely circling his hand to spread it over the length.

Bucky was moaning and shaking his head. “Nooo, please, I want you. I want you in me.”

“I know, sweet boy.” Tony soothed him. “I’m gonna take good care of you. This is for Steve. You wanna be good for us, don’t you sweetheart?”

Bucky shuddered at his words, nodding his head. “Yes, yes.”

Tony lightly smacked at the hard length jutting from Bucky’s hips as his other hand moved down to tug on his sac. “Yes, what?”

“Yes, daddy,” Bucky whined as he gripped the sheets tighter.

“Good boy,” he praised before turning to Steve. “I know just how I want you, baby boy,” he told him as Tony grabbed him by the waist and almost lifted him onto Bucky in a reverse riding position. Steve let out a little choking noise, and Tony knew why. Steve loved being manhandled by Tony, whether it was being pushed around or held down.

This position really only worked because Steve was so small, but Tony loved it. He got to see both of their faces as he fucked Bucky. “Fuck yourself on him, baby. Take him all the way down.”

He watched as Steve lifted himself up on his knees and grabbed Bucky’s dick to line him up with his opening. Steve’s head fell back as he began to sink down on it, panting for breath as Bucky groaned beneath him, and Tony watched as every thick inch slowly disappeared from view inside Steve.

“You two are so beautiful,” Tony told them as he quickly put his own condom on and slicked himself up. “So fucking sexy,” he said truthfully.

He pushed against Steve’s shoulder. “Lay back, baby boy.” He ordered, watching as Steve stretched his legs forward, spreading them wide with his knees bent and feet firmly planted on the mattress outside of Bucky’s opened legs. He laid himself back against Bucky’s chest and rested his head on the brunet’s shoulder. Tony watched as Bucky’s arms came up to hug around Steve’s torso, holding him close.

They were both panting roughly, probably desperate to move since Steve was impaled on Bucky. Tony moved forward, taking himself in hand and lined himself with Bucky’s ass.

“So fucking sexy,” He repeated as he firmly pushed forward, using just enough pressure to slip through the ring of muscle without going too fast. Both he and Bucky groaned as he entered the tight heat that was always so perfect around him.

He ran a soothing hand down Bucky’s flank. His other softly ran over Steve’s thigh. “So good, sweetheart.” He panted as he continued to push forward, never stopping. “Always so perfect for me. Both of you.”

Bucky made a choked sound when he finally bottomed out. This was always a good set up for his sweet boy. Steve covering him with his body as he was stretched open around Bucky’s cock, and Tony filling him, giving him praise. Too many sensations for him to think or worry about anything as he was surrounded by the men he loved.

Tony didn’t wait long before he began to pull his hips back, ready to sink back in. His hand traveled up Steve’s thigh, moving inward until his fingers ran over his stretched rim where Bucky was deeply buried inside him and slightly moving with Tony’s slow thrusts. Steve gasped.

“Tony, please,” he said in a strangled voice, “ I need more. Touch more of me…please.”

Steve always wanted more, Tony thought adoringly. He was never satisfied. Always wanting it harder, faster, deeper. His beautiful lover made of steel and a fiery will.

“I’m fucking you with Bucky’s cock today, baby boy.” Tony scolded even as he began to move his hips faster, giving Steve what he wanted by making Bucky thrust just a little more into him. “You’ll have earn it and push your hips back against him.” He looked at Bucky. “Hold him tighter, sweetheart. Don’t let him move too far up; I want you to stay buried in him.”

“Yes, daddy,” Bucky moaned as Tony thrust in harder. Tony saw his arms tighten around Steve, obeying his order.

“Good boy,” Tony said as he lifted Bucky’s legs and put them over his shoulders, resting Bucky’s ass on his thighs, going even deeper and changing the angle for all of them. Tony grunted as Bucky clenched around him, the brunet’s moan almost matching Steve’s as his prostate was hit.

“My sweet boy,” Tony panted as he picked up the pace, fucking into him harder and faster. “Both my boys laying under me, letting me take care of them. I love you so much.”

Bucky’s head was thrown back against the pillow, eyes squeezed shut from the dual forms of stimulation that came from fucking Steve and being fucked by Tony. With every thrust he made the sexiest little sounds in his throat.

Steve was writhing on Bucky’s chest and stomach, arms and torso trapped under the brunet’s bigger limbs, he was unable to do anything but swivel his hips. His constant stream of moans and pleas for more cranked Tony’s arousal just as much as the sight of Bucky filling him as he looked down.

“So beautiful, Steve,” he said between heavy breaths as he moved. “Wish you could see the way you bounce on his cock. You take him so well.”

“Please!” Steve groaned wantonly, “Please, touch me! Tony, I…” They both moaned loudly at the harder thrust Tony made as he picked up his pace.

He needed them so badly. He wanted to keep them here with him forever and just forget about everything and everyone because nothing mattered except this, looking down at their sweaty bodies, feeling them under him, around him. They were all he needed.

“Tell me you need it,” he commanded hoarsely as he fucked his hips even harder, pushing Bucky further and faster into Steve. “Tell me you love it, that only I can make you feel this way.” He needed to hear it. He needed to know that he was just as important to them as they were to him. That this was more than sex. “Tell me how much you love me.”

It was desperate and pathetic of him, he knew that, but he had to hear it. He had to.

“Need more, daddy,” Bucky panted beneath him, struggling to get the words out. “Love when you take me…take care of me. Love being…good for you.”

“You’re the…only one, Tony,” Steve managed to say around his choked breaths. “The only one to…do this to me. Love you…so much.”

“Love you…we’re yours.” Bucky gasped at a particularly brutal thrust. “Promise…we’re yours.”

“Always yours,” Steve moaned as Bucky pushed him further down on his dick. “You take…good care of us.”

Tony prayed this would be enough, that their love would somehow defeat everything, that he would be able to keep them.

He wrapped his hand around Steve’s leaking cock and began stroking him quickly. “Always,” he promised, “Always, love you two so much. Fucking need you. You’re mine, always. Come for me, come now!”

Steve’s head was thrown back as he released in Tony’s stroking hand, painting his thin chest with ropes of come. Bucky moaned beneath them, and Tony could feel his sweetheart clenching down on him as he rode his orgasm.

Tony didn’t last more than four more thrusts, his hips pushed against Bucky’s ass, he buried himself in his lover’s spasming body and let go. _Mine_

He released a long groan as he filled the condom, wishing again that it wasn’t there so he could claim him properly.

He finally pulled out and collapsed next to his two loves, his everything.

They cuddled for a while, trading kisses and lazy touches before cleaning themselves up and getting dressed. Tony did eventually have to go to work. He kissed them thoroughly before leaving and worked his hardest throughout the day so he could get back home to them on time.

When he arrived home later that evening, he pulled Steve against him and kissed him slowly, tenderly in front of the stove where he’d been cooking, running his hands over him to remind himself that he still had this. He pulled Bucky into the living room and danced with him until dinner was ready, telling himself that he could trust in this. He smiled at them as they sat together at the table and ate their dinner. He told them about his day and the people he’d met, never voicing how unsure he was that things would work out for them.

He wasn’t OK, far from it. He knew he would eventually have to address what was happening with his body, or not happening when it came to signs of aging, and the fact that he was apparently healing better than he had any right to. Again, Tony looked at his hand where he knew the invisible mark of the curse still lay, hidden but not forgotten. He wondered why it was doing this, if that was the reason for it and that he wasn’t just overly paranoid. God, he hoped he was just being paranoid.

So, no, not OK. There were still so many uncertainties, so many things that could go wrong, but Tony was tired of feeling helpless. He had been through too many situations where people thought he was helpless and at their mercy. Those people had been wrong every time.

So when his mind wanted to panic, when his lungs wanted to freeze in his chest and make him feel the suffocation of a hopeless situation, Tony reminded himself of his first hopeless situation. Trapped and injured as he was held in a cave by terrorists, Tony had not given in. No, he had risen from the ashes of his imprisonment to become something more, something stronger.

Now he was trapped in the past. A hopeless situation lay before him, but he refused to be helpless. He couldn’t allow himself that, not if he was going to keep what was his. It would be hard, wasn’t everything worth having? He’d fight. He’d push back. He’d use every tool at his disposal and remove anyone who stood in his way. He could do this. After all, _I am Iron Man_.

 

***Avengers Tower, Medical Floor 2014***

 

Bucky laid in the recovery bed, completely still except for the slight rise and fall of his chest. The events of the past three hours replayed in his damaged mind. When Steve had collapsed back at the sanctum, Bucky had actually been scared. With Stark having gone missing, the unknown reason for Steve’s episode had made him panic. He supposed that his concern for Steve shouldn’t have surprised him, but it kind of did.

It’s not that Bucky didn’t care about Steve because he did, at least as much as he was able to. He just couldn’t remember _why_ he cared so much about him. The only clear memories he had of Steve were from when they’d fought each other on the heli-carrier and everything after that. Even as he’d pulled Steve from the river, he hadn’t known why he was doing it. He just knew he had to do it, an instinct that he couldn’t ignore.

By the time Steve had found him almost two months later, Bucky had learned a little about the man in the red, white and blue uniform, but he still didn’t remember him. He knew that he should. The museum had said they’d been friends a long time ago. Still, the clearest thing he could remember had been a much smaller looking Steve laid out beside him, looking happy and murmuring “til the end of the line”.

Partly out of desperation, he’d agreed to go with Steve, and they had eventually ended up here at the tower. It had been very overwhelming. The number of people living here had set him on edge, but it was the way they treated him that was the hardest to adjust to. They acted like he was a person. They talked to him and asked him questions, but none of it was related to a mission or training. None of them had ever tried hurt him.

It had taken weeks for Bucky to stop expecting it anytime someone entered the room he was currently in. Even without his memories, Bucky had been quite certain that he’d never gone so long without being punished, without going through maintenance and reconditioning. He had finally begun to trust Steve when he told Bucky that he was safe here.

Of course, safe was a relative term. Bucky never fully let his guard down around anyone, even Steve. It wasn’t because he believed that any of the Avengers would try to do something to him, it was the threat of his former owners. Hydra was not gone. The remaining number of them were still out there, and he would be a fucking idiot if he doubted that they would want their asset returned to them.

So Bucky stayed with Steve and this group of people who had promised to help find and destroy the remnants of Hydra. He went on morning runs with Steve. He accompanied him to the VA and helped set up chairs and tables for the meetings. He went along with Steve’s suggestion that he should go through the list of modern movies, books and music that were written in Steve’s notebook.

He tried to act like a person, but what was a person without their memories? The answer was Bucky. He didn’t even understand why he was called Bucky when he had been told at the museum that his name was James. That knowledge and understanding came with memories he didn’t have. Sometimes he felt like an adopted dog. The dog had once belonged to someone else, but his new owners gave him a new name when they’d taken him in. It didn’t erase the dog’s past, and he knew that he was still more Asset than Bucky.

At least, he was until this morning. He remembered how Stark ( _Tony_ , his mind informed him insistently) was drinking his coffee in the kitchen after their run. He remembered that the suit he was wearing looked expensive, and he now remembered thinking the same thing about that suit the day they met in October of 1939. He remembered talking about the band that Stark ( _Tony_ ) had introduced them to. He remembered forcing himself to answer the first question about the songs he liked.

Then, he remembered actually volunteering information when Stark ( _Tony_ ) had mentioned Harry Potter. Bucky had been surprised at how much he’d liked those books, just like he’d been surprised to like the music the man had shown him. It was a little easier talking to Stark ( _Tony_ ) than the other members of the team, probably because he spent more time with the man than anyone besides Steve. The genius inventor did regular maintenance on his arm, but his maintenance never hurt like Hydra’s had hurt him. He never slapped Bucky or cut into him or anything.

He would just talk to Bucky as he worked on the wires and gears, applying a special fluid to improve the arms mobility. He mostly just rambled, and at first, it had confused Bucky to no end, making him anxious. Maintenance didn’t require that much talking. His handlers and the scientists never talked to him, except for orders. He didn’t understand the need for it.

Eventually, it hadn’t bothered him so much as he understood that was just the way the man was, constantly in motion with a mind that never stopped working. Over time he grew used to the fast talking genius. Bucky still didn’t talk during the maintenance. It was against protocol and usually led to punishment.

Yes, the last six months had been a mine field of new experiences for him, as he tried to navigate around each new situation and not trigger an explosion. Everything was so foreign. He knew that Steve was disappointed with him. He could see it in the blonde’s eyes, but Bucky didn’t understand what the man wanted from him. He didn’t know how to make that hurt and worry go away. He also didn’t know why that hurt and worry bothered him. He just knew that it did. Another instinct, he supposed.

Sometimes when he looked at Steve, Bucky would get this feeling like he was so close to something, to the reason behind everything, but the harder he tried to grab on to that thought, the further away it moved into his mind. It was like trying to grab smoke.  

Another wave of memories flooded his mind at that thought, and he grit his teeth against the onslaught. It wasn’t as bad as before, but he still didn’t like it. The pain wasn’t what bothered him the most; he was used to pain even if he couldn’t remember the details of how it was inflicted. No, the sensation was too similar to the chair, a surge of something forced into his mind and overwhelming his synapses.  

He wondered if Steve was experiencing another download of information too. Probably, he figured. After Dr. Banner’s explanation of what was happening to them and Thor’s big reveal, most of the team had went off to search for help, looking for that Strange guy or anyone else who might have some information about magic. He and Steve had been benched and were not allowed to leave the tower at the moment.

So, naturally, Steve was in the gym and was probably on his second punching bag by now, maybe his third if those new upgrades didn’t work as well as promised.

_I promise to take care of you, sweetheart. I love taking care of you._

Bucky closed his eyes and pushed the thought away. He really didn’t like this. He had no idea how to deal with any of the images and feelings he was being bombarded with. He couldn’t remember feeling anything like it before. That made it an unknown factor in his basic operations, and he knew to treat everything unknown as a threat to his survival. It was standard protocol until further analysis could be performed. It was already effecting his ability to function within normal parameters.

He pushed himself off of the bed and made his way out of the room and to the stairwell. He knew he could just use the elevator, but he didn’t want to. He liked being in charge of where he went. He liked that he was allowed to choose to take the stairs. His handlers would have called it erratic behavior. He knew it probably was, but he did it anyway.

As his feet climbed the steps, thoughts and images swam in his mind.

_“You won’t believe the day I had, Stevie. Almost got crushed when a crate bigger than our couch popped it’s chain.”_

Bucky had worked on the docks. He hated it.

_“Dammit! Can’t you walk out the house without gettin’ a beating?”_

He never liked it when Steve got into fights. Steve had looked so small.

_“I thought he called you Buck?” Stark’s voice asked._

_“My middle names Buchanan. There’s a lot of guys named James around here, so I’ve been called Bucky since grade school.”_

And Bucky remembered. Steve had been the first to call him Bucky not long after they’d met in grade school. He actually _remembered it_. He remembered running home that day and telling his mother that he had a new name, a better name that his new friend had given him. She had smiled and laughed. She’d been wearing a flowered dress. He remembered his mother. He remembered her laugh.

Bucky stopped on the next step, shock running through him. How? How was he remembering this? It wasn’t related to Stark being in his past. Maybe the memory of Stark asking about his name triggered the forgotten memory in his damaged mind. He couldn’t know for sure, and figured the reason behind it wasn’t important. He just thought back and pictured his mother’s face again.

She had been pretty. Her hair was almost the same shade as his, but their eyes were exactly the same. He had his mother’s eyes. Bucky realized that he kind of liked that thought as he resumed walking.

He pulled open the door on the next landing. The hallway was familiar; he’d walked along this floor too many times in the past six months for it not to be. He stopped in front of the imposing metal door. The glass that ran along the wall on either side of it had been turned opaque, making it impossible to see into the room behind it. Bucky could picture it clearly, though, having spent so much time there.

“Can I help you, Sergeant Barnes?” JARVIS asked politely from wherever he was.

Suddenly, Bucky didn’t know why he’d chosen to come here. There was no reason for him to be here, and JARVIS had to know that. Still, something inside him wanted to enter the room behind this door, whether he was allowed or not.

“Could you…” He forced the words from his mouth even though he already knew the answer he’d get. “Could you let me inside, JARVIS?”

The request was met with silence. Bucky didn’t know why the A.I. was taking so long to tell him no. It was locked for a reason, and Bucky didn’t have any business going in there. So he was surprised when the A.I. finally replied with a soft, “Of course, sir.”

The hiss of the locks disengaging was followed by the door sliding open. As he entered the room, lights turned on automatically, or maybe it was JARVIS, revealing the state of the art workshop that Stark had practically lived in.

It was order and chaos rolled into one. Machines that were one of a kind were stationed throughout the large room. Tools Bucky didn’t know the name of were resting on the tops of stainless steel tables. Holographic images of various pieces of technology revolved in midair as scrolling text ran beneath them. Most of them were scientific equations that Bucky couldn’t guess the meanings to.

The far wall held a display of different versions of the Iron Man armor. He’d been impressed by that armor the first time he’d seen it when Steve had brought him down to see Stark their first night here. He remembered walking in and staring at all the different suits, cataloguing the subtle differences between them. It was the biggest reason that he’d allowed the genius to touch him.

A soft mechanical chirping noise greeted him as he turned toward the far corner. DUM-E and U waved their metal appendages at him as if they were greeting a guest into their home. He supposed they were. He’d always liked the intelligent bots.

As if on auto pilot, Bucky’s feet carried him to the table he always sat beside as Stark worked on his arm. The specialized tool kit Stark ( _Tony_ ) used for the delicate work was resting on the table top, ready to be of service for whenever Bucky decided to show up and admit that his arm needed attention.

“ _What else do you know how to fix?”_

_“Anything. Anything with parts. Cars, watches, cameras…if it has wires or gears. I can build or fix it.”_

_“I think you found yourself a job, Tony.”_

Looking back at these new memories, Bucky wondered how he and Steve had been so naïve. The story Stark had told explaining why he didn’t have anywhere to go or the eventual evidence of just how brilliant the man was, but that’s common among the innocent. Trust was given far more easily. They were older now and had lived brutal lives since then. That innocence they’d once possessed was long gone.

Bucky gripped the table as another wave of memories hit him. This one came with intense emotions, too intense. His breathing became labored as once again his mind was filled with a new version of his past. This time, it was almost too much for him to push away.

_“If I’m strong enough to do that, then I should be brave enough for this.”_

Bucky leaned against the steel edge of the table he was clutching as warmth filled his chest and a sense of awe swept through him. He pushed away at the memories and feelings even harder.

_“If I’m strong enough to do that,…”_

_“You didn’t push me away.”_

_“…I should be brave enough for this.”_

_“You didn’t push me away.”_

_“If I’m strong enough to do that,…”_

_“You didn’t push me away.”_

_“…I should be brave enough for this.”_

_“You didn’t push me away.”_

_“You didn’t push me away.”_

_“You didn’t push…”_

His own voice kept echoing those same sentences through his mind, and Bucky most certainly tried to push them away. It was too much and too foreign, and he was too damaged to handle this. Far too damaged for too long, and it scared the hell out of him. He’d just become a person, a shitty one at that, but he was finally becoming a person. He didn’t know if he could be Bucky, _really_ be Bucky with everything that came with it. He’d probably just hate himself more than he already did once he discovered what was lost, what could have been, what _should_ have been.

It was so much harder than before. The memories had long since begun sliding into place and this new batch of them only served to add to the pressure pushing back against his efforts. He tried harder, feeling the steel table bend in his tight grip. He couldn’t do this. He was too damaged, too scared, too…

A voice from deep inside his mind shouted, _Stop being a fucking coward, you piece of shit, and FEEL IT! JUST LET GO!_

And Bucky did, in shock at the words his mind had shouted at him, he stopped pushing and let everything crash through him. All of the memories and emotions and sensations he’d felt in the past since Tony arrived in their lives crashed through his mind like lightning. It was too much. A normal person would have died from it. He couldn’t begin to keep up with it all. It was…

_Tony singing as he helped Steve through an asthma attack. Bucky was terrified for the blonde in his arms. Was this the time he’d finally lose him?_

_Bucky dancing with some girl and looking at Tony across the way as he danced with his own date. He smiled as he watched his friend laughing on the dance floor._

_Losing his job and feeling so worthless, so worried. Tony gently touching his neck, giving comfort as he promised to take care of them. Telling Bucky he wasn’t a failure._

_Christmas morning and being surprised by Tony with a tree and presents. He remembered the smell of the cologne he’d gotten. Tony had worked so hard to make their favorite holiday foods._

_Sitting next to Tony on the couch after drinking eggnog. Steve was sleeping against Tony’s other side, and Bucky was drunk and talking about how much it meant that Tony had done this, how much Steve meant to him. Steve was always his everything._

_Teaching Tony to dance, his body was warm against him. He’d told Bucky how good he was at dancing. It had been his gift to Tony._

_Having oral sex with Steve? How..? When had they..?_

_Watching Tony fight Joe and his gang. He was so worried; Tony was bleeding. He wrapped him up in bandages and strips of linen._

_He was lying in the dark on a crowded bed as he realized how he really felt about Tony. What would that mean for him and Steve? He felt guilty._

_He was so scared and desperate as he gently grabbed Tony’s chin and kissed him_. “ _You didn’t push me away.”_

_Tony kissing his lips, his neck…Tony slowly undressing him._

_“What about you, sweetheart? What do you want tonight?”_

_He was so nervous, but he wanted this so much, and Tony was always so understanding. He could do this. He could tell him._

_“Yeah, I don’t…I don’t like to be in charge.”_

_“I want you to know that I’d never judge you…”_

_And he didn’t. He never had. Tony and Steve had taken care of him, like he was precious to them. It had felt so good, better than anything Bucky had remembered so far. He felt like he was flying and falling at the same time. God, he loved them. He loved them. He loved…_

Bucky’s eyes sprang open at those last memories. His chest was heaving as the thoughts and emotions continued to fill his mind, but he wasn’t fighting it anymore and realized he could stay in the present while remembering his past. He felt tears running down his face, but he didn’t have the capacity to be fully surprised by it.

He felt a presence in the room with him and spun defensively to see Steve standing at the doorway, looking at him with worry etched into his face. Bucky now knew why he hated to see that worry.

“Bucky?” Steve asked uncertainly.

And he was, for the first time in over seventy years, he could be Bucky. “ _Stevie_ ,” he choked out because he needed…he needed him.

Bucky began moving toward him, walking fast, and Steve rushed to meet him in the middle of the room. Steve hesitated when he stood before him, looking unsure of what to do or if he should touch him, but Bucky reached out and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist and buried his face in the blonde’s neck, shuddering when he felt Steve’s arms wrap around him and return the embrace.

Bucky almost felt small next to him as he tried to move closer, breathing in the familiar scent of Steve, his Stevie, his best friend. How could he have forgotten? How could he let them take this from him? He should have fought harder. He should have remembered. He should have…

“I’m so sorry,” he croaked around his heaving breaths. “I’m so sorry, Steve. I forgot you. How could I forget you? I _hurt_ you. Oh god, I hurt you so bad, Stevie! I almost killed you! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I’m sorry…”

He felt Steve’s arms tighten around him as Steve shook against him and choked out a sob, “Don’t. Don’t do that, love. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault. God, I…I love you so much. I’m here for you now. I’ll take care of you. I promise, Bucky. I’m just so…,” Steve’s voice broke, “I can’t believe I get to hold you again. I missed you. I missed you so much.”

They were both crying. The sadness of what had been lost and taken was mixed with the relief of finally finding each other again. Bucky couldn’t even tell who was holding the other one up. Maybe they were both supporting each other, like they always had, like they always would. His Stevie, his doll, was in his arms again, and he remembered, not everything but enough. He didn’t have to be an asset or a dog or an almost person. He could try to be Bucky, a new Bucky. It was more hope than he’d ever let himself have. A hope that he had been too damaged to realize he should have had.

It didn’t fix everything. They were both still wounded. More memories would soon emerge, and Bucky knew that they would bring new emotions and realizations for both of them. But as Bucky held tight to Steve, finally accepting the comfort his friend had wanted to give him for over half a year, it was the first time since the war that he’d actually felt safe, like he was almost home.

Now they only had to save Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a happier note to end on this chapter. Tony is not OK, but he is finally acknowledging this and will have the help of his boys to work through this. He just needs to hold on to hope. Yeah....
> 
> Bucky finally stopped fighting his memories! My poor baby, at least things are a little better for him. Now he just needs Tony and he can be home again. 
> 
> Love you all and thank you for reading! As always, comments give me life!


	14. Queens, Finding Power and the Balance of Two Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony goes on a day trip to another borough in New York where he runs into someone. Literally. Later, we see how our boys are doing as Bucky tries to learn how to deal with who he was and who he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are. I want to give a great big thank you to everyone who has made it this far. I also have to say that my posting schedule will probably start being a few days longer. As you know I never originally planned to visit the present, but now it's like a little runaway train. No complaints, I'm enjoying the ride right along with you, but I am now having to create another story within this story that I had never outlined or given detailed thought to things like dialogue. To preserve my sanity and continue to do these characters justice, I will be giving myself more time.
> 
> As you know from last chapter, our sweet boy finally embraced his memories, and I foreshadowed that Bucky expected this to bring new emotions and realizations for both of them. Let's see if he was right.

As the days passed, Tony was learning to cope with his panic and fear. Some moments were easier than others. It wasn’t too bad when he was busy working or talking to people around the neighborhood. He’d always done better with something to occupy his mind, and it was as true now as ever.

When he was alone, however, or the news on the radio would be particularly dour about America’s first movements of the war in northern Africa, he would stick to his promise and ask his boys to hold him. There were several nights of them just cuddled together on the couch until his panic eased, and the pressure that had been mounting became bearable to live with.

Yes, days passed, and Tony had managed not to crack.

Christmas had been as lovely as ever. Their traditional meal was served for lunch, and Tony shamelessly exploited every sprig of mistletoe that hung from their ceiling. It would be taken down soon, and he didn’t want to feel like any opportunity had been missed. Especially since Bucky would be leaving in a few weeks for training. Tony had not been at all OK when that letter to report had arrived, but they had gotten through it together.

Tony had decided to buy Bucky a stationary set with a quality pen engraved with his initials so that he would be able to write to them when he went to boot camp. Bucky had promised to write as much as he could before he kissed Tony in thanks. He had gotten Steve a similar set so he and Tony could write back to their love and remind him that he was missed.

He’d also gotten them both copies of _The Art of War_ by Sun Tzu along with some of the more popular works by poets like Emily Dickinson, Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman, and Henry Wordsworth Longfellow. The first book was to prepare their minds, the rest were to replenish their souls.

He could tell Bucky was not altogether happy about Steve receiving a book about war strategies. He probably believed it would only encourage Steve to keep trying to enlist, but Tony knew that Steve would do that anyway so he wanted his baby boy to be as ready as he could be. Just like he wanted Bucky to be ready.

The boys had continued with their tradition of gifting him with Isaac Asimov. Apparently, they were able to get their hands on that year’s April and May editions of Astounding Science Fiction. The April edition held the short story _Reason,_ it was about the artificial intelligence that oversaw a space station run by humans and was operated by robots. The A.I. eventually came to the realization that humans were flawed and could not be it’s true master so it basically created a religion for the robots on the station. By the end it was pretty amusing.

The short story in the May edition was called _Liar!_ , and Tony was struck by the title as well as the plot. A robot that was somehow accidentally created with telepathic abilities could hear the thoughts of it’s human masters. The First Law of Robotics still applied, however, so when the robot was questioned on the thoughts of the human’s coworkers, the robot felt compelled to lie to protect the feelings of the human and avoid causing them unnecessary pain that the truth would bring.

Later when the robot was confronted about his lies, he was told that by trying to prevent the human’s pain, he had only caused a different pain because of his dishonesty. The story struck a nerve with Tony and made him feel incredibly guilty since he was reminded of his own lies and omissions, but he still cherished his gifts and thanked his thoughtful partners.

It was a cold afternoon in the second week of January, and Tony was currently walking up 73rd Avenue in Queens. He’d been found by Mr. Akerman, a local businessman who was the largest ice manufacturer in the borough and surrounding areas. His largest production machine was breaking down, and it was affecting his profits as well as the fact that he really couldn’t meet the demands of supplying his clients.

Understandably, he didn’t want to have to replace the relatively new piece of expensive equipment so he’d been bringing in anyone he could find that might be able to fix the ice generator.

None of the other repairmen he’d consulted could fix the problem, and he’d been told by all of them that buying a new industrial ice generator was inevitable, all except the last one. That guy had told him about Tony. The man had personally come to Brooklyn to find him, and offered Tony a challenge with a promise of generous payment if he could do what the others couldn’t.

Of course, Tony accepted. He really hadn’t had much choice. How many challenges was he actually faced with when it came to his work? You know, besides handsy housewives. So the next day, Tony made the trip to Queens and after over three hours and a trip to the hardware store, Tony had finally fixed the problem. He closed the panel of the machine and hit the power, hearing it churn to life, and Tony clapped his hands once in victory.

He almost wanted to yell for someone to drop the needle so he could celebrate with a victory dance. Mr. Akerman had been ecstatic and had been true to his word when he handed Tony seventy-five dollars. Tony didn’t feel even a little bad as he accepted the cash because he’d just saved the man a small fortune, and they both knew it.

He had thanked Tony several more times and promised to tell his friends about what a miracle worker he was before Tony finally made his leave. So, yes, it had been a really good day he thought as he walked along 73rd Avenue to Utopia Parkway. He was just thinking of how he’d like to treat his boys out to an evening on the town with the money he made when someone crashed into him.

Tony just barely had time to catch his balance before he would have been knocked over as he heard the sound of several items falling to the sidewalk. He instinctively reached out a hand to steady the man who’d collided with him.

“Woah, you alright, pal?” He asked who he now realized was an older man in a brown tweed suit. He had graying hair, glasses and a kind face that registered even through his flustered mumbling of an apology. The man was looking down at his feet where various papers and books had landed.

“Yes,” his German accent caught Tony’s attention. “I am quite alright,” he said ruefully, “but my research is another matter.”

The man bent to pick up his belongings, and Tony quickly joined him, grabbing all the papers he could before the wind decided to send them to the Bronx.

“Thank you,” he said gratefully as Tony handed him the small stack of papers. “I apologize for not paying better attention. I was simply lost in thought as I added a note to…Well, one of these papers, here.”

“It’s really not a problem,” Tony told him honestly as they both stood to their feet. “Hell, it may have been my fault. I was lost in my own head, too. Plus, I’m not really from around here.”  

“That is something else have in common, then.” The man smiled, though he looked a little wary and was staring at Tony very closely. Tony wondered if the man expected a reaction from him just because he was obviously German.

Tony chuckled, trying to put the man at ease. “Oh, I’m sure we have plenty in common, most people do if they take the time to find out.” He stuck out his hand as an offering. “Name’s Tony, originally from California but now I stay in Brooklyn.”

The man’s knowing eyes never faltered, but his face relaxed into a more natural smile as he clasped Tony’s hand and replied, “Abraham, formerly from Augsburg, Bavaria in Germany. Now I live just up that street.” He motioned with his head to the direction of Utopia Parkway.

Tony’s mind grinded to a halt because no. It couldn’t be because the odds were astronomical. How did he keep stumbling upon important historical figures of this era? At this thought Tony swore he felt a phantom itch on his hand, but he dismissed it as psychological stupidity as he released the German scientist’s hand.

“Augsburg?” He continued, never letting his mask slip to show his reaction. “I’ve never been there, but I’ve seen pictures. It’s beautiful, so many styles of architecture and historical landmarks.”

Abraham’s eyebrows rose. “You’ve studied Germany?”

“I’ve studied a little of everything.” Tony said easily. “Some things more than others, obviously, but I had a very rounded education. Plus, you’re never too old to keep learning.”

Abraham chuckled wryly. “ A very good policy in life, I can agree. I am still learning about many things myself.” He looked down at his mess of papers and journals, and his smile faded. “Perhaps I will learn from this. I should have stayed in my apartment or at least left my work there instead of taking it with me, but I was getting hungry and didn’t want to stop working.”

“You were headed to eat?” Tony asked because besides the fact that he was hungry by this time of day, he didn’t want to leave the German doctor. Not yet. The temptation was too strong to talk to him.

The other man nodded. “Yes, there is a nice diner not far from here. I sometimes go there when I need a break from the walls of my apartment.”

“I don’t mean to inconvenience you,” Tony began, “but would you mind showing me where? It’s well past lunch, and I have a long trip to Brooklyn ahead of me.”

“Not at all,” Abraham smiled, eyes still shrewd as he motioned to begin walking. “You are even welcome to join me if you do not mind the company.”

“I don’t mind at all.” Tony told him truthfully. “I could always use some conversation. I don’t really do quiet very well, and I’d probably end up talking the poor waitress’s ear off.”

“Ah,” the man nodded, “are you that sociable, or is it a busy mind?”

“Busy mind,” Tony said, slightly surprised, “how did you guess?”

“I have met other men with similar problems.” Abraham said as he studied Tony closely. “It’s usually a sign of brilliance.”

Tony dimly noted that they were nearing the diner as he watched the scrutiny in the German scientist’s eyes. He reminded himself to tread carefully. This was probably the smartest person he’d encountered so far in the past, and the fact that the man was a scientist meant it was his habit to observe. “Wouldn’t say brilliant, I’m just a common repairman.”

Erskine smirked at this. “I don’t believe that common is a word that should be used to describe you, Tony,” he said as they stopped in front of the diner’s door. Tony opened it for the other man. “Thank you,” he told him as he entered the little eatery, and Tony followed him feeling slightly off step.

They found a booth and sat down. Erskine laid his papers and journals across the top of the table. “In my attempt to avoid missing my work, I simply created another problem to keep me from it.”

“Life really loves to remind us that we aren’t in control, doesn’t it?” Tony asked, revealing a thought constantly plaguing him these days.

“Indeed,” the man agreed as he watched him, “I for one never imagined that I would be here, finalizing my work with the chance to see it truly valued for what it could be.”

Tony wanted to ask him so many questions. Where had he first gotten the idea for the serum? How did he factor in the combination of technology and biochemistry? Why did he choose genetic enhancement over mutation? So many questions that he could never ask because Tony wasn’t supposed to know about any of this.

“Hello, doctor,” the friendly voice of their server cut through his musings, “It’s good to see you back in here, and you brought a friend.” She turned to look at Tony. She was a pretty young woman with kind eyes.

“Good day, Millie,” Erskine smiled, “I hope you are well?”

“As well as I can be,” she returned his smile.

“I’m glad to hear it. This is my new acquaintance, Tony…”

“Stark,” Tony finished for him, sincerely hoping this wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass. He hadn’t planned on giving his full name if he could help it, and the look of speculative surprise on Erskine’s face only reinforced that previous desire. Had the man met Howard yet?

“ _The_ Tony Stark? From Brooklyn?” Millie asked, surprised, pulling Tony’s attention back to her.

“The one and only,” Tony told her with his most charming smile. “Don’t tell me you’ve heard of me.”

Millie laughed. “I hear a lot from the people at my tables. I’ve heard quite a few of the men talking about the man from Brooklyn who can fix anything in half the time for half the price. People say you’re a genius.”

“They should,” He told her in a mock serious tone,” I started that rumor myself and would be disappointed if people didn’t believe it.”

She laughed at his words. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Stark. What can I get for you today?”

Tony and Erskine gave her their drink orders, and as she went away to collect them, Tony picked up a menu.

“So what brings you to Queens, Mr. Stark?” Erskine asked him as he sorted through his papers.

“Nothing too special,” Tony told him. “I was asked to fix an ice generator for a fabrication and distribution plant a few blocks from here.”

“Akerman’s?” Erskine looked up, surprised.

Tony nodded. “That's the one. He came and found me yesterday, told me he was having problems and wanted to know if I could fix it.” He shrugged. “I love a challenge.”

“I’d heard he was having trouble with a piece of his machinery from a neighbor who is a technician, but he seemed to think the problem was beyond repair.” The older man’s eyes were scrutinizing him again.

Tony shrugged again, trying to act nonchalant. “It was pretty bad,” he conceded, “but not beyond repair.”

“Hhmm,” was all Erskine said as he went back to his papers.

Millie came back with their drinks and took their orders, leaving the two men alone again.

Erskine sighed as he finally finished putting his research back in order. “I may have fixed this mess, but I am no closer to fixing my original problem.” He looked to Tony. “I know what I need to do, but I am out of my expertise in creating a solution to getting it done.”

“Give it time.” Tony told him confidently. “I’m sure it will come to you.”

“May I ask you a frank question, Mr. Stark?” The other man asked curiously.

“Tony, please,” he politely corrected the man, “and you can ask me anything you like. I may decline on answering the question, but you can ask anything.”

“Fair enough,” Erskine smirked. “You are not bothered by my nationality?”

Tony was shaking his head almost before he finished the sentence. “Definitely not, you can’t hate an entire group of people because of the actions of some of those people. As far as I know, you are not a Nazi and haven’t done anything since we bumped into each other for me to feel bothered about the fact that you’re German.”

“That’s a very enlightened philosophy, Tony.” Erskine leaned back and watched him. “But how do you know that doesn’t make me a Nazi? I could be a spy.”

“A spy wouldn’t have invited me to eat lunch with him, much less keep whatever documents he was working on in view of me.” Tony answered, knowing he was being tested and was kind of enjoying it. “It’s not like you’d need to spend time with me. I’m not any one important that could be an assignment for a mission, and if you were a spy, you wouldn’t feel inclined to socialize with a stranger from a country you’re fighting to overthrow. I’m not a neighbor that you have to keep up a cover for. You would have just declined my request and eaten alone.”

Erskine chuckled. “You are very clever, Tony, more than I would expect from a repairman from Brooklyn. I would wager there’s an interesting story behind how you came to be here. You said you were originally from California?”

“Yep,” Tony said, hoping this wasn’t going where he thought it was.

“Are you familiar with Howard Stark from California?”

Yep, it went there.

“Of course I’ve heard of him.” Tony admitted. Pretending otherwise would have been beyond foolish with the smart man questioning him. “It’s kind of hard to have not heard of him. He’s rich, famous and brilliant. Not to mention we share the same last name.”

“It’s not all you share.” Erskine told him, his eyes piercing Tony in a gaze that saw too much. “You bear a striking resemblance to the man. I should know; I’ve met him several times.”

Tony shrugged, willing his mask to stay in place and regretting his curiosity to meet the famous scientist. “Dark hair and dark eyes, you could say the same for a lot of people.”

“The same eyes,” Erskine corrected but kept his tone light. “You have the same eyes. It’s a remarkable coincidence to be sure.”

“I hadn’t really noticed,” Tony lied. He’d never really liked looking in the mirror and seeing his father’s eyes staring back at him, like he could still be watching over everything Tony did in some fucked up way in Tony’s head.

Erskine leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. “I’m going to be very frank now with you, Mr. Stark. I have been through more than you can imagine. I have been at the mercy of some of the worst people on this planet. It has taught me a great deal, even though I never expected to live through the experience to use what I learned. It has taught me much of the words people choose to speak, and that what they do not say is often vastly more important.”

Tony had to remind himself to breathe as his mind raced with possibilities as to where Erskine was going with this.

“It has taught me to see the measure of a man beyond what most people see. I know you are a smart man, most likely the genius you joke of being, so I know you have at least guessed that I am a man of science. Recently, however, I have come to learn of the belief of others in the mystical, a form of the divine outside of Christianity. At first, I believed it was merely a delusion of a psychotic and evil man who used that ideation to give himself an even grander sense of importance. To believe otherwise would have made him even more dangerous.

“Once I escaped, however, I began to question that belief. What if this man was right? Could I really risk not knowing just to hold onto my own certainty that science was all there was to this universe? Could I risk such a man acquiring even more power? No, I had to be sure, so I began to look, to see more than what my eyes and mind told me was real. I read many books, some of them so ancient that their languages have died, but I was able to learn enough.

“I found evidence of places in this world I’d never imagined to exist, and the people there held a power I could have not believed possible had I not seen it for myself. Some of what I learned finally helped me to perfect what I have been working on for most of my life, providing the key to balance I had not been able to see until then. It was a small thing, but I believe it will make all the difference in the end. Once I find the right subject, that is,” he added to himself ruefully.

“One of these places is here in New York. The people there were wary and dismissive of me at first, which was understandable. Eventually, I earned enough of their trust for them to pull back the curtain for me, for lack of a better term. They even taught me to sense a few things beyond the reality of what is perceived.”

Tony heart was racing as the man’s eyes focused on him with intent. He couldn’t know. How was this possible? Erskine was a man of science from the nineteen-forties, and there was no evidence anywhere that had ever suggested that he’d known about the mystical arts.

 _But why would there be evidence?_ Tony’s mind supplied. _That isn’t something he would go around talking about. People would think he’s crazy._ Then the thought struck Tony that Erskine was talking about it with _him_.

Tony tried to deflect. “If you are suggesting that magic or whatever is real then you are…”

“I know there is something _other_ about you, Mr. Stark.” Erskine told him bluntly, but not unkindly. “I do not know what because I am not trained or learned enough for that. I only know enough to inform me of my surroundings when I encounter the mystical, and I know that you are something other than normal.”

Tony sagged against the back of the booth and looked up to the ceiling. It was so surreal to be called out on this. He’d spent the past two years pretending to be what he is and knowing he had to keep this secret, and here was this man telling him point blank that he saw through the charade.

“So if I may ask,” Erskine continued, “what are you?”

Tony chuckled without humor, suddenly exhausted. “I’m just a former genius, billionaire, hero and philanthropist. Though I guess I’m still a genius for all the good it does me.” He took a deep breath. “In the simplest terms, I’m a time traveler.”

Erskine’s eyes went wide. “How is this possible? I mean how was it achieved? And why are you here?”

Tony shrugged. “I pissed off the wrong interdimensional deity and was sent here over two years ago. I’m trapped. I’ve already asked the people at magic central, most likely the same people you met, and it can’t be undone. I went from the one of the richest and most powerful people on the planet to a friendly neighborhood repairman stranded decades in his past.”

“But why?” Erskine asked with true fascination. “Why be a simple repairman? With your intellect and knowledge, you could do anything, become anything. The world could be yours once again.”

Tony waited as their food was put in front of them. When they were alone again, he answered. “That’s not exactly ethical, is it? Do I really have that right?” He thought about Steve and Bucky. “Though I have to admit that recently I have been wondering what I’m willing to sacrifice to protect the future. I’m not above admitting that I would almost gladly change some things if I could, even though I know how badly it could affect things. It’s the most selfish thought I’ve ever had, but it doesn’t change how I feel. If it would protect…”

Erskine’s face was kind. “That would be quite the moral dilemma. Do you protect the one you care about or the future of people you don’t know? I believe it takes a person of extraordinary character to battle with this. Most people would choose what is best for them and those they loved. You are a good man if this decision is one you struggle with.”

“I’ve been coming to the realization that I probably won’t be able to change anything.” Tony admitted quietly. “I shouldn’t be here, but I have been for over two years. My presence, realistically, should have created certain changes, however small, that would have effected certain things, but everything is still happening just the same. It’s only the details that are different. They’ll still go to war, and they’ll still…”

“Destiny and fate can be harsh masters.” Erskine told him. “Presumably in your original past, I never would have met you. I would have continued on my way to this diner and lived my life as I was meant to. Yet, you just so happen to have the misfortune of running into one of the few men in this city who would be able to sense that you don’t belong here. Fate? Destiny? Something is pushing you in the direction you need to go, Mr. Stark. I do not believe in coincidence anymore, not after everything I have seen.”

He looked closely at Tony. “I do not wish to know about my future as I agree with you that things should not be changed, but am I right in guessing that you know more about me than you have pretended?”

Tony sighed. “I do. I won’t discuss details because we are in public, and what you are working on should be protected.” Erskine’s eyes widened at that. “But I will say that what you are doing is important, and you should follow your own wisdom through what is to come. Don’t let anybody persuade you otherwise. When you believe you’ve found the right person for what you’re doing, hold onto that belief.” Tony’s throat tightened. “You won’t be disappointed.”

Even as he said it, Tony knew he was dooming both Steve and himself, but he was also saving Bucky, for a time at least. “I wish I could believe in destiny like you do.” He offered, trying to hide his pain. “I just see it as a thief coming to take the people I love.”

Erskine looked at him knowingly. “Destiny can indeed be very powerful, Tony, but so can love. From what I’ve learned, it is a power that can’t be controlled, a force that can’t be stopped if it is real. Another power that is far more fragile and easily broken, but just as powerful, is hope. Do not give up one of your sources of power, Tony. Sometimes hope is all that saves us. Keep it close to you next to the love in your heart. Use it like armor. Make it your weapon.”

Tony felt the words relax something inside of him. If he could admit that magic was real, and that destiny was an actual force in this universe, could he believe the same about hope and love? He thought of his boys and how much he loved them. He thought of how fiercely he would protect them, how he would cling to the idea that in the end he would be able to keep them.

Yes, he would hope because, honestly, he could use all the help he could get, but he wouldn’t just sit back and rely on it blindly.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely before adding a touch of humor. “You give pretty insightful talks, did you know that?”

Erskine chuckled. “It is a gift afforded with age.” His expression became more serious as he added. “Will you be alright, Tony?”

“I hope so,” Tony admitted, “but there may be something you can do to help.”

Erskine’s eyebrows rose as he asked, “What could that be?”

“I’m suddenly feeling very patriotic,” Tony began, “but I had a little issue with the draft board. It’s just as well because I feel my talents would be better suited somewhere more specific.” He took a deep breath and rolled the dice. Leaning forward and keeping his voice low, he asked, “What are the chances you’d be able to get me into the army, specifically under the Strategic Science Reserve?”

“You know…?” Erskine shook his head, “Of course, you know. But why?”

“I can’t tell you.” Tony told him. “If I say anything it could change something, and this is one thing that I can’t risk changing. Like I said, your work is too important. Can you get me in? As a technician? A consultant? Fuck, I’ll sweep the floors if I have to, but can you do it?”

Erskine looked at him with that piercing stare, and Tony could see the man weighing out the risks and reasons in his head. He felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. This was it, no going back. Tony was jumping in feet first to keep what was his.

Finally the other man said, “I believe I can do something for you, but first, you must answer one question.”

Tony tried to reign in his excitement at the fact that the scientist was going to help, especially when he didn’t know what he’d have to answer. “What do you want to know?” He asked warily.

“Tell me why you hate Howard Stark.”

Tony’s jaw dropped. “How…I mean…”

Erskine smirked. “I told you I’ve learned a great deal about what people say, how they act when they are trying not to say something, and what they are saying when they say nothing. So, Howard Stark. If I am to get you into this project, I need to know if you can handle being around the man.”

For his boys Tony would bake Howard a fucking cake and spoon feed it to him. He met Erskine’s eyes. “I have more than enough experience dealing with Howard.”

 

***Avenger’s Tower 2014***

 

Steve pounded on the punching bag in the gym on the training floor of the tower. It gave him something to focus on as memories flashed behind his eyes and settled into place. Over four months of new memories had written themselves into his mind. When this began, Steve couldn’t help but feel a little cheated. He had already lost so much, and now he was losing pieces of his life for every day that Tony was in the past. He could barely remember the way things should have been.

He didn’t want to blame Tony, not really. Steve knew it wasn’t his fault, and after what Thor had told them, he was really worried for his friend. Well, after this last hour’s-worth of memories, he supposed Tony was more than just his friend. Hadn’t that been something else when he remembered Tony pulling him into a kiss before taking Bucky and him to their bedroom.

Steve had been struggling with his recent feelings for the genius before this morning, and now he clearly remembered having Tony join the two of them in a relationship over seventy years ago. Those memories were the hardest, having to remember what he and Bucky had been and how affectionate his best friend and lover could be. The way Bucky would lower his walls and trust Steve to take care of him almost made him want to scream when he thought of how he was now, blank and cold.

He knew Bucky wasn’t dealing with this. He knew his friend was pushing back against everything that Steve was letting flood through him, and he understood why Bucky felt the need for it. He couldn’t help but feel hurt, though. It was just another way that this Bucky was keeping him at arms-length.

He thought back to their first night together with Tony. It had been wonderful, and Steve felt his skin heating as he remembered Bucky between them being so good and eager as he took both of them. He remembered the next day when their horrible neighbor had threatened them. They had been so scared, but Tony had handled everything once he’d gotten home. He’d been amazing, both with how he protected them and the conversation they’d had afterwards.

Tony had finally explained to Bucky why he liked the things he liked and had accepted him with an open heart. Steve remembered the love that had filled his chest when he saw how Tony’s words had helped remove the shame from Bucky’s eyes. It was something Steve had never been able to do for him. They’d talked about a lot of things that night.  

God, the memory of taking Tony the next night, riding his face while he and Bucky lovingly dominated the older man, made Steve’s body want to react. He’d never imagined that anyone but Bucky could want him that way before the serum, but Tony had. Every day that Steve now remembered was filled with Tony adoring him, adoring them both. He’d called them his boys.

Right now Steve was failing both of them.

Steve let his hands fall to his sides as the punching bag slowed its swaying and came to a stop in front of him. He needed to check in with Bucky. Steve couldn’t keep avoiding him just because he couldn’t deal with the pain Bucky’s distance brought him. He now missed both of his partners, but Bucky was still here so Steve would have to be patient and accept him for who he was, not who Steve wished he could be.

As he removed the tape from his hands, Steve called out, “JARVIS, is Bucky awake?”

The kind British-accented A.I. was quick to reply. “Indeed, Captain Rogers, he requested entry to sir’s workshop nine minutes ago. He is currently standing beside the table where maintenance is usually performed on his arm.”

Steve’s head jerked in surprise to the ceiling in a thoughtless habit. Tony had repeatedly told them that JARVIS was everywhere, not in the ceiling. Why would Bucky be in Tony’s workshop?

He tossed the used tape into a garbage can and replied, “Thank you,” before he quickly made his way to the elevator. He didn’t even have to tell JARVIS where he wanted to go; the tower’s caretaker already knew and began the elevator’s ascent as soon as the doors were closed.

When he finally stepped out and approached the glass wall that ran the length of the workshop, he could see Bucky standing in the middle of the room with his eyes closed, crying. His hand was clutching the table so tightly that the metal had buckled under his strength. Worry flooded Steve at whatever was causing Bucky’s distress. Was it the pain in his head? Was it the association he made with it to that fucking chair that had taken everything from him?

Each time Steve thought of it, he felt like dying. He had seen a video from one of the Hydra files they’d uncovered in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s data drop. Bucky had looked so lost, so numb until those clamps had held his arms down. His breathing had quickened into what could easily be read as fear, even when he’d obediently opened his mouth for the bite guard and rested his head back for that fucking headpiece to close around his face.

Bucky had been terrified without remembering the reason for it. Muscle memory had taught his body to expect pain from that situation. Sometimes at night Steve had nightmares filled with Bucky’s muffled screams around the bite guard, loud enough to drown out the sound of electricity. Other nights he had nightmares of Bucky screaming as he fell from the train. Then there was the sound of Bucky’s yell as Steve dislocated his shoulder as they fought on a falling heli-carrier. His dreams were always filled with his best friends screams.

He saw Bucky’s eyes open to look unseeingly towards the corner of the room, and Steve’s feet began moving. He had to be here for him, no matter if his friend wanted the comfort or not. Steve would always be here for him.

He hadn’t wanted to startle Bucky and trigger his fighting instincts as he stopped at the doorway, but Bucky must have sensed him anyway. He watched the distraught brunet spin around in a defensive stance. Wild, tear filled eyes met his, and he heard the uncertainty in his own voice as he softly called out, “Bucky?”

He saw a flash of _something_ move over his friend’s face before he choked out, “Stevie.”

And just like that, Bucky was moving toward him, and for once he didn’t look threatening, he looked desperate and scared. Steve’s feet began their way toward the other man without needing the command to move, and he met Bucky in the middle of the room.

Bucky stood there trembling and tear stained, and Steve didn’t know what to do. Should he try to touch him, hold him? Bucky didn’t like that, not normally, but nothing about this was normal, and he just wanted to comfort his friend.

Steve was frozen in shock for a moment when Bucky closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist as he nuzzled his face against Steve’s neck. On instinct, Steve’s arms returned the embrace and squeezed gently as he felt Bucky try to move in even closer. Steve didn’t know if this was a dream or not, but if it was, it was the best one he’d had since he’d woken from the ice. He didn’t ever want this to end. He could die happily in his sleep after this dream.

Bucky was shaking as he began to apologize, over and over, the word sorry fell from his lips as he sobbed and seemed to realize everything he had done to Steve and the guilt it now caused him. It made Steve want to scream because Bucky was innocent in this. Steve was the one who’d failed _him_.

“I’m so sorry.” Bucky’s voice sounded raw. “I’m so sorry, Steve. I forgot you. How could I forget you?” Steve’s mind flashed to that fucking chair again as more tears fell. “I _hurt_ you. Oh god, I hurt you so bad, Stevie!” His heart clenched at the nickname he never thought he’d hear again. “I almost killed you! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I’m sorry…”

Steve felt his own tears falling as he choked out his words, finally telling him everything he’d wanted to for over six months. “Don’t. Don’t do that, love.” The relief he felt at being able to say these words was nearly overwhelming. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault. God, I…”

_I had almost given up hope. I hate myself for failing you. I wished I’d jumped off the train after you. Sometimes I wonder if you hate me as much as I hate myself for not being there to save you._

“I love you so much. I’m here for you now. I’m going to take care of you. I promise, Bucky. I’m just so…” His voice broke at everything he felt, and he just wanted to keep holding Bucky and promising him that he’d do better this time. He’d never fail him again. “I can’t believe I get to hold you again. I missed you. I missed you so much.”

They stayed like that for a long time. Each of them crying and supporting the other’s weight. Steve relished the feel of Bucky touching him, one warm flesh arm and one cool metal wrapped around his waist as he breathed in the scent of his hair where his head rested against Steve’s shoulder and neck.

He was so grateful the tower was empty. No one needed to walk in and see this; it was only for them. They had been through so much, and now they were finally together again. Bucky remembered him, at least he remembered enough to need this from Steve, and he would gladly take it. He didn’t need _his_ Bucky back just as he had been. That had been a fantasy doomed to never come true.

He would gladly take _this_ Bucky, take him and hold him and cherish him in all the ways he deserved. Bucky deserved the world; he always had. Steve didn’t realize that he could love Tony more than he already did in his new memories, but he was wrong. Tony had done this. He’d given Bucky new memories, ones that Hydra had never touched, even if this was all by accident.

Tony had taken care of them in the past, and he was healing Bucky in the present. At this thought Steve’s joy and relief was muddied with worry for Tony. They had to find a way to help him. They had to bring him home.

**^**

Two hours later Bucky was laying on one of the large couches in the common area with his head resting on Steve’s lap. The blonde was gently running his fingers through Bucky’s hair, and he was fine with just resting and enjoying the feel of it. He found the contact soothing, something that was both foreign and familiar at the same time.

Either way, he liked it, but he knew that was only because it was Steve. He didn’t think he would want anyone else touching him. Well, he would probably let Tony do this, but his other former partner wasn’t here. Bucky missed him, and again, that was both foreign and familiar.

Breaking the silence in a voice just above a whisper, Bucky said, “I wonder where he is right now. Or I guess _when_ he is. We don’t really know, do we?”

He felt Steve’s fingers pause in their movements for a couple of seconds before they resumed their previous task, and he answered, “No, we don’t know, but we’re going to find him. I won’t leave him there to live without us through the decades.”

Bucky nodded in agreement even as he admitted to himself that he didn’t have the first idea on how to save Tony. He may be a lethal assassin, but this was beyond his abilities. Maybe they’d have to kill someone to get Tony back, he could do that. If it was for Tony, he’d kill anyone that stood in the way, though Steve probably wouldn’t like that. It was just the only thing Bucky knew he was good for.

He wondered if Steve wanted to have his relationship with Tony again once the older man returned. That thought made Bucky pause. Was Tony still older than them? Bucky guessed that depended on how long Tony’s been in the past. Their minds were still getting new memories of the events so Bucky knew time was moving for Tony. Still, he wondered about Steve and the other man. What would it be like to watch them as a couple?

“Do you still love him, Steve?” Bucky asked, needing to know for some reason. It wasn’t really his business, but he would be happy for his former partners if they found each other again. It was still strange to worry about the happiness of other people, but he knew he wanted them to be happy.

“I do,” Steve admitted as his fingers continued their caresses on Bucky’s scalp, “Just like I still love you.”

Bucky felt his brow pull down in confusion. “No, I mean do you want what you had before with him? Do you want Tony to be your fella again? You know he would make you happy.”

Steve’s fingers stopped their movement as he looked down to find Bucky’s face. “He would,” Steve said slowly, “but so would you, Buck. You were my fella too.”

Bucky was so confused at Steve’s words, he didn’t understand what he had to do with Steve’s relationship with Tony anymore. “But I’m not now, I’m not that person.” He said as he tried to find a way to tell Steve what the blonde seemed to be missing. “I might be able to remember more of who I used to be, but that isn’t me. I’m too damaged, Stevie. You don’t need to try to love a murderer. You deserve better than that.”

He watched as Steve’s eyes grew wet, and he felt his hands move to cup Bucky’s face in his palms. “Is that what you think, Buck? Is that what you think I see when I look at you? A damaged murderer?”

Bucky shrugged because yes, that is what he thought Steve saw. It was what Bucky and everyone else saw. “It’s what I am, Stevie. You’re a hero and the leader of the Avengers, and once we get Tony back, he would be able to be with you the way you deserve. I’m still your friend, but this way I wouldn’t drag you down with me.”

Steve bent over and gently pressed a kiss to Bucky’s forehead. It was the first time since Bucky started remembering their past that the blonde had kissed him, and it left a warm feeling in his chest.

Steve stayed close to his face as he began to speak. “You _are_ a hero, Buck. You’ve always been my hero. I don’t want anything more than you’re willing to give me, but I will take everything you have to offer. Yes, I want Tony back, and of course he would make me happy, but that doesn’t change the fact that I need you too. Can you…do you still want to be with me? Us?”

Bucky shouldn’t. He knew if he had an ounce of decency he would pull away and tell Steve that he could only be his friend. He couldn’t, though, and when he remembered what it was like to be with Steve and Tony, and how they made him feel, he was selfish enough to want that again.

“Why?” The question came in broken whisper, unplanned. “Why would you want to love a monster?”

“You’re not a monster, love.” Steve told him softly. “You’re my everything.”

With those words something hopeful in Bucky surrendered, and he closed the distance between them. When his lips met Steve’s, it was gentle and chaste. He almost felt awkward at the attempt when they didn’t line up properly at first because he remembered being better at this. It was still really nice and so very comforting. He marveled at how such a little thing could calm him.

He still worried, though. There were so many things Bucky could do that would ruin this, so many things that could make Steve realize that he was making a mistake.

When Steve pulled back, he ran a thumb across Bucky’s cheekbone. “I love you, Buck, no matter what. ‘Til the end of the line.”

Bucky felt his mouth pull into a small smile as he relaxed his head against Steve’s thigh again and let himself believe that. He could do this. If Steve still wanted him, then Bucky would do his best to be good for him. “Love you too. ‘Til the end of the line, punk.” He answered as he felt Steve’s fingers resume their soothing movements in his hair.

Bucky guessed that another hour had passed with them staying like that on couch. He had almost drifted to sleep from the relaxing way Steve still caressed him when he heard the elevator doors open to reveal the voice of the most annoying person in the tower.

“I mean seriously, if Wong doesn’t know where he is, I don’t see how we’re going to find…Oh, my God! Cap and the Soldier are cuddling!” Clint’s voice was not what Bucky wanted right now. “I’ve gotta get a picture of this.”

Before Bucky even thought about it, he unholstered the gun at his thigh. He swung it around to shoot the phone Clint was holding as he tried to snap a picture of him and Steve. Clint squawked in surprise as his phone exploded in his hand, and Bucky holstered the weapon before nuzzling against Steve’s thigh again. The rest of Bucky’s body had never moved.

“What the fuck, Barnes?!” Clint yelled as Sam and Natasha grabbed his shoulders.

“I ask myself that every time you open your mouth.” Bucky told him as he shut his eyes, not threatened by the archer’s anger in the slightest.

“Buck,” Steve chided, but he could tell the blonde was amused. Or maybe he just hoped he was. “Let’s save the gunfire for the shooting range.”

“The man’s an ass, Stevie.” He told him, eyes still closed.

“He’s our teammate,” Steve countered, but Bucky noticed that Steve did not correct him about Barton being an ass. “You can’t just shoot his phone if he annoys you. Use your words.”

“So I should threaten to shoot his phone first?” Bucky asked sarcastically as he cracked an eye to peek up at Steve, hoping he hadn’t crossed a line.

Steve huffed out a breath, “Jerk.”

“Punk,” He answered, not missing a beat.

“Seriously, what the hell is going on here?” Clint asked. “Is this because of Stark? Are all those new memories making you two…um, cuddly?” He gestured with his hands at Bucky’s head still resting on Steve’s lap.

“Anything you’d like to share Cap?” Sam asked a bit more diplomatically than the archer. Natasha just stood there watching them with an all too knowing look. _Yeah, Natalia never misses anything. At least she can be discrete._

“Yes, Bucky and I are still remembering new events from our past.” Steve answered. “The added side effect for Bucky is that he has now begun to remember pieces of who he was before the war and everything after.”

Trust Steve to label being conditioned into a super soldier assassin as “everything after”.

“So this is something you two did before the war?” Sam asked slowly, as if it was more polite to ask about someone’s personal business that way or something.

“Yes,” Steve said without hesitation as he looked him straight in the face, daring him to comment further on it.

For some reason Bucky didn’t quite understand, he kind of wanted to mess with the guy. He remembered that he used to like making jokes and decided that must be why. “We could do other things we used to get up to,” he drawled for the added effect, “but Steve said that it’s not polite to do that in the common areas of the tower.”

Sam’s eyes bulged at that new information as Clint’s jaw dropped.

“Buck,” Steve voice sounded disapproving, but as the blonde looked down to meet his eyes, Bucky could see laughter in the pale blue orbs.

“Sorry, doll,” he murmured, almost forgetting the other people in the room. It had been so long since Steve’s eyes had shown with that brilliant light, and Bucky knew he was the cause for both its absence and return. “I’ll be good,” he said without thinking, and Steve’s breath hitched.

Bucky watched as his pupils grew larger before Steve closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Bucky belatedly realized why Steve had reacted this way, and he immediately felt guilty for his slip. Why had he said that? He may have joked about it before with Sam, but he knew shouldn’t be reminding Steve of this now. Hell, he probably shouldn’t have even joked about it in the first place.

Yes, Steve said he still loved him and wanted to be with him, but that didn’t mean that they were ready for that or for the others to know about it this much. Maybe Steve had wanted it to stay a secret? Had he wanted Bucky to be a secret like they used to be? Had he just ruined this? He didn’t want to be a secret, but he didn’t want to lose Steve even more. Would Steve be mad at him?

Bucky pulled away from the blonde and pushed himself into the corner of the couch, looking down at his lap as his mind was filled with new memories from the past, but the voice in his head was louder and drowned out everything else.

_You are already messing this up. Why is it so hard for you to be normal? There’s no way he’s going to want you in the long run. He probably wanted to keep you a secret. Of course he did. Who would want to admit that they were with someone like you? All you’re good for is a life in the shadows, Hydra made sure of that._

Bucky could feel the plates in his arm shifting from his agitation as he pulled at his hair with his fists. His head was shaking, telling the voices _No_ even as he knew they were only speaking the truth.

_You’ll see, once Tony comes back Steve will realize that he can do better without you. He’s probably telling you he loves you out of pity. Steve’s always been nicer than you deserve. How much blood do you have on your hands? It’s disgusting. You’re disgusting, and you’ll never be good enough for either one of them. Tony won’t even recognize you when he gets back. You’re no one’s sweetheart. You’re not a sweet anything._

Bucky vaguely realized he was crying as he desperately shook his head harder at the mean voices, voices who all sounded like him.

_And now you’re crying, it’s really pathetic. You can’t carry on a simple conversation and make a few jokes without having a breakdown. Forget being damaged; you are broken, and there’s nothing that can fix that. Why would Steve want you? Why would any of them want you around? Oh wait, it’s because you kill people, right? You’re too dangerous to be around normal people so now Steve and the others are stuck watching you self-destruct. If you had any decency you put that gun in your mouth and just pull the…”_

“Bucky!” Steve’s voice broke through the one in his head. “Love, look at me.”

Bucky shook his head harder, pushing away at what Steve had called him. “Don’t,” he choked. “Don’t call me…You shouldn’t…”

He felt Steve’s hand slide across his cheek to hold his face. “Look at me, Bucky.”

Bucky met his worried eyes with his tear-filled ones. “You shouldn’t love me,” he said brokenly. “You shouldn’t…I’ll just mess it up. I can’t…I can’t be normal, Stevie, not like I was. There’s so much blood. I’m a monster.”

“No!” Steve said firmly. “I know you, Bucky. You never wanted to kill anyone. You even hated fighting when we were kids, but you did it to protect me. You always looked out for me.”

“I shouldn’t have said those things,” Bucky countered wetly, all he could see was Steve’s eyes. “You don’t need to be reminded of what we had, not when I’m this way. Shouldn’t have said it. Now the others will know. I can’t be a secret.”

“I never wanted you to be a secret.” Steve said kindly. “I hated having to keep what we had a secret, and now I don’t care if the whole world knows.” He saw Steve turn his head to the side. “I’ve been in love with Bucky since I was fifteen, and we were lovers for over ten years before I went into the ice. Anyone have a problem with that?”

Silence was the only answer Bucky could hear since he couldn’t take his eyes off Steve as the blonde turned back to him. “I know this is hard for you, love. You’ve had to remember so much in a short amount of time, and it’s got to be confusing after how you’ve been feeling these past months. Two very different parts of you are having to coexist together, but I promise you that I will be here for you. I promise you that I love you no matter what you’ve done or any mistakes you think you’ll make. I’m not ashamed of you, and we will get through this.”

“You deserve so much better,” Bucky told him through silent tears. “I can’t be him. I tried, and all it did was cause this. I can’t even pretend to be him without being reminded of what I am. I hate this. I don’t want to be this way, and when we get Tony back, he’ll…” Bucky choked, “He won’t even recognize me. What if he doesn’t love me anymore? You’ll have to choose, and why would you choose me over him? I’m so fucking broken.”

“Sshh,” Steve quieted him as he pulled him into a hug. “You aren’t pretending to be someone else. You are remembering the person you were. There is a difference, and it will take time, but I have faith that you will learn to balance these parts of you.”

Steve’s hands ran soothing circles across Bucky’s back as he continued. “And I’ll never have to choose between you and Tony because he loves you just as much as I do, Buck. Remember how many times he told you that? He loved making you happy. When he gets back, he’s going to do what he loves the most, take care of you. You know he wouldn’t want you to doubt that for a minute.”

Bucky closed his eyes and concentrated on every memory he had of Tony telling him he loved him, calling him sweetheart, kissing him softly like Bucky was something he treasured. “I miss him,” he admitted. “I miss him, and I’m so scared that even if we don’t lose him to this curse, I’ll lose him when he gets back.”

Steve pulled back to look at him. “It won’t happen, love. You know Tony would move heaven and earth to get back to us. He’s not going to go through all of that just to change his mind about you when he gets home. What did Tony tell you the night of our first date? When you thanked him for being patient?”

Bucky sighed as he remembered. “He said he’d wait forever for me.”

Steve smiled. “I think Tony’s just stubborn enough to mean that.”

Bucky huffed wetly. “Well then, I still might give him hell for making me wait so long.”

Steve chuckled. “You could try, but we both know that man has us wrapped around his fingers.”

“Holy shit!” Clint voice rang out. Bucky looked over in surprise and embarrassment. He’d completely forgotten the others were here. “Are you two and Stark? I mean were you in the past? Was this a thing?”

“Clint,” Natasha’s voice cut through his rambling. “None of this is our business. We have a friend and teammate who is still missing. That is what we should be focusing on.” Her voice softened as she turned to Bucky. “We’ll get him back, Bucky. One way or the other, we will not stop until he is home. Don’t worry about him not loving you. Stark can be a lot of things, but he isn’t stupid, and only an idiot would throw away what you clearly had in the past.”

She took one step forward. “And please remember that we are more than the things we’ve done. Any time you need reminding of that from someone who also has red in their ledger, come and find me. It’s good to remember we’re not alone.”

“Same goes for me, man.” Sam said at her side. “I’m always here if you need to talk, or if you just want some company while you run or workout. This shit ain’t easy, but it can get easier.”

Clint cleared his throat. It was one of those rare times when he let the mask of being a loud-mouthed asshole fall away. “I know what it’s like to be forced to do things you weren’t in control of, to be responsible for good people getting hurt and dying. I know it’s not as easy as hearing it wasn’t your fault, even if you know somehow that it’s true. Just remember the person you _are_ , not the person they forced you to be. I, uh, I’m here too if you ever want to talk.”

Steve smile was full of gratitude as he looked at his friends. _Their friends_. Bucky corrected himself. He supposed they were his friends, too.

“Thank you,” he told them as he forced himself to meet their eyes. He was beginning to feel very embarrassed by everything that had just happened, even if he appreciated their support. He was even feeling guilty for how he had treated them in the past.

“Don’t mention it, man.” Sam told him. “Just promise to find one of us if Steve’s not around, and you need to talk.”

Bucky nodded. “I promise.”

“Well, we’ve got to get to lab.” Natasha said, subtly giving Steve and him some privacy. “Bruce is probably waiting for us, and we have a resident genius to find.”

The other two men trailed out behind her to the elevator. Just as they were about to get on, Bucky called out, “Clint!” The archer turned to look at him, slightly wary. “I’m sorry about your phone.”

Clint huffed a laugh and gave him a rueful smile. “Don’t worry about it. That was a dick move on my part. I’m just happy you have perfect aim.”

The archer waved as the elevator doors closed, leaving him and Steve alone again.

“I’m sorry, Stevie,” he began, but Steve cut him off with a kiss. It wasn’t heated and didn’t last long, but it was enough to stop Bucky’s downward thoughts.

“Don’t be sorry for not being OK.” Steve told him. “If this happens again, we will deal with it. Just remember that no matter what the voice in your head tells you, I love you, always.”

Bucky sighed as Steve stretched out next to him. After a few seconds, Bucky laid his head back down on Steve’s lap, and he felt the blonde fingers return to his hair. The soothing gesture helped to release the remaining tension he felt.

“I love you, too, Stevie.” He whispered. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of noticed that Erskine in the movie said 73rd Street and Utopia Parkway, and I wrote 73rd Avenue and Utopia Parkway, it's because *gasp* Marvel made a mistake. Geographically, 73rd Street is a good ways West of Utopia and runs parallel to it. 73rd Avenue, however, would be correct since it does intersect Utopia Parkway. I'm not faulting Erskine, maybe it was a simple linguistic error since English is not his native language. 
> 
> From the beginning of this story, I had been fascinated with the idea that after his encounter with Red Skull, Erskine would have studied the occult since he had planned to fight Schmidt throughout the war as he helped the SSR. If he hadn't been murdered, who knows what he could have been able to tell them about mythological lore and the tesseract? I also believe since he feared this to be a possiblity, he would have found some way to sense powerful magical energy around him. I know I would want to be able to if Red Skull was after me. I also loved the idea of Erskine giving Tony one of his inspirational father figure speeches. Damn you, Stanley Tucci, do I have to like everything you do?
> 
> Also, I know, our poor boys, but it was inevitable. The version of himself Bucky remembered being would have some serious issues with everything Bucky has done and gone through. And we know that even in the best of times in the past, Bucky was always ready to believe that something was wrong with him. But yay Steve! He's so supportive! And look at the other Avengers stepping up and coming together. Sigh, I can't wait to finally be able able to tag, Avengers as Family. That one's for you Natasha.


	15. Hope and Love, More Useful Than Toilet Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony takes a day trip with Dr. Erskine. Later that evening he goes on an outing with his boys. In the future Steve tries to cook but is sidetracked when Bucky starts asking some really deep questions. Basically it's grumpy army colonels, Italian food, more Italian food and a question of philosophy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait everyone. The day after my last post, I was in a pretty bad car accident that totaled my vehicle. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured, but I was a walking bruise for the rest of the week. (I still kind of am in some places) Hope you can understand that I took the rest of the week off to heal and get my head right. Thankfully, this chapter didn't require too much from me so I was able to work on it the past few days. It sets some things up that I am excited to get to, but I think it still has it's moments. Love you all, and thanks for all your patience.

Tony couldn’t believe how quickly time was moving now that they knew Bucky was leaving. It felt like precious moments were slipping through his fingers, and he just couldn’t grab hold of anything. He tried not to show it. He wanted the last couple of weeks they had together to be good ones. He didn’t want Bucky worrying about him and Steve when he went away.

Of course, he knew Bucky would worry anyway. Steve was still set on trying to enlist despite the argument it had caused when Bucky found out. Honestly, if Tony didn’t know what he knew about Steve’s destiny, he would probably be on Bucky’s side of this argument, but he did know so he decided not to take sides and let them _loudly_ discuss it. He did play referee when things got a little too loud, but he made a point to comment that he understood both of their positions.

Then Bucky would worry about Tony for obvious reasons, and fuck, wasn’t that a pain in the ass? This had been the first relationship he’d had where he was stable and dependable. He figured he was still dependable, but he grudgingly admitted that he was about as stable as a one legged man jumping on a three legged table.

He’d even given up on his trademark Van Dyke and had let his beard grow in over his cheeks. He looked a bit rugged if he was being honest with himself. He also knew he would be less recognizable in any photos that managed to survive the passing decades. If he was going to be straddling the line of participating in historical events, he may as well try not to look too much like himself. His plan was risky enough as it was.

At least he now had a plan and not just some hypothetical situations that he couldn’t act on yet. It was something that gave him a great sense of relief, and he knew the only reason any of this was possible was because of his new friend Abraham. The man been true to his word, and had gone above and beyond in his promise to help Tony. Erskine had vetted him through the process of not only joining the army, but had vouched for him to the head of the SSR.

Today, Tony had a meeting with Colonel Philips, and he was fully prepared for it to be tense and awkward. He wasn’t proven completely wrong upon their first conversation, but he knew that it definitely could have gone worse.

“I hear from the good doctor that you’re some kind of genius or whatnot?” The gruff military man asked as he’d met them in the training yard of Camp Lehigh where Tony and Erskine had driven out to New Jersey.

Instinct had almost made Tony give some mouthy remark. He didn’t do well around government bigwigs, but this wasn’t Nick Fury or creepy Senator what’s-his-face. Philips didn’t need Tony, and he could kick his sorry ass to the curb anytime he wanted to. So Tony smiled politely and said, “I’m smart enough to be useful.”

Philips’s face was the definition of apathy as Tony stared at the frown lines that dominated the colonel’s features. God, had the man ever smiled once in his life? “Son, a roll of toilet paper can be useful, but that doesn’t mean I have one on staff.”

Tony chuckled and changed tactics. “Then let me prove I can do more than wipe up the shit around here.”

“I’d honestly be surprised if you could do even that.” The man didn’t miss a beat. “In all my years in the army, I haven’t met a big brain who could properly get his hands dirty.” He turned to Erskine. “No offense, Doc.”

Fine. If Tony had to earn this the hard way, he would. His eyes narrowed as he told Philips, “My brain is the best part of me, not the only part.”

Tony shrugged off his jacket and handed it to the doctor before he walked over to the left of the training area. There were several long ropes hanging from a wooden frame about twenty feet from the ground. He rolled up his sleeves and grabbed the outer rope.

“Feel free to time me,” he yelled before he took off up the rope, pulling his body ever higher with only his arms. His muscles feeling the burn as he pushed himself through it. When he got to the top, he swung and caught the next rope. He didn’t want to lose his momentum so he swung again immediately, catching the next in line, then did the same for the one after that and so on until he reached the end. He felt the rush of accomplishment with a hint of smugness as he lowered himself to the ground.

Fuck, he was probably going to be sore as hell tomorrow, but he didn’t care. He’d done it.

Though his breathing was heavier, he was far from winded, and he knew he’d made excellent time. Thank you morning push-ups (and having two lovers half his age was really good cardio). As he walked back, he could have sworn Philips almost looked impressed. Almost.

“Well, now that you’ve proven you’re not completely useless,” the colonel barked, “the doctor said that you would be handy in the lab. Can I ask how a repairman from Brooklyn is qualified to work on experimental government technology?”

“Look, I’m not here to make a bunch of promises I can’t keep.” Tony defended. “That’s what the politicians in Washington are for.” Philips grunted, and Tony took that as a win. “I’m a hell of a lot more useful and smarter than those assholes anyway, and I’m very good at what I do. I can build or fix anything. If you want proof, test me. I will pass expectations. I’m here because this war got very fucking personal for me, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that our soldiers lives aren’t wasted by idiots whose biggest concerns are re-election.”

Philips stared him down for a full ten seconds before he turned to Erskine. “Well, it looks like you didn’t waste my time after all, Doctor.” He huffed as he walked away and called back, “I may even let him keep the beard.”

As they watched the harsh man walk over to a troop doing exercises, Erskine leaned in to speak. “I’ve almost never seen him take to someone so quickly. Well done, Tony.”

“That was him taking a liking to me?” Tony asked incredulously. “I’ve been mugged by nicer people.”

Erskine nodded. “He is indeed a very rough man to know, but I admire his dedication to defeating Hydra.”

“Well, I can’t fault him there.” Tony admitted and held out his hand. When the doctor clasped his own in Tony’s to shake, he added, “Thanks Doc. You don’t know what this means to me.”

“Most likely not,” Erskine agreed, “but I think I understand why you need it. At least, as much as I can understand.” He looked at Tony speculatively as they released hands. “It’s harder than I imagined it would be, not knowing. I want to ask if I am close. Who is the individual that will help me realize my dream, the good man who will become great.” He sighed. “Almost every soldier I see is the same. Strong men who want to be stronger. Bullies looking for a new target to attack.”

“They can’t all be that bad,” Tony said as they began walking to the car that would drive them back to Brooklyn.

“A lot of soldiers are probably not like this,” Erskine conceded, “but the men Colonel Philips brings to me here are these things.”

Tony genuinely felt bad for keeping his new friend in the dark. “I wish I could tell you, Doc. I really do, but I don’t know how that would affect things. If I just told you his name, would everything that needs to happen after that occur?”

“I see your point,” Erskine nodded before he sighed. “Perhaps it is the scientist in me that hates not knowing.”

“I think it’s the human in you.” Tony chuckled. Then he thought of another way of giving the man a clue. “What you’re working on, it will physically change someone, right?”

“Yes,” Erskine nodded. “Strength, agility, enhanced senses, ability to focus, memory retention and many other things. Why?”

“It would also fix existing problems, too?” Tony asked instead of answering.

“Of course,” Erskine said as they arrived at the car. “They will be physically perfect in terms of health.” Tony could see the gears moving in the doctors mind.

“All I’m saying is that maybe you shouldn’t be looking at healthy soldiers.” Tony shrugged, hoping he wasn’t about to fuck up. “Maybe you should look for a good man who can’t serve, but still refuses to take the word _No_ as an answer. Maybe in few months at the Stark expo.”

Erskine’s eyes shone behind his glasses as he smiled. “Aren’t you taking a risk telling me this? What if I choose wrong now?”

Tony didn’t hesitate as he sassed back, “Then I will kick that guy out before the ink is dry on his papers and never let you forget it.” He grabbed the older man’s shoulder. “Seriously, Doc, from everything I remember hearing about this, when you see him and hear him, you’ll know.”

“At least I now know when I will find him.” Erskine smiled. “Thank you, Tony. Though I am sorry that you were stranded here, I cannot deny that you bring me a great deal of hope and relief. It is good to know that I will not only succeed, but that the man I choose will be the right one. It is also good to have someone to talk with about this. Everyone else needs to see and believe that I am completely confident in this project. It is nice to be able to voice my doubts.”

“I’m happy I met you too, Doc,” Tony said honestly. “and I’m always happy to listen. God knows that you’ve listened to enough of my problems these past two weeks.” Tony added a little more cautiously. “I appreciate what you’ve done for me, really, but I have to ask…why? Why help me? Why take the risk and trust me? Why believe me?”

Erskine smiled in that kind way of his. “Forgive me for saying so, Tony, but your story is too unbelievable for me not to believe you. Why would you create such a story if it was not the truth, especially if you wanted to gain my trust. Besides, I’ve seen your technology since then. No one evil would possess such things only to not use them as they worked as a repairman.”

After meeting Erskine, Tony had taken his gauntlet watch and sunglasses out of hiding, and he began carrying them with him at all times. The next time he’d met with the scientist he’d shown the man his inventions, and Erskine had been stunned. The diva in Tony had preened at the look of awe on the other man’s face. The practical part of him was just grateful that this would help him completely gain the man’s trust and admiration.

As they drove back to Tony’s Brooklyn apartment, they talked about their plans for when Tony would officially be called into the project. He maintained that he wouldn’t be needed until Erskine had finally found the right man for the project, but Erskine wanted to use him sooner than that.

“I told you already, Doc.” Tony said tiredly. “I can’t be there building machines and things for this project. My name needs to stay out of this. I can be a consultant or a technician in the background. There’s only one Stark that needs credit for this.”

“Is that the reason for this?” Erskine asked him as he drove. “You won’t even come around and look busy for a few days in the upcoming months just to avoid Howard? You will have to meet him eventually, you know.” Erskine looked speculatively at him. “I’ve met with Howard a few dozen times, and while I don’t know him well, I can say that it is somewhat surprising to think of him being a father.”

Tony’s head snapped to the side to stare at the German scientist. He hadn’t told Erskine that little fact. He’d only said that he would have dealings with Howard later in the man’s life. “That is an unfounded accusation, Doc, and not very scientific. Where’s your proof?”

Erskine chuckled. “You are my proof, Tony. The only proof I need is how you react every time I mention him.”

Tony blew out a deep breath. “It is sometimes very inconvenient with how observant you are. Just saying.”

Erskine outright laughed this time. “This instance didn’t really require much skill in observation, Tony.” He looked more serious as he continued. “Was it that bad, having Stark as your father?”

Tony shrugged. “I guess it depends on what that refers to,” he eventually answered. “Yeah, it was nice growing up rich and inheriting a company, and I guess I can thank him for whatever gene it was that made me as smart as I am. Beyond that, no, I have very few good memories of the man.” He sighed. “I’ll meet with him if you really want me to, but I don’t want to work any closer with him than I absolutely have to.”

“That is fine, Tony.” Erskine assured him. “I only need for you to meet with him a few times before the project is underway.”

“Then we have a deal,” Tony agreed.

The rest of the drive was filled with a much more pleasant discussion of Tesla’s early work and how the man had been and would continue to be screwed over by the history books for decades to come. Erskine dropped Tony off in front of his building, and both men bid each other good evening.  

As he entered the now familiar tiny lobby that spoke of home, Tony thought of how strange it felt that he was returning without any new cash in his wallet from a day of work. Thankfully Tony was now officially getting paid as Erskine’s consultant because that trip to New Jersey had cost him a full day’s earnings in repair work.

Tony paused in his steps up the flight of stairs that led to their apartment. Fuck, he’d been so eager for the job that he didn’t actually know how much he was now getting paid.

After a few seconds, he shrugged and kept walking. It didn’t really matter yet. The only thing he was consulting Erskine on at the moment was his list of reason’s coffee was better than tea. He used to have very similar consultations with Bruce at the tower, and that thought made him miss his fellow scientist and friend in the future.

As Tony unlocked the door to their apartment, he was once again wondering if he should tell the boys about his new job as an army consultant. Legally, he was not allowed to, but as a devoted and honest partner he was feeling pretty guilty keeping this to himself. God knows he already kept so much from them. He knew Steve would find out as soon as he got approved for the program, but Bucky wouldn’t know until…

Tony didn’t want to think about it. He couldn’t let himself believe that it would happen. He’d heard enough about how Steve had found Bucky in that Hydra base strapped to a table after they did who the fuck knows what to him. His sweet boy…

Just as the panic was setting in, Steve’s voice cut through his spiraling thoughts.

“You’re home!” He called as he hurried over to him with a big hug and kiss.

Tony happily returned them, letting the comfort of having one of his loves in his arms calm him. When he finally pulled back, he said, “Not that I’m complaining, but what’s with the big welcome?”

“We’re going out.” Bucky said as he entered the room. He was buttoning up a dress shirt and his hair was slicked back and styled. He looked delicious, and Tony instantly wanted to wreck him. Just then, Bucky’s words finally cut through the lust that Tony was feeling, and he was pulled up short.

“Out?” Tony asked confused. “Did we have a date? Did I forget?”

“No, Tony,” Steve said rolling his eyes fondly. “Me and Buck just decided it had been too long since we’ve gone to our favorite place.”

Tony looked down over Steve’s body and noted that he was also nicely dressed and so adorably handsome Tony could kiss him breathless. He smiled at the blonde. “You’re right. I hope Francesco has our usual table available.”

“He does.” Steve smirked. “We visited him earlier today when we ran some errands.”

Bucky nodded. “He said he’ll have everythin’ set up for us so you better start getting ready, or we’re gonna be late.” He raised his eyebrows in an “I dare you _”_ kind of way. “You know how he gets if we’re late.”

Tony chuckled. “Yes, I do.” He started toward the bedroom to grab a nice change of clothes. “But you have to admit it’s kind of touching that he cares so much, especially since I’m about eighty percent sure he knows about us.” Tony thought on that number. “Eh, make that eighty-seven point five percent sure.”

“Well, whatever the percent,” Bucky said, “I love that man and his cooking so shake a leg. In four days I’ll be eatin’ army grub.”

Tony worked hard not to let that simple statement cause a reaction. He was being ridiculous. He knew that. Bucky was just leaving for basic training not the war, not yet. He must have done a decent enough job hiding his reaction because neither of the boys seemed to notice.

An hour later they were walking through the doors of Martinelli’s, and Francesco was there at the front podium waiting for them.

“Buonasera, my friends!” He exclaimed happily. Tony sometimes entertained the thought that the man reminded him of an older looking Italian Thor. He was just so loud and happy most of the time, as well as kind to the people in his life. Francesco was the god of pasta, and Tony firmly believed he had a magical saucepan in the kitchen that helped to make everything so delicious.

“Buonasera, Francesco,” Tony answered as he was pulled into a hug. “I hear these two reserved our usual table?” He nodded at Steve and Bucky behind him.

“Si!” The good natured man nodded as he pulled away. “A surprise dinner before James goes to learn to fight the bastard Nazis and that fascista pezzo di merda that has ruined my beloved Italia. Mussolini,” he made a spitting motion to the side, “to believe he has done this to my home country.”

Tony put a hand on his shoulder, knowing how hard it must be for him to hear about some of things going on in his homeland. “Cheer up, my friend. His rule will be over soon, and Italia will be free flourish.”

“You are right.” He nodded as if willing himself to believe it. “They cannot win. Perhaps I will visit again when the war is won.” He shook his head. “Forgive me. This is a special night.”

They began to walk to their usual private room in the back. “There’s nothing to forgive, mio amico. You have good reason to worry. How is your brother? Have you heard from him again?”

Francesco’s younger brother and his family hadn’t been able to leave Italy in time. They were trapped under a fascist dictator with the threat of war approaching from both sides. America was already in North Africa and would be fighting their way through enemy lines to the Mediterranean.

In November, less than ten months away, Operation Torch would herald the first united invasion by British and American allies. Over seventy thousand men would storm three major coastal cities from the sea and would achieve victory two days later. After that success Italy would be next and become a bloody battle ground as the allies fought their way to Germany and helped to overthrow Mussolini on the way. Tony hoped his brother’s family could escape by then.

Francesco nodded as they entered the room. “He may have found the means to leave soon with his family. I told him if he escaped to find the first free port and sail to me in America. I will find a place for them.”

“Our prayers are with them.” Steve said earnestly. “If there’s anything we can do to help get them into the country faster, let us know.” Bucky and Tony nodded in agreement.

“Thank you, my friends,” Francesco said thickly. “I am truly lucky to be here and know such good people. Not everyone is happy with my home country right now. Some days it is difficult.”

“Hey,” Tony said kindly. “that’s what friends are for. You’re not responsible for an evil man’s actions. Besides, my mother was first generation Italian here in America so for all I know, we could be distant cousins.” Tony added, trying to make the man smile.

Francesco chuckled. “You are mia famiglia either way Tony.” He looked to Steve and Bucky. “You as well, my friends.”

At that moment Francesco’s wife who ran the kitchen popped her head through the curtain. “Cesco, they need you in la cucina. Hello, boys,” she added with a smile, “Sorry to steal him away, but there is a little problem with la vino delivery.”

“It’s perfectly fine, signora.” Tony assured her.

The husband and wife both made their exits, and Tony was left alone with his boys. “I’d say we don’t need the menus tonight, right?”

“We all know our favorites by now.” Bucky agreed as Steve nodded.

“So Steve,” Tony began, “did you get to sell your art today?”

“I did!” Steve brightened. “I sold three pieces to two restaurants.”

“He made sixty-five dollars doin’ it, too.” Bucky added proudly.

“That’s amazing, baby.” Tony beamed at him. “Soon enough you’ll have at least one work of art in over half the businesses in the surrounding area.”

It was Francesco who had commissioned Steve’s first, second and third paintings for his restaurant when he’d learned that Steve was an artist. Steve had been beside himself to finally be able to use the skills he’d learned in school and paint quality work for a patron. Tony and Bucky had encouraged him to go to other restaurants and advertise his abilities. He’s done many paintings for various places, along with a few murals (one of which was on the wall behind them) and sometimes window art for special occasions. He was getting paid well for it too, or at least it was much more than he used to make.

Gianetta walked in at that moment, the familiar and warm smile on her face upon seeing them. “How are my favorite guests?”

Tony smiled and winked, “Even better now that you’re here, mio caro.”

She laughed as she set their traditional decanter of wine on the table. “Keep flirting, Mr. Tony. I know I don’t stand a chance against your loves, but it still makes my heart sing.” She gave a sly smile to Bucky and Steve.

Tony was one hundred percent sure that Gianetta knew about them. He still flirted shamelessly with her. Sometimes Bucky would too. She was very pretty and just as kind. All three of them adored her.

“You think I could make your heart skip a beat, beautiful?” Bucky teased in that drawl of his.

She smirked as she looked at him. “Sorry, signore, but I prefer blondes,” she quipped as she blew a kiss to Steve who blushed furiously. She laughed kindly before asking, “The usual tonight?”

They all nodded in agreement.

“Then I’ll be back soon,” she said before leaving with a little wave.

“You boys are lucky that I fell in love with you before meeting her,” Tony quipped. “I bet we’d make smart and beautiful Italian babies together.”

Steve threw a napkin at his face, and Tony caught it laughing. Bucky just yanked it out of his hand and smacked him playfully on the back of his head with it.

“Stop, I yield!” Tony raised his hands and jokingly surrendered.

“You were saying?” Steve said dryly as he tried not to grin.

“That I am so lucky to have fallen in love with the two talented and gorgeous men seated with me.” Tony answered immediately.

“That’s better.” Bucky said as he grabbed the decanter Gianetta had left them to pour the wine in their glasses.  

Once their glasses were full, they raised them in a toast. “To my loves, I promise to do anything to keep you and to keep deserving you,” Tony said in what had become his traditional toast. The two boys repeated the sentiment.

After they’d sipped their wine, Steve asked, “So what did you do today, Tony?”

Tony’s mask nearly fell as he quickly debated over what to tell them. Eventually, he decided to fuck confidentiality agreements and tell them the truth, or as much as he was able to.

“I, uh, I had almost forgot with the surprise dinner date, but I actually met with an army colonel today.” He said as he watched their peaceful faces morph into surprise.

“A colonel?” Bucky asked almost incredulously. “Why did you meet with an army colonel?”

Tony thought of how to tell them the most truthful answer he could. “Well, I was actually approached because of what I know and what I can do. Do you remember how I told you about my time in captivity, and how I made a valuable prisoner?”

As they both nodded, he continued, “It’s about the same reason. I’m officially a consultant to a special branch of the army that is led by that colonel. They just want to be able to use my brain if they ever need to.” He tried to say the words casually like it was probably never going to happen, and they shouldn’t worry.

“How did he hear about you?” Steve asked. “It’s not that I don’t know you’re brilliant because you are, but how did a colonel in the U.S. army hear about you?”

Bucky looked like he was wondering the same thing.

“You remember a couple of weeks ago when I had that big job in Queens?” He asked, and they nodded. “You remember when I came home that evening and told you all about it, and what had happened after?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said as he smiled softly. “It was the happiest we’d seen you in weeks. You said you met an actual scientist and talked with him over lunch and coffee.”

“Well, it turns out that he works with the colonel and recommended my name.” Tony told them. “We had talked about a lot of different things that day, and apparently, he was impressed.”

Tony knew he had made quite the impression alright.

“Will you,” Steve began, “will you have to go away?”

Tony’s heart broke at the question because he knew Steve hated the thought of being left behind. He looked at Bucky’s face and saw the guilt in his eyes. Bucky didn’t want to leave them. Tony knew he had no aspirations of being a soldier and going to fight, but he didn’t have any choice in the matter so he was trying to be strong. This whole situation was fucked.

Steve’s brave face was almost perfect. If Tony didn’t know him as well as he did, he probably wouldn’t notice a thing. Tony thought back to the Steve from his time and realized how much the man had been holding back. Now that he knew Steve, Tony could look back at all the small signs that their fearless leader was far from OK, and no one had guessed the extent of it. If Tony ever made it back, he was tempted to blast all of them with a gauntlet from his suit for their blindness, himself included.

“No baby,” Tony told him. “I’m not leaving. At most, I may be gone for a day or two, but I will come home as soon as I can.”

Steve nodded before smiling, putting up a shield over his feelings. “Good, I hate cooking for just myself.”

“Well,” Tony added, “if I ever have to be away for a night, you could invite Ruth to dinner. I’m sure she’d love that.”

“So would the neighborhood if they ever found out.” Steve said dryly. “I can hear the gossip already.”

“Well, whatever they say, I hope it’s naughty.” Tony grinned wickedly and winked at him.

Both his boys laughed at this, and the mood lightened which was good because Gianetta appeared then with their food.

They ate their meal, talking and laughing as they enjoyed each other’s company. None of them mentioned that Bucky would be leaving soon and would be gone for a few months. They spoke about what they would do until then. Tony had promised to put off work these next few days so they could all spend the time together. They planned what meals they wanted to share, and how they would go and get photos taken of them together. Tony only wished they would be allowed to look like they were _together_ in the photo.

After they’d paid for as much of the meal that Francesco would allow and tipped Gianetta, they told their friends goodbye and headed home. When they finally returned to their apartment, they shed their clothes and spent the rest of the night passionately reminding each other of their love.

They were in no hurry as hands slid over skin. Their mouth’s found the other’s most sensitive places, pulling gasps and moans from them. It was unrushed and left them feeling relaxed and exhausted by the time they were finished. Tony knew that the next three days would be spent in much the same way, just as he knew Bucky would be the focus of his and Steve’s ministrations.

He couldn’t imagine not seeing his sweetheart everyday for weeks on end, not hearing his laugh or sexy drawl. He and Steve would take Bucky apart, worshipping and dominating him in equal measure before they had to give him up to the army.

As Tony fell asleep cuddling up to Bucky’s left side with Steve on his right, he gently ran his fingers down the arm that lay over his chest. This arm was warm and strong and smooth, but all he could see and feel was cold, hard metal plates. He cursed the future.

He didn’t want that for his sweet boy, and he hated the fact that he’d been so taken with the thought of that metal arm when they’d first met. Tony hadn’t been callous about it when he’d studied and worked on the arm. In fact, he had hated the thought of the trauma the man must have gone through to have such a limb, but the engineer inside of him had been fascinated.

Now, Tony would give anything if it meant that the metal arm would never exist. As he slid his fingers into Bucky’s loose grip to join their hands, he reminded himself of love and hope. They were the only weapons he had at the moment. It took a while, but eventually, Tony finally drifted off to sleep.

 

***Avenger’s Tower, Communal Kitchen***

 

Steve stood at the center island of the large kitchen the team used to cook group meals. They all had kitchens on their separate floors, but they usually tried to eat a few meals together each week. He was busy mincing garlic and chopping bell peppers and onions for the large pot of spaghetti sauce he was making. The new memories flickered in the background of his thoughts, but it was much easier now to just focus on what he was doing.

“You didn’t have to do this, Steve.” Bucky told him quietly for the third time. “I didn’t want you to go through this trouble for me.”

“It’s not any trouble, Bucky.” Steve again told him patiently as he looked up and smiled. “We all were going to have to eat soon anyway, and like you said, this was your favorite.”

“It was just something I remembered.” Bucky said uncomfortably at the island counter where he sat across from Steve.

Steve looked at him kindly. “It’s Ok to like things, Buck. You can ask for things you want and eat things you enjoy.”

Bucky huffed. “I know that,” he said, frustrated. “It’s just, I’m not…”

 _Used to doing it._ Steve finished for him in his head.

Since they had reunited and moved into the tower months ago, Bucky hadn’t made personal requests. Food preferences were irrelevant, as were what he watched, read, listened to and the clothes he wore. He followed requests and listened to suggestions if it suited him, but Bucky hadn’t had the capacity to begin to explore on his own what he wanted and liked.

Now that Bucky was slowly beginning to show signs of these things, Steve wanted to gradually introduce him to the concept of self-discovery. Or self-rediscovery in Bucky’s case. Everything would be Bucky’s choice, of course, Steve didn’t want to push him one way or the other.

“Hey,” Steve told him, “it’s not a big deal, Buck. Like I said, we gotta eat, so we might as well eat something you like.”

Bucky looked at him almost shyly. “I think I miss your spaghetti. Bruce and Sam have made most of the meals since we got here, and when they made it, well, it wasn’t the same as I remember now.” He looked at Steve with a pinched brow. “Why don’t you cook anymore? You used to cook almost every night, or is that wrong?”

It hurt Steve at how uncertain Bucky sounded of his new memories. “You’re right, Buck. I used to cook all the time.”

Bucky still looked confused. “So why don’t you anymore?”

Steve sighed as he set down the knife on the cutting board. “I guess,” he began slowly, forcing the truth from his lips, “it was too painful.” He looked up to meet Bucky’s eyes. “It reminded me too much of before. I always cooked for you, and now I remember cooking for you and Tony, but before it was just too difficult to separate the past from the present. Back then, every day I would cook and know you were on your way home to me. You would walk through our door and pull me into a hug or kiss.”

“You didn’t want to be reminded of what you lost.” Bucky said knowingly. “I’m sorry, Steve.”

Now it was Steve’s turn to be confused. “Why?”

“Being around me hurt you.” Bucky said sadly. “I knew it did, but I didn’t know the reason behind that hurt. I was too empty to understand what it was doing to you.”

“It’s not your fault, Buck.” Steve told him. “How I felt wasn’t on you.”

“It was because of me.” Bucky interrupted. “You keep saying things aren’t my fault, but I did those things. I hurt you. Fuck, I’ve hurt a lot of people. I may not have chosen to do that or realized what I was doing, but I still did it.” Bucky’s gaze turned inward for a long while, and Steve waited patiently for him gather his thoughts. Eventually, he looked back up and focused on Steve before asking, “Do you think I have a soul?”

“What?!” Steve barked out, completely thrown by the question. “What the hell does that mean? Of course you have a soul!”

How could Bucky think such a thing about himself?

“Well,” Bucky began, “if you would have asked me that yesterday, I probably would have said no. I would have told you or anyone else that Hydra killed it a long time ago. But today, maybe that what’s memories give us? Knowing who we are makes us a person and not a thing. It’s the difference between an asset and a human being. I had lost my soul to Hydra, but maybe now I can have it back with these new memories of old Bucky.”

Steve forced himself to stay quiet and let Bucky work through his thoughts because his friend was right. Steve couldn’t just keep taking responsibility away from Bucky and expect him to learn how to deal with what he’d done and been through. So he bit his tongue and listened, all the while preparing his answer to these profoundly deep and equally off-putting thoughts.

“Now that I can kind of remember what it was like, and who I used to be,” Bucky continued, “it’s hard not to hate myself. The thing is that I didn’t feel this way before, not really, not like this. I knew there was something wrong with me. I just didn’t like the thought of being defective and not understanding what you wanted from me. I knew I should care more, but I couldn’t so I didn’t.” He looked at Steve. “I was a ghost, a living ghost. You were suffering because of it, and I didn’t care. Soulless.”

Steve rounded the island counter and stood in front of Bucky. He softly cupped his cheek. “You may be right about some of those things,” he conceded. “I’m not going to tell you how you should feel about what has happened to you, but I will tell you how I feel. I don’t believe you ever lost your soul, Buck. I can’t. There’s too much that proves otherwise.”

Bucky’s brow crumpled again. “What proves it?”

“Everything.” Steve told him sincerely. “Everything that Hydra had to do to you proves it. If you’d lost your soul, why would they continue to wipe your memories? It’s because they knew that you were still in there and would never choose to do the things they made you do. You told me that you didn’t know why you pulled me from the river, but you did it. You had just been wiped. If you didn’t have a soul, you would have let me die. Even before then, you would have killed me on the heli-carrier when I told you to finish it.

“A soulless machine doesn’t spare or save the people they are told to kill.” Steve smiled softly. “When we moved into the tower, you said you knew I was hurting but didn’t know why. A lack of understanding doesn’t change the fact that my pain bothered you. It bothered you enough to try. You ran with me and talked to me. You read books I suggested and discussed them with me. You let me bring you to the VA even when it made you uncomfortable, and it was all because you were trying. Someone without a soul doesn’t try to be a better person.”

Steve’s other hand came up to cradle the other side of Bucky’s face, cupping him between his palms like a precious gift. He looked into artic eyes that were swimming in tears.

“When I told you that you are a hero, have always been my hero, I meant that. _Always_. It’s not just from before the war, the ice or what Hydra did to you. You were my hero every day after those things because you never gave up. There was always a piece of you that they couldn’t touch, couldn’t break. Even when you couldn’t remember me, you _knew_ me. You _saved_ me.   

“When I found you and brought you here, you had every reason not to care about anyone but yourself, but you still cared about me without knowing why. That’s how good a person you are, love. With all the pain and damage you were dealing with, you still cared about my pain and tried in the only ways you knew how to make it better. Just because I was still hurting doesn’t mean that you failed.”

Steve sniffed, trying to finish as he watched a tear fall down Bucky’s cheek. “And when I collapsed at the Sanctum this morning, I heard you panic. You were worried about me. You’ve always worried about me and taken care of me. So, yes, you are my hero, and I’d bet my life that you have a soul. I know you do because it’s the same one I fell in love with when I was fifteen.”

Steve leaned in and kissed him, slowly and sweetly. It was nothing heated but was deeply intimate, and Bucky kissed him back. It was tentative and a little clumsy, but to Steve it was perfect. Their lips brushing the other’s. Neither of them moving to deepen it. It was a reassurance and promise to each other.

When they pulled apart, Steve softly smiled at Bucky who smiled shyly in return. “I love you, Bucky.”

“Love you too, Stevie.” He murmured quietly.

“Excuse me, sirs,” JARVIS’s voice rang out, breaking them from the moment. “I apologize for interrupting, but the remaining members of the team that are currently still in the tower are headed to this floor. I thought it best to warn you.”

“Thank you, JARVIS.” Bucky said softly.

“Yeah, thanks JARVIS,” Steve called as he rounded the counter to get back to his meal prep. “We appreciate it.”

“No problem at all, Captain Rogers. Sgt. Barnes.” JARVIS answered before continuing. If it was possible, he almost sounded hesitant. “I hope that I am not overstepping my bounds, Sgt. Barnes, but I am gratified to see that you are doing better.”

“Thanks, JARVIS,” Bucky said with a small smile, looking touched at the A.I.’s words. “You’re the best.”

“I hope so,” JARVIS replied. “I was designed to be that way.”

Steve and Bucky both laughed softly at the artificial member of their team’s words as the rest of the Avengers, minus Thor, came into the kitchen.

“I gotta say, man” Sam said as they stopped near the counter and smiled. “I could really get used to seeing you laugh.”

Clint nodded. “It’s a good look on you.”

Bucky’s smile had faded once Sam had begun talking, but he still managed to get out, “Thanks, I guess.”

Steve knew Bucky still wasn’t as comfortable with the other Avengers as he was with Steve, but he hoped that would improve over time. He also hoped his teammates had patience with Bucky while he adjusted to everything. He figured that as long as Bucky didn’t shoot at them too often, it shouldn’t be a problem. If anything, he should be shooting at them less after remembering more of who he was.

Natasha stepped forward to where Steve was almost finished chopping his veggies and herbs. “What’s for dinner, Cap?”

Steve smiled a little, enjoying the easy peace of the moment. “Spaghetti and meatballs.”

“Yum,” Clint moaned as Sam and Bruce nodded in agreement.

“Sounds delicious,” Nat approved, “Do you need any help?”

Steve’s knife paused for a moment in surprise before he resumed his work. “You’d want to help?”

Natasha’s smile was almost soft. “If you need us to help, we’ll help. Just tell us where you want us and what to do.”

Steve looked to the others and saw that they were all nodding in agreement. “Okay. I’ve got the meat and spices already mixed in that bowl if Sam and Clint want to roll them into the meatballs. Bruce if you don’t mind handling the sauce, I’ve got everything measured out next to the pot. You can add them together and put on the heat, stirring occasionally. Natasha,” he turned to look at her, “you can cook down the veggies in a separate pan before we add it to the tomato sauce. Just don’t rinse it out. I want to use the flavored oil at the bottom to cook the meatballs in.”

And like they would have in the middle of a battle, everyone moved to follow his orders, taking their places and doing as instructed. Steve felt touched at the simple gesture.

As Bruce began adding the different types of chopped and pureed tomatoes, he asked, “How are you both feeling?”

Bucky just kind of shrugged and muttered, “Different.” He hadn’t really met any of their eyes since they’d come into the kitchen. That was alright, Steve thought; he’d get their at his own pace.

“That’s to be expected,” Bruce said kindly as he looked at them from his position by the stove. “You’ve had to adjust to a lot of new information. What about you, Steve?”

“It’s better.” Steve told him. “Once I stopped fighting the new memories, they just kind of started falling into place naturally. It’s pretty easy to ignore for the most part.”

“Good,” Bruce said, looking relieved. “I’m glad it’s not still causing you pain. Is it the same for you, James?”

Bucky nodded and seemed to force himself to meet Bruce’s face. “The same as Steve says,” he answered. “I can remember things when I try to, but I’m not forced to relive them as I’m getting the memory. Some things have begun to remind me of events in the past since we met Tony. It’s…I kinda like it.”

Bruce’s smile was full of compassion as he told Bucky, “I’m glad it’s not upsetting you anymore, and that you are able to appreciate what this is giving you.”

“I do appreciate it,” Bucky said, “but I’m worried about Tony. Did any of you come up with an idea on how to help him?”

Steve watched as all four sets of their shoulders slumped and figured he knew the answer.

“No,” Bruce said sadly, “we haven’t found anything yet, but we’re still working on it. Maybe when Thor returns from Asgard we’ll have something to move forward with.”

Steve watched the skepticism on the faces of Sam and Clint. Natasha’s face, as usual, betrayed nothing. Of course, she was never one to believe in things like hopeful wishes. She was the kind of person who created their own hope through action.

“Well, either way,” Steve said, “after we’re done eating we’ll get back to work. Bucky and I can join if you need us. We’re not going to stop until we’ve found a way to bring him home.”

“Absolutely, Cap,” Clint said with a lumpy half-formed meatball in his hand, “we’ll get this fixed in no time. Strange has to resurface soon, right?”

Sam nodded. “We got this, Steve. You and Barnes just concentrate on the new memories. Who knows? You could remember something useful.”

As much as a part of Steve wanted to just spend the next few hours with Bucky’s head on his lap again, Steve also wanted to do something useful and help Tony.

Natasha seemed to read his thoughts as she said, “We don’t know enough to do anything more at the moment, Steve. We’re just going to be discussing theories and doubling back on what we’ve already done. Take the time to rest and adjust,” she finished as her eyes motioned to Bucky.

Right, Steve should be focusing on Bucky who was here and needed him now. He would just have to trust in their teammates to keep the search for Tony moving forward. He nodded as he moved around the counter to stand beside Bucky.

He gently ran his hand down Bucky’s spine and felt him relax and lean into the touch before turning to look at him. His beautiful eyes were filled with something that hadn’t existed yesterday, hope and love, and Steve knew he could do this. He would focus on supporting and loving Bucky as he hoped that the rest of team found a way to help Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italian Translations not previously mentioned:  
> pezzo di merda- piece of shit  
> la cucina-the kitchen  
> la vino-the wine
> 
> So there it is. Tony is officially in the SSR. I look forward to more Colonel Philips because he was fun to write (that salty bastard). I also wanted to give the boys a nice evening with minimal drama before Bucky leaves, and Steve is now a working artist doing what he loves!
> 
> Poor Bucky, but at least he has Steve to remind him of the goodness that was always in him. Steve Rogers's Heart of Gold™ to the rescue. 
> 
> (Look at me learning how to type the trademark symbol. We've come a long way friends.)


	16. A New Dynamic With a Side of Spaghetti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has left for the army. Steve and Tony struggle to adjust to his absence. Tony has his first official consultation at the SSR where he has a long dreaded encounter with his father. Meanwhile in the present, the team bonds over dinner, and Bucky continues his journey of being a person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay in posting. A lot happened in the past few weeks. A hurricane caused flooding and power outages to the area I live in. Nothing was damaged thankfully, but it was a pain nonetheless. My ex decided to make my life a living hell during one of his manic episodes, so I left the state for the first vacation I've had in ten years. A week in Florida was just what I needed to help shake off the funk of the last month. 
> 
> But I'm back, beautifully bronzed and in the right headspace to continue this. I'm sorry if this chapter is choppy. It was written over the course of several emotionally charged weeks. Next chapter will hopefully be better as the plot takes an important step forward.
> 
> Thank you again for your patience.

Bucky had been gone eight days, and Tony and Steve both missed him terribly. There was a gaping hole where he had been in their lives, and though they knew it would take some time to adjust to his absence, it still hurt like hell. They tried not to talk about how much they missed him. Instead, they would just talk about him, wondering what he was doing and if he’d met some interesting people. They had been ecstatic when they finally got his first letter and read it together.

 

 

**Hey, Doll. Hi, Honey.**

**I miss you already. Hell, I missed you before I got on the bus. It’s been a bit of a shock being here, but at least I’m used to waking up early. Some of the guys here are assholes, but most are alright. I met this one guy who’s kind of crazy. His name’s Dugan, but he says people just call him Dum Dum. I can’t tell if he’s taking the piss out of us or not, but he’s a funny guy either way. I hope I get assigned with him.**

**The food’s not too bad. It’s not too good either, but I’ve kind of gotten spoiled to your cooking so it’s hard to honestly tell. We’re not doing too much yet. Just learning the basics, which means the rules. There are a lot of rules, and a lot of ways to be punished for breaking the rules.**

**I know I’m getting paid to be here, but it feels kind of weird to have a job that I can’t quit, only if I get fired it would screw up my life. Oh, well. I guess I’m used to taking orders anyway, even if your orders are more fun to follow. We’ve been running a lot, doing push-ups and climbing up different things. It’s pretty much what I expected, and at least I’m not lugging boxes. Yet..**

**Today we were practicing taking apart our guns and cleaning them before putting them back together. It’s weird holding a gun. They’re heavier than they look in the movies. Even the bullets are heavier than I thought. I guess that makes sense. You should be reminded what you’re holding when you pick up a gun. I’ll try to write again soon. I’ve just been so tired these past few days when we finally finish with everything, but I’m thinking of you, and I love you.**

**Your Love and Sweetheart,**

**Bucky**

 

 “He told me ‘Hi’ first,” Steve said because of course the little shit would say something like that.

“That’s only because he saved the best for last,” Tony told him with a light smack on the arm.

Steve laughed then sighed. “At least it doesn’t seem too bad for him there. Of course he wouldn’t tell us the worst things anyway, but it sounds like he met some good people.”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think we’re getting the worst of it, but trust Bucky to try and find the best parts to write about. Look at that, he misses following my orders. That’s so sweet.”

“How do you know he wasn’t talking about my orders?” Steve said in mock offense. “We both know I’m more strict than you ever are with him.”

“Now you’re just talking crazy, baby.” Tony said affectionately. As he felt the genuine smile that spread over his face, he realized how much he had missed this these past few days. With Bucky gone their banter had almost dried up completely. They were just trying to adjust to the new way their dynamic had changed with the absence of Bucky. It was like Bucky’s letter had breathed life into them. “I am the definition of a disciplinarian in the bedroom.”

“You coddle him, and you know it.” Steve said dryly then added. “You can’t resist his begging. You might top, but he owns you.”

Tony shrugged because he couldn’t deny it. “Fair enough,” he agreed before he smirked at Steve. “It’s not like you’re any better than I am with that. You put the serve in service top.” He leaned forward and continued next to Steve’s ear, whispering darkly. “Besides, he’s not the only one that owns me, baby.”

Steve’s head turned as his eyes snapped up to meet his, and Tony watched as his pupils darkened while his face looked conflicted. “Tony, we…I mean... Bucky just left, and…”

“Bucky told us not to avoid each other just because he’s gone.” Tony reminded him. He was done with dancing around the Bucky shaped hole between them. “Our sweet love knows us too well, baby. These past few days have been hard enough, and I don’t want this to be what our relationship is like without him,” he finished honestly. Tony grabbed Steve’s hand and gently squeezed. “We’re closer than this.”

He watched as Steve bit on his bottom lip. Tony knew he was trying to organize what he wanted to say. It was hard for Steve to admit when he was struggling with something.

“It’s just difficult,” Steve finally said. “I’ve never had to go so long without seein’ him, not since we’ve been together, not for a very long time.”

“I know, baby.” Tony sympathized as he rubbed a thumb over the back of Steve’s hand. “I know how hard it is to be separated for a long time from people you care about. It’s why I worry so much about the two of you. Being alone is painful.”

“I’m glad you’re still here, Tony.” Steve admitted softly. “I’m so thankful I’m not alone waitin’ for him to get back. At least I didn’t lose both of you.”

“I promise that you’ll never lose me,” Tony told him, “and I think Bucky would say the same.” It was low of Tony to make such a promise for Bucky when Tony knew what had happened to him the first time, but he had to.

He knew that Steve really missed Bucky, and Tony knew he was worried about Bucky going off to war and not returning. Tony wondered how much of Steve’s determination to join the army wasn’t because he had to follow where Bucky went, even if it literally was to the end of the line. Tony knew that both of his boys loved him deeply, but they had loved each other first. They had loved each other for over half a decade before they met Tony. Yes, they loved Tony, but the love they had for each other was different. Not better or stronger, just different.

It was like the love Tony had for the two of them. He loved them both, but in different ways for different reasons. He loved Steve for a lot of the same reasons he’d respected Cap. His honesty, bravery, sense of right and wrong and sassy mouth all attracted Tony’s attention and gained his admiration. His artistic talent, his humility, the soft blush of his skin and his kindness had captivated Tony. Also, his pies were fucking delicious. He was a beautiful contradiction, the future officer and constant gentleman. The heart of the fiercest fighter in a small, seemingly fragile package. He was anything but fragile.

Bucky was his other gorgeous contradiction. Strong bodied with lean muscles, his sweet boy hated fighting and violence. He did it because it was necessary. He was effortlessly charming and charismatic, but at the same time was so shy and unsure of himself behind the performance. He was truly Tony’s sweet boy who saw enough in Tony to trust him unconditionally and give him the loving role of daddy. Tony loved taking care of them both, and he especially loved how he took care of Bucky. He loved having someone to treasure. It was something he’d never had before.

Tony and Steve gave each other different things than what they shared with Bucky. Steve fueled the side of Tony that liked excess since Steve never backed down from a challenge, pushed his limits and always wanted more.

He watched as Steve seemed to push aside his words, so Tony repeated them. “Steve, I promise you’ll never lose me. I’m not leaving you, baby.”

“Don’t make me promises,” Steve told him, cutting through Tony’s assurances. “Don’t just say you won’t leave. You’re already in the army, and even though you keep telling me it’s just a few days of consulting here and there, we both know that could change. All they have to do is tell you to pack, and you’ll have to leave. I’ll be here alone and still trying to enlist.”

“I’m not going anywhere if it’s not to follow you into battle.” Tony told him, probably being more truthful than he should.

“You don’t have to patronize me,” Steve told him softly, looking almost defeated. “I appreciate you supporting my decision to keep trying to enlist, but we both know I’ll probably never make it to any kind of battle.”

“Never say never.” Tony told him. “I truly believe in you, Steve. I know what you’re capable of, and I can’t wait for everyone else to get to see it. You’re so much stronger than you realize.”

“You really think I’ll make it over there, Tony?” Steve asked as he met his eyes.

“I know it.” Tony said simply. “I know you won’t stop until you can follow after Bucky. Just like I know you won’t let the opinions of others keep you from doing what it takes to succeed.”

Tony grabbed Steve by the hips and pulled the smaller man into his lap causing him to gasp. His hands slid to Steve’s ass and squeezed the flesh hidden by his boxers. “I told you on the day we met that anyone who looked at you and saw an easy target needed to get their eyes checked, and you haven’t proven me wrong.”

He felt Steve’s hips circle above him as the blonde murmured, “Tony…don’t promise me.”

Tony looked into Steve’s eyes and watched the look that passed over Steve’s face as he’d said that. His features held defiance and challenge, but Tony knew it was being used to cover a lot of the pain caused by Bucky’s absence and fear of being left behind. Tony knows because he’d felt the same pain and fear these past few days. He knew what Steve was asking without him having to actually say it. He knew what Steve wanted, what he needed.

Unlike Bucky, Steve didn’t want to be treasured. He wanted to be used and overwhelmed, and it drove Tony crazy when the blonde was in the mood to give up his control for Tony. It was a heady feeling knowing that he was the only one who could do that to Steve Rogers, the only one allowed, and Steve was practically begging for it with his eyes right now. He was begging for a distraction and reassurance.

Tony could use those things himself right now. His hands left Steve’s ass as he grabbed the back of Steve’s head and pulled him in for a rough kiss. Their mouths came together harshly as he bit at Steve’s lip before pushing his tongue into the smaller man’s mouth, claiming him. Steve smelled like soap, and he tasted like the strawberry candy Tony had bought him to cheer him up. So sweet, so good.

Not breaking the kiss, he pushed Steve down against the arm of the sofa and covered him with his body. Steve moaned against his mouth at the feel of Tony’s weight over him. His legs spread under Tony in invitation, offering and asking at the same time.

Tony’s hand in Steve’s hair tightened and pulled, stretching Steve’s head back into the couch’s cushioned arm. His other hand was harsh in its task of removing Steve’s boxers and socks, leaving Steve a panting mess beneath him. When he had to break the kiss to remove the shirt, Tony leaned back to his knees, released his hold on Steve’s hair and ordered, “Strip, now.”

He tore off his own shirt and pants as he watched Steve follow his command. The young man was flushed and breathing heavily as he settled fully naked on the cushions in front of Tony once more. Tony could feel himself hardening at the sight of Steve submitting below him. The blonde’s neck was elongated as he looked back to Tony. His thighs were spread with his feet resting flat on either side of Tony’s knees, giving Tony a heart stopping view of between his legs.

“You follow my orders so well,” Tony told him deeply. “Naked and spread out for me to use.” He placed a hand on Steve’s knee, squeezing slightly before he ran it lower along Steve’s thigh and stopped before he got to Steve’s dick, which was lengthening rapidly.

Steve moaned and shifted his hips. “Tony, touch me…”

Tony’s hand was vicious as he delivered a well-placed slap to the fleshiest part of Steve’s thigh. Steve cried out as his eyes clenched shut. He was left alone to breathe through it.

“You know the rules, baby.” Tony scolded as he knelt over him. “If you want to ask me for something, use your manners.”

“Please, sir,” Steve corrected, “I’m sorry. Please, touch me, sir.”

“That’s better,” Tony told him as he reached out to put two of his fingers resting against Steve’s lips. “Open for me.” He watched as Steve obeyed, and he slid his fingers all the way into the blonde’s mouth. His sweet pink lips wrapped around Tony’s digits as he worked not to gag on the fingertips in his throat. “Now get them wet.”

Fuck, Tony was going to wreck him.

 

*Steve’s POV*

 

God, he hoped Tony was going to wreck him tonight. Steve needed this. So. Fucking. Much.

This week had been harder than Steve had ever expected. He knew it would be difficult to say goodbye to Bucky, even knowing he’d return before he shipped out. He hadn’t known it would be this hard. Everything reminded him of Bucky, including Tony, and Steve was not proud to admit that he didn’t really know how to have a relationship with someone when Bucky wasn’t in the equation.

Of course he and Tony had had sex without Bucky before. They’d all been together over two years, and everyone wasn’t always home at the same time. However, a relationship without Bucky being present just felt so alien to Steve, and he couldn’t fully explain why. He loved Tony so much. Different than Bucky, sure, but he knew it was the same way for all of them, different reasons behind their love.

He supposed it was because for so long, Bucky had been his everything. But Tony was his too, and Steve really needed him right now. If Steve was honest with himself, he’d probably needed this for days and just hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it. Tony had been so good this past week as he supported Steve while giving him the time he needed to process the change in their dynamic. He knew Tony was shelving his own issues at the moment to be strong for Steve, and Steve both resented and loved him for it.

He didn’t want Tony to push aside his issues. Steve wanted Tony to use him as he worked through them. The same way he wanted to use Tony dominating him to work through what he’d been feeling. He needed to feel something other than the weight of Bucky’s absence. He needed to remind himself that he wasn’t useless like the army and everyone else kept telling him he was. He needed to let go and just focus on physical sensation. He needed Tony.

So he hungrily swallowed around Tony’s fingers, moving his tongue against them and enjoying the slight scratching of nails along the back of his throat. His eyes watered as Tony pushed his fingers deeper, his heavy body still caging Steve and reminding him that he was trapped and under Tony’s control.

“Fuck, look at you.” Tony said above him. His voice was a deep growl. “That pretty pink mouth sucking at my fingers just like I told you to.” His other hand suddenly gripped Steve’s straining dick in a tight fist. Steve almost cried out but stopped himself just in time; however, he did moan around the fingers in his throat. “Good boy, listening so well and keeping your mouth closed.” Tony’s other hand was merciless as he pumped Steve. “You take orders so well, my little toy soldier.”

Steve felt his dick try to jump in Tony’s fist at the new name he’d just been called.

Tony’s face looked wicked as he smirked at the reaction his words had gotten. “You like that, baby? You wanna be a good little soldier and follow my orders?”

Steve nodded helplessly until he felt Tony’s fingers pull free from his mouth. He sucked in a breath then panted, “Yes, sir, please!”

Tony took his wet fingers and moved them down Steve’s body to rub them along his hole as the other hand smeared pre-come around his shaft, easing the sliding motion along his dick and foreskin. “So ready to serve, aren’t you?” Tony continued as he pushed a finger into Steve.

Steve loved the burn it caused and focused on the sensation. Tony was rarely gentle with him and usually fucked Steve past the point of overstimulation and/or exhaustion. “Yes, sir. Let me prove it to you.” It was the only time Steve got off on begging to prove himself worthy of something because he knew Tony would give him the chance. “Please, fuck me.”

The second finger pushed inside him at that request, and Steve hissed around the stretch that was almost too much and too soon while still not being enough.

“Color?” Tony asked not moving his hand as he waited for Steve’s answer.

“Green,” Steve groaned out as he pushed back at Tony’s fingers.

“A good color for a soldier,” Tony praised as his fingers started a fast and hard rhythm in and out of Steve’s ass. The hand on his dick moving just as quickly, pushing Steve towards the edge that was already so close. “Do I get to train you?” Tony asked. His voice was thick with lust. “I’d love to ruin this tight ass, but it might be too much for you. You might not be able to handle it.”

His fingers gave a twist and pressed against Steve’s prostate, making Steve’s body jerk at the sudden pleasure. “I can,” Steve answered in a groan, only half aware that this was one of those roleplay scenes Tony had told them about. He’d never really understood the appeal before, but now he couldn’t deny that this was definitely doing something for him. Trust Tony to give him what he didn’t know he needed. “I can take anything you give me.” He promised breathlessly.

“I don’t know,” Tony said darkly. “I’ve been known to break the men I train. Wouldn’t want to break something so beautiful.”

Steve knew he was in trouble a split second before Tony’s fingers began a steady assault on his prostate. His other hand moved even faster than before, jerking him off too fast and too rough, and all Steve could think was, _Oh, Fuck, Yes._ “More,” he groaned. “More, sir.”

Tony was fucking milking him. Steve’s dick was slick with pre-come that spread from Tony’s moving hand. His poor prostate was in a constant state of stimulation and varying amounts of pressure. He wasn’t going to last. Just like he knew Tony wouldn’t stop once he came.

“Oh, I love when you beg.” Tony growled before he leaned forward and bit down on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve came hard at the feeling of Tony’s teeth sinking into him. He felt himself clench around Tony’s fingers as his dick spurted onto his stomach and Tony’s other hand. He could hear his blood rushing in his ears and feel his heart hammering against his chest as his body was flooded with pleasure. Distantly, his mind reminded him that this was just the beginning.

“Good job, soldier.” Tony smirked above him as Steve came back down.

Tony removed his fingers from Steve’s relaxed hole and used them to collect the ejaculate that was still on his stomach. Tony moved his now covered fingers back to Steve’s entrance, circling lightly but going no further. “Maybe you need a break? You look a little tired.”

‘No, sir,” Steve panted. “I can take more. Please.” He needed Tony to fuck him. Tony was so thick that sometimes Steve himself couldn’t believe he could fit inside of him. It was an exquisite kind of almost pain when Tony claimed him.

“Alright, soldier,” Tony’s voice was a dark, sensual promise, “If you want to prove yourself, I hope you like it rough. I’m gonna fuck you into the ground.”

Steve shivered right before three fingers suddenly pushed their way inside of him. He gasped at the intrusion, and his hands shot up to grab Tony’s shoulders as the man’s fingers resumed their punishing pace from before. Tony’s fingers stretched wide, and Steve groaned at the feeling. He loved it. The ache was a sweet assurance, almost as much as the knowledge that Tony wouldn’t hold back. He’d give Steve everything he’d promised, everything he’d made Steve beg for.

Tony’s fingers once again found that spot inside of him that was so sensitive, too sensitive after coming so recently, and began his assault all over again. Steve’s nails dug into the muscles of Tony’s upper arms as he groaned beneath him, biting his lip and grinding down into Tony’s fingers.

“That’s right,” Tony’s breath ghosted against his face as he held himself above Steve’s body to watch him fall apart. His arm between them pumping fingers into Steve. “You want it so bad don’t you? I could just hold my hand here, and you’d fuck yourself on my fingers, wouldn’t you?”

“Please, sir,” Steve begged. “Please, fuck me.”

Steve wailed as Tony leaned back again, and the other hand grabbed his sensitive, spent dick. He was so fucking overwhelmed at the added touch, but he still wished he was hard again even though it was too soon after having just come. It didn’t stop his cock from continuing to leak from the attention his prostate was receiving.

“Look how wet you’ve made yourself.” Tony squeezed just enough on his soft cock to make Steve choke. _So good, more, please, more._

“Fuck, I wanna destroy you.” Tony growled as he removed his probing fingers. He hitched Steve’s slender legs up around narrow hips, and Steve shivered at the idea of finally getting what he wanted. Tony’s arms wrapped around Steve’s back, and he yelped in surprise when Tony lifted him into his lap then began to rise off the couch. Steve clamped his naked body around Tony’s to help hold himself up.

Tony chuckled and kissed him as he began to walk, carrying Steve toward the bedroom. “At ease, soldier. We’re just cut off from supplies up here.”

Steve almost rolled his eyes fondly at his partner as he enjoyed the feeling of Tony’s naked skin against his. It was kind of exciting being carried off like this by Tony. He decided to take advantage and circle his hips against Tony’s stomach. The friction felt amazing on his dick as it rubbed against Tony’s tight abs, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before it would get hard again.

“At ease,” Tony said before he slapped Steve’s ass to make him be still. “You’re gonna kill me.” He laid Steve out on the bed and climbed on top of him. Tony’s arm moved off to the side, disappearing under his pillow before returning with a condom and small tin of Vaseline.

“Roll over,” Tony said darkly as he pushed himself back to tear open the foil wrapper and roll the condom on. Tony hissed as he quickly lubed up his dick, and Steve snapped out watching him to follow his orders and roll over for him.

He lifted to his hands and knees, making himself relax as he felt Tony shift closer behind him. He shuddered when he felt the thick head of Tony’s cock rub against his opening, teasing as it spread the lubricant around the muscled ring.

Steve was ready to beg. “Please, sir,” he choked as Tony pressed a little harder but still didn’t enter him. “Please…”

“Perfect,” Tony murmured behind him right before he pushed into Steve. Steve groaned at the stretch and the feel of the hard ridge on the head of Tony’s cut dick . It was so good. Tony filled him, and Steve just let go at the feeling. He didn’t want to think about anything but this.

Tony’s thighs came to rest against his ass, and Steve felt his lover’s hands tighten on his hips. Tony didn’t wait long before his cock began to pull out. The moment the head tugged on Steve’s opening, Tony pushed back in a little harder than before. Steve groaned.

Yes. This was what he needed. Tony always gave them what they needed.

 

***Tony***

 

Fuck, Steve felt so good around him. His small hips held tight in Tony’s hands as he pushed forward again into the blonde. He would wreck Steve just like he promised, but he had to make sure Steve was ready. He would never want to really hurt Steve by not taking a few slower thrusts to fully open him. Plus, he kind of wanted Steve to beg a little more. It had been a long week.

After a few more slow thrusts, Steve groaned in a raw voice beneath him, “Fuck, Please…please fuck me…I need it…I need…”

“Mmmhhh,” Tony hummed appreciatively at how desperate Steve sounded. He released Steve’s hips, only to reach forward and grab Steve’s biceps, pulling his hands off the bed to arch Steve’s back as Tony held him on his dick. He was completely at Tony’s mercy.

Tony slowly drug his hips back. As Steve moaned, Tony pulled his arms just a bit further to keep him from moving his hips to meet Tony’s. “Let’s see how much you can take?” He asked huskily before snapping his hips forward.

Steve made a choking noise to keep from crying out as he clenched around Tony. Tony grunted as he pulled back then slammed back in again. His hands tightened on Steve’s upper arms as he began to set a pace. He kept his movements steady, enjoying the feel of Steve squirming under him as he was pulled back onto Tony.

“Unhh, you take me so well,” he groaned as he looked down to see himself fucking into his younger lover, “and you still want more.”

He angled his hips to hit the magic spot that would reduce Steve to an incoherent mess, and he was rewarded by his second thrust. Steve jerked beneath him, and Tony felt the thin muscles of Steve’s upper arms flex under his hands as Steve’s prostate was hit. Tony knew it was probably still sensitive from their first round on the couch, and he was going to use this mercilessly.

“Uonnhh..” Steve moaned under him as Tony started to quicken his thrusts. The sound of their skin slapping began to compete with their own grunts and groans. It sounded like Steve was desperately trying to bite his lip only to moan again when Tony slammed in just a little bit harder.

Steve moaned between choked breaths. “Yes, sir… Use me…I can…I can, aahh…”

Tony watched as Steve’s head fell forward and bounced limply with every thrust Tony made, unable to finish his sentences.

“I have to say that I’m impressed.” Tony panted as he fucked into Steve. “You take me so well. Are you going to come again already? I can feel your ass tightening around me like you think I’m going to let you come, but not yet,” Tony released Steve’s arms to let the smaller man fall forward onto the mattress and off his dick with a groan.

After he a few panting breaths, Steve slowly managed to prop himself up on his elbows and knees, ready to keep up with whatever Tony did next.

“You’re not proving much to me if I do all the work.” Tony said as he swatted the ass in front of him and brought his hips directly behind Steve’s again, letting the tip of his cock lightly rub against the reddened opening. “Go ahead, soldier, earn my dick.”

Tony watched as Steve’s ass was pushed back and swallowed the head of his cock. They both groaned at the new slower pace of Steve fucking himself on Tony. The long drag was so fucking good even as Tony fought to keep still and make Steve to do the work.  It was worth it to listen to blonde moan as he grew more desperate.

Steve’s pace began to pick up as the resulting friction only served to make him crave more. Tony was mesmerized watching his thick length stretch Steve open and feeling the tight heat that squeezed at him. “Ahh, so good, sir.” Steve moaned as he fucked back harder. “So thick.”

After a few more minutes, Steve’s hips were getting clumsy before finally losing rhythm and settled on grinding against Tony to stretch him even more. “Please…” he moaned, and Tony’s control snapped.

He slapped Steve’s ass before grabbing his hips and delivering a brutal thrust into the blonde. Steve cried out, but Tony only drew his dick out and impaled him again. And again. Steve grunting in a raw voice beneath him as Tony leaned forward and growled next to his ear.

“I gave you a chance to set the pace,” he bit into Steve’s shoulder, making the blonde try to muffle his shout in a pillow before he released the flesh from his teeth, “but now I’m just going to use you how I want, soldier.”

He buried himself deep as his arms snaked around Steve’s torso to hold him tight against his chest before rolling over onto his back. Steve rolled with him, and Tony’s dick never left his tight hole as he landed in a reverse riding position on Tony’s hips. Tony reached forward to grab at each of Steve’s legs and reposition them to a kneeling position above him.

“Hands on my thighs,” Tony told him as his own hands moved back to firmly grab Steve’s waist. The moment Tony felt Steve brace himself on his lower thighs, he fucked up into him as he pulled small hips down onto his dick . Both of them groaned.

“So good,” Tony said as he did it again. His hips snapping up and connecting with Steve’s flesh with a slapping sound. Steve just braced himself on Tony’s thighs as he fucked into him, moaning and panting at the feeling of Tony filling him. Tony’s movements becoming faster as his hands squeezed Steve’s hips on each downward pull onto him.

“Look at you taking me,” Tony panted as he watched himself fuck into Steve so roughly it was almost dizzying. “I can’t believe it. I expected to split you open, but just look at how you bounce on my dick.” Tony’s voice deepened. “And I can still feel you trying to push me deeper.”

Steve gasped at a particularly hard thrust. “Yes! Fuck yes! Deeper!”

Tony slapped his ass and said, “Turn around. About face, soldier.”

Steve scrambled to obey, trying to turn himself on Tony without letting his cock pull free. Tony didn’t know whether to reward or punish him for that. Maybe both. As Steve finally settled on his knees facing Tony, he grabbed the blondes hips again. “Hands behind your back.”

Steve quickly obeyed as his hands and lower arms disappeared behind him.

“My little soldier,” Tony murmured before he resumed his earlier thrusts and pulled Steve down onto him. Tony’s hips and hands were working in perfect tandem as he fucked into Steve like his life depended on it. Sweat covered both of their bodies, and the hot dampness of their sliding skin mirrored the wet heat that Tony was burying himself in. It was so good, so rough. It was always this way with Steve, animalistic abandon as their two bodies crashed together over and over again.

One of Tony’s hands released Steve’s hip to move higher and gently squeeze around his throat. Steve choked, and Tony watched as his eyes rolled back in pleasure from grip around his airway. Steve loved being choked (which was ironic for an asthmatic). For some reason during sex, he loved the threat of being unable to breathe. Tony felt him swallow tightly beneath his fingers as he continued fucking him.

“Uuhhnn…” Steve groaned thickly. His breathing sounded strained as he panted in wheezing breaths above Tony. “Yes,” he choked, “fuck…please, sir…”

“You’re so strong.” Tony told him as his hips bucked up faster. Steve was going to come on Tony’s dick _and_ his words. “So strong. And good. And smart. Such a good soldier. The best soldier. You’re gonna prove everyone wrong.” He could feel Steve tightening around him, which was good because Tony was struggling to keep himself together. “I _see_ you, baby. Everything you are. Everything you will be. A good man. Who will do great things.”

Tony’s hips sped up as his hand squeezed just a bit tighter around his throat in a final effort to push Steve past the edge. “My beautiful boy. My perfect soldier. So strong. So worthy. Come for me,” Tony panted as he felt his balls tighten under Steve’s trembling body. “Come now!”

Steve groaned loudly. His ass squeezed around Tony as he came untouched. His release landing on Tony’s chest and chin as he ground down on Tony’s dick. Tony felt a rush of relief as he followed Steve in his own orgasm. Fuck , it was so good. Waves of endorphins and pleasure poured through his body, and he was barely able to register Steve’s still spasming hole around him as he drifted on the high before he began to come down.

He released Steve’s throat and pulled him down for a kiss. Steve fell forward limply. Their mouths moved together in unhurried, sloppy movements. Their tongues gently caressing the other’s as Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s back and held him close on top of him. His beautiful boy was in his arms where he belonged after eight days of them being separated by Bucky’s absence.

“I love you,” Tony murmured against his mouth. His hands gently running up and down Steve’s spine. “I love you so much.”

He saw the smile in Steve’s eyes and felt his lips quirk into a small grin. “I love you, too. Thank you,” he breathed. “Thank you for making me feel better, and…” He took another breath before finishing, “…for saying those things. I just…I’m so tired of being told I’m not good enough. That I’m weak and…”

“I meant every word.” Tony assured him softly. “Honestly, I wish I was wrong. I wish Bucky was still here. I wish this fucking war didn’t exist because I know you will succeed. Sooner or later you’ll get that chance to prove yourself, prove everyone wrong, and I’m going to have to follow you to help watch over your crazy ass. I’m too old for that shit.”

He could feel Steve’s body shaking with laughter as he watched the blonde smile wider. “You’re not old, Tony.” His gaze turned speculative as he studied Tony’s face. “Really, it’s like you don’t even age. I’ve drawn you so many times over the past two years, and it’s like you haven’t changed at all.”

Cold fear filled Tony’s previously warm chest at Steve’s all too accurate observation. It wasn’t just him, then. Steve noticed it too. Tony’s mask never faltered as he smiled and deflected, “That’s a nice thought.” He lied, “Who doesn’t want to be young and beautiful forever?”

Steve laughed. “As long as you stay humble,” he said as he tucked himself back against Tony. They were sticky with sweat and each other’s fluids, but they made no move to leave the bed and their embrace. They just stayed in the other’s arms and enjoyed the comfort that their closeness offered them. It had been a long week, and Bucky would be gone for many more to follow.

Tony already couldn’t wait for Bucky’s next letter.

 

***

**Hi Honey, Hey Doll,**

**I hope you’re doing alright without me there to keep you out of trouble. I can’t believe I actually miss breaking up alley fights and wondering who Tony might go after next, but I do. Sorry I don’t write more often, but every day is almost the same. We get up. We run. We eat. We do drills. We eat. We practice with our firearms. We eat. We sleep. The next day is the same.**

**Oh, guess what? Turns out that I’m pretty good with a gun. Who would have known? I’d never held a gun before, but the drill sergeant says that I’ve got some natural talent. I guess I’ve always had good aim. Of course, that was darts and tossing a baseball around, not hitting a target with a bullet. I don’t know if that’s a good thing. I mean, I guess it is for the war, but I don’t know how I feel about being so good at shooting, especially when I know that soon enough I’ll be shooting at people. Anyway, the drill sergeant says I might have what it takes to be a sniper. I guess we’ll see.**

**I miss you so much. Sometimes it kills me not to be able to ask about your day, to dance with you or watch you paint. I hope you aren’t moping because I’m not there. I’ll be back soon enough. I miss you and love you.**

**Your Love and Sweetheart,**

**Bucky**

**“** What does he mean by ‘who Tony might go after next’?” Tony asked in pretend offense. “He makes me sound like a dangerous animal.”

Steve chuckled. “Tony, you _are_ dangerous.”

Tony gasped and clutched his hand to his chest. “How could you? You’re supposed to be on my side!”

Steve shook his head, smiling at Tony’s ridiculous behavior. “I am on your side, and thank god for that. Otherwise I’d be completely fucked.”

“You’ve been completely fucked by me a few times this week, baby boy.” Tony shot back. “Try a different phrase. I’ll wait.”

Steve shoved at him playfully. “Asshole.”

“Yes, that’s what I fucked,” Tony nodded seriously.

Steve groaned in frustration. “You’re unbelievable.”

“That’s just how you said it when I fucked you!” Tony chirped lightheartedly. He loved messing with Steve. “Besides, Bucky’s not wrong. You’ve gotten into at least three fights since he left, and it’s barely been three weeks.”

“Yes,” Steve admitted as he narrowed his eyes on Tony, “and somehow, every person who gave me shit and beat on me has ended up in the hospital.”

Tony feigned ignorance. “It’s a rough neighborhood, Steve. People get hurt all the time. Especially people who go looking for trouble.”

“I spoke to Lucille, Tony. I asked about the guys who ended up in the hospital while she was workin’. She said they sounded drunk or crazy, talkin’ about a shadow that moved too fast for them to see. Tellin’ them to make better life choices or leave Brooklyn.” He huffed out an almost laugh. “Or my personal favorite, quoting the bible to them as he beat the shit out of them. The book of Ezekiel, Tony? I had no idea you’d even read the bible.”

OK, so Tony had channeled Samuel L. Jackson’s performance in Pulp Fiction for the last guy, but at least he didn’t shoot them like the character he was imitating. “The path of the righteous man…”

“…is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men,” Steve finished for him. “Ezekiel 25:17.”

“You’re such a good catholic boy.” Tony teased. “How the hell do you remember that?”

“How the hell have you memorized the entire periodic table?” Steve retorted.

“Fair enough,” Tony conceded, “but they had it coming, Steve. I don’t regret putting those assholes in their place. No one gets away with beating on you, no one.”

Steve’s voice was dry. “And you wonder what Bucky could possibly mean by you going after people.”

“It’s your fault, baby.” Tony told him. “You’re the one who taught me to stand up to bullies.”

“Yeah, you’re just a little better at it than I am.” Steve said sarcastically. His voice softened as he continued, “I’m glad Bucky’s doin’ OK. I’m glad he found somethin’ he’s good at. I know he shouldn’t want to shoot people, but it’s kinda a relief to know he’s good at it. It might make me worry a bit less about him.”

“Well, I’m going to worry regardless because that is what I do.” Tony added. “That reminds me. I have to report tomorrow for a consultation.”

Steve’s body stiffened very subtly. Tony would have missed it if he hadn’t been waiting for the reaction.

“It should only be for the day, and I’ll be back tomorrow evening. I promise.” Tony told him as he watched the tension drain from Steve’s muscles.

“Well, that’s good then,” Steve said as he looked up to meet his eyes. “I won’t bother with cooking since I won’t know when you’ll be home. We can go out to eat or somethin’.”

Tony took his hand and softly kissed the back of it. “Sounds like a date, beautiful.”

 

**^**

 

“Well, Mr. Stark, to what do we owe this pleasure today that you have decided to grace us with your presence?” Colonel Philips voice was loud and gruff as ever as it pulled the attention of everyone in a fifteen foot radius.

Tony had been brought by Dr. Erskine to the super-secret and oddly hidden facility under a curio shop in Brooklyn. He’d passed it a few times every week and had never suspected that this store was the front to the super-soldier program the SSR was conducting.

Tony struggled to remain respectful as he stood up for himself against the grumpy colonel. “I missed your smiling face?”

He probably should have struggled harder with the respect thing because Philips was not amused. A few of the surrounding officers and soldiers looked like they expected a bomb to go off.

“I only smile after I shoot someone, Stark.” The man said gruffly. “Are you volunteering?”

“I think I’ll volunteer the Nazis for that one, sir.” Tony said seriously because he kind of believed the man’s threat. Tony wasn’t that anxious to test his healing factor, and he certainly didn’t want a bullet hole to worry about. Steve would freak the fuck out.

“Good choice,” the colonel informed him. “Now get your ass to the lab and earn that check the army is giving you.”

“Sir, yes, sir.” Tony saluted, and swear to God, Philips eyes almost rolled at that before he walked away.

Erskine leaned over. “You really can’t help yourself, can you?” He asked mildly amused.

Tony shook his head. “No, I really can’t.” Tony turned to him. “Would you believe that was my best behavior?”

Erskine chuckled as he motioned for them to start walking. “Sadly, yes. I do believe that.”

“I’m hurt, doc.” Tony turned to grin at him. “You know just what to say to hurt me. You’re hurtful and mean.”

“No, I’m honest.” Erskine stated as they arrived in front of a large imposing metal door.

Tony shrugged. “Same difference.”

“Tony,” Erskine said in a lower voice as he waved at the guard to let them through. “I know you are nervous, but try to calm yourself.”

Tony nodded and blew out a stream of breath slowly, trying to relax at the impending “consultation”. He saw it more as a mind fuck.

The door opened, and he followed Erskine into the large room. Tony was in a weird sort of emotional limbo. He was comforted by the setup of an engineer’s lab. The tools and machines and schematics were familiar to him; however, the knowledge of who he was meeting in here made it impossible to enjoy the effect of the room.

“Mr. Stark,” Erskine called out beside him, and Tony’s eyes followed his stare to find the man answering his call.

From behind what could only be described as an army green space coffin, a man wearing a welder’s mask lifted his head. Tony watched as the blow torch the man held was extinguished, and the mask was flipped up to reveal his features.

Smooth olive skin, dark hair and familiar intelligent brown eyes stared out from a young Howard Stark’s face. “Hey doc,” he called as he removed the welder’s mask from his head and moved to set it and the torch in his other hand on the closest worktable. “It’s good you’re here. I’ve almost got the outer frame finished, and I wanted to talk with you again about the amount of energy this thing is going to be channeling.”

Tony just stood rooted to the spot as he watched a young version of his father casually converse with the good doctor. It was the most surreal moment of his life, and that was saying something. He couldn’t do this. He didn’t want to do this, to watch Howard be this version of himself. He had been witness to it all his life.

Howard was charming. Howard was funny. Howard was brilliant. He really was until everyone else went away, and Tony was left alone with his father. Then, Howard was a drunk. Howard was cruel. Howard was abusive and bigoted and jealous of Tony. It took many years for Tony to realize that last one. Howard had been jealous of Tony’s brilliance and wasn’t used to being outshined so he took it out on his son.

The realization didn’t fix anything. It had come far too late, and the damage had already been done to Tony’s self-worth. It was the biggest reason he had hated being compared to his father. Whatever Tony’s faults, he never wanted to be capable of what Howard had put him through.

“I’d be happy to discuss your concerns, Mr. Stark,” Erskine answered cordially, “but first, I would like to finally introduce Mr. Anthony Stark.”

Erskine motioned to Tony, and Howard’s eyes zeroed in on Tony’s face and narrowed.

“So this is the infamous Brooklyn _repairman_ you’ve been telling us about.” Howard wasn’t even trying to cover his disdain as he looked Tony up and down, clearly finding what he saw unimpressive.

 _Guess some things never really change,_ he thought.

Tony’s mask of cool politeness never wavered. His feelings hidden safe behind his carefully constructed features, and why wouldn’t they be? Howard was the first lesson he’d ever had on hiding what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Tony smiled at his childhood abuser. “It’s swell to meet you, Mr. Stark.” He lied effortlessly. “I can’t believe I’m in your lab. This is just amazing! Did you design all of these things yourself?”

Howard eyes were skeptical as he looked over Tony’s face, trying to read the new man before him. With the evaluation finally done, Howard smirked. Good. He was about to underestimate Tony.

“I only designed most of them,” he said in an attempt to seem humble, “not all, but I did build everything here.”

Tony let out an impressed whistle. “Wow. I’ve only made a few appliances out of spare parts. I can’t imagine creating something like all this.”

Was Tony laying it on a little thick? Maybe. Was he doing this to fuck with Howard? Definitely.

“Well,” Howard chuckled in an almost friendly way, “not everyone’s cut out for these kind of things, but I hear that you do good work over in your corner of Brooklyn.”

To most people it would sound like a nice enough statement coming from a successful inventor meeting an unknown protégé, but Tony heard the insult. Tony was good in his _little corner_ of Brooklyn, but he was now in Howard’s world where he didn’t belong.

Tony shrugged. “Good enough, I guess. It keeps me fed.”

Howard had already turned to Erskine before Tony had finished speaking. “About that energy problem, doc,” he began, “I’ve almost got the generator finished and should be able to run a small test to see if it actually produces those Vita-rays you wanted, but I need a better number on how much power you’ll require. Not enough and we give the test subject a really deep tan. Too much and we’ll fry the son of bitch, possibly the rest of the room too.”

Erskine pinched his nose, and Tony pitied the man. He looked so tired. “First, I need the data from your test, Mr. Stark. Once I have that information, I will be able to give you a final figure.”

“Sure, doc,” Howard said easily, “whatever you want.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Tony couldn’t help but interject, “but from what the doctor has told me, the amount of power that would be needed to run the Vita-ray generator would be massive. You’ll probably blow out the power grid for several blocks.”

Howard turned as if to reach for a tool on the table next to him, but Tony caught the eye roll he was trying to cover. “That’s why I needed those figures. If there’s a power surge during Rebirth, it could branch out to everyone on the test floor. The guy inside the chamber should be fine if the serum does its job, but everyone else could be in for one hell of an energy blast.”

“So install separate layers of faraday cages inside the shell of the transformation chamber.” Tony said as if this was obvious. “Aluminum mesh on the outer layer with a finer copper mesh on the inner one. Then you can do the wiring for the inner chamber and all the energy should be contained inside the shell.”

Howard’s eyes met Tony’s, and yeah, Tony had seen that look before. Howard felt cheated and resented the hell out of Tony for stealing his moment. Of course Howard had probably already planned to use faraday cages inside the chamber to contain the energy. He had just wanted to point out a problem to make sure he got full credit when he solved it. You didn’t become a famous genius by quietly hiding your brilliance, after all, but for Howard it was a step by step process of “look at me, I’m so smart”.

Tony had always preferred to quietly make something amazing, then once it was perfected, bask in the attention and awe it resulted in. Yes, Tony was full of himself, but he didn’t need a ten-step program to have his ego stroked.

Just to rub it in a little more, Tony continued. “I mean, I’m pretty sure that should work. Right, Mr. Stark?” Tony’s voice was guileless, the perfect combination of uncertain and respectful. He almost felt bad for Howard. Almost. Tony could see how easy it would be to outmaneuver the man. Tony was forty-two and Howard was in his early twenties. He had nothing on Tony’s experience with these matters, both scientifically and socially.

It was a pity that Tony wasn’t able to change too much because if he could, Howard would turn into a footnote in some history book. Oh well, as much fun as that would be...

Howard pasted on a smile that nearly looked genuine. “Yeah, that should work. Good thinking, Anthony.”

It was a power play. By all rights a younger man should have addressed him as Mr. Stark until told otherwise by the man nearly twice his age. By deciding to use Tony’s first name, he was practically shouting _I outrank you!_ It was disrespectful and rude by any of the social norms in today’s society.

_Poor form, old man._

Tony just smiled. “Thanks, Howard,” he said happily, verbally making them equals before turning to Erskine. “Say doc, you want to show me where I could get a decent cup of coffee. My roommate kept me up all night.”

Steve certainly knew how to keep him up, alright. Last night, Steve had topped, and Tony was quite happy that the marks were still mostly there this morning. He never knew how he would heal from something nowadays. God, he was freak of nature.

“Of course, Tony.” Erskine answered with a smile before turning to Howard. “I will come by again tomorrow, and we can go over the data from the generator test together if that works for you, Mr. Stark?”

Howard’s eyes lingered on Tony for a moment more in disbelief that Tony had sidestepped his insult with such indifference before looking at Erskine. “Yeah, doc. That should be fine.”

Erskine nodded. “Then I shall see you tomorrow.”

He turned to leave, and Tony moved to follow him, but he couldn’t resist one more last jab. As he walked, Tony looked back and called out, “It was really great to meet you, Howard. I can’t wait to work with you. Maybe later after my coffee I can come back and help with those faraday cages. You know, one repairman helping another.”

He didn’t look at Howard’s face as he turned his head back around. He couldn’t look at him, or Tony was sure he would burst out laughing.

Once they’d exited the lab and had moved halfway down the hall, Tony couldn’t hold back a chuckle as he thought over the entire conversation. It escalated into laughter as Tony gripped his stomach to contain himself.

Erskine looked at him. His eyes dancing in amusement. “That was certainly interesting, Tony.”

Tony made himself stop laughing. It really wasn’t that funny, but the built up nerves Tony had experienced for the past several days over this meeting had to escape somehow. “I can’t believe he tried that shit.” Tony said before taking a calm, settling breath. “I’d almost forgotten what a subtle dick that man could be.”

Erskine frowned. “He is your father, Tony.”

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, “and believe me, I would have given anything for him to be that subtle with me growing up. Believe it or not, that was one of the most polite conversations I’ve had with Howard since I turned five.”

Erskine looked further disappointed, but this time Tony knew it wasn’t at Tony’s lack of respect. It was directed at Howard. “I am truly sorry to hear that.”

Tony shrugged flippantly. “It’s all good, doc. Really. I had worked myself up so much over this meeting, and it was all for nothing. Yeah, Howard’s an egotistical jackass. I guess the same could be said about me, but after that conversation, I know that I’ll be able to handle him. He’s not the Howard I grew up with, not yet. It’s…” It was rare that Tony struggled to put his thoughts into words. “It’s something I know I can deal with. Howard taught his lessons well, and unfortunately for him, I can beat him at his own game now. He can’t…He can’t get to me like he used to.”

That was a nice way to put it, Tony figured.

“I’m sorry, Tony.” Erskine said sincerely. “It’s not my business to ask, but I am sorry for whatever happened between you and Howard.”

“It’s not on you, doc.” Tony told him. “And it couldn’t be avoided, right? We had to meet. I had to prove that I belong here. Now it’s over, and we can plan for next time. So, what do you need consulting on? Let’s work on figuring this out while we avoid unraveling history.”

 

***Avenger’s Tower***

 

Bucky’s POV

 

Bucky sat at the large table in the dining alcove of the communal kitchen. All of the team, minus Thor and Tony, filled the rest of the chairs with Steve sitting in the chair to his right. Which was a good thing because Bucky’s nerves were all over the place. He’d never been comfortable during the team’s shared meals, but now that he had some version of his memories back, it was a different kind of discomfort.

He felt like a warped puzzle piece that didn’t fit in with the picture the others created. They were bright and cleanly cut while he was a murky grey with frayed edges. He wanted to lock himself in his room with Steve and just hold him as the soothing silence covered them like a blanket, but that was a cowardly thing to do. Bucky was a lot of things, but he was no coward.

He concentrated on his plate as the others carried on their conversation around him. They were all so different. Each personality stood out from the others in a study of contrasts. They were loud, ridiculous, sharp, kind, soothing, practical, inventive, honest and so many things that Bucky could not bring himself to be. Not yet.

“So what do you think, Bucky?” Steve’s voice cut through his thoughts and pulled him back to what was being said around him.

“I…what?” Bucky asked, not exactly proud to have been caught not paying attention to what was going on around him. He was trained to be better than that.

Steve smiled kindly. He was always so kind. “Our dinner, did you enjoy it?”

Yesterday Bucky would have grunted and said something like “It’s fine.”, but today he felt that Steve deserved a better answer than that. For fuck’s sake he had made this whole damn meal from scratch just for Bucky.

He looked down at his almost empty plate before looking back at Steve. “It was really good.” It was soft and almost mumbled in a pathetic kind of way that Bucky hated himself for. He was like an abused dog who was now afraid to bark for fear of getting beaten. Forcing himself to do better, he raised his voice and volunteered, “It tasted just like I remembered, thank you.”

Steve smile was well worth the effort. That smile was beauty and comfort and transported Bucky decades into their past to times that had been forgotten, but Bucky could remember some of them now. His Stevie. His doll.

“This really was excellent, Steve.” Bruce said in that soft, pleasant way of his. Bucky hadn’t spent much time with him (or any of them for that matter), but the scientist had always been nice to Bucky.

“Hell yeah, man,” Sam said across from them. Clint, whose mouth was still too stuffed with pasta to say anything, just nodded his head emphatically while giving a big thumbs up.

Sam continued, “That was damn good. Like little mom-and-pop Italian restaurant good. Where’d you learn to cook this way?”

He watched as Steve shrugged. “We didn’t have a lot growing up, and my ma was always working trying to keep up with the bills, so the cooking fell to me. When you don’t have a lot to work with, you try to make what you do have taste as good as you can.”

“He used to boil everything.” Bucky said without thinking, and five sets of eyes turned their gazes to him. It felt like a spotlight had fallen on his seat. Why had he said that? How had he remembered it? But as he watched Steve’s eyes sparkle in happiness at Bucky’s addition to the conversation, he decided to keep going.

“He was so young when he had to start cooking for him and his ma, so the only thing he could do was boil stuff.” Bucky took a deep breath. He couldn’t bring himself to meet any of the other’s eyes so he kept his gaze focused on the table. “When we were about ten, I told him…I told him…”

Bucky tried not to force the memory because he knew from experience that this never worked. It was a miracle that he’d remembered any of this at all. Yesterday this would have been an impossibility. As soon as he accepted that he might not be able to remember the rest, the memories floated to the surface of the murky waters of his mind.

“I told him, ‘Life’s too short to be eatin’ boiled eggs and cabbage all the time. You need to learn to do better by your Ma, Stevie. If you’re gonna boil something, boil pasta and learn to make some damn sauce. It’s just tomatoes, salt and pepper.’ He started askin’ his ma for recipes after that. I think she was grateful for the change in cooking technique to be honest.”

Steve’s eyes were filled with emotion at the newly formed memory Bucky shared, but he still chuckled softly. “Go figure that the first thing he told me to learn to make was spaghetti. It’s his favorite food, and obviously required more than tomatoes, salt and pepper which I learned the hard way. Once we’d started living together when we were older, I’d began to wonder if Bucky hadn’t been trying to teach me how to take care of him.”

Bucky smiled at the memories of coming home to Steve, then later to Steve and Tony. “It was nice coming home to your cooking. Lunch wasn’t anything special most days, just a slice of bread and some boiled eggs with an apple if I was lucky. You made our apartment home.”

Steve’s eyes watered with those words as Bucky watched him try to push back whatever it was he was feeling. They had an audience after all, and Bucky didn’t blame him for not wanting to start crying at the dinner table. He was still embarrassed as hell from his mental breakdown being witnessed earlier.

Clint broke the silence. “I can’t believe we never knew you two were together. I mean together/together, you know?”

“It’s understandable,” Bruce said in that compassionate way of his. “With how you must have had to hide your relationship, and everything that has happened since then, it’s perfectly reasonable that you kept this private.”

From his left Natasha spoke. “We just don’t want you to think it bothers us in any way. You didn’t, and still don’t, owe us any explanations on your personal lives, both together or with Tony. We just want you to be happy.”

The other three nodded in agreement. Their faces showing nothing but understanding and support. Bucky felt something warm kindle in his chest for them. It was strange, but not…unpleasant.

Sam spoke next. “So, about Tony, what’s he doing in your latest batch of memories?”

Bucky looked to Steve, hoping he would be the one to answer. All of this talking and sharing was still new to him, and he was beginning to feel drained by it. He’d gone seventy years where having an opinion of any kind wasn’t permitted. Hell, thanks to that fucking chair it wasn’t even possible, and although he knew he was now allowed to voice his thoughts without punishment, it was still hard to override the instinct that told him to keep silent and wait for orders.

Like always, Steve didn’t let him down and answered Sam’s question.

“He’s doing well working as a repairman in the neighborhood.” Steve said with a fond tone. He huffed out a laugh. “It’s almost surreal to think about now. One of the most brilliant inventors ever born making a living by fixing radiators, furnaces and faulty electrical wiring. People around the borough called him a miracle worker.”

“I bet he loved that,” Clint grinned, but his words were good natured. “The good people of Brooklyn singing his praises. Tony Stark, the miracle man.”

“He was kind.” Bucky said softly, deciding it was worth the discomfort to tell them about Tony in their past. He still couldn’t bring himself to look at any of them directly, but he kept speaking. “He made money, yeah, but he did a lot of work for practically nothing. He helped widows and the elderly, and he never asked them to pay him. They’d make him cookies or knit scarves or blankets. He liked helping people, taking care of them.”

It was what made him fall in love with Tony in the first place. Tony cared about them and anyone else who needed his help.

Bruce smiled. “It’s a shame so many people think the worst of him because of what the media has done to his reputation. Tony’s far from perfect, but he cares more than he lets show.”

Natasha nodded. “He can be an ass, no denying it, but most of that is intentional. He’s good at misdirecting and playing a role.”

Bucky knew she was thinking about how Tony had managed to fool her, at least to some degree on how he only cared about himself. It’s not an easy thing to get something past the Black Widow, but he had. After Tony’s trip to the past, Bucky now knew first-hand how well he could hide behind a mask and play the part that was expected of him. Just as he knew what it looked like when the mask slipped, and Tony was laid bare for all to see. The genius covered a lot of pain behind his smile.

“He’s a good man,” Sam added. “He didn’t have to take us in, and he damn sure didn’t have to give everyone an entire floor to themselves or put so much effort into making each one perfect for us. Hell, I never thought I’d fly again after my wings got destroyed, but he built me new set that was better than the ones I’d had.”

Bucky actually felt a stab of guilt as he remembered ripping off one of Sam’s wings before kicking him over the edge of the helicarrier’s deck. He wondered if he should apologize for that, or would it just be too awkward since so much time has passed? Yeah, Steve had forgiven Bucky for trying to kill him, but that was Steve.

“I was a runaway that joined the circus.” Clint volunteered, adding to the conversation. “Once I was grown and had left with a dangerous set of archery skills, I got into some trouble before S.H.I.E.L.D. found me, and I became their spy/assassin. I’ve been on my own most of my life. This place with you guys is…well, it’s a hell of a lot better than anything I ever thought I’d get to have. Fuck, I can’t even remember the last thing I had to pay for, and I’ve got teammates I can trust and a hot boyfriend. Not bad for a circus freak reject.”

Bucky had to admit that he liked Clint more today than he ever had in the past. He didn’t know if that was because he was more human, or because he was seeing the better parts of humanity in Clint. Either way, he would take it. He didn’t want to feel like shooting the guy all the time, after all. That feeling had gotten old months ago.

Steve added, “He’s just the same in my memories. Ever since we met him that first day, Tony did everything he could to make our lives better, a little easier. It wasn’t just with his money or the things he’d fix around the apartment. He was so kind and patient and supportive. It wasn’t possible to not…”

The moments stretched in silence as everyone watched and waited for the rest of what Steve was going to say. For whatever reason Steve was having trouble getting it out, so Bucky pulled on his big boy pants, bit the bullet and finished Steve’s sentence.

“For us not to fall in love with him.” Bucky took a deep breath to center himself. Part of him couldn’t believe that he was able to do this. He was having an actual conversation with this group of people, sharing ideas and memories about a man that as of yesterday had been little more than a landlord and technician for his arm. Now, Tony was the half of his heart that wasn’t taken by Steve.

As he looked around the table at his teammates, Bucky wondered if he had room for the others there too. Maybe he’d get there, someday. Bucky thought he’d like that.

“It’s going to be our third Christmas with him soon. I mean in our latest memories,” Bucky added. “It was Tony that made our Christmases something special in the first place. Every year he’d cook a special lunch with all of our favorite foods growing up.”

“Now I know you two are messing with us,” Sam said. “That man doesn’t know how to make anything other than coffee. I was warned by JARVIS when we moved in to not let him try to cook anything.”

At that, the A.I. chimed in. “Though it appears that I may have underestimated Sir, it was with the best of intentions as I was operating with the information of his few previous attempts to feed himself. None of which could have been qualified as a success, and most of which were a safety hazard.”

Steve defended their missing partner. “It was a rough start, but he learned really fast, like everything with Tony, I suppose. But Bucky’s right, it’s almost our third December with him.” Steve turned to look at him. “I wonder what gift we’re going to get him this year. More Asimov?”

As if to answer Steve’s question, a flood of new memories entered Bucky’s mind. By now he would have just let them play along the synapses of his brain, waiting for him to recollect them at his own pace, but he paid close attention to these as he hoped to learn how their Christmas went that year.

But something was wrong. His chest was tight, and his breathing quickened. He felt anger and fear, followed by pain before heart breaking guilt and worry. The feelings always came faster than the thoughts that inspired them, so a split second later, he was overcome with the actual events of that December.

He heard Steve’s gasp beside him and knew the blonde was reliving the same things.

Bucky was panting, trying to catch his breath as he processed everything. “Fuck,” he breathed.

It was then that he realized that the other members of the team had risen from their seats and were on alert, waiting for some sign as to what they should do at Steve and Bucky’s obvious distress.

“Are you alright?” Sam asked.

“What’s happening?” Clint followed.

“Do you need to go to medical?” Bruce’s voice was filled with concern.

“Did something happen to Tony?” Nat asked angrily.

Their words were hard to focus on and almost impossible to answer. Fuck, that was some shit to remember.

Bucky groaned. “We’re fucking idiots, Steve.”

Next to him he could see Steve’s eyes squeezed shut as he tried to deal with what he was feeling about Tony obviously having a meltdown, sick with worry over the two of them as war was officially declared.

Steve grunted. “We didn’t know, and he didn’t tell us. God, but it makes so much sense now.”

“What the fuck happened?” Clint asked loudly, but Bucky could hear the concern in his words.

“Pearl Harbor happened.” Steve said harshly, too upset by the recent memories to keep his usual steady voice.

“Shit,” Sam swore under his breath.

Steve continued, “War was declared, and Tony more or less broke down over the strain of knowing what was going to happen and not being able to do anything about it.” Steve’s voice cracked. “He was so worried, in so much pain.”

Bucky could almost hear his younger, naïve self as he promised Tony that he didn’t plan on dying overseas. That he would return to him, and Tony wouldn’t be alone.

But Tony would be alone. He would be left behind by Bucky, then Steve, and neither were coming back. Tony would know that too.

Bucky wanted to rage at everything and everyone. This wasn’t fair! None of them deserved this! They were happy and together and in love. Why were they destined to have everything ripped away from them? Why were they stuck here, damaged from everything they’d been through, and completely unable to save Tony from the thing he fears most: losing them and being left alone.

With that thought Bucky’s mind chose to replay Tony’s words during his panic attack when he was too far gone to even realize that they were there with him, holding him and calling him back to himself. Bucky didn’t think Tony had even realized he was speaking his fears out loud, but he had, and the pain in his voice still hurt Bucky to think about.

_Breathe. You have a plan. You can fix this. Breathe. Please! You won’t lose them. You’ll fix this. Just breathe! I can’t lose them. Don’t want to be alone. I can’t live here without them. I don’t want to be alone! Please, God help me! I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe! They’re leaving me! And I can’t Breathe! Help me!_

_They’ve left me. They’re gone, and I’ll have to bury them, and no one will know. No one will know how much I loved them, my boys, my everything. They’ve left me alone._

_I’ve lost…everything. I can’t lose you. I love you too much…to lose you._

For one very weak moment, Bucky almost wanted to forget everything again because reliving Tony’s pain this way, knowing how doomed they all were, was nearly too much to take.   

But he was no coward, and Bucky _would_ take it. He had no choice really. He would never go back to what he was, empty and cold. He would never surrender his memories of Steve and Tony again. He didn’t know how, but they would find a way to beat this and get Tony back. He’d keep his promise. Tony would not be left behind to mourn them alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Steve is learning to adjust to Bucky's absence, and we got a taste of how Tony's interactions with Howard will be. I just wanted to show how Steve would have felt when he realized Bucky was really gone, and he would be left behind with his own uncertainty of ever being able to follow. At least this time he has Tony trying to keep his spirits up and providing encouragement. 
> 
> The second part of the story was really a gift to myself. I needed some team bonding fluff. Besides, I wouldn't write Steve having the team help make a meal and not show their dinner conversation. 
> 
> You guys are great. Thank you for continuing this journey with me. Next post within a week. I promise.


	17. Respect, Trying and Only Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Howard fight their own private war. Tony with Steve is adorable. We check in with Bucky at basic training and learn the thoughts he hasn't shared in his letters. In the present Steve finally learns to let go of some of his burdens as Bucky pushes himself to be there for his doll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go guys! I'm finally feeling back to form so I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. For those of you who liked Tony with Howard, your getting a lot more father/son time. For those who wondered when present day Steve would have someone to take care him, your wait is over. All the love to you guys!

Tony was furious as he looked across the lab at Howard. They had been arguing all day, but they’d finally reached their boiling point and had been shouting at each other for the past several minutes.

“I fail to comprehend how you can even get that fat head of yours to fit through the door!” Tony all but yelled. “You honestly can’t admit to the fact that you might be wrong and that this needs more testing!”

“Well, I fail to comprehend how a common repairman with no credentials could have the nerve to presume that he would know more on this subject than me!” Howard bellowed in return. His red face pulled into a mixture of anger and contempt. “Since you’re obviously looking to feel useful, you should take the elevator two floors up. I hear there’s a typewriter that needs fixing where the records are kept.”

“I’d sooner design and build my own war balloon. I could use your over-inflated ego to fly it to Germany and gas Hitler myself, you pompous windbag!” Tony wanted to punch him so damn much it almost hurt.

Over the past three weeks, they had been forced to collaborate with each other a handful of times. Each instance had only escalated the verbal sparring they’d continued since that first day until it culminated in this argument. Howard refused to acknowledge his ideas and concerns, but Tony wasn’t backing down one inch.

He also realized that raising his voice wasn’t going to do anything but make Howard dig his heels in harder. So Tony took a deep steadying breath before he stated in a calmer tone, “This is a man’s life we’re talking about. If we do this wrong, he will die. Regardless of how well you or I have done the math, I think further tests are needed. We owe it to whoever it is that will be putting their life in our hands. That was all I was saying.”

He watched as Howard breathed deeply, then repeated the action. Looking less angry his young father finally spoke. His voice was begrudgingly reasonable. “I suppose in light of those concerns, it shouldn’t delay us too much if we ran over the tests again.”

Tony sighed in relief. After joining this project and getting an unfiltered look behind the scenes, Tony had been a little horrified by how much Howard cared more about staying on schedule than ensuring the safety of the man who would be the recipient of the serum. He seemed to be under the notion that once the serum was administered, it would simply protect whoever was injected from anything that went wrong with the procedure.

Tony had to believe that Howard was deluding himself so he could fast track his work. It was always one of Howard’s greatest shortcomings, his impatience. He always had to be moving on to bigger and better things while never taking the time to perfect what he’d created so that it reached it’s fullest potential. Just look at the arc reactor technology that had been shelved for decades until Tony revisited it. Howard created something, got credit for it and moved on.

Tony did not, however, voice any of these thoughts. Instead, he decided to suck it up, play nice and tell Howard what he wanted to hear. With Steve’s safety on the line, Tony couldn’t afford to be petty about this. “Thank you, that’s all I ask.”

At that, a grumpy sarcastic voice filled the room. “Well, doesn’t it just warm the depths of my heart to see our two resident brains playing nice with each other.”

Crap, when had Philips walked in?

Tony turned his head to side glance the colonel. He couldn’t seem to make his tense muscles stand down from his confrontation with Howard. God only knows what was about to come out of his father’s mouth now that their commanding officer was here.

“Status report, gentlemen,” the older man said. All sarcasm had left his voice. “And it better be good news. I’ve got idiot senators breathing down my neck wanting answers, and it’s giving me a rash.”

Howard looked over Tony’s shoulder to address the man that controlled everything in the building, including them. “Colonel, we’ve come to the conclusion that a few more tests are in order before we clear the project for the next stage.”

 _You lying, ass kissing, two-faced piece of crap._ Tony seethed internally, but held his tongue. He was here for one reason, and one reason only: Steve. Everything else was irrelevant, especially Howard.

“If that’s what it takes, then get it done.” The colonel barked at Howard. “I won’t accept failure on this because someone dropped the ball by not putting in the work. You wanted this job, Stark. Don’t make me regret giving it to you.”

The colonel looked at Tony who had finally turned to give the man his full attention. The truth was that Tony wasn’t comfortable having his back exposed to the man who had threatened more than once to shoot him.

“As for you, other Stark,” he told Tony, “keep reminding him that it’s one of my soldiers who’s gonna go in that blasted contraption. If I lose a good man because of ego, the next test we do will be with one of you in the chamber. Keep him in check. Just stop being an ass about it.” He looked back at Howard. “That last order was for you too, Stark.”

The colonel abruptly turned, ending the conversation before either man could respond, and all the while grumbling about “civilian jackasses” and “rather shoot my foot than deal with this” and “should have hired that roll of toilet paper to handle this shit”.

They were left in uncomfortable silence, and neither looked happy at the thought of being the first one to break it. To Tony’s everlasting surprise, Howard was the first one to speak.

“So, about running the test again,” His words were carefully restrained, almost stilted, as he continued, “We can focus our attention on regulating the voltage by going over the amount of maximum resistance that will be required to prevent the current from damaging the person in the chamber should our safe guards fail. That way we’ll be able to…”

“Are you really about to explain Ohm’s Law to me?” Tony snapped before taking a calming breath. “Look, I know you don’t believe I have a right to be here. I know that, to you, I am not qualified to work on this project, but that is not up to you. I obviously earned the right to be here.”

“Which was never explained to me,” Howard interjected, looking frustrated. “I’m the best engineer in the country, and that nearly wasn’t enough to get me here. What the hell is it that makes you so special that you can literally walk in here off the street and into my lab? Where do you get the nerve to tell me that my math could be wrong and my work is incomplete without more testing?”

“Maybe I’m here because Doctor Erskine knew I wouldn’t just nod my head like a sycophant and kiss your ass.” Tony answered. “Maybe they needed someone more down to earth to remind you that no one is perfect, and there’s more on the line here than your reputation and legacy of being the best. It’s a widely known fact that many of the smartest people in history didn’t have the common sense most people are born with.”

“So that’s why you’re here?” Howard nearly sneered, “To share your common sense with me? Well, I’ve got news for you, Anthony. That and our last name will be the only thing we’ll share. You are merely a consultant and will never get credit for Project Rebirth. So go ahead and give me all the common advice you want.”

Tony’s blood boiled in anger. This was so typical of Howard, and Tony had had to deal with this his whole life growing up. Howard hated sharing credit with anyone, just as he resented anyone who was brilliant enough to do something he hadn’t been able to think of first. Tony’s mind flashed to Hank Pym, among many others, who’d received the same treatment from Howard. Those interactions had created bad blood that had lasted long after Howard’s death.

Everyone had always expected the same of Tony, and it was bullshit. He was perfectly capable of respecting the genius of other people because he knew how it felt to be treated otherwise.  

“You want my advice, Howard?” Tony spat. “Acting like a self-absorbed, petty and contemptuous bag of dicks is not going to do you any favors in life. Even fake humility is more palatable than being forced to choke on your smug bullshit.”

With that, Tony turned and began walking to the door. He’d had enough, more than enough, and Steve was at home waiting for him. Just before he reached the door, Howard called out, “What about the tests?”

Tony stopped and looked back at him. His face was cold, and his voice was colder. “You’re the genius, and this is your project, so _you_ do it. It shouldn’t take you more than eight or ten hours to go through the calculations by yourself, determine if the wires can handle the current and readjust the resistor to the exact specifications needed to make the machine safe and functional. If you’re as smart as you say, it should be finished by the time I get here tomorrow morning, right?”

Tony took one step toward Howard, and his voice became a deadly sheet of thin ice, waiting for Howard to take a misstep and fall through. “Or you can go home, lay your pretentious ass down on your big feather bed, and go to sleep. But know this, Howard. If anything happens to jeopardize the safety of the man we use this on, it will be the _last_ mistake you ever make, and your legacy will end before it begins.”

**                                                                                                                                     

A little over an hour later, Tony was laying on their couch with his head resting in Steve’s lap. The blonde’s gentle, slender fingers were running soothing strokes through his hair. After several minutes Steve broke the silence.

“Was it really that bad today?” He asked kindly.

“The man’s an ass, Steve!” Tony huffed, using one of Bucky’s favorite phrases. He shut his eyes against the annoying light the lamp was assaulting him with. Aahh, that was better. The darkness was just what his migraine ordered.

Steve chuckled, probably at both Tony’s dramatics and the memory of all the times Bucky had whined the same way about someone he’d wanted to hit. “Is this man in danger? Do I have to worry about you going after him?” He teased.

Tony opened one eye to glare at the younger man. “That’s not funny, Steve.”

“It kinda is,” Steve said easily, his nails lightly scraping across Tony’s scalp in their movement.

“I’m working with the human equivalent of Satan’s asshole, and you’re making jokes.” Tony sighed, defeated by everything about this day. “Remind me why I love you again?”

“My pie,” Steve answered smiling.

“Curses, you’re right,” Tony muttered before he groaned. “Oohh, and now I want pie. This day is the worst.”

“It’s not so bad,” Steve said in that adorably upbeat way of his.

“How Steve? How is it not so bad? Were you listening to my story? I know I can’t use names, but I’m pretty sure I was descriptive enough to paint a pretty decent word picture of what I had to deal with.”

“We got another letter from Bucky today.” Steve said, changing the entire mood of the conversation.

Tony felt a smile that reached his eyes appear with the news that they’d received another piece of post from their long distance partner. “And you waited to tell me why?” Tony asked without heat.

Steve shrugged. “Sometimes it’s best to get out what’s bothering you before you can really enjoy what makes you happy.”

God, Tony loved him. Pie or no pie.

“Are you going to show me the letter?” Tony asked with fake impatience.

“That depends,” Steve said slyly. “What do I get when I hand it over?”

“Are you kidding?” Tony asked. “I have to give you something? Being in my presence isn’t enough? This is extortion Steve, and I’m both very impressed and disappointed that you’re capable of that.”

“Don’t you call me a little shit on a regular basis?” Steve asked as he raised an eyebrow. “How can you act surprised that I would use this to my advantage?”

“Touché,” Tony conceded, “but you are the most honest of the three of us, so I don’t know what that says about me.”

“It says you’re trying to talk your way out of answering my question.” Steve said. “What will you give me for the letter.”

Playing along with a dramatically sincere voice, Tony asked, “What do want, Steve? Gold? Jewels? Candy for breakfast? The earth itself? You have only to ask, and I will give it to you or die trying.”

Steve rolled his eyes in that fond way of his. “You’re absurd. And sweet.”

“Absurdly sweet?”

“Yes,” Steve smiled before looking at Tony more seriously. “I don’t want gold or the earth itself, but I will take one day.”

“A day?” Tony asked confused.

Steve nodded. “I want you to take one day off and spend it with me.”

Tony’s throat closed at the request. Trust Steve to make him choke up over something so simple. Tony had been working almost nonstop. He had work at the hospital, work on their building, work around the city and his consulting job with the SSR. He hadn’t taken a day off in weeks and was coming home later than ever before.

He reached his hand up to rub a thumb over Steve’s high cheekbone. “You can have all my days, baby. Every day and every night belongs to you, just say the word.”

Steve smiled, love shining in his eyes. “I think I’ll just take one for now. You have responsibilities, and there’s a war going on.”

Tony shrugged. “I’ll just end the war.” He had privatized world peace once already, he could do it again if Steve wanted. History be damned. “If it gets me more time with you, I’ll start on it in the morning.”

Steve laughed. “No one’s ever offered me world peace before.”

“Well they should have,” Tony told him in a serious voice, “you’re worth it.”

“Ok,” Steve said reaching behind him and pulling out an envelope, “you win. Here’s your letter. If I make you wait any longer, you’ll starting serenading me.”

“Would you like that?” Tony asked as he grabbed the letter from Steve. “Because I could, Steve.”

Steve blushed. “No, Tony, you really don’t have to. Just open the letter.”

“Too late.” Tony began, trying to work his voice into a smooth crooning sound. _“Do I want to be near you? As the years come and go? Only forever, if you care to know.”_

“Oh god,” Steve groaned. “This is not what I meant.”

_“Would I grant all your wishes, and be proud of the task? Only forever, if someone should ask.”_

“Why did I do this to myself,” Steve mumbled.

_“How long would it take me, to be near if you beckon? Off-hand I would figure, less than a second.”_

“You really are crazy,” Steve told him.

Tony winked. _“Do you think I’ll remember, how you looked when you smile? Only forever, that’s puttin’ it mild.”_

“Ok, you’ve proven that you’re very romantic. Now open the letter.” Steve was trying hard not to seem affected by Tony’s attention, but the pink tint to his cheeks and the curve of his lips told another story.

 “You’re so damn adorable when you blush,” Tony said as he ripped open the envelope.

Steve leaned closer to where Tony lay on his lap, and Tony tilted the paper so they could both read.

**Hey Doll, Hi Honey,**

**It’s been over six weeks since I’ve seen you, but I look at our picture every day. The only good thing about being away this long is that I’m over halfway done with basic. Then it’s just a few more weeks of AIT training. It’s looking more likely that my individual training will have something to do with specializing in firearms.**

**A few days ago, this really grumpy colonel came by asking questions and watching us do drills. He reminded me of the colonel you told me about, Honey, the one who had never smiled. I guess most of the top brass are like that, though. Either way, I don’t want to be on his bad side. He looks like the whole world annoys him, but I guess I can understand that. He must have a lot on his plate, being in charge of so much.**

**Some of the guys talk about their gals, and it only makes me miss you more. When they asked me about the sweetheart back in Brooklyn writing to me, it hurts that I can’t tell them everything about you two. It did make them jealous when I said I had two of you writing to me, so I got a laugh out of that. I wonder what they picture when I described you.**

**A slender, fair skinned blonde beauty with blue eyes and a sultry, tanned brunet with eyes the color of chocolate both writing to me. You’ve made me very popular, but it’s for the wrong reasons. I wish I could tell them how much I love you. How I belong to you and depend on you. They just see what everyone has always seen, a guy the dames want to hang off of. I guess that’s the way it should be. Lord knows the truth is the last thing they need to consider.**

**I hope you two are happy and doing well. I hope you’re still selling your paintings, Doll. I want to go and visit every restaurant and business you’ve sold them to when I get back. I’m so proud of you for doing what you love. People need to see how talented you are. Honey, I hope you’re not working yourself to death. I know you think you can do everything, and you probably can, but please remember to enjoy the little things along way. You deserve to take some time for yourself since you do so much for everyone else.**

**Well, I got to go now. It’s lights out soon. Please remember that I love you and miss you and can’t wait for the next few weeks to be over so I can see you again.**

**Your Love and Sweetheart,**

**Bucky**

 

Tony’s eyes had teared up somewhere in the middle of the letter, and he sniffed as he looked over to Steve from where his head still rested in his lap. Steve’s eyes weren’t any better than Tony’s, and the tip of his nose was pink.

“Dammit,” Tony sniffed again, “that made me both very happy and very sad at the same time.”

Steve nodded. “I miss him too.”

“Just a few more weeks, and he’ll be home.” Tony said, reassuring them both. “Why don’t we work on a reply so it will be ready to mail in the morning? Then we can plan that day together I promised you. I’ll take you to the museum in Manhattan. You can look at the art while I look at you.”

Steve smiled, “Yup, absurdly sweet.”

 

**Bucky**

 

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, his whole body hurt. Bucky kept waiting to get used to it, but the truth was that there was no getting used to it. Each day they were pushed harder than the last, ran an extra mile, did more pushups, crawled through the mud with a heavier burden. He knew this was necessary. If Bucky stood a chance of keeping his promise to survive the war and come home to Tony and Steve, he needed to know he could handle it when things got tough. He needed to remember that this was nothing compared to what he would go through when he finally shipped out to fight.

It had been seven weeks since he arrived, and each day seemed longer than the one before. He missed his partners. He missed home. It was evening as he laid down tiredly in his bunk. The shower he’d recently taken had washed away the sweat and grime, but it had done almost nothing to soothe his muscles. He’d really gotten spoiled to the shower that Tony had worked so hard to perfect in their apartment.

He thought about his lovers. They were probably eating dinner right about now. Steve would have made something delicious. Tony might have helped him with it if he made it home early enough, but Bucky doubted it. From the letters he’d received, Bucky had gotten the impression that Tony was working himself ragged with everything he was juggling. The worst of it seemed to stem from whatever secret consulting work he was doing.

Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He knew Tony was stressed, even this far away. He could tell by the little clues in every letter he’d gotten. He was just thankful Steve was there watching out for him. He was also thankful that Tony was there watching out for Steve. Bucky knew Tony would go after anyone stupid enough to mess with Steve. God knows that little punk was a magnet for trouble, but it wasn’t just the fights he always found himself in that worried Bucky.  

No, Bucky worried because he knew Steve was probably still planning and trying to enlist. He was the most stubborn bastard Bucky had ever met, and while Bucky usually loved that about him, it terrified him now. He didn’t want this for Steve. As much as Steve hated to hear it, he wasn’t made for this. It would kill him. Hell, the running alone could kill him.

That’s where Bucky’s confidence in Tony’s ability to watch over Steve wavered. Tony didn’t seem as concerned with Steve trying to enlist as Bucky felt he should be. Maybe he just didn’t realize that Steve truly wouldn’t give up until he got what he wanted, a chance to do what he viewed as fair and right. Steve saw it as his duty to serve, so he was going to serve, end of story. Someday, Steve would find someone willing to look the other way, and he’d be one step closer to being a soldier.

Bucky sighed.

“Why so glum, Barnes?” Dugan’s voice rang out from the bunk across from his. “One of your sweethearts find some sense and get another fella to keep them company?”

Bucky’s smile was small as he looked at his friend. He really liked the guy. Dugan was one of the only good things about this place, but he was too tired and worried over his lovers to fully enjoy the joke tonight. “As if any other fella could compare to me, Dum-Dum.”

At that moment Fredrick Williams walked past them and kicked Bucky’s bunk. “Says the biggest slut in the borough.”

The guy had lived in Bucky’s neighborhood, and they’d known each other since school. He was part of the minority of people in Brooklyn whose family was the right shade of white, at least according to him, and wasn’t Irish, Italian or Jewish. Bucky had never liked the racist asshole. In fact, he’d once busted the guy’s mouth open for going after Steve in high school. It had done nothing to bring them closer.

“Jealous, Williams?” Bucky drawled because as much as he hated it, he needed everyone to think he was the free living ladies’ man he’d spent years pretending to be. “Don’t be mad ‘cause you gotta pay for it.”

“Fuck you, Barnes,” Williams sneered. “Irish piece of shit!”

At that Bucky sprung off his too thin military mattress and stood with clenched fists, staring the other man down. He’d noticed Dugan and several others had stood as well. Bucky was about to tear the guy a new asshole, but it was Dugan that spoke first.

“You might wanna think before ya speak, Williams.” Dugan’s normally cheerful face was nearly as red as his hair. As Bucky looked at the others who’d gotten up in anger, he noticed most of them had Irish surnames as well. “There’s a lot of Irishmen here who wouldn’t be too sad if you went missing in action.”

Williams scoffed at the threat. “Is that supposed to worry me, ginger? Besides, when I make sergeant, there might not be so many of you Micks around once we get to the fighting.”

Bucky rushed to grab Dugan’s arm and hold him back. The last thing they needed was for Dum-Dum to beat the guy senseless, no matter how satisfying it would be.

Williams just laughed. “Typical hot-headed Paddy. At least you’re not drunk.” With that, he turned and made his way down to his bunk at the far end of the barracks.

“That guy is a disease,” Dugan grumbled as Bucky released his arm, convinced Dum-Dum wouldn’t run after the guy.

“He’s a piece of shit,” Bucky corrected. “His way of thinking is the disease.”

Dugan huffed. “That son of a bitch can’t make sergeant. Could you imagine him as our CO’s right hand man?”

“It won’t happen.” Bucky said because he needed to believe it. “He’s as average as they come, and his head is as empty as a shell casing.”

“Well, you’re right about that,” Dugan said as he clapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. The anger gone as quickly as it had come and the jovial smile back on his face. “I guess it’s up to you to get the job. Wouldn’t mind calling you Sarge, Barnes.”

From the corner of his eyes, Bucky saw the other guys’ heads nodding in agreement. _Great, no pressure then,_ Bucky thought tiredly. Yeah, he’d hoped to climb a little higher up the ranks than private or corporal, but he’d wanted to get there on his own terms. Now, it felt like he had to work just that much harder to make sure that someone like Williams wouldn’t get there first.

And he _would_ do the work. Bucky knew he was among the top of the trainees here. He would work even harder to make it to the very top. He'd try with everything he had. When Bucky shipped out with the rest of them, he would be leaving with the rank of sergeant. He wouldn’t settle for anything less.

 

**Tony**

 

As bad as their last altercation had been, it had also been a turning pointing for Tony and Howard. Whether it was Tony’s not so subtle threat or the colonel’s more straight forward one, the two of them had met the following morning and moved forward with their work. They didn’t mention the events of the previous night, or the fact that Howard looked like stomped on dog shit after working all night to check and correct everything for their test that morning.

To both of their relief, the tests they ran were all successful. They were able to tell the colonel as much before beginning work on the next piece of equipment needed for Project Rebirth. It would be the station that Howard himself would operate while the chamber was saturated in Vita-rays. They were going over the schematics of what they believed it should be. Tony knew this was just the first of many drafts, but it felt good to be moving ahead while knowing it wasn’t at the expense of Steve’s safety.

Just when he thought they had finished for the day, and he was pulling on his jacket to leave for a late dinner with Steve, Howard stopped him.

“Anthony, you want to stay for a beer?” Tony did nothing to cover his suspicion at the request, and Howard huffed out a tired breath. “It’s not poisoned. You can even choose which bottles we’ll drink from.”

“I don’t think poison would be your style, Howard” Tony told him truthfully. “I only wondered at the reason behind the invitation.”

“Look, Anthony,” Howard said as he went to a small chest in the corner of the room and pulled out two bottles of a local brew. “I just want to clear the air about some things while we’re both too tired to argue.”

Despite everything, Tony was genuinely curious as to what Howard would want to say to him, so he nodded and reached out for the beer Howard was offering. He popped the cap off on the edge of a nearby worktable and watched Howard do the same before taking a long drink.

Howard began. “What do you know about me, Anthony?”

Tony shrugged. “About as much as most people, I guess. Whether it’s true or not, I couldn’t say. I’m not one of those people who believe everything in the papers.”

“Then you’re smarter than most,” Howard replied, “but I guess I already knew that.” He sighed and took a drink. “My father founded our company. He was a smart man, smart enough to hire people that were smarter than him. He was good at business, but engineering and mechanics were never his strengths. Still, the company did well enough. It’s the biggest reason I became an engineer. I had a legacy to further. He was always talking about what Stark Industries could be one day, and that I was the one who would take it into the future. Luckily for both of us, I was brilliant enough to achieve his dreams.”

Tony listened to his father as different emotions flowed through him. He’d heard bits and pieces of this growing up, but it had never been spoken this way, a casual conversation of what had shaped Howard into the man he became.

“After my education was completed, and I began my work at SI, I started to build and create. I also started to tear things down. I tore down doors that had been closed to me. I tore down business rivals. I pushed myself into the places that I wanted to be and proved to everyone that I had always deserved to be there. Not many people have the balls to stand in my way, much less tell me _No_ or threaten me.”

Howard studied Tony for a long moment before taking another pull at his bottle and continuing. “Last night was when I realized what kind of man you are.”

“What kind of man is that?” Tony asked, wondering what was about to be said about him.

“A good man,” Howard said simply. There was no deceit or hidden meanings behind his words. He was stating a fact. Tony was a good man, plain and simple. “You’re not like me.”

To say that Tony was stunned was an understatement. He didn’t know how to respond to such a thing coming from any version of Howard. Still, he managed to ask, “Like you?”

Howard smiled, but it only made him look more tired than before. “You were right about me last night. What you said about my reputation and legacy, it was the truth. It’s the one constant in an endless list of variables in my life. Yes, I want to do good and help my country, but we both know that I also want to be able to say that I was the one who did it. You don’t care about those things. You honestly care more about the life of a man you haven’t even met than getting the credit for this project, something that could change your life forever. I couldn’t do that.”

It was the most honest he’d ever heard his father speak when he wasn’t hurling insults Tony’s way. Tony didn’t know how to feel so he just took a sip of his beer.

“I’m a selfish, egotistical asshole.” Howard stated. “I know this, and it’s never really bothered me because it has always gotten me the things I want. No one’s ever called me out on it, though, not until you.”

He looked directly into Tony’s eyes. “I don’t like you, Anthony. I didn’t when I first heard of you, or after, when I met you. I saw someone who was going to try to take what was mine, so you were my enemy. I realize now that I was wrong about your motives. I can admit that, but I still don’t like you. I don’t like being reminded where I fall short. I don’t like having to think ‘What if I cared a little more?’ I don’t like feeling uncertain about me being the smartest person in the room. So, I don’t like you for those reasons.”

Howard sighed, “But I can respect you for them. You were right about you being the person to call me out on my shit. So, moving forward, I will try to remember that what you are saying is because you are a good man looking out for a soldier’s well-being, and not because you are trying to undermine me or steal this project from me. Does that sound acceptable to you?”

Tony thought on it. Howard was actually being honest. Everything he’d said fell into line with what Tony knew about his father. If Howard actually respected Tony, even if it was begrudging, it would make working together infinitely more pleasant. He would still be on guard. It was Howard so he had to be, but he could call a cease fire on their hostilities if Howard would. Tony wasn’t a fool. Obviously, Howard could do this without Tony and be successful. He’d done it before. Maybe now Howard would be able to do the work he’d done the first time when he’d worked alone and hadn’t been trying to outshine another genius that had been placed in the lab with him.

So Tony held out his hand in offering, and Howard reached out to clasp it, sealing their new truce. “I can live with those terms.”

Howard’s mouth gave a faint smile. “Good deal.” They released hands, and each took a final drink of their almost empty bottles. Once they were done, Howard added, “My father’s name was Anthony. Did you know that?”

Of course Tony had known that. He nodded.

Howard went on, “He died almost two years ago. Heart failure is what the doctors said. It’s a shame because he’ll never get to see the way the company has grown, is still growing. It’s going to bigger than he ever dreamed. He named me after his father, you know? I get my sense of legacy from him.”

Tony couldn’t help the smile that formed as he asked, “So are you going to continue the legacy and name your son after him?”

Howard laughed at that. “I don’t see myself married with kids. I’d be horrible at it, and I don’t like failing at something.”

“You’re the one who keeps bringing up his legacy,” Tony reasoned. “What’s going to happen to the company when you’re gone? I know most young people think they’ll live forever, but I can promise you that is not the case.”

Howard looked at him for several moments, then huffed, “You’re just trying to get me to name one of my children after you.”

Tony smirked, “I wouldn’t dream of it. You don’t even like me.” Tony hesitated before finishing, “Do it for your father. If he or his legacy means anything to you, do it for him. My own father was a nightmare. He made my life hell when he wasn’t ignoring me. If yours was better than that, do it for him.”

With that, Tony put his empty bottle down on the work table and turned to leave. As he reached the door, he looked back to see Howard watching him. “Thanks for the drink, Howard, and the talk. It’s given me a lot to think about.”

Tony walked out the lab and headed for the elevators. He was unforgivably late for dinner with Steve, but he knew his baby boy would forgive him anyway, which was good because Tony was exhausted. He wanted to curl up around Steve and hold him as he processed everything that had been said tonight between him and his father.

It didn’t fix anything. It didn’t change anything, but for the first time in his life he was able to see Howard as something other than the cold, abusive man he’d grown up with. Howard was a flawed human being, but wasn’t everyone to varying degrees? No, nothing had really changed, but Tony had gotten the chance to speak with his father as an equal and come to an agreement.

Tony could respect that.  

 

**Avengers Tower**

 

Steve let the hot water rain down over him in his shower. He was exhausted; mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted from everything that had happened over the course of the day. It had started out as any other morning, a continuation of the day before, but everything had changed in a matter of hours.

A teammate had gone missing, and as their leader, it was Steve’s responsibility to find him and bring him home. Then, the flood of memories signaling the curse taking effect and changing Tony from a missing teammate to the man he loved being trapped decades in the past with no way of returning.

Then, Bucky remembering the part of him that had been lost and struggling to cope with the emotions that they had triggered. Steve was trying so hard to keep going under the weight of everything. He’d been trying since he woke up in this strange new world over two years ago, but he was so tired. From trying to adapt to this time, trying to save the world, trying to make new friends, trying to save Bucky, trying to be there for Bucky once he found him, trying to control his growing attraction to Tony and now today, it was all crushing him.

Steve lied to himself and pretended it was just the water from the shower running down his face and not tears from being so overwhelmed that he felt fractured inside. It was a familiar lie since it happened almost every night. In this shower on his private floor, he didn’t have to be Captain Steve Rogers. He could just be the small, weak little guy from Brooklyn he’d been for most of his life, and no one would know. So he let the water run until it was only water on his face.

Eventually, Steve exited the shower. He wrapped a towel around his hips after drying himself and brushed his teeth. As he opened the bathroom door that connected to his rather luxurious bedroom, Steve froze when he saw that he wasn’t alone. Bucky was standing by the doorway to the room, looking uncertain of his presence being welcome.

Steve just stood there in his towel and waited for Bucky to speak. He looked just as tired as Steve felt over the events of today. After a few more silent moments, Bucky spoke. His voice was so soft that Steve probably wouldn’t have heard anything at all if it hadn’t been for his enhanced senses.

“I’m sorry for just coming in here,” Bucky murmured, “I should have asked, but I just…I wanted…” He closed his eyes, looking pained as he forced the words out. “Can I please stay here?”

Bucky’s broken and tentative question made Steve want to go back in the shower and cry again. Instead, he just answered, “Of course, Buck, you don’t have to ask for that. You’re always welcome in here.”

“Could we…” Bucky continued softly, “could you hold me again? Like you did earlier on the couch?”

Fuck the shower, Steve thought as he felt a tear threaten to slide down his cheek. “Of course, Love,” he answered and held open his arms.

Bucky’s face was filled with relief as he crossed the room and slid his arms around Steve’s waist. The cool metal of his left hand was almost jarring to the still heated skin from his shower, but Steve didn’t flinch. He just closed his arms around Bucky and gently squeezed as he pressed a kiss to the side of his head.

“Thank you,” Bucky mumbled in his ear. “I couldn’t…I can’t be alone right now.”

“You’re not alone,” Steve told him as he rubbed soothing circles on Bucky’s back. “I’ll always be here for you.” Steve kissed his temple once more before continuing, “Come on. We’ll go sit on the couch, and I’ll hold you all night if you want.”

To Steve’s surprise Bucky shook his head at this, his stubbled jaw lightly scratching against Steve’s shoulder. “No, I want to lay down. I want you to hold me like you used to.”

His voice was so small, scared and unsure. Steve knew what it must be costing Bucky to ask for these things so he didn’t make a big deal out of any of it. He wanted Bucky to know that he could tell Steve what he needed, like he always had.

So Steve released Bucky from his arms before grabbing his hand and slowly moving them to the huge bed against the far wall. Bucky laid down and turned to look at Steve, waiting for him to join.

Now, it was Steve’s turn to hesitate. “I need to get dressed,” he finally said as he went over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of boxer-briefs. He slid them on under his towel before removing it. He saw Bucky’s brow crease in confusion as he opened another drawer and took out a pair of blue flannel pajama pants, pulling them on before returning to the bed.

Steve climbed in and laid beside Bucky, who latched himself to Steve’s side as quickly as he could, his metal left arm resting on top of Steve’s chest. He felt the muscles in Bucky’s body relax as soon as Steve curled an arm around him.

He was surprised when Bucky broke the silence a few minutes later. “Do you want to talk about it?”

It’s was Steve’s turn to look confused as he processed Bucky’s question. “What do you mean? Do you need to talk, love?”

Bucky huffed next to him, his warm breath heating the skin it blew across. “No, I meant do _you_ want to talk about it?”

Steve was at a loss. “I’m not sure I’m following you, Buck. Talk about what?”

“I’m not that cyborg I was yesterday, Steve.” Bucky said, throwing Steve off even further. “I _know_ you’re hurting. I can tell, and I’m not better, but I’m better enough to know to ask you what’s wrong instead of staying quiet about it.”

Steve felt the familiar prickling sensation behind his eyes, but he pushed it away. It was always so much harder when he had to pretend that he was alright for the sake of others. “I’m Ok, Buck. You don’t need to worry about me. You’ve got enough to handle right now.”

“That’s bullshit, Steve!” It was the loudest Bucky’s voice had gotten since Steve had first seen him in the doorway. “You’ve been drowning for months, years probably, and you’ve never asked for help. I get why you couldn’t before with anyone. They’re your team, and you’re their captain, but I am your best friend. I’m your….your partner.”

Bucky took a ragged breath, clearly trying to get this out despite every instinct telling him be quiet. “What was wrong during dinner? You were talking about Tony, and then you couldn’t anymore. Talk to me. Please.”

Steve sighed. He couldn’t do this. Bucky needed him to be strong right now. Tony needed him to be strong right now. Whining and crying over things he couldn’t do anything about would not help anyone.

 _But it might help me_ , Steve thought. He’d long given up on being able to talk about his concerns with someone else, to be able to voice his fears and his failures. Sam would probably tell him that wasn’t healthy, and that everyone needed someone to talk to. Here was Bucky asking Steve to let him in, let him help. Would Steve ignore his request because he’d grown so used to handling everything himself?

“I’m so tired of feeling alone.” Steve began softly. “Ever since the ice, I’ve been alone. Even surrounded by people at shield or here in the tower, I didn’t have anyone. Who could I talk to that would understand? Really understand and not just nod their head and offer sympathy or advice based on nothing at all?”

Bucky could understand, at least in part. Steve took a deep breath and continued. “Now, I have you back. I really have you back, but Tony’s in trouble. Tony, who would also understand what it feels like to be trapped in a world that’s so foreign from what you know. Tony, who I now love as much as I love you. Tony, who I am failing because I can’t help him.”

“It’s not just on you, doll.” Bucky whispered softly. “We’re all worried and trying to help.”

“I’m the leader, Bucky.” Steve corrected as his eyes watered under the weight of everything he’d held back. “ _Everything_ is on me. We don’t even know where in our past Tony is right now, but we know where we’ll be soon enough. I’ll be fighting to save the world against Hydra, but I won’t even realize that the man I love needs my help too. And I’ll fail him. First, I’ll fail you on that train, then I’ll fail him when I crash that plane into the arctic.”

Steve choked around a sob, his tears began falling freely now as the words poured out of him. “What good is being a hero if I can’t save the people I love? Tony is trapped there, and I’m going to leave him behind. Anything that happens to him after that is on me, and I can’t…I can’t…”

“Shhhh,” Bucky murmured softly, “It’s not just on you, doll. It’s not always your responsibility what happens to everyone around you. You can’t think like that, Steve. What happened to me wasn’t your fault. It was horrible, yes, but a lot of things in this world are. It’s not fair, and it’s not right. _It just is._ I’m only starting to make peace with what has happened to me, to us, but I don’t blame you for any of it. Fuck, without you I’d still be lost. I’d still be a monster. Tony wouldn’t want you blame yourself either.”

“What if we lose him, Bucky?” Steve asked through his tears. “What if we don’t fix this in time? What if we can’t fix it, and Tony goes crazy from the isolation and grief? You heard what he said that day. He can’t live there alone. What if it becomes too much, and he kills himself? We’ll never get him back. We’ll never know what happened to him.”

Steve turned his head to hide his face in Bucky’s hair. “I haven’t felt this helpless and hopeless since you fell from the train. Crashing that plane into the ice was a relief after that, knowing that I wouldn’t have to go on living my life with the guilt of not saving you. What if Tony feels the same? You know he’s going to try to protect us, and because of this damned curse, he’s going to fail. What if he takes the same way out that I did?”

“Did you want to die, Steve?” Bucky asked in a whisper. Steve wondered what his face looked like but couldn’t bring himself to check for fear of what he’d see. “Were you trying to kill yourself?”

No one had ever asked Steve that question since he’d woken from the ice. Who wants to ask a hero if his greatest sacrifice had really been an act of cowardice? “I didn’t want to die,” Steve told him. “Not really. But I didn’t want to live either. It was the same on the heli-carrier. I’d have rather died than go through losing you again.”

Steve shuddered upon giving his confession, and he felt Bucky press closer to his side, keeping him together. Steve could barely see through his tears. “Everyone was right, Bucky. I‘m weak. It turns out that it had nothing to do with my body, and inside I’m still the weak and useless person they’d all said I was.”

Suddenly, Steve felt metal fingers grab his chin before they forced his face to look down and meet Bucky’s eyes. Steve’s vision was blurred, but he could see that Bucky looked angry. “Don’t ever let me hear you say that about yourself again, punk, or I swear to Thor and his whole family that I will beat some sense into you.”

“Bucky, I…”

“I heard you, Steve.” Bucky said, talking over him. “I listened to every word you said so now, you’re gonna listen to me. Give yourself a break, Rogers! You are not God! You can’t control everything, and you can’t fix everything no matter how hard you try! Life has been knocking your ass to the ground since you were born, but you’ve always gotten back up, so you don’t get to think that about yourself! Do you not realize how fucked up your life is? ‘Cause I do. I know this because I’m one of the few people on the planet who could compete with you on how much life has shit on them. It’s a fuckin’ miracle we’re still here and trying to keep it together because it would be a hell of a lot easier to just eat a bullet.”

Bucky’s voice broke as his eyes watered. “It’s not a crime to want the pain to stop. I can’t believe that, not for you or me. We’ve been through so much, Stevie, but we’re still here. Somehow, we both made it through everything to get here, and I need you to…” Bucky panted as his own tears fell, “I need you to promise me that you’ll remember that. Not wanting to live is not the same as killing yourself. Everyone reaches the point where they’ve had enough, but that doesn’t mean you should give up, Steve. You never have, and despite whatever you think of yourself, you never will. So don’t give up on Tony. Yes, he needs us, and we need him, but I have to believe that he is strong enough to keep going, keep trying. I have to believe that, and so do you. So stop taking the blame for the entire world and remember that even if it ends tomorrow, you are just one man who is allowed to be human.”

Steve stared at Bucky, stunned by everything that had been said. It was like they were teenagers again, and Bucky had just given him a good dose of tough love through the verbal equivalent of a swift kick in the ass. And it helped. It helped because Steve had spoken his piece, and Bucky had listened. Bucky, who was the only one who could have broken through Steve’s walls enough to get the words from him in the first place. Bucky, who was the only one who could absolve Steve from the weight of what he’d been feeling.

Steve drew in a steadying breath as Bucky did the same. After a few more calming inhales, Steve finally spoke. “I almost forgot you could do that.”

Bucky actually chuckled. “So did I. I’m sorry, but I just…I hated hearing that about you. Even if you were the one saying it. _Especially_ if you were the one saying it, but I didn’t mean to yell. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“You can yell at me, Buck.” Steve said as he hugged Bucky against him once more. It meant a lot that Bucky cared enough to raise his voice and confront Steve. “If you’re talking sense into me, you have to yell. I’ve been told that I’m pretty thick headed.”

Bucky sniffed. “You’re stubborn as a mule with a savior complex.”

“You’re probably right about that.” Steve agreed. “I love you, Buck. And thank you for listening before you called me out on my crap.”

“If I remember correctly,” Bucky said as he rubbed his face against Steve’s chest where his head lay, “it was my job to call you out on crap. And I love you, too, punk.”

They laid there together in a silence more peaceful than Steve would have believed possible before his shower. Bucky was right. Steve couldn’t keep blaming himself for the evils of the world and the tragedies he hadn’t been able to prevent. He also had to believe that Tony wouldn’t give up and would hold on long enough for them to fix this.

Steve’s sigh broke the quiet moment. “He’ll make it, right?”

“If anyone could, it would be him.” Bucky answered softly. “Tony’s stronger than anyone gives him credit for. Like you reminded me earlier, he would wait forever for us, and Tony keeps his promises.”

 _Tony would wait forever_.

“I’m scared, Buck.” Steve admitted. “Things are getting bad in the new memories. You leaving, the war…it scares the hell out of me, and I just want him home.”

“He’ll get here.” Bucky said, probably reassuring them both. “We’ll get him back, and the three of us can be the tragic mess we were meant to be.”

“We are a mess, aren’t we?” Steve mused. “When you think about it, we’re perfect for each other.”

Bucky nodded. “It was true then, and it’s true now. What should we do when we finally get him home?”

“Buck, we don’t know where he is or how to get him home.” Steve pointed out.

“I know that, Stevie, but planning his return right now is a hell of a lot better than worrying about not getting him back.”

“It’s also a dangerous road to go down,” Steve argued reasonably.

“Everything about our lives is dangerous, doll. Besides,” Bucky added, “you’re the man with a plan. Don’t you want to plan something nice for him?”

Steve huffed in exasperation, but he smiled anyway. “We could cook for him. You know, recreate our first attempt at surprising him with a special dinner.”

Bucky sighed. “That would be nice. We’ll make his favorite pasta and could get some of that wine. It wouldn’t affect us, but it would still be nice.”

Steve’s mouth pulled into a tired smile. “I could make blueberry pie, and we could play gin. You’ll cheat with the cards, and he’ll complain even though he’s smiling.”

“Then we’ll all go to bed and hold each other until we fall asleep.” Bucky yawned. “It’s perfect, Stevie.”

Steve waited and listened as Bucky’s breathing evened out, signaling he was asleep. Steve tried not to think about how Bucky had changed the end of the memory. Just as he tried not to think about the way Bucky was pressed against him.

Bucky was dealing with a lot, and sex would probably not be an option for them anytime soon. These past few hours had shown an amazing change in him, but Steve knew that it was all too fragile a thing right now. Bucky was doing what he did best, trying. He knew it was a little easier for Bucky here alone with Steve than it had been at dinner with the team. He also knew that Bucky had still forced himself to find the courage to come here and try to help Steve.

Bucky was right. Life wasn’t fair, and it was hard most of the time, but that didn’t mean you were allowed to stop trying. Because if you tried hard enough, you might finally make it to the other side of forever.

At that thought a new wave of memories washed over him, and through some act of providence, Steve heard Tony’s voice softly singing to him as if in answer to his fears.

_“Do I want to be near you, as the years come and go? Only forever, if you care to know.”_

Steve closed his eyes, and let the memory of Tony’s song soothe him into a peaceful sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That racism Bucky and his friends experienced was a very real thing. (The right shade of white) At this time in Brooklyn, the Irish, Italian and Jewish populations had exploded with immagrants that had come into the country in the past few decades. Many "english" Americans did not approve of them. Sadly enough, they did not approve of each other. There would be a Jewish side of the street and an Irish side, for example. They held onto prejudices and stereotypes of other nationalities. 
> 
> Steve and Bucky were, of course, in the more tolerant group of people. It also explains why Mr. Martinelli would have been so touched at Tony helping his daughter and valued his prolonged friendship with the boys. Bucky was right when he said that the thinking behind racism is a disease, and I hope that one day this disease will be cured. We just have to remember we are part of the same race, the human race. Whoa, that got preachy.
> 
> Tony and Howard called a truce. Let's hope it can last. Tony is absurdly sweet, but we already knew that. Also, that song he sang is one of my favorites to come from that year, Only Forever by Bing Crosby. It technically came out later in the year when this takes place, but I took some liberties because it fit so well with what I needed to do. 
> 
> Steve finally let someone in, and you know it would need to be Bucky. You can't take care of everyone all the time if you don't take care of yourself some of the time.


	18. A Strong Heart and the Color of Agony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony doesn't like doctors or hospitals in any time period. Bucky wakes in the night from his latest memories, but they eventually remind him of something he never wanted to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, but here it is. Tony is about to learn more about his otherness, and predictably, he doesn't like it. Bucky is about to try some of that self-rediscovery Steve was planning for him without supervision.

Things had been moving along with how busy Tony was lately. The truce between Howard and him had been going well enough. They still had their moments of tension over various differences of opinion, but they hadn’t devolved into shouting and cursing at each other since that memorable argument. They were getting a lot accomplished in the lab together, and sometimes Tony had to step back and wrap his head around the fact that he was collaborating with his father over a project.

The closest he had come to this was when he’d watched those old movie reels and had used what Howard had started as a way to create the new element that would replace his reactor core and save Tony’s life. Still, this was a very different situation, and Tony needed to remind himself to move away from the work and let Howard do the heavy lifting. Tony was a consultant and not officially part of this.

He and Steve were doing as well as ever, and Bucky’s letters gave them both something to look forward to as they also helped mark the passage of time; however, there had been a new tone to the most recent ones in the past month and a half. Bucky seemed determined to do well in everything he did, and Tony wondered what had caused this change in him. He hoped that it wasn’t anything serious, and that Bucky just wanted to go into his advanced individual training with the most to offer.

Yes, once again time seemed to be passing so quickly, but Bucky’s absence also made it seem like an eternity. Tony had felt this way since he’d first arrived in the past. Days racing by and dragging slowly, all at the same time.

He made an effort to put aside time just for Steve after their day in Manhattan. Steve had loved the museum, and Tony loved Steve so everyone was happy. He’d taken Steve to a couple of baseball games, and they’d eaten hotdogs as they’d cheered for the Dodgers. Tony wasn’t a huge baseball fan, but again, it made Steve happy, so he was happy. Sometimes, they would just stay in and play cards as the radio softly played in the background. Those were some of Tony’s favorite moments. Once upon a time, Tony never would have believed this would be something he’d get to have.

It was a bright, beautiful afternoon, and Tony was walking along and talking to Joe Russo as they made their way to the pizza place he owned with his brother, who was also named Anthony. They’d run into each other at the newsstand, and he was telling his friend how Bucky had been doing with his training and how he’d be home in a couple of weeks. When they arrived at an intersection and were going to cross, Tony heard a horn blaring somewhere close to them.

He had barely turned his head to find the source of the noise when he realized what was happening, and everything slowed down in a rush of adrenaline. A huge delivery truck had overcorrected when it swerved to miss an oncoming cab and was about to hit them. He lunged forward to push Joe to the side and out of danger when he felt the multi-ton vehicle collide with his body in a flash of pain. Everything went black after that.

When Tony finally woke, it was slowly, and it took him a few moments to realize that he was in the hospital. Great, he hated being in hospitals when he wasn’t there to fix anything and was the thing being fixed. He slowly turned his head to make sense of the room he was in and saw a very distraught looking Steve sitting beside his bed. Tony had later learned that Ruth and Lucille had contacted Steve when Tony had been brought in since the whole hospital already knew that he was basically the only family Tony had in New York.

Steve’s face was pale as a sheet, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. When he noticed that Tony was awake and watching him, his tired face turned angry, and he glared at Tony with tear-filled eyes. “You fuckin’ jerk, Tony.” Steve choked, “You scared me to death.”

“Sorry,” Tony said dumbly. His eyelids felt like they were made of lead as he blinked, trying to focus on his partner. He swallowed thickly and finally croaked, “What happened?”

Upon hearing his question, Steve’s anger was replaced by what Tony could only interpret as sad exhaustion, as he answered, “You were hit by a truck. Do you remember?”

“Vaguely,” Tony answered slowly, he felt rather stoned. “It came out of nowhere . Was anyone else hurt?

 Steve shook his head, “No, thankfully no one else was hit. You pushed Mr. Russo out of the way at the last second. He was a little bruised, but he’s going to be alright.”

“I think I remember that.” Tony said, working his memory as the fog slowly cleared. “I’m glad he’s alright.”

“Well, he certainly appreciates it,” Steve told him as he reached out to gently move a piece of Tony’s hair from where it had escaped the bandage that he now noticed was wrapped around his head. “He came in with you after it happened, and he’s been by to check on you since then. You probably saved his life, Tony.”

“Maybe,” Tony said, fully feeling how dry his mouth was. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Four days,” Steve answered him, that haunted look returning. “God Tony, I didn’t know what to do. The doctors kept using all these words like internal bleeding and spinal damage and conflicting images, and they kept running tests and scans on you and saying none of it made any sense.”

Tony looked down at his body, almost just now realizing that it was still attached to him. He wanted to groan when he saw that most of him was covered in heavy plaster casts, and all of his limbs were slung up from the bed like some medical BDSM scene gone wrong. “Fuucckk,” he cursed as he thought about how this was going to complicate everything.

Steve looked panicked as he got up and hovered over Tony. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Do I need to get the nurse for more medicine?”

“Steve…”

“They haven’t been by in a while.” Steve continued. “We’ll get you some more morphine. Ruth went home a few hours ago, but the other nurse should be around.”

“Steve…”

“You should be resting,” Steve said, even though he was the one who looked exhausted. “You’ll heal better if you rest.”

“Steve!” The young blonde finally stopped his worrying and looked up to meet Tony’s eyes. “Let’s hold off on giving me more opiates for now. I’m alright, baby, but I’m thirsty. Could I please have some water?”

“Oh,” Steve said as he blushed. “Of course, Tony, I…here.”

He watched as Steve moved to his bedside table and grabbed a cup that was waiting beside a pitcher that hopefully contained water. Tony was so grateful to see the clear liquid pour into the small cup and was even more grateful when Steve brought it over to Tony’s lips.

“Small sips,” Steve told him as he directed the straw to Tony’s dehydrated mouth.

The moment the water made contact with his tongue was pure bliss, and Tony struggled to pace himself as he began to take harder pulls on the straw. It was so good until his empty stomach started to become too full with nothing but water. He’d already felt queasy from the pain medication they’d apparently been giving him, and this was just adding to it. At least his mouth felt better.

“Thank you,” he told Steve as it was taken away from him. His mind was quickly returning to normal operating standards, for which he was very relieved. Tony hated feeling drugged when he wasn’t in charge of the high. Thinking more clearly than when he’d woken, Tony realized that he didn’t feel like he’d been hit by a truck, not really. He’d been more sore than this days after he’d crashed to the ground in the armor during the Chitauri invasion. The morphine was clearly beginning to wear off. He should be feeling more pain. This couldn’t be a good sign for him.

 _I need to get out of here_.

Just as Steve was setting the cup back on the table, the door of the room opened, and Dr. Abrams, a man Tony had gotten to know fairly well over the past two years, walked in. When he saw that Tony was awake, his tired features morphed into a look of surprise before it was replaced with a smile that was less friendly and more professional than Tony would have liked. Especially when he was strung up like a marionet.

“Tony, you’re awake.” He said as he walked to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Good, considering everything,” Tony told him. The truth was that he was nervous. From the very little information that Steve had given about the doctors’ reactions to his injuries and all the tests they were running, Tony was quite sure that his otherness had just been discovered by the team of white coats employed at this hospital. It spelled nothing but trouble for him.

“Yes, you’re lucky to be alive,” Dr. Abrams told him, and Tony could see the scrutinizing look in his eyes. “Many of the witnesses to the accident believed you had been killed. To be honest all of us had doubts when you were brought in, but despite the severity of your injuries, your heart was beating so strongly it was like nothing had happened to you.”

At that moment Tony’s strong heart was about to beat out of his chest. He really didn’t like where this was going.

Tony’s face gave nothing away as he asked, “Well, that’s good. Right?”

“Of course, Tony,” Abrams eyes shifted to his plaster-covered body, and Tony had to make himself not focus on how much every part of him was beginning to itch under his casts and bandages. He was fairly certain he had stitches in some places. He chose to focus instead on the doctor in front of him. “However, there was massive amounts of damage to your body. You appeared to have broken and shattered bones, damage to your spine, internal bleeding, cranial fractures…We were at a loss as to how you had survived.”

“Come on, Abrams, it couldn’t have been that bad. Look at me. I’m fine.” Tony tried to bluff his way through this. Maybe if he spun it the right way, he could get them to doubt their previous diagnosis’s on his injuries. Probably not, but he had to try. “Was all the plaster really necessary?” The casts probably added at least eighty pounds to him, and he was grateful for the slings holding their weight, even if it was damn inconvenient.

“It is absolutely necessary, Tony.” Dr. Abrams’s voice was firmer than before. “Truthfully, you should not be awake right now, much less this aware and energetic. We have no idea as to why you are recovering so quickly.”

“Maybe your first opinions were wrong.” Tony said just to be difficult. His anxiety was spiking, and it was making him defensive. Hadn’t he been through enough without this happening to him?

Abrams’s face grew harder. “X-ray imagery does not lie, Tony.”

“Oh god, not that death machine,” Tony muttered. X-ray safety was still unreliable at this time, at least to Tony’s standards.

“It is a perfectly safe procedure when done properly, Tony, and it helped us treat you.” Abrams paused before finishing with, “Although, some of the first images appear to have been faulty.”

“See?” Tony asked, voice ringing with validation. “Faulty x-ray images. The machine must be malfunctioning. Maybe something is wrong with the Coolidge tubes. Have you checked?”

“There is nothing wrong with the tubes.” Abrams answered looking flustered. “It was only a bad image.”

“Images,” Tony corrected. “you said images. How many did you take?” He asked, wondering how many times his body had been subjected to the radiation. Not that he had to worry, probably, since he was healing from everything else, but it still bothered him that he hadn’t even been awake to oversee their use of the machine.

“Several when you arrived. There was damage to your entire body. We’ve retaken different images over the course of the past four days.” Abrams hesitated then said, “Each new image seems to contradict the previous one. From organ damage to bone regrowth to tissue repair, it’s as if the x-rays came from different people or were done weeks apart. Nothing about your injuries or recovery can be explained.”

“Then just answer this,” Tony said because he was honestly getting pretty freaked out about what he was hearing. “What exactly is wrong with me? What are my injuries?”

“I’ve already told you, Tony,” Abrams said, sounding exasperated, “you have multiple fractures and…”

“Do I?” Tony asked belligerently, but he hardly felt that he could be blamed for that. “Because as I said when you came in, I feel _fine_. A little sore, yes, but not enough to warrant all of this!” To prove his point, he began to flop up and down on the bed, which was infinitely more difficult than it should have been because of his casts and their elevated positions.

Both Abrams and Steve reacted to that, but Tony didn’t care. He wasn’t going to stay here bound to this bed as they poked and prodded until the mystery of Tony’s recovery was solved. He really couldn’t bring himself to think of all the horrible ways that could end for him. One of the worst was being shipped off to some secret lab to be experimented on. He already had a secret lab to go to, thank you very much, and he hadn’t been there for the better part of a week _._

 _Howard must be so happy right now_.

Steve rushed forward and put a hand on the cast over Tony’s shoulder. “Tony, please calm down!” The worry in his voice was about one of the only things that could have gotten Tony’s attention. Tony stopped his movements and looked at Steve. His beautiful blue eyes were tired and sunken into his face from the recent stress he’d gone through.

Tony took some deep breaths in an effort to calm himself. “I’m sorry,” Tony told him, wishing he could say more, but he had to hold back the words. They weren’t alone, and Tony was obligated to act like Steve was just his friend. “Steve, I’m sorry, but you know how much I hate being in the hospital, and this is all unnecessary. I’m not going to deny that I got knocked out and banged up, but I _know_ that I don’t need all of this. I’m not going to stay here just because they don’t want to admit that they messed up.”

Tony knew it was unfair of him to blame the poor doctors for this, but he really didn’t have any other option. He couldn’t let them keep him here just to satisfy their curiosity, especially now, it was almost time. Bucky would be home in little more than a week, and he would only be home for a short three weeks before he was shipped out. Tony knew this because he remembered that Bucky left the day after the Stark Expo, and Tony had to be there.

He had to see his sweetheart in the comfort of their home. He needed to make sure they went out the night of the Expo, and he had to make sure that Steve went to the enlistment office instead of wanting to come home early because he was worried over Tony. Everything was coming to a head, and Tony couldn’t let all of his careful planning go wrong because of this.

Tony looked at the man who had been a casual friend and was now nothing more than his doctor. Tony couldn’t afford to have him as a friend anymore, and he certainly couldn’t allow him to continue to be his doctor. So, Tony shoved his anxiety to the side, stopped being defensive and went on the offensive instead.

His voice was strong, and his face was serious as he told Abrams, “You are going to remove these casts and release me into my roommate’s custody. I am going home where I can continue to rest and recuperate there.”

“I can’t do that, Mr. Stark,” Tony noticed the change in how he now was being addressed. “It would be harmful to your health.”

“Actually,” Tony said, voice hardening, “you can’t treat me without my consent. I do not consent to this. I am of sound mind, and despite what you are trying to say, of sound enough body to decline staying here. Unless you can provide an up to date x-ray image that proves them necessary, you will remove these casts and arrange for my discharge from this medical facility. If you do not do so, Steve will be sent to every lawyer I know and will return with them so that I may formally begin a lawsuit against you and this hospital.”

Abrams stared opened mouthed at him for a few moments as Tony’s words sank in. He could see the point when the doctor rallied himself before saying, “As an employee of this hospital, you are required to stay here and…”

“I am an independent businessman under contract to this hospital, not one of its employees,” Tony cut him off, getting angry at the man’s words. “Even if I were an employee, that in no way would give you the legal authority to ignore my wishes and violate the rights I have as a patient.”

Abrams face was becoming red in his frustration, and Tony could understand to some degree. He was the medical Holy Grail, a once in a lifetime opportunity for study that could result in the doctor publishing his findings and getting the recognition of the entire medical community. It was for these reasons, however, that Tony couldn’t allow them to keep him here.

“That contract is now ended,” the doctor threatened. “You will be obligated to pay your bill in full before you leave; including your treatment, the tests that have been performed and your stay here. The removal of your casts and bindings will also be out of pocket since you are doing this against medical advice.”

“Actually,” Tony said, “you will find that in my contract, that was notarized and which I also have a copy, it states that upon dissolution of the contract, it would require a formal date of termination that would also have to be notarized.”

Tony may have always hated paperwork, but that didn’t mean he didn’t know how to make it work to his advantage. This was why he hated it. It was a reminder that people couldn’t be trusted at their word and would eventually try to screw you over if it worked in their favor.

He continued.

“My contract states that any medical services provided to the above mentioned parties, in which I am one of the parties, would be covered by this hospital in full. If you attempt to breach that contract, I would be within full rights to sue this facility.” Tony breathed, feeling an ache in his ribs that reminded him that they were still sore, but he ignored it. “So, I will say this one more time. Remove this fucking plaster and draw up the paperwork to release me. I am going home.”

Abrams stared at him for several moments, different emotions playing across his face. Tony had won, and he could see the frustration and resentment in the doctor’s eyes that confirmed this. Eventually, Abrams said, “I’ll get someone in here to begin the removal of your casts. I’ll also notify the nurse to get your discharge paperwork ready, as well as our legal department to draw up a notice of contract termination. Mr. Stark, you are free to go, but it is against medical advisement.”

With that the doctor turned and walked out, leaving the door to close quietly in his wake.

Tony turned to look at Steve. “God Bless America,” he said. “Gotta love that bureaucracy sometimes.”

“Tony,” Steve said uncertainly. His face was still worried. “I don’t know about this. You were really injured, and they helped you. It’s too soon for everything to come off.”

Tony’s face softened as he looked at his worried partner. At least Steve was worried about him leaving for the right reasons. “Steve, I told you I’m fine. Yes, I’m sore and bruised and will shamelessly exploit that when we get home and have you play nurse for me, but I don’t need to be here. You’ll see,” Tony assured him, “when the casts come off, and I walk out of here, or roll out here. They will probably insist on that silly rule about wheeling me out in a chair, but you’ll see. The images were faulty, and it made it look more serious than it was.”

“You were unconscious for four days,” Steve argued, looking adorably defiant.

“I needed to rest.” Tony soothed him. “I’m not denying that I was injured and needed rest, but they kept pumping me full of morphine and God knows what else to keep me asleep.”

Tony hated lying to him, again, but he had no other choice. How could he begin to explain that the x-rays and doctors had been right, only to say that he’d healed so quickly in four days. Abrams was right. It couldn’t be explained so Tony had to lie. Too much was at stake to worry about the truth now. Tony’s life had become one big example of the truth being what you made it.  

He could still see the doubt Steve had as he asked, “And you’re sure this is alright? I don’t want you risking yourself over not wanting to be here.”

“I promise, Steve.” Tony assured the blonde. “You know I never lie when it comes to my promises.”

Steve looked a little relieved at that because he knew that Tony had never broken a promise he’d made. He still looked worried. “What about your contract?” He asked. “You’ll lose the hospital’s business and the benefits you got for us.”

Tony couldn’t tell him that in a month Steve would be accepted into the army, and that not long after that, he’d received a serum that would ensure he’d never be ill again. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. So Tony just said, “The benefits were nice, but they aren’t needed. I’m making good money now, and so are you, and so is Bucky. Our rent has been reduced by half of what it was. Plus I’ve got my consulting job on top of everything. This is actually a good thing. I was running myself a little ragged with all the jobs I was juggling. Now, I’ll have some more time to spend on you and Bucky when he comes home.”

Steve smiled for the first time since Tony had woken up when he heard this. “That’s true. He’s almost home. Oh God,” Steve said as his eyes went wide, “I have to go call the base and let him know. I called him when you were brought here, and he’s probably been worried sick this whole time.”

Tony winced upon hearing that. He hadn’t thought that Steve would have found a way to let Bucky know he’d been injured, but Tony realized that he should have. He would have wanted to know if either of them had been hospitalized with what appeared to be life threatening injuries.

“I’ll be right back, Tony,” Steve promised as he began moving to the door. “I just have to go to the phone bank in the lobby and get a message to him. The clerks at the base’s office will be able to pass along the message. I had to tell them it was a family emergency the first time so hopefully they’ll remember.”

The door closed behind Steve’s retreating figure, leaving Tony alone with nothing but his thoughts, and that did nothing to comfort him. He ran over everything that had happened since he’d woken up…Was it really just over a half-hour ago? The stress made it seem much longer than that. He didn’t even want to think of the stress Steve and Bucky had been dealing with these past few days. He couldn’t. It would only add too much to what he was already feeling.

What the hell was wrong with him? With his body? It was like he’d gotten a dose of the super-serum with how quickly he now knew he could heal. A large cut and severe burn hardly leaving a scar was one thing. Not appearing to age was another thing. This however, this was a whole different level of wrongness that was threatening to send Tony into a panic.

He remembered what Abrams said about his heart, how it had never faltered and strongly kept pumping despite all of his injuries, a few of which were deadly if not life threatening. His heart had never slowed. Tony briefly wondered what it would take to make it stop.

It’s not that Tony wanted to be dead, far from it. He had too much to do, and he couldn’t leave Steve and Bucky. He had to help them. Still, the thought of his healing capabilities added to the fact that his aging appeared to have slowed, if not stopped altogether, added to a growing sense of dread that lurked in the corners of his mind.

Tony didn’t like what it could mean for him in the long run, especially if he ultimately failed in his plans. He would not, however, think about that now. He couldn’t. In a month Bucky would go to war, and Steve would go to Camp Lehigh to train before being selected for Project Rebirth. Tony had to stay focused on everything in front of him. One slip up now, and it could all be ruined.

With that last thought, Tony’s attention was drawn to the door of his room being opened, and he hoped that for their sake it was someone coming to take off all of this fucking plaster. His skin really itched.

**

It turned out that Tony was right, and he was able to get out of bed by himself. He also had to immediately sit back down in a wheelchair because rules were rules, but at least they were wheeling him _out_ of the hospital. In some weird way, it comforted him to feel every ache and pain as he moved and see the bruising that covered a lot of his skin, including his face. It at least proved that he was still somewhat human as well as demonstrated that yes, he was injured, but not as injured as the doctors had believed. He would be more than happy to rest at home with Steve.

Climbing the stairs to the apartment was tiring, and he felt every freshly healed bone protest over having to support him up to their floor, but he could only bring himself to lean on Steve so much. His bones could just groan all they wanted.

Once they were finally inside, Tony went straight to the couch to lay down. He sighed in relief as he laid back against the cushions.

“Tony, you should be in bed.” Steve complained as he came over to help take off Tony’s shoes.

“I can’t, Steve.” Tony told him. “As far as I know, the beds are still pushed together. You know how news travels around this neighborhood. Someone is going to come by to check on me, and they can’t see me in one big bed. This is fine for now.”

He saw that Steve understood his reasoning as the blonde finished removing his shoes and socks. “I didn’t think that far ahead,” he admitted. “I just wanted you to be comfortable. I’ll get you some pajamas to change into, then I’ll move the beds back apart once you’re dressed.”

“You don’t have to, baby.” Tony told him, smiling. “I’m happy just being home. Besides, people will only come to visit during the day, and I want to be able to hold you at night.”

Steve’s answering smile was nearly enough to make Tony forget the throbbing ache in his back. He supposed spinal damage took a little time to get over. Tony briefly wished he had some frame of reference for this healing rate of his, but that wasn’t really an option for him. He did have Steve, however, and he would gladly make do with that to boost his spirits.

It wasn’t even two hours later, when Tony was once again proven right, and visitors began to arrive at their apartment. The first was Ruth, who fretted and tsked at Tony for leaving the hospital.

“I can’t believe that you checked yourself out, Tony,” she fussed as she took his vital signs.

“Well, I can’t believe how hard it was to check myself out of there,” he responded good naturedly. Ruth was a good friend, and he was touched from her concern. “I know what the doctors were saying, and what those x-rays looked like, but it was a mistake, Ruth. I’m just a bit beat up. All that would have been accomplished by my staying there is a waste of a room and attention that could have gone to someone else. Besides, I practically sprinted up those stairs out there,” he told her, nodding his head to the door.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Steve said from the kitchen where he was making dinner. Ruth had suggested a simple soup since Tony hadn’t eaten in so long. Tony wanted to object, but he knew she was probably right.

Steve continued, “Still, he did manage to walk all the way up here, so that’s better than I’d hoped.”

“You see, Ruth?” Tony told her as she fluffed his pillow and adjusted the blanket both she and Steve had insisted on. “I’m one of those miracle stories. You’re friends with a miracle. You’re so lucky.”

She just hmm’d as she stood back to look at him with her hands on her hips. What she saw, Tony couldn’t guess at. She finally huffed and said, “Please take care of yourself, you stubborn fool. Some of us actually worry about you.” He saw her eyes look over to Steve in the kitchen before returning to him. She added in a quieter voice, “Some of us more than others. Don’t make this difficult for him, Tony. He was very upset after your accident.”

Tony nodded solemnly, knowing she was right once again.

Ruth stayed to eat a bowl of soup with them until the next visitors arrived, and she made her goodbyes. It was the Russo brothers. Joe’s voice was nothing but sincere as he thanked Tony for pushing him out of the way in time. Anthony thanked him for saving his brother. They stayed for a while and talked with Tony and Steve before they had to get back to their families.

They both told him that they were ready to be of service if Tony ever needed anything. They also said that Tony’s money would be no good whenever he or the boys stopped into the restaurant since they could never repay him. Tony told them that they didn’t need to do that, but he thanked them anyway.

Lucille and her girlfriends showed up after that to fret over Tony, and while he was thankful for their concern and usually would have loved the company of three pretty ladies to talk to, he was also getting very tired by the time their goodbyes were being said.  He was grateful when he was finally alone with Steve, and the knowledge that it was now too late for other people to stop by unexpectedly only added to his gratitude.

Once he was in bed with Steve lying next to him, Tony felt his body relax. He gently draped an arm over his younger partner and cuddled as close as his bruises would allow. He sighed, “Finally, just you and me.”

“I’m so glad you’re home, Tony.” Steve told him quietly. “I don’t know what we would have done if we’d lost you.”

Steve including Bucky in his worry for Tony made him miss his other partner all the more strongly. Bucky should be here. Tony felt desperate with the need to hold and reassure him that he was alive and would be recovered soon. So Tony just held Steve a little tighter, ignoring his bruising and reminding himself that it was just nine more days before Bucky would return to them. Exhausted and aching from head to foot, it was all too easy to fall asleep after Tony closed his eyes.

**

Tony and Steve stood in silent anticipation as they waited at the bus station for Bucky to arrive. All around them were other people waiting for their loved ones and friends to return home after the months they’d spent away at army training. There was an excitement shared by everyone there as they saw the bus approaching.

Tony was doing well after the accident, better than that even. His aches and pains hadn’t lasted more than a couple of days after he returned home, and his bruises were nearly all gone. Only evidence of the worst ones remained, and they were the almost healed color of greenish-yellow, quickly fading to nothing. Tony found it almost funny that his bones could mend themselves in four days, but the bruises took nearly two weeks to recover from. Maybe because they weren’t all that threatening? He didn’t know, and with Bucky’s arrival so close at the moment, he didn’t care.

It had taken another three days after he’d come home from the hospital before Steve had allowed Tony to return to work, and that was with Tony practically pleading with him and reminding Steve that he had a job with the army, and they would want him back soon. Of course, Tony had managed to contact Erskine after his release from the hospital and let him know what had happened.

To say that his friend was surprised was an understatement. Apparently, he had heard of the accident and hadn’t expected Tony to be out of the hospital yet. He’d offered to come by, but Tony had politely declined, saying that he knew the scientist was busy and shouldn’t take time away when Tony was healing and home already. Truthfully, Tony couldn’t risk Erskine and Steve meeting just yet. He couldn’t take the chance. This was something Tony had decided after he’d met the man, and he would not risk changing this particular course of events. Still, he appreciated the offer to visit.

When Tony had finally returned to the secret base in Brooklyn, he’d been a little surprised at the welcome he received. He knew many of the soldiers stationed there, if not well at least casually. From the first time he’d gone there, Tony had tried to be friendly and helpful to everyone, except Howard, as a way to make himself indispensable. They all greeted him with smiles, saying they were glad he had recovered and was back.

Colonel Philips had practically hugged him. Well, not really, but he stopped yelling at the person in front of him and nodded his head once at Tony before going back to berating the soldier. Tony figured that was as good as a hug from their imposing leader.  

Howard’s welcome still had Tony a little confused. When he’d walked into the lab after being clapped on the shoulder by the guard standing outside, Howard had looked up from the circuit board he was working on. Tony had watched his father’s brow furrow before he asked, “What the hell are you doing here, Anthony?”

Tony had had a flashback to so many instances in his childhood when he’d gone into Howard’s lab, hoping he would be allowed to watch or help his father with something, only for Howard to say exactly that and evict Tony from his workspace. He’d stopped trying by the time he turned eight, having learned that his father saw him as a distraction, at best, or a nuisance, at worst.

Having those words thrown at him so suddenly had left Tony’s mind careening to the past as he’d struggled to separate the Howard from his childhood and the younger version in front of him. He’d stammered, “I-I…what?”

Howard had gotten up from the workbench. “What are you doing here?” He’d repeated. “I heard you were nearly killed after being hit by a truck. Then I heard you were at home recovering.”

“Yes?” Tony had answered though it’d sounded more like a question.

“So why aren’t you still there recovering?” Howard had asked, walking around the table. His eyes had gone over Tony’s appearance, taking in every detail undoubtedly.

“Well,” Tony had begun, “it’s been over a week since I came by and checked in. Wanted to see how things were going and, ya know, keep Philips from having to remind me to earn my paycheck.”

Howard had scoffed. “I doubt even Philips expected you back already. We heard how bad the accident was,” Howard had looked him over once more, “but apparently the reports were exaggerated.”

“Thankfully yes,” Tony had said, playing along. “I’m told it looked like my death. Glad they were mistaken. I’m not ready to check out just yet.”

Howard had nodded before he’d gone back to the circuit board he’d been working on, but Tony could have sworn something had passed in his father’s eyes as he’d turned away. “Go home, Anthony. I’m just finishing small things at the moment. Come back in a couple of days. I’ll be starting work on the injection system, and you can give me your input then.”

Tony hadn’t known how he should feel at being dismissed, but he hadn’t really had any choice but to go. This was Howard’s lab, and he’d told Tony that he wasn’t needed at the moment. According to their new truce, he had to respect that. “Alright then, see you in couple days.”

“See you then, Anthony.” Howard had agreed as he’d picked up a small pair of pliers.

“You know,” He’d said, “you can call me Tony. I never liked the full name.”

Howard had smirked, “I know. Good day, Anthony.”

Tony had huffed out an exasperated breath, “Prick.”

He’d heard Howard chuckle quietly as his father had looked down at his project, and Tony had rolled his eyes before leaving the lab. He’d still had a lot of work to catch up on around the neighborhood anyway. This would just allow him to get to it faster.

Still, it was the best conversation that they’d had with each other, and he didn’t know what to make of it.

Tony was pulled out of his thoughts as the bus pulled to a stop in the station and soldiers began filing out, desperate to reunite with their loved ones. Tony’s stomach felt empty and warm at the same time.

“I see him!” Steve said at his side, and a moment later Tony caught sight of Bucky.

Like the other soldiers, he was dressed in his uniform, and Tony’s breath caught. He looked stunning in his olive green dress uniform. He also looked tired, that is until he finally saw Tony and Steve waiting for him and waving. Bucky’s face broke into a big smile, and he walked faster to meet them.

Once they were finally in arms reach, Bucky dropped his duffle bag and pulled them both into a hug and squeezed. “God, I missed you both so much,” he murmured between them. Tony and Steve squeezed him back before reluctantly pulling away.

“We missed you, too, love,” Steve said quietly, mindful of the people around them.

“Welcome home, sweetheart,” Tony whispered as he wished he could kiss and embrace Bucky like the other couples around them were doing. It had been months since they’d seen each other, and this restriction left their reunion feeling bittersweet.

“So glad to be home,” Bucky told them as he pushed back the brim of his hat to see them better. He reached out a hand as if to touch Tony’s face but thought better of it at the last minute, and it landed on his shoulder. “I was so worried about you, honey. Thank God you’re alright,” he said as his eyes were taking in the almost healed bruising on Tony’s temple and cheek. Tony knew his beard was probably hiding more of the greenish bruises along his jaw.

“I’m alright, sweetie,” Tony assured him. “I had to get better for when you got back. Steve and I have big plans for your homecoming.”

Bucky’s face lit up. “Really?” He asked looking between them. “What kind of plans?”

“Well,” Steve said, “why don’t we go home, and we’ll tell you all about them.”

Tony nodded as he bent to grab Bucky’s duffle. “Yep, we’ll tell you on the way. If we don’t get moving, we’re going to be late, and you know how Francesco gets if we’re late.”

Bucky smiled, but he took his duffle back from Tony. He started to protest, but Bucky said, “Not a chance, honey. You may be better, but you’re still bruised. I can carry my own bag. Besides, I don’t want you tired and sore later, at least, not tired and sore from that.”

Tony smirked. “Oh sweetheart, I’m not the one who’s going to be sore.”

Bucky laughed, but the light blush on his cheeks betrayed him. “C’mon, let’s go home. I don’t know when I’ll get my papers to ship out, but I plan on enjoying every minute with you two that I can get.”

He threw the duffle over his shoulder as they began to walk away from everyone, eager to be alone and away from the eyes of others. As they walked, Bucky said, “I can’t believe you ended the contract you had with the hospital, Tony.”

Tony shrugged, hating the fact that he was already having to lie to Bucky. “Well, they didn’t give me much choice. They wanted to keep me there covered in plaster when none of my bones were even broken.”

Bucky shook his head. “I still don’t understand how they could have made such a big mistake. I mean, all the horrible things they said were wrong with you when Steve called me, and none of them turned out to be true. Then, they didn’t want to admit it and let you leave.”

“I’m still pretty pissed about that,” Steve said. “They told me this list of things that had me worried he would never wake up, never walk again, or he’d have brain damage, and none of it was true. When he was sayin’ how he was fine, I had my doubts until they took the casts off, and Tony got out of that bed by himself. He was a walkin’ collection of bruises, I’m not gonna lie, but he was walkin’.”

“The thing I’m most upset over is that the two of you had to worry even more for nothing.” Tony told them as they stood away from the bus station and waited for a cab to hail. “I never wanted you to worry over me, especially not like that.”

Bucky smiled softly. “We’re always gonna worry about you. I didn’t like being so far away and not be able to do anythin’, but I’m glad they were wrong. I’m so proud of you, Tony. Steve told me how you saved Joe Russo. You’re a hero.”

 _No, I’m a liar_ , Tony thought as he squirmed inside over what Bucky said. Tony didn’t feel like a hero. He hadn’t in a long time. Hero’s didn’t lie for years to the people they loved. They didn’t do a lot of the things Tony did. “I just pushed him to the side,” Tony mumbled. “It wasn’t anything heroic.”

A cab was pulling up to them as Bucky leaned in to whisper, “It was, honey. I don’t know why you don’t wanna see it, but it was. You’re our hero.”

Steve grinned, “Our knight in shining armor. You always have been.”

The driver had gotten out to put Bucky’s duffle in the trunk of the cab, and Tony decided that he didn’t have time to waste on self-recrimination. Bucky was home, and he would be gone all too soon. So Tony smiled and cheekily replied, “I’d look good in an armored suit, wouldn’t I?”

Bucky laughed as he said lowly, “You look good in everything, honey.”

 

**Avenger’s Tower**

 

Bucky woke up feeling warm and confused. His breathing and heartrate was elevated, and it took a few moments before he remembered that he was in Steve’s room and was currently laying cuddled up against his side. That at least explained why he was so warm.

Ever since gaining his freedom from Hydra, Bucky hardly slept. When he did, it was usually on the floor. Fully dressed and armed, he’d sit in a corner with his back against the wall in an effort to protect himself from an attack. He’d never used the bed in his quarters, so this level of comfort and rest felt foreign to his body, even though he knew that he couldn’t have been sleeping more than three hours. This was a feeling he now remembered of a time before becoming the asset.

The asset part of him had not been happy with the thought of falling asleep in Steve’s bed like he had, but Bucky had shoved that nagging voice aside. Steve had needed him, and he had been falling short for too long when it came to Steve for Bucky to not try to get the man to talk. It had taken a while before he’d mustered up the courage to come to Steve’s floor and ask to stay with him. What if Steve didn’t feel comfortable sleeping next to an assassin?

He should have known that Steve would say yes, but this was all still so new to him. Up to the day before he’d been the scary freak who hardly spoke and wore knives and guns at the dinner table. Granted, last night he’d still wore guns and knives to the dinner table, but he’d talked to the others so that was something, he supposed.

When he’d come into Steve’s room and heard the shower running, he’d decided to just wait until the blonde was finished. What he hadn’t expected was for Steve to walk out wearing nothing but a towel. He should have. What else was Steve supposed to wear after his shower? But it had still caught him by surprise. Steve was so big.

None of the memories he had of being with Steve included him after the serum, and Bucky was taken aback. Yes, since they’d moved into the tower, he’d seen Steve every day. He’d even seen him without a shirt while they were working out or changing in the locker room, but it had always been with clinical detachment. He’d never looked at Steve, or anyone for that matter, in a way that could be described as appreciative.

However, when Steve had come out of his bathroom, pink skinned and nearly naked, it had sent a lot of confusing feelings through him, and Bucky had almost lost his nerve to be there at the sight of it. But he’d assigned himself a mission, he wasn’t going to let that get sabotaged by his damaged brain and the weird thoughts he was having. Putting his discomfort aside had been worth it because his mission was a success. He’d done it. He’d gotten Steve to talk to him.

It had been harder than he’d imagined, listening to Steve’s pain and hearing how lonely he’d been while having to bear it. Listening to how Steve thought about himself had been the hardest. It had hurt Bucky so much that he’d become angry, and that in itself was something new for him. Emotional pain was not something he was used to dealing with, and he’d felt a lot of it today.

What Steve had said about wanting the pain to stop had also hit a little too close to what he’d been feeling, ever since the voice in his head had started shouting all of those hurtful things at him. Like when it told him to…

No, Steve said not to listen to the voice that sounded so much like his own, so Bucky wasn’t going to. Still, Bucky could understand about wanting the pain inside to just stop, just stop for a moment and give him some peace to pull himself back together. Bucky had needed to remind Steve of his own advice last night, but he now knew from experience that it was easier telling someone these things than believing them yourself.  

He’d felt a little more than hypocritical when he’d been trying to talk Steve into a better headspace. What the hell did he know about being mentally healthy? Still, he’d meant what he’d said. Steve was carrying around too much on his shoulders, and even he wasn’t strong enough to do that forever. If they didn’t find a way to get Tony back…

Bucky stopped that thought. He couldn’t finish. It was not helpful. He should focus on what he could do. After all, he’d stepped up and helped Steve tonight, and that mission had been a success. Now it was time to help Tony. He’d step out of his comfort zone a little more with the team after breakfast. He knew it was probably killing Steve that he wasn’t actively helping with the search for a way to save Tony. Bucky was already beginning to feel anxious about it, so he knew it would be worse for Steve.

It was so strange to suddenly remember someone you love, someone who had made you so happy, but Bucky had gone through that for two people today. At least Steve was here to help him through it, but the comfort somehow didn’t feel complete without Tony. Until this curse had given him these memories, Bucky wouldn’t have believed it possible for Tony to be so caring and supportive, but he had been.

 _That’s not true_. His mind contradicted the thought of Tony being unable to provide comfort as it showed him a new perspective to his interactions with Tony over past six months. Tony kindly explaining everything he was doing as he worked on Bucky’s arm hadn’t been from his need to constantly talk, he’d been trying to include Bucky in the maintenance and put him at ease. The fact that he’d always kept the tools out and ready, just in case Bucky showed up in his workshop, proved that Tony looked forward to helping him.

He remembered how Tony had given Bucky a tour of the tower and his private floor, pointing out every security feature from the bullet proof glass of the windows, to the cameras and JARVIS, to the weapons Tony had _made or provided_ to a known assassin, all to make Bucky feel safer.

All the little and big things Tony had done for everyone showed just how much Tony was able to care. The thing was that he did it so nonchalantly, to the point of indifference, that it never registered as the gift or kindness it was. Bucky was skilled at hiding, but Tony had mastered the art of hiding in plain sight. How many people actually knew the real Tony Stark?

Thinking of Tony made Bucky’s mind flash to the thing that had woken him so suddenly. The memories he’d gotten while sleeping had been of his time training for the army and being away from Steve and Tony.  Bucky remembered being called to the office at the base he had been posted at before the war. The serious look on the clerk’s face as he’d given the phone to Bucky, walking away to give him a rare moment of privacy since he’d gotten here, did nothing to settle his nerves.

“ _Hello?”_ He’d asked tentatively.

“ _Bucky,”_ Steve’s voice had sounded frantic. “ _It’s Tony. There was an accident. He was hit by a delivery truck and the doctors,”_ his voice had broken, “ _the doctors are saying he might not wake up, and even if he does…”_

Bucky had listened to the awful list of things Steve had recited while clearly trying to hold himself together. Bucky hadn’t been able fault him for it because at that moment he’d felt like his world had tilted. He’d lived the next four a days a wreck of worried and frustrated feelings until Steve had called him again to give him incredible news. Tony was awake, and the doctors had been wrong about how bad his injuries were, and he was leaving the hospital.

The relief that had swept over Bucky had been immense, to the point where he’d had to sit down. As he’d asked questions, he couldn’t believe the things Steve was telling him, but under every shocking revelation about the doctors and Tony’s insistence that he was healthy enough to leave, and Steve telling how he was ending his contract with the hospital, Bucky had always returned to the thought that Tony was alright.

It was the memory of worrying for Tony that had woken him tonight. Of course, Bucky now knew that the doctors had probably been correct in every injury they’d listed for Tony, only for Tony’s body to mend itself and keep him alive to fulfill the curse. He and Steve would have to tell the team about Tony’s healing abilities when they worked with them later. Bucky didn’t know if it would be important, but he figured Bruce at least should know about it.

Bucky’s mind continued to replay the thoughts and memories of that week, his last few days of training before finally going home. He remembered Dum-Dum and the guys, and he remembered that asshole Williams giving him shit throughout all of it. Even the bus ride home had been filled with the guy talkin’ crap because he’d heard Bucky tell Dugan, who’d wanted to see the gals Bucky had been getting letters from, that his sweethearts wouldn’t be meeting him at the station. They didn’t know about each other, and he didn’t want them meeting. Williams had just gone on about how it was really because they didn’t exist. Bucky had been ready to hit the guy by the time the bus had arrived where their families were waiting.

It had all vanished when he’d seen Tony and Steve waving at him across the way. They had looked so happy, something he remembered reflected his own joy at being home. Tony had never looked so ruggedly handsome as he had with his thick, trimmed beard and the light pattern of bruises that were almost healed. They’d gone out for dinner at their favorite restaurant, and Bucky felt a pang in chest as he now thought about how his old friends were no longer living. He’d gained and lost a lot of friends in the course of one day. At least, that’s how it felt.

He remembered the three of them walking in the park after their meal, continuing their conversation from dinner and catching up on all the little things that had been left out of their letters. He remembered all of them going home after. He remembered Tony and Steve backing him into the wall and kissing him on his mouth, his neck, his chest. He remembered the warm feeling of their lips, the gentle slide of their fingers as they moved over his skin.

Bucky’s breathing sped as he closed his eyes and followed the memory. Tony and Steve had forced him to be still as they took turns taking him apart. Their hot, wet mouths and slick fingers moving around him and in him while he was forbidden to come. They’d brought him to the edge over and over again until Bucky was a crying desperate mess.

Bucky’s eyes opened at the throb he felt between his legs, and he looked down. Through his leathers he could see the outline that proved he was aroused, and he stared at it. Up until now every memory he had of sex with Steve and Tony had effected Bucky because of the emotions it brought to him, from the safety and care to the love that had filled him. He had enjoyed remembering the pleasure, obviously, but that had been because it was so much better than what Bucky had felt before.

Bucky was not a sexual person, at least he hadn’t been before today. Was he now? Looking at the thick length pushing against the tight material of his pants and remembering his reaction to an almost naked Steve, Bucky had to reconsider what he’d thought about himself. His body was reacting to what he was remembering, and it wasn’t unpleasant. Actually, he found that it felt pretty good.

Curious at this he closed his eyes and continued with the memory. After a lot of begging, Tony had laid him on his side in the middle of bed before lying next to him in a position that put Bucky’s mouth right in front of Tony’s dick. As Bucky had taken Tony into his mouth, the other man had done the same to him, continuing the blowjob he’d been giving Bucky for however long it was they’d prepped and teased him.

The throbbing between Bucky’s legs became worse as he remembered Steve positioning himself as he laid behind Bucky and slowly entered him as Tony continued to swallow around Bucky’s cock. This was lust that Bucky was feeling at the phantom sensation of Steve moving inside of him, and he felt himself clench as his cock twitched at the memory of Steve’s first hard thrust.

It had felt so good, and Bucky had groaned around Tony in his mouth, swimming in pleasure and desperation. He’d felt Tony’s hand move down to cradle Bucky’s head, keeping him in place as the older man’s hips began to make small thrusting movements, pushing himself in and out of Bucky’s throat, sweetly using him. The sensation of being sandwiched between them as he was filled had always been intense. He’d loved the simple pleasure of it, simple because all he’d had to do was relax and let them take over.

The heat in his groin was becoming hard to ignore as he kept focusing on how Steve was pumping into him from behind, how Tony continued to move his tongue along Bucky’s dick as he pushed his own deeper into Bucky’s open mouth. The heat became so uncomfortable that Bucky couldn’t ignore it anymore and moved his hand down to reposition himself in his pants. The moment his fingers brushed over his erection, Bucky was forced to hold back a hiss.

He was so sensitive. It felt even more sensitive than in the memories he’d just been focusing on, and that was…good? Bucky watched as he lightly trailed his fingers along the clothed outline of his cock. Yes, he decided, that was very good. Feeling a thrill that he couldn’t explain, he popped open the buttons of his leathers and slid his hand inside. Skin on skin was even better. He supposed he had already known that through his memories, but it was still kind of exciting to confirm it. It still felt more intense than a memory.  

Slowly, Bucky wrapped his hand around his member and squeezed as he gave himself a long stroke up to the tip. He felt the small amount of fluid that rubbed onto his fingers as he moved his foreskin away from the sensitive head. He thumbed at the slit and thought of Tony’s tongue doing something very similar, and his breath hitched. As he moved his hand back down to continue stroking himself, he thought of Steve’s hot breath against his neck as his hips continued their movements, creating the slapping sound of their skin.

This felt really good, and Bucky could feel something building behind every thought and movement of his hand. He felt his muscles tightening along with the need to speed up his movements. He was so close. He was…

Bucky’s mind flashed in pain as a memory he didn’t know he possessed flooded his thoughts.

_It was cold in the room where the asset was standing naked as it waited for whatever maintenance would be done by it’s handlers. The asset’s body ached, and it was bleeding from several places after its latest mission. It had already given its report and was awaiting the cleaning and reconditioning that was standard procedure before being put back into cryostasis. There were several handlers in the room with it. Some were writing in files or readying the equipment that would be used later. A man who was dressed differently from the other handlers was approaching it with a bucket and rags._

_A rag was dunked into the bucket before being brought to its skin. The water in the cloth was cold, but the asset didn’t flinch when the technician’s rough hands had begun to scrub along its body. This was the only time someone touched the asset without the direct intention to hurt it, almost like it was being taken care of, and despite itself, the asset felt something that was not within acceptable operating functions._

_Fear had gripped the asset at the sensation that signaled malfunction. One of the handlers in a white coat came forward and stood before the asset, looking down at its hips with disgust on his face. The asset saw the hand fly up and knew its intended trajectory, but it didn’t move. The asset stood still and let the handler punish it. Its head was struck and twisted to the side from the force of the blow. The asset did not move or speak though its mind was panicking and its blood pumped faster in fear. The increased circulation only served in helping to keep the flesh between its legs firm even as it willed the limb to go down._

_“This thing’s malfunctioning again,” the white coated handler said angrily._

_The technician that had been scrubbing the asset answered, “Looks like you need to up the dose of chemicals again. This used to always happen when we’d wash it, but ever since the injections you started giving it a few years ago, it’s pretty much stopped. Honestly, I don’t know why you scientists bother with the drugs when you could just cut it off.”_

_“It’s because we might choose to breed it at some later time,” the handler said scathingly. “The drugs are to keep it impotent while still allowing the possibility of using the asset as breeding stock if it’s considered necessary. So keep your suppositions to yourself.”_

_The technician stood and backed away, deferring to the handler who outranked him._

_The white coated handler continued as he turned his head and spoke to one of the other handlers who was waiting to the side of them. “Give it its injections, and this time double the one that will fix this problem,” he said as he waved a hand at the asset’s waist. The other handler nodded and began to fill different syringes with chemicals that would keep the asset functioning properly._

_The lead handler turned back to the asset. “What are you?” He asked angrily._

_“A weapon,” it answered blankly._

_“Yes,” the handler told it, “you are a thing, and you are broken. This is a malfunction.”_

_“A weapon is a thing,” the asset numbly repeated, even as something in it’s mind was clawing to come to the surface. It couldn’t allow whatever it was to come any further. The asset was not allowed to feel. Only people could feel._

_“Why are you malfunctioning?”_

_The asset didn’t know. It didn’t want to know. It forced itself to be still as it searched its mind for an answer that would give it the least painful punishment._

_The handler struck its face again, and the asset felt its lip bust open. “Eleven years and you’re still malfunctioning.” The handler spat. “This is the last time. Get in the chair.” He pointed to the machine one of the handlers had been working on._

_The asset complied with the order as it walked to the chair at the center of the room. It could feel the flesh between its legs getting softer and was grateful that the malfunction was ending. Every step that brought it closer to the machine caused it’s heart to beat faster. It was afraid of the chair, but it didn’t know why. This was standard maintenance. The asset must comply in order to continue functioning properly._

_As soon as it sat down, metal clamps moved down over its arms, holding it in place. The handler with the syringes came to stand beside the asset. It felt a needle harshly pushed into its neck before whatever chemical it held was released. The asset kept silent through the burn of the chemical and for each injection that followed. The only word that ran through its mind was comply._

_With the last injection finished, the lead handler said, “Release the clamps.”_

_The asset was confused at the order. This was not standard to recalibration._

_“Asset, approach the stasis chamber.”_

_The asset stood from the chair and turned to face the chamber that was housed in the corner of the room. It walked to the handler who was waiting for it. As the asset stopped in front of the machine, it felt its muscles tense in some instinctive fear. The handler was holding a metal cylinder, and the sight of it caused a fine tremor to begin in the asset’s body._

_The handler turned to the technician from before. “Do you know why we never treat it’s injuries?” He asked as he carefully removed the top of the cylinder._

_The technician shrugged, “It’s a waste of time. It’ll just heal in cryostasis.”_

_The handler nodded. “Yes, but did you also know that the asset still feels pain in cryostasis? We tested it after inventing the technology. It may be unconscious, but its mind still heals its body and processes pain. It can be a very effective form of conditioning.”_

_“You’re not going use the chair to recalibrate it?” The technician asked._

_“It will be put in the chair before its next mission.” The handler said. “This is a procedure that I’ve found quite effective to discourage any future malfunctions. It was using this that allowed Hydra to first condition the asset before the chair was created. After enough of these punishments, the asset had finally forgotten everything, including its name. All it could remember was the pain and the desire to not repeat what had caused its punishment.”_

_The handler extended his arm and poured the contents of the cylinder down the asset’s front. It heard itself release a scream as it felt the contents of the container begin to burn away at it’s skin. Acid. It was acid eating away the skin of the asset’s torso, groin and upper legs. There was so much pain as the asset continued to scream. The handler used the cylinder to push the asset into the chamber, striking it with metal container whenever it stumbled._

_“You are a thing,” the handler yelled as he struck the asset again, but it could barely hear the raised voice over the sound of its own cries. “You have malfunctioned! Comply!”_

_The handler moved as the door to the chamber slammed closed, locking the asset inside. It was still screaming as the sudden blast of ice filled the confined space, freezing the asset as it yelled for reprieve. The sound died in its throat, but its mouth was still wide, frozen evidence to the pain that still filled its nerves even as its higher thought processes shut down. Its world faded to grey, the color of agony._

Bucky came back to himself in a cold sweat, still feeling the burning pain of his memory. He didn’t realize at first that the screams he heard weren’t from this latest recollection but were coming from him now. He was thrashing against something big and solid that was trying to hold him down _. “_ No more punishments,” he pleaded desperately as he fought off the weight of whatever was holding him. “Please, I won’t malfunction again!”

He finally felt whatever it was release him, and he bolted from the surface he’d been pinned against and ran to the corner of the room. Crouching down in an effort to hide and protect himself, he grabbed a knife from the holster at his lower back and held it in front of him. They wouldn’t do that again _. I won’t let them,_ he promised himself as he waited for someone to approach. No one did.

Bucky waited, tensed and ready, as the minutes passed by, but no one made a move to come near him. Slowly, Bucky began to register the details of the room he was in. It was really beautiful and warm and dimly lit with a soft light that filtered from the corner on the opposite side of the space. Then, he recognized the identity of the other person in the room with him, and Bucky felt himself deflate as the knife dropped to the floor and he sobbed, “Steve.”

Bucky closed his eyes, wishing he hadn’t been woken from his sleep, as tears fell down his cheeks. He was so broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had always wondered what Hydra might have done to condition certain physical responses out of their asset. I mean, Bucky is enhanced in every sense of the word, so his libido would also be effected. So, this is my answer to myself. Torture upon signs of arousal as a deterant, along with chemical castration. All in the name of turning him into a weapon whose function was to comply. I'm not a fan of HydraTrashParty. A reason for that being that, as bad as it is, it still humanizes the asset in a way. The asset is a thing. Bucky's journey with recovering his humanity is what draws me to that character, so yeah, this was my exploration of that. How certain pieces of his humanity were taken from him.
> 
> Tony's issues with being x-rayed were justified. X-ray imagery was dangerous when it was being established. The long list of brilliant and talented people who died during their research and work with the technology is proof of that. I'm talking horror stories, guys. Like cancer that grew so violently that both arms were amputated in a failed attempt to save their life, horror stories. And while it was safer by the time in our story, it was far from perfect, and Tony has issues with outdated tech on his best days. Also, the plaster casts would have been very heavy and debilitating, so Tony's sense of panic is understandable. How can you escape from danger when you're basically covered in stone?
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this, and next chapter will be up within the next two weeks.


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